All you fags diagnosed with "Asperger's" (56k lol)

[Emu]

It's a known fact that at least 78% of people have Asperger's syndrome. And at least 97% of those people are self-diagnosed. Unfortunately, there has been no litmus test to determine how many of these people have honest-to-god Asperger's syndrome.

Until now.

Now, normally I don't like linking to Encyclopedia Dramatica, but I was so moved by this poor man's story of finding true love that I felt it needed to be shared with the internet whenever possible.

I'll take some time to introduce you to the wonderful world of Chris-chan. (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/CWC)

If you think you have Asperger's syndrome, compare your life to his and then kill yourself.

Some highlights that may or may not appear on the ED page (complements SomethingAwful internet detectives):

http://img.waffleimages.com/ca07810d8bcface9be6c0d8140ba7cd0722a022a/6.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/d34e9cd1937a26f1d104b807b85efec0cc94e55e/7.jpg

And don't forget to read the comic that he personally drew himself about how his dog ate a magic weed and turned into a Pokemon. They don't necessarily seem to be numbered in any particular order.
http://img.waffleimages.com/52f33036eb81122e1cff67f55d2ed8432ebf9523/8.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ddf7431762d08a213811dd6d2ba9275201aafc45/9.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/bbb0f7528e089e8fce3fe02ec1084d61f0b9d36d/11.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/1077a1ea8c0fac68a5d337007f86201255c5d269/12.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/801aa244e8f8faffb4b1151640dfc93c5b776969/4.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ff8211cd84b7973dc78205d77d29deb400041926/13.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/fce7831ea487b7aff30d1aafcd56ad921af2fadf/14.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/27b9b6baccf24e66420900a823cfd7add3282bab/15.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/8854b6f0680619b1b43856e30cde46ef76f56fcb/16.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/fed016acad4000c6a901f5a815de1a27490ad164/17.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/25197f0d2b67fc70c8de5f2ccdae1bd3fb7efb3d/18.jpg

I will admit that I am jealous of his game collection. But since it's mostly sonic games I'm only a little jealous. :|

And the comic that started it all: Christian's quest for true love. This comic is adapted from something that actually kind of happened.

http://img.waffleimages.com/3b6460937cdacd69a5e9a2bb7b266c9f189d138c/sonichu.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/80ebf04eb97a609025a772a542563d634ea73a3e/2.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ee263c380e08ef95d193a0efca9002a328159e04/Image_RBGxur.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ee263c380e08ef95d193a0efca9002a328159e04/Image_RBGxur.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/37fe92a8185a892564a0e55efee3b4d878bbb26a/Image_VcsNCe.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/6c6aa47f3813be3951bd17114cbaf4b6c5ce4bcc/Image_bCtiQr.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/88443c87a182156555d19c8b9a418825718cf5cc/Image_rm5TgE.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/6843afb2160d0eaaeb263bcfa49bb85079ee4594/Image_gGGZTu.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/32007dd4470d27b41f7ff07b5866720e3791d75e/Image_Dj2cal.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/4e282caf8ab7277685e97ae7e189edad194adb20/Image_3wHP3u.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/e16b7fff0c5dd511025dd473a13ed4e932f88dd6/Image_C8JkMw.jpg

You notice his eyes are always two different colors?
Part 2:

http://img.waffleimages.com/ba380c59c5e7b410508710793e5c542db9197df3/20.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/d0a3337d73ba40612ba7c224edb21599c766181f/21.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/6af026b46c8973e5e56e4e97e3f079c6bdd3e406/22.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/865a4ee29c42d8054a37762de588295137325698/23.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/7b46faf27b875aead829d0a3cffea6c91225d29b/24.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/984774af16f76c5ea93bef2bfa6e7815cba7fcca/25.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ad6ec41d365879b890a5f575894f8115b4e91664/26.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/ddef3f00311f1361294b3414e02fed3762bd01b7/27.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/f3d5c87cecbf629dccf3879b309ab05ebf6c22b2/28.jpg
http://img.waffleimages.com/8a616f5fb1e42d81a18f405e629ffe601c00e904/29.jpg
^this one contains my favorite line out of any of them; try to guess which one it is!
http://img.waffleimages.com/592317c0fe7212135730caa48b699860f8aaac9e/30.jpg


And since I basically copied this dude's post I will give credit where credit is due:

Link to original post. (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2774754)

[executioneer]

It's a known fact that at least 78% of people *on the internet* have Asperger's syndrome.

i think this is probably more accurate :x

[executioneer]

OH THANKS QUOTE FUNCTION FOR MAKING THE BIT I PUT IN ITALICS BLEND IN I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE >:

[Otto]

This guy should be a medical resource, because any time I have a friend who claims to have aspergers, I point them in the direction of that guy's site.

[Pub Lover]

Why is Autism cool to lie about? Maybe saying you don't have it when you do, but pretending to be a fuckup?

[Tadao]

I'd rather lie about an STD

[Otto]

Why is Autism cool to lie about? Maybe saying you don't have it when you do, but pretending to be a fuckup?

It gives them an excuse for being an anti-social retard who doesn't bathe.

[Pub Lover]

Who needs an excuse? :x

[Emu]

Are any of those links still working for you guys? Otherwise I'm gonna just upload them to my photobucket.

[Zomboid]

Nope.

[Esuohlim]

I noticed that when I changed them from .jpeg to .jpg in my address bar they worked, but when I editted your post to change them that way they stopped working again :(

[Emu]

Fuck. I'll photobucket them then.

[Emu]

Argh it's not letting me save them correctly. Just click the link in red, they're all there.

[Zomboid]

I did that and I had a reeeeally good laugh. Further down in the thread someone links to a video of him doing a parappa rap. It's great, because it's what I envision most fans of the game (gw) to be like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq_S7fV1zLY - rap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeuHnu0GK0k&feature=related - ALLOW ME TO DISPEL A FEW RUMORS

PS - This would be one of those times where it's acceptable to masquerade as a girl to fuck with this guy. Notice he wants a BOYFRIEND FREE girl.

[Emu]

http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm

His personal website. Enjoy, Learn, and Stay Straight (I AM SERIOUS).

[Guitar Woman]

:lol



I called bullshit on the aspergers thing a while ago and everyone who doesn't suck agrees with me ;<

I just really hate people and am a klutz, apparently those things could be mistaken for autism!

[Emu]

I know I mention it like every time Asperger's comes up but I have a cousin with it and this thundering man-child of the plains is everything I fear he would ever become. He behaves a lot like this guy - drawing things constantly, designing games and Sonic is his favorite character. There seems to be some kind of common thread, here. He's not as bad as this kid, but he hasn't hit puberty yet, either.

[WhiteRat]

Does waffle images even work on any other site besides SA?

[Emu]

probably not :\

[Tadao]

I know I mention it like every time Asperger's comes up but I have a cousin with it and this thundering man-child of the plains is everything I fear he would ever become. He behaves a lot like this guy - drawing things constantly, designing games and Sonic is his favorite character. There seems to be some kind of common thread, here. He's not as bad as this kid, but he hasn't hit puberty yet, either.

It's rough having a family member that is messed up mentally. My little brother was given acid and for the last 15 years he was schizophrenic. He would hear voices telling him to do evil things, and he was a good kid so it drove him crazy that he would have evil thoughts. I found him hanging in the closet Oct.2007. Acceptance is critical with these guys, and when you don't look messed but are, people treat you like shit.

[23_]

I just really hate people and am a klutz, apparently those things could be mistaken for autism!
Then I may be at risk as well.

[MattJack]

the frog in parappa is bad ass :(

[Chojin]

I thought it was funny until I saw the 2nd link that zomboid posted :<

But at that point I just felt sorry for him and thought that he was really well-spoken for an autistic ;< Or for most english-speaking people, for that matter, if you use the internet often.

[Zomboid]

I still find it hilarious. Partly because he sounds like the hippy teacher from Beavis and Butt-Head. I don't care too much about him being autistic. I just look at it as if he were some other random retard on youtube (that metroid guy) and it's funny.

[Emu]

I thought it was funny until I saw the 2nd link that zomboid posted :<

But at that point I just felt sorry for him and thought that he was really well-spoken for an autistic ;< Or for most english-speaking people, for that matter, if you use the internet often.

This is exactly what I thought until I saw the porn he drew of himself going down on his imaginary twin sister. Then I stopped.

[Sam]

LINK IT. >:

[Emu]

It's on the ED page.

[Zomboid]

The what? Also:

Personals
Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:
*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *Average or Slender body type. *Does NOT smoke and/or drink alcohol. *5’ or taller. *Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville area. *White. *Average to High income. *Drives a vehicle. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl. *She has to be pretty.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around Piedmont Virginia Community College, or Fashion Square Shopping Center. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion.

[Tadao]

Do NOT........?

Attempt to feed him?

[Archduke Tips]

Ass Burgers.

Just saying what needs to be said.

[Zomboid]

Fuck, I somehow stopped copying right before the best part. "To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion." :lol

[Pentegarn]

Ass Burgers.

Just saying what needs to be said.

I am impressed it took till page two for that to happen.

[executioneer]

more like ass burglars

[23_]

Ass Burgers.

Just saying what needs to be said.

I am impressed it took till page two for that to happen.
But of course, it had to happen eventually.

[Zomboid]

Good contribution.

[sloth]

so Surface was just Bill Gates' way of making sure he could draw Sonichu comics while he was having breakfast then

[Emu]

LINK IT. >:

Not work safe, obviously!
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:ShecameforCWC.JPG

Also seeing this (http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/a/a0/ANGRYCWC.JPG) image made me feel bad until I realized that he apparently has different colors of his medallion to reflect his mood. A mood medallion, if you will.

And is it just me, or are his eyes actually two different colors? :o

[Sam]

Her female area looks like it is charging an energy blast or something. :(

[Zbu Manowar]

The what? Also:

Personals
Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:
*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *Average or Slender body type. *Does NOT smoke and/or drink alcohol. *5’ or taller. *Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville area. *White. *Average to High income. *Drives a vehicle. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl. *She has to be pretty.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around Piedmont Virginia Community College, or Fashion Square Shopping Center. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion.

You know, just once, I'd like to see a nutjob like this put down something really funky for requirements. Something like this:

WANTED: a half Filipino/half Brazilian sheepherder with a bionic left leg. Age: a multiple of the square root of 234.3. Must love dogs, cockroaches, and kung fu. Must dislike any food with fiber and the occasional beatdown with a leather tennis racket. Must like tons of sex and retard jism.

But never, it's always the cute blonde type. That proves they're not just insane, but uncreatively insane.

[Emu]

Chris-chan has been spotted in the real world. (http://blogladder.com/sketchystoriesthatentertain/the-crazy-pacer)

Also, his eyes really are two different colors:

"Oh, that's a very pretty name. And I like your hair, it's a very pretty color. My eyes are two different colors, one of them is green and the other is blue, that's because I had pink-eye a while back and one of them stayed that way. What color are your eyes?"

[thebiggameover]

holy shit, john tesh has a fucking radio show?

[Nick]

Yep, that's disturbing.

[liquidstatik]

Also, his eyes really are two different colors:

I used to know this girl in school whose one eye was green, and the other was brown. It was pretty. :x

[Zbu Manowar]

This guy is just a few years away from hiding out at a library as one of those people who are constantly online and about five hundred pounds, and who eventually marries an 89 year old woman and ends up killing her with a shovel before trying to take his own life via an overdose of horse laxative.

Then in prison he's raped constantly by the guards and ends up bitterly insane, just in enough time for a worldwide virus to ravage the world's populace and somehow make him drive a nuclear warhead into Las Vegas on an ATV and....well, then it gets REALLY weird.

[darkvare]

http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm

His personal website. Enjoy, Learn, and Stay Straight (I AM SERIOUS).

I like to speak a lot of Español when I can, and just to let you know, and to release the possible confusion, my Spanish name is Ricardo.

lol so your name changes when you speak spanish

[kahljorn]

Does this guy remind anyone else of johnathen clementits?

[Emu]

I was just thinking today that they'd make great friends. Maybe, in another reality, lovers?

[kahljorn]

pfft, leave them in a room alone with eachother and it'd go something like this:

Idiot 1: I love breasts and also sonic the hedgehog!
idiot 2: yes I also love breasts and sonic the hedgehog!
1: I go to church
2: me too!
1: church says breasts are good!
2: ya i agree breasts are good!
1: but you know what's bad is penises and boys being with boys!
2: yes homosexuality is bad!
1: ya i know it's really bad you shouldnt look at other people's penises
2: no kidding that's gross
*scoots closer while eyeing eachothers penises*
1: I would never be with another guy god doesn't like that
2: i know i wouldn't want to disappoint god fags are bad
1: agreed!
*MAKEOUTKISSESGRABBINGEACHOTHERSCOCKSCOMPLETELOSSO FCONTROL
2: MY LIIIIIIITTTTTTTTLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE POOOOOOOOOOONY

[Emu]

John is atheist now though :\

[liquidstatik]

*If you'd like to print a paperback version of a comic, Links are being created for the respective files that are being uploaded to the server. Soon, you will be able to right-click a link to "Save Target As" and download a number Zip folders each containing one of all in Microsoft Word format.*

:lol

[Zomboid]

Why hasn't anyone from here contacted him yet? :(

[MetalMilitia]

What's wrong with that? Having had to use a lot of PDFs and such at work I'd probably prefer a good old fashioned Word doc. Especially if I was just going to print it out anyway.


...not that I would want this particular Word document, especially not to print out.

[liquidstatik]

What's wrong with that?

His attempts at sounding smart make me lol ;<

[darkvare]

ok the topic suddenly turn into a "cwc" topic but i want to now what "Asperger's" syndrome really does

[Emu]

The point is that people say they have Asperger's syndrome all the time in order to excuse their social awkwardness and their inability to comprehend why girls aren't interested in hearing about their World of Warcraft roleplay guild. While these are features common to people with Asperger's, the disorder goes much deeper than that. CWC, here, is a paragon example of what Asperger's syndrome is actually like.

[darkvare]

well im gonna try to contact him lol and if its funny maybe tell you guys about it

[Zomboid]

And if not? You'll have a new friend? :-\

[Chojin]

Chris sounds more like he has autism than Asperger's, to be fair.

Which is not to say that I'm yet entirely sure what Asperger's really is.

[MetalMilitia]

I thought it was a mild form of autism?

[DuFresne]

The lines between the two aren't clearly defined. The main characterizing symptoms of Asperger's are social awkwardness and VERY narrow interests (to the point of obsession), without other symtoms of autism being present (I think), so he looks like an ass pie to me.

[Emu]

The line between Asperger's and Autism is basically that Asperger's, from a standpoint of general skills and survival, is not necessarily debilitating. Chris here could still hold a job, cook his own food and probably live on his own if he had to. Autism on the other hand encompasses a few factors of complete social withdrawl - inability to speak, blindness, and the inability of some motor functions to work.

[Schimid]

I've got someone in my family that has Aspergers. While it's not as crippling as Autism, it definitely has some negative effects on the person's ability to reason and socialize. I doubt that this is true for all Aspergers, but my experience is that the person craves constant attention and is extremely selfish, generally unresponsive to the wants and needs of other people. Whether it's that they don't understand these desires or if they just don't acknowledge them, I don't know.

[Dr. Boogie]

So how does one tell the difference between having Assburgers or just being a dork?

[executioneer]

its nature vs nurture, aspergers is inherited genetically, being a dork comes from your environment

[Emu]

tru

[executioneer]

it's suppose to be easier to spot aspergers when you're a kid, cause there's less chance dorkocity has developed from environment at a young age (unless the kid's parents are major dorks too)

[MetalMilitia]

it definitely has some negative effects on the person's ability to reason and socialize.

Having had some experience with sufferers I found one of the main problems to be their inability to really understand when I was making a joke or being sarcastic, which led to quite a bit of awkwardness and such.
It's almost like assburgers sufferers have evolved to better fit in on the internet; they don't understand humour or sarcasm and they spend a great deal of time telling you about things like Anime and really shitty video games.

[Emu]

The more of Christian's stuff I read, the more fascinated I am by how his mind works.

It's kind of scary, in a way. He's obsessed with finding a Boyfriend-Free Girl who shares his interests -- he either doesn't or can't care about what they're interested in unless it's relevant to him. Women have to meet some almost obnoxiously strict criteria for him to tolerate them. The first thing he does when he actually manages to sit down with a girl is pull out the Sonichu scrapbook (literally) and start telling them about everything he likes to do. And he talks about how if he can't find a Boyfriend-Free Girl who meets these criteria, he wants to find a nice girl that he can "mold" into his Sweetheart. (His words.)

On the one hand I find it hard to feel bad for him because if we ascribed any of these qualities to someone who WASN'T autistic, then we'd all just call him a jackass. On the other hand, he's fucking autistic.

[kahljorn]

"John is atheist now though :\"

well this was in the past it was time traveling asshole fuck you and your linear stuff.

plus wait a couple of months and he'll find god again.

I could totally have asspergers syndrome if I wanted to diagnose myself with sicknesses.

[Zbu Manowar]

On the one hand I find it hard to feel bad for him because if we ascribed any of these qualities to someone who WASN'T autistic, then we'd all just call him a jackass. On the other hand, he's fucking autistic.

I doubt it. A lot of his behavior just screams socially-inept self-centered jackass. His whole spiel about 'telling' everybody how to live their lives comes off as being incredibly douchebaggish: it showcases how he can't really relate to people but is capable of public speaking on some level. If was truly socially inept, he wouldn't boast about it so casually.

If anything, he's fucked in the head because of some pathetic movie-styled idealism. His pathetic attempts to get people to talk to him because he goes around an Abercombie and Fitch with his Gameboy out? The asshole needs to stop living in movies and go out and meet people. Or just swallow his pathetic dignity and hire a hooker. If he's just looking for sex, he might as well start paying for it. That might be the only thing that gets him out of his pathetic rut.

[Dr. Boogie]

So the bottom line is that there's no sure way to tell if a person has assburgers, and we'll all just have to speculate when we encounter an irritating nerdy person?

[Emu]

On the internet? No, you can't tell, generally. In real life, you'll know.

[executioneer]

i'd say unless they've got some real sensory issues it'd be awful hard to tell without a CAT scan or something of that nature

[Archduke Tips]

While I don't have Asperger's Syndrome, this thread has made me come to realize that I should avoid the internet. It is the place where Asperger's Syndrome thrives.

[executioneer]

it's contagious, get some disinfectant

[Zbu Manowar]

Pour Listerine in your ears and then light your eyebrows on fire!