Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[Geggy]

Hooray for Leatherface. I enjoyed the movie. See it.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I read a few articles how it sucked. I saw the first one, loved it, but I am not sure if this remake will be up to my expectations. Do they still have fat Franklin in the wheelchair and Leatherface's brother who cuts himself? :(

[Krythor]

This thread inspired me to look up trivia for the original on IMDB.

Guess what I found. :lol

http://imdb.com/title/tt0072271/

Summary: THIS is a classic?

First off I want to make one thing clear...I'm a huge horror movie fan. I love them--old ones, new ones, gory,non-gort...everything. But I really HATE this film!

POSSIBLE SPOILERS!!!

Five 20-somethings (all of them annoying) are out on a road in rural Texas. They're running low on gas so two of them go to an isolated farmhouse to get some. In no time at all, one is hit in the head with a sledehammer and the other is hung up on a meathook. The others come looking and one by one are killed until one is left (Sally well-acted by Marilyn Burns). Can she get away?

Hopeless. This film is a mess. The first 45 minutes are very very dull. We listen to these five uninteresting characters yap endlessly about nothing. No insight to their characters or their motivations. One in particular (Franklyn) is VERY annoying--I couldn't wait for him to get it. When they start getting killed, you could care less. They never come across as real people so how can you get upset about their being killed? And the killings aren't ever remotely gory. You hear them,but don't see them. And the constant chainsaw on the soundtrack gave me a headache.

Also the acting mostly sucks. The family all overacts (although some of the sounds Leatherface gave did spook me)...Burns gave out the only good performance. Unfortunately she's TOO good. When she's being tortured and abused by the family at the end hearing her screaming and seeing her crying is way too realistic.

No gore, no plot, no characters, no point and--most important of all--no scares. A worthless piece of garbage. As one of the previous posters mentioned, the only people who seem to like it are those who saw it in 1974 (when it was really shocking). Most younger people (in their 20s) who I've spoken to who have seen it, don't like it. Not worth anybody's time.


:lol :lol :lol

[Ninjavenom]

Fuck the new one.

[Snatchtastic]

That was the best part of the original, where the fat gimp in the wheelchair gets the chainsaw right in the middle.

You like head cheese?

[Krythor]

The best part of the original was the 15 minute leatherface chase scene. :(

[Cap'n Crunch]

SPOLIERS.

YOU KNOW WHEN THEY FUCKING TRY TO REMAKE A MOVIE, AND THEY TOTALLY FUCK THE PLOT FROM THE INSIDE OUT WITH A FUCKING KNIFE, well, this is what they did to the movie. They fucking took out Leatherface's brother, and replaced it with some bitch that kills herself. GAY. They fucking took out fat Franklin in a wheelchair and replaced it with some fucking nerd with glasses. The worst part of the movie had to be when they show him take off his mask, and I wanted to fucking throw shit at the people who were screaming. Of course, they say he is deformed or some gay shit, and I wanted to fucking leave. They also made him into some chemist shit, that was fucking stupid. He tested out shit to kill people with. The girl wasn't killed on the hook, but it was that faggot, and the main girl killed him anyway. One idea that I kind of liked was he chased her into the slaughter house, though, it was poorly planned. Oh yeah, and the girl cuts off Leatherface's arm with a butcher knife, which was fucking dumb because he had a huge fucking chainsaw, and she got 5 good slices without him even TOUCHING her. The ending was gay too. She stole the sheriff's car and ran over the sheriff. Then Leatherface comes up with one fucking arm waving the chainsaw for 4 seconds, and she misses him with the car. Then she rides away. If you seen the first one, don't fucking see it, if you didn't, it was still a horrible movie.

Sorry about my poor grammar, no paragraphs, and run-on sentences, but I got the idea down. :(

[Drev]

Cap'n: Do they at least show the "chainsaw dance" at the end of the original? :(

[Geggy]

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lo :lol :lol l :lol :lol

[Cap'n Crunch]

Cap'n: Do they at least show the "chainsaw dance" at the end of the original? :(

Yeah, for about 4 seconds, and he only has one fucking arm. :(

[pissed off salesman]

I saw this shitfest last night. >:
Fuck, I wasted 7 dollars plus i go the displeasure of seeing a preview for the upcoming remake (ass-raping) of "Dawn Of The Dead". I swear this movie is a complete desecration of the 70's classic, worst of all no chainsaw dance, no siedow, and how the fuck can you start a chainsaw with only one hand. Worst of all my "friend" thought this movie was better than the original WTF?

[Cap'n Crunch]

I swear I was going to fucking walk out in the beginning when I heard her fucking singing. :(

[Ninjavenom]

You slap your fucking friend right in his mouth. Then you kick him in the kids. He doesn't deserve to watch movies. Or even have eyes.

edit:

Movie: "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 "
Year: 2003
Rated: R
Genre: Horror
Director: Marcus Nispel
Writer: Scott Kosar
Reviewer: Brian
Plot: On a trip through Texas to Mexico, a group of teens pick up the survivor of a massacre that took place the night before. They detour from their trip to take the girl to the nearest town, where they meet the local sheriff who is hell bent on capturing the girl's attackers. He decides to use the kids as bait to lure the chainsaw wielding maniac Leatherface out from rural Texas so he can put an end to his grisly reign. Unfortunately things don't go as planned, and when the kids' van breaks down at an old slaughterhouse, they are hunted down one by one...

Review: Awesome movie! this movie was surprisingly good. It was a great remake/Sequal it should have just been the 5th in the series. It fallowed some of the original but not much. Although it turn out to be its own great movie. The acting was very good. Jessica Biel and Erica Leerhsen were the only ones i had known of....the 3 guys were actors that werent very big. But they were all awesome. The movie i have to say was "Screwed" up as in sickly wrong. The movie was good thought. Go see it! its a great movie!

The Cast
Jessica Biel .... Erin
Jonathan Tucker .... Morgan
Erica Leerhsen .... Pepper
Mike Vogel .... Andy
Eric Balfour .... Kemper
Andrew Bryniarski .... Thomas Hewitt (Leatherface)
R. Lee Ermey .... Sheriff Hoyt


Overall Rating: 10





FUCK :explode

[Rongi]

After reading that review I am fucking convinced that people should be spayed from now on.

[Cap'n Crunch]

It's okay, I made a hatefilled review. ;)

[Schimid]

...and how the fuck can you start a chainsaw with only one hand.

LOL

[Rongi]

It's okay, I made a hatefilled review. ;)

No matter how many hatefilled review there are, people should start being neutered or being executted for having the IQ of a small rock.

[Mike P]

...and how the fuck can you start a chainsaw with only one hand.

Ash did it. Granted, it was connected to his other arm, but he did it.

Hm... Ash vs Leatherface...

[executioneer]

it's easy to start a chainsaw with one arm :rolleyes

-willie

[Professor Cool]

Let's just say, they DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE LYNARD SKYNARD CONCERT


Whoops forgot to say "Spoilers", but for fucks sakes, do you really need the warning.

Really, where the fuck did the plot go in that movie.

My friend explained to me that remakes are supposed to be dead on exact, but for fucks sake, there were so many fucking extra characters, AND missing characters, it seemed the only thing they got somewhat right was the Hooks, and they fucking overdid the hooks too. And it wasn't even the same people.

R. Lee Ermey parts were the only good parts.

My girlfriend made this simple critic tagline: "The only Massacre there was the Massacre of a classic horror flick"

At the chainsaw dance, i like to call that the VICTORY dance

[starz]

Was the sherriff the drill sgt. in Full Metal Jacket?
If so, his character never changes >:

[Ghost of Fraiser]

Yes, that's R. Lee Ermey.

We went at the wrong time, there was security everywhere trying to snag kids trying to sneek into the movie, it could of been PG-13, there was barely at all any blood.

[Zhukov]

Drill sgt.s' are in the army, Full Metal Jacket was about marines! Drill Instructors! Urg!


Thanks fo rthe heads up fellas, I was going to see this one.

[Spectre X]

how the fuck can you start a chainsaw with only one hand.

Watch Evil Dead 2.

EDIT: Fuckbeans. :(

But it wasn't connected to his arm the first time, he held it in his left hand and pulled the chord with his teeth.

[executioneer]

you put the chainsaw on the ground and use your foot for leverage >: it's EASIER than starting it while holding it >:

-willie

[pissed off salesman]

No Willie, chainsaws have a trigger you have to hold down while you pull on the rip-cord

[ShanghaiOrange]

Yeah, maybe in Japan.

[Cap'n Crunch]

how the fuck can you start a chainsaw with only one hand.

Watch Evil Dead 2.

EDIT: Fuckbeans. :(

But it wasn't connected to his arm the first time, he held it in his left hand and pulled the chord with his teeth.

No, he didn't only have one hand, he had one fucking ARM.

[Schimid]

It's fucking easy to start a chainsaw when it's attached to your arm. >:

Maybe if you step on the chainsaw and hold it down, pull on the cord, and then pick it up...yeah. :(

[executioneer]

pissed off salesman have you ever used a chainsaw >:

-willie

[the_dudefather]

(this is like the ninja debate in general blabber now).

anyways, i havent seen the new TCM, but it looks crap, a but of young sexy drug dealers.....YEAH! now thats XTREME! is there a token black guy in it (who says stuff like "i say we find this mothafucka and blow his mothafuckin head of muthafucka)?

i hope they dont fuck up dawn of the dead (which they will)

[Snatchtastic]

O.K a few things I liked and then Fucking hated about this movie, comparing it to the original which is still one of my favoite horror movies.
****************SPOILERS AHEAD********************
I was entertained with the chase sequences of Leatherface and all his Menacing goodness. The hitch-hiker in the begining being a victim instead of Leatherface's brother was an O.K change plus her suicide was nice and smokey.

But what spoiled it for me was the added element of why Leatherface is a crazed killer, because he has a skin disease?

WTF? I should have walked out when he took off his mask. WTF he looked like the Alligator Man from batman the animated series.

So now Leatherface has a reason to kill people, because he was made fun of as a child for his deformed face. Not because he's just completely fucking insane. Oh shit I guess theres gotta be a reason for everything to bring clossure to movies.

Although I did enjoy the Blair Witch style ending with the cops getting fucked up in the basement with the real time footage of Leatherface.

But no chainsaw dance in the street for Leatherface this go round. :(

[Ninjavenom]

People keep sending me reviews for this! :explode

[the_dudefather]

oh god i saw it and it sucks.

spoliers
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

its great when you can predict the outcome of the movie by looking at the fucking poster. i took one look and said "she survives" after the movie, who survived, why the 'brown haired girl with high morals/ shy personality' of course.

is hollywood taking the piss?

virtualy EVERY horror movie survivor is the 'brown haired girl with high morals/ shy personality'.

if you ever find yourself in a horror movie, grab a bottle of brown hair dye and start telling everyone how bad alcohol is for your health. you will be indestructable.

anyways...

i missed the creepy old dead/alive grandpa from the original. and the lamps made out of the skin from someones head.

also, the director thought that the main characters boobs were not big enough so they had a lot of scenes with water.

ugggghhh.. rant over

p.s: anyone else like the XTREME lighting effects in the forest