Does this suck?

[Mike P]

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1298434

Could I get some feedback on this please? Personally, I think it sucks, but an supposedly, I'm my own worst critic.

[Drew Katsikas]

I'm not done, but you consitently switch tenses. From he did, to he is doing, within the same story is confusing and poor writing.

[Mike P]

I shall remember that in the future...

It might have been in the odd way I wrote it, as well. I already wrote the whole thing, but thought I could do better, so went about revising it. However, I copy-pasted bits I thought were already good out of the first version into the newer version. Stupid lazy me.

[acoustic_sr71]

There were misspellings. Edwin looked up, Edwin sat up, Edwin stared at the wall, Edwin wants to be called He for a change. PROOFREAD!!!

[MrAdventure]

:lol @ irony