I MISS SEX

[Terra]

My boyfriend went to Kodiak, Alaska, to his family for the holidays. I can't stand the horrible degradation of using a vibrator. I'm too proud to crawl to Alaska for sex with him.

What to do?

(and no this isn't the guy who hit my car with his. >: )

[Chojin]

ask maggie

[Terra]

I was going to but I have a feeling she ended up in the closet with herself. If I were to do that, it would be an awful waste of personal space..

Besides that, my shoe collection would object heatedly.

[MLE]

There are much better things than vibrators! You should know that!

[Cosmo Electrolux]

hire a man whore?
molest the pool boy?
sit on the washing machine during a spin cycle?
fashion a faux penis out of spam and potted meat products....

[MetalMilitia]

Have you considered taking your mind of it by eating an orange for example.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

so, what's wrong with using a vibrator?

[MattJack]

Just go do what every other woman does when she's not on her back getting penetrated. You know, like the dishes or laundry.

[WhiteRat]

A vibrator is degrading? So do women who use their fingers belong to the Untouchable Class or something?

I suggest you place some tinsel around your nether regiona and blow on your love button while being seranaded by the smooth sounds of Enya.

Get yourself off or stop whining about it.

[Terra]

You are soo right, White Rat!

BTW have those hairplugs taken hold yet?

[Guitar Woman]

Well, uh, mabye we'd be able to better appreciate your situation if you'd explain your aversion to vibrators?

[Esuohlim]

They're incapable of handcuffing her to the bed and ejaculating all over her face is why.

Pfft, "degrading". Whatever, Terra

[Seven Force]

whatever you do dont use a horse

[Jeanette X]

My boyfriend went to Kodiak, Alaska, to his family for the holidays. I can't stand the horrible degradation of using a vibrator. I'm too proud to crawl to Alaska for sex with him.


Suck it up, Miss High and Mighty. You have some nerve calling vibrators "degrading". Millions of women use them, including yours truly, who hasn't have a boyfriend for three fucking years. >:

You have something against masturbation? >:

[Cosmo Electrolux]

so, um...could you...like...describe it for me...in detail....

[Dr. Boogie]

Still waiting to hear what makes vibrator usage so degrading.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I have this picture in my head of Jeannette using a weasel with parkinsons as a vibrator....or some sort of epileptic beaver or something...:\

[Cfr5]

Haha. "Beaver".

[Dr. Boogie]

I have this picture in my head where Terra is talking on the phone with her boyfriend. She says she misses him, and then hangs up the phone and goes to put some things away in her closet. As she's moving things around the closet, her eyes settle on a small cardboard box with a vibrator her girlfriends gave her as a gag gift. Her eyes glaze over for a moment, but she quickly shakes it off and goes about the rest of her day in peace.

The next day, she goes to see a movie with friends, and decides to set her cell phone to silent mode. It's at a very tense part of the movie when she sudden gets a call, and her thoughts drift back to that closet... After returning home, she's brushing her teeth, and she catches a glimpse of that closet door in the mirror. She looks away. "No, I can't," she says to herself, "it's just too degrading."

The weekend comes, and it's time to do laundry. The whites are ready to go in the dryer. She stuffs the clothes into the cylinder and starts the machine. As she prepares to load the washer, she places her hand on the rumbling dryer. The sensation is too much. She rushes back to her bedroom and gives into temptation...

She makes a post on the I-Mockery boards about how she doesn't want to use a vibrator.

[Jeanette X]

I have this picture in my head of Jeannette using a weasel with parkinsons as a vibrator....or some sort of epileptic beaver or something...:\

I'm afraid my favorite toys are slightly more mundane than that.

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Violet-Glow.asp?dept_id=708

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Hitachi-Magic-Wand.asp?dept_id=802&cat=SearchCat

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Golden-Ben-Wa-Balls.asp?dept_id=604&cat=SearchCat

[RaNkeri]

I have this picture in my head where Terra is talking on the phone with her boyfriend. She says she misses him, and then hangs up the phone and goes to put some things away in her closet. As she's moving things around the closet, her eyes settle on a small cardboard box with a vibrator her girlfriends gave her as a gag gift. Her eyes glaze over for a moment, but she quickly shakes it off and goes about the rest of her day in peace.

The next day, she goes to see a movie with friends, and decides to set her cell phone to silent mode. It's at a very tense part of the movie when she sudden gets a call, and her thoughts drift back to that closet... After returning home, she's brushing her teeth, and she catches a glimpse of that closet door in the mirror. She looks away. "No, I can't," she says to herself, "it's just too degrading."

The weekend comes, and it's time to do laundry. The whites are ready to go in the dryer. She stuffs the clothes into the cylinder and starts the machine. As she prepares to load the washer, she places her hand on the rumbling dryer. The sensation is too much. She rushes back to her bedroom and gives into temptation...

She makes a post on the I-Mockery boards about how she doesn't want to use a vibrator.

:lol

[Mockery]

After returning home, she's brushing her teeth, and she catches a glimpse of that closet door in the mirror. She looks away. "No, I can't," she says to herself, "it's just too degrading."
I have to ask... was it one of those electric toothbrushes? If so, that would explain what made her eyes wander to the closet yet again.

[Terra]

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f41/steelsojourn/jackhammer.gif

Actually, I don't EXACTLY dislike vibrators. I'm just used to being with a real dick. :( However, I have shopped and decided this might just do the trick for me.

[Guitar Woman]

picture of blue smiley rolling his eyes

[Rongi]

jesus christ, $60 bucks for a sex toy?

[Sam]

Rongi is much cheaper. :rolleyes

[Cosmo Electrolux]

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f41/steelsojourn/jackhammer.gif

Actually, I don't EXACTLY dislike vibrators. I'm just used to being with a real dick. :( However, I have shopped and decided this might just do the trick for me.

so, you got a jackhammer with a rubber fist attachment?

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I'm afraid my favorite toys are slightly more mundane than that.

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Violet-Glow.asp?dept_id=708

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Hitachi-Magic-Wand.asp?dept_id=802&cat=SearchCat

http://www.mypleasure.com/Sex-Toy-Golden-Ben-Wa-Balls.asp?dept_id=604&cat=SearchCat

okay, Jeanette...I'm intrigued...and more than a little aroused....
no, really...you haven't had a boyfriend in three years? You have a demanding job? School schedule? Inquiring minds want to know...>:

[Rongi]

Rongi is much cheaper. :rolleyes

pfft, i'm a real man. i dont even use vaseline. that shit's for amateurs

[Terra]

jesus christ, $60 bucks for a sex toy?
No, you idiot fucktard.

I had to edit this whole mess because I just saw Jeanette's link and realized Rongi's reply was to her.

Jesuschrist Jeanette! 60 bucks for a cold fuck??? I might be "high and mighty" but I have standards.

As low as they are.

I'll end up rolling a piece of balogna before I pay that price!

[Terra]

so, you got a jackhammer with a rubber fist attachment?

oh shut up fer chrissakes,

did i wish you happy birthday?? i guess not. my birthday is dec 31rst. send me a fucking fist. thank you very much.

[zeldasbiggestfan]

I AM FAT AND UGLY :(

[Cosmo Electrolux]

oh shut up fer chrissakes,

did i wish you happy birthday?? i guess not. my birthday is dec 31rst. send me a fucking fist. thank you very much.

I think you did wish me happy birthday....thank you!
Happy birthday, Sweetheart...a little early.
I'll mail out that fucking fist fed ex...

[Jeanette X]

Jesuschrist Jeanette! 60 bucks for a cold fuck??? I might be "high and mighty" but I have standards.

As low as they are.

I'll end up rolling a piece of balogna before I pay that price!

I actually shopped around a bit and got mine for about 35$.

And trust me, I still would've bought it if it was 100$. It gives me multiples.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

is it a good idea to purchase cut rate marital aids?

[Dr. Boogie]

The Mad Katz electric back massager.

[MLE]

I haven't found any fun toys that my inner muscles don't hate me for. Also, anything rubber hurts :<

[Dr. Boogie]

Get that one that's shaped like a concertina with a clove of garlic on top.

[MLE]

even thinking about that makes my insides hurt >:

[Dr. Boogie]

But it's covered in that same memory fabric they use in Tempurpedic mattresses!

[MLE]

:<

[Sam]

Does it have two indivudual comfort settings like the temperpedic?

So while MLE would like it hard and firm, Chojin could have it... harder and firmer. I guess.:(

Sorry.

[Jeanette X]

I haven't found any fun toys that my inner muscles don't hate me for. Also, anything rubber hurts :<

Try the Ben Wa balls in the link I showed you. They're very small and feel wonderful.

[Dr. Boogie]

There it is again! And they were only thirteen bucks, MLE!! It works, even with shipping included.

[Emu]

This is the greatest thread ever.

[Schimid]

Christmas is saved!

[Triad-Brother Choi]

I haven't found any fun toys that my inner muscles don't hate me for. Also, anything rubber hurts :<
Hello MLE you are my best friend here so to ask why would need fun toy when have you the good man of good friend Chojin? :)

Is he no real man? Choi real man. Good friend please be good friend with Choi. :)

[Cosmo Electrolux]

well, Terra...did you give up and purchase a rubber dick, or what??? >:

[WhiteRat]

Terra, let us know if this monster is even feasible:
http://www.sediva.com/10007.html

[Girl Drink Drunk]

"WARNING! This dildo is HUGE, not just big..., HUGE! It is more of a novelty than a usable dildo. Some people may be able to actually insert this monster into an orifice, but not many."

[Misdemonar]

I could s-s-s-sex some of you fine ladys up.


really.

[mburbank]

See, now, this is why I'm not totally positive about the forums merging.

I mean, sure, I did read it, but I look at car wrecks too, and I'm not proud of that, either.

Because getting aroused by car wrecks is embarrassing and should be kept private.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I'm not sure if I've ever seen you post in Loveline, Max....

[MLE]

But I'm sure he reads them as part of a nightly routine.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

okay, now I've got tihis image in my head of Max in a big ol' fluffy bathrob sitting at his computer, hair in curlers, a tube of hand lotion and a box of Kleenex at the ready....sitting down to read "Love line"....

I have to admit, I'm more than a little turned on....

[BakaGaijin]

You could always go for some "professional" help.

[Spetsnaz]

This thread has warped my fragile little mind...


But seriously, who the fuck is too high and mighty to off themselves?

[Spetsnaz]

By the way, Terra, I don't know you so I don't mean to offend you or anything.

Let me offer you this in friendship :

http://store.fetishfactory.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=Items.ShowItemDetails&itemid=79871&location=NGP_2

[Chojin]

I'm pretty sure Terra uses a lamp for that.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I think that was a lamp....Jesus God.....

[Fatacula]

It just not a sex toy... its a challenge! At least it damn well better be. :eek

[Spetsnaz]

If I ever saw anyone take all of that, I'd probably bow my head in awe.

[MattJack]

If I ever saw anyone take all of that, I'd probably bow my head in awe.

I'd just make her my girlie

[Fathom Zero]

What I find more disturbing is the Coke can used for reference.

[MattJack]

well you gotta use something I suppose.

Idda went with a roll of toliet paper, but they chose the coke can.

[Spetsnaz]

I'd probably have used a bowling ball.