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View Full Version : The church of google


saltshakermaniac
Feb 16th, 2008, 05:33 PM
I found out earlier today that there is a church of google, yes thats right people that worship a web site. Iam not realy all that suprished to learn this what with the fact that there is a support group for EVERYONE and that some people are so blind and stupid they'll put there faith into anything. On there home page it states that google is the closet thing to a "god" that humans have ever encountered. They also have a list of 9 "proofs" on there philosophy on this. They are as follows:

» PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

» PROOF #2
Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

» PROOF #3
Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

» PROOF #4

Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.

» PROOF #5

Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.
» PROOF #6
Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

» PROOF #7

Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy (http://www.google.com/corporate/tenthings.html) is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
» PROOF #8

According to Google trends (http://www.google.com/trends), the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods", as shown in the image below (click to enlarge).

http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Images/google-trends-thumb.gif (http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/Images/google-trends-large.gif)

» PROOF #9

Evidence of Google's existence is abundant.There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com (http://www.google.com/) and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required.


Gotta love how they refer to google as a she. Anyways after reading into this it gave me the idea to start a rouge faction of the church of google that worships wikipedia or something. WHO'S WITH ME????

Guitar Woman
Feb 16th, 2008, 08:28 PM
link or it didn't happen.

saltshakermaniac
Feb 16th, 2008, 08:31 PM
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/

there ya go

Emu
Feb 17th, 2008, 01:11 AM
Are we going to end up with an anime characterization of the google website like we have with wikipedia? Because that's horrible

Colonel Flagg
Feb 17th, 2008, 09:51 AM
God said "I refuse to prove that I exist, because proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

Fat_Hippo
Feb 17th, 2008, 11:40 AM
God said "I refuse to prove that I exist, because proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
Ooh, nice use of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Hehe, check out the hatemail on the site. It's sad to see how serious some people seem to take this new "religion", but kinda funny. It's not as good as the hatemail in "The Church of Mockery" though.
:imock:)

Colonel Flagg
Feb 17th, 2008, 04:24 PM
Ooh, nice use of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.



Thanks - I hoped I wasn't the only one recognizing this tie-in ...

It's not as good as the hatemail in "The Church of Mockery" though.

How about the "Church of I-Mockery" - I might even consider joining and tithing to that! :lol

Pub Lover
Feb 17th, 2008, 04:27 PM
http://www.i-mockery.com/church/

Colonel Flagg
Feb 17th, 2008, 11:06 PM
Hallelujah, brethren and sistren! And thanks for the link (how did I miss this?).

saltshakermaniac
Feb 18th, 2008, 06:09 PM
Its just funny to see the things that people will put there faith in. Iam not a religious person nor do I support any church or worship any god, but for fucks sake a website?? I think i would even find myself in a chruch praying before i get down and ask for the blessings from the all mighty google.

Pub Lover
Feb 18th, 2008, 06:15 PM
Dude, my sarcasm detector isn't blinking. YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR IN!

saltshakermaniac
Feb 18th, 2008, 08:20 PM
Dude, my sarcasm detector isn't blinking. YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR IN!
Either that or iam being way to seroius.

Pub Lover
Feb 18th, 2008, 08:24 PM
The Church of Google is a joke. It was set up by a 20 year old Canadian guy. I very much doubt anyone worships a website. Your faux-anger is amusing. My opinion on how serious you were will not be shifted.

saltshakermaniac
Feb 18th, 2008, 08:29 PM
The Church of Google is a joke. It was set up by a 20 year old Canadian guy. I very much doubt anyone worships a website. Your faux-anger is amusing. My opinion on how serious you were will not be shifted.

Where did you learn that from?

Pub Lover
Feb 18th, 2008, 08:40 PM
A cursory click through of the site itself. The FAQ, for example. It's tone throughout is that of Parody.

Also, the manner you can become a minister.

You admitted that you don't move in religious circles, so maybe you don't know how fervent believers act, this site is not the creation of a true follower of the goddess Google. It's too logically thought, out for a start.

Fat_Hippo
Feb 19th, 2008, 10:50 AM
And you can tell from the site design. Check out some religous sites: The design is totally different. The church of google even looks like a joke-site: There's no news-letter or anything.

23_
Feb 20th, 2008, 03:02 PM
And you can tell from the site design. Check out some religous sites: The design is totally different. The church of google even looks like a joke-site: There's no news-letter or anything.
Does Google have a newsletter on her main page? No she does not.

Pub Lover
Feb 20th, 2008, 03:04 PM
There is a newsletter signup button at the bottom of the FAQ.

Fat_Hippo
Feb 20th, 2008, 03:09 PM
23, read my post again. My whole point was that it DOESN'T have one...at least I thought it didn't. And that newsletter on the frontpage is new. I think.

kahljorn
Feb 20th, 2008, 10:51 PM
I'm a follower of the goddess google and I can assure you that this is all very serious bidness!

fnord?

that's what i think :(

saltshakermaniac
Feb 22nd, 2008, 02:22 AM
A cursory click through of the site itself. The FAQ, for example. It's tone throughout is that of Parody.

Also, the manner you can become a minister.

You admitted that you don't move in religious circles, so maybe you don't know how fervent believers act, this site is not the creation of a true follower of the goddess Google. It's too logically thought, out for a start.



Congratulations pub, youve further proven the point that iam a jackass and you win.