Intolerable Neighbor Rant

[Kitsa]

I'm sure that there are worse neighbors out there than these. However.

I've about had it with these people. They act as if the entire duplex belongs to them. Their kids play in our yard (not theirs, because it's studded with dogshit). Speaking of dogshit, when they first moved in they allowed their dog to crap all over our yard in addition to their own. It eased up after they saw me collecting it all in a large paper bag...they might have wondered if I had any projects in mind. I don't mind if someone has a dog, dogs are great, but at least clean up the shit!

One kid hangs out in our driveway, sitting with his back to our garage door. His mom doesn't seem to give a rat's ass. I live in fear that one day we'll unknowingly back out of our garage and roll right over him. He also steals and tortures the mantises I keep in my garden for pest control, even after I tell him to leave them alone. And I notice that almost every time I catch him hanging around our mailbox, we receive word from the cable company or Netflix or whomever that they never got what we sent them. (I sent a letter to the postmaster that some of our mail was going missing- no response).

The UPS guy will not drop off here because he says they take packages.

On most sunny days, our ENTIRE shared driveway is filled with their car-repair projects. They have one functional car, one functional truck, and two junkers that they don't have a problem leaving parked right in front of OUR house. Sometimes one of their two bass boats is parked crosswise across the shared driveway, their yard, or both. I mean, they seriously do seem to think the entire property is theirs.

They had a garage sale and never told us, and we grinned and bore it as the property was filled with nibby old ladies and their Buicks. A few months later, we had one and didn't tell them (I wanted to, but they don't speak to me) and they acted like we'd taken a dump on their doorstep.

They use their garage as a family room. They have a TV and couches in there. Which is fine, whatever, but when we use it as a garage (you know, the way we're SUPPOSED to?), power tools or whatever on a weekend afternoon, they pound on the garage wall because we're interrupting the game or Nascar race or whatever.

Unfortunately, our landlord is a very nonconfrontational sort of guy and bitching to him would do no good. I've tried very hard to be nice to these people, but the husband is the only one who's done so much as return a wave. Nothing out of the mother or any of the kids. They pretend I'm not there.

We'd never dream of letting an animal of ours crap in their yard, or parking our junker cars in front of their house (not that we have any, or that we could, because most of the time they have one of their bass boats parked there). And we sure as hell wouldn't pound on the garage wall if someone was hammering or using a drill in there on a Saturday afternoon. That's what garages are for! And my two kids aren't going to be out of me until later this summer, but you'd better believe I'd never let them hang out in the other family's driveway or let them go through other people's mailboxes!

Very, very aggravating.

[Colonel Flagg]

Does your landlord own both halves of the duplex? If so, then he's a douchebag for not evicting those pigs.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Damn, my neighbor just yells at my dog. Try leaving a springloaded trap in the mailbox for that kid. Like have it so when he opens it up he get blasted with water, so then you can't get in trouble for it either, because the damn kid was going through YOUR mailbox, which is illegal. So you can get a leg up on them legally. Also, if you want to sacrifice your garden for hilarity, plant a bunch of poison ivy and put the mantises on them. That'll teach him.

[ElPila666]

My neighbor threw bricks at my dog when she was barking because she was chasing her tail and that annoyed them so they couldn't sleep, but luckily they end up moving somewhere, i think they die

[Fat_Hippo]

And when the dog shits in your yard, don't collect it in a paper bag next time. Get a shovel and fling it right back. It's easier, much more fun, and maybe it'll even get your neighbors to stop. That's what I did anyway when the neighbors dog shit in my yard.

[Evil Robot]

Have your child instigate a fight at school in which the neighbors child is the victim, this will ensure a healthy amount of bruising on the child. Next, take several pictures of them in different positions and send them to me. I will photoshop one to look like the father is hitting the child and send it back to you. You will then forward the photo to child protective services and tell them this is a regular occurence.

With any luck they will find something real to arest the parents for once they start looking, probably drugs.

[XtinaxFan]

I suggest painting a pentagram or upside down cross on your driveway and playing a lot of norwegian black metal or good ol' fashioned Cannibal Corpse - loudly. Do it in the afternoon so they can't complain about the noise.
Seriously though - if you have a letter slot on your front door write in permanent marker on your mailbox "post mail through front door please" to stop it being tampered with.
They sound like real bastards, if you are /can get friendly with people living next door to your neighbours ask if they are bothered by them too, if they are get them to complain to your landlord as well - adds more weight.

[Kitsa]

Yep, the landlord owns the entire duplex, but he tends to only show up when someone's moving out. I haven't seen/spoken with him in almost a year.

Fat_Hippo: You know, I did consider that, but at that point they'd just moved in and I was trying to stay fairly friendly. I felt like flinging the piles at their back door (and believe me, it STUNK)

Unfortunately, this end of the street is a cavalcade of rednecks. From the looks of the place on the other side of them, that family is much the same. The people across the street take their garbage to the curb as it comes, so they've got a perpetual mound of garbage that sits out all week. The people a few doors down park their pickup truck over the sidewalk when there's PLENTY of room on their driveway (I'm disabled and it's SUCH a pain in the ass to have to cross into the street to get around it...the sidewalks are public property, dammit).

It's a shame, because it is a really nice duplex with a big backyard, close to all of the things I need to be able to get to easily. The neighbors before these were bad, but not as bad...at least they kept to themselves. I knew these people were going to be trouble when they moved in and the woman started spreading her "yard art" all over our side of the driveway (her husband made her move it, it seems).

I just wish people had the common courtesy (not to mention the common SENSE) to separate the concepts of "ours" vs. "someone else's".

[Tadao]

Sounds like you are in a bad neighborhood. I was gonna sugest somethings to help rid you of these people, but it sounds like they would just be replaced by other shitheads. I think your best course of action is to get the hell out of there.

[MetalMilitia]

By the sounds of things there isn't much you can do. If your landlord isn't interested and the tenants themselves fail to listen to reason or employ any basic parenting skills you're kind of up shit creek.

All you can really do is talk to them and see if they can at least sort out some of the worst problems - like your mail being stolen. If you lower yourself to their level and start trying to piss them off back, they'll most probably use their extensive experience in being asshole neighbours and make your life much worse.

[Colonel Flagg]

Yep, the landlord owns the entire duplex, but he tends to only show up when someone's moving out. I haven't seen/spoken with him in almost a year.

One thing you can do is take pictures of your neighbor's visibly disgusting (and illegal) habits, photocopy your copy of the lease, highlight the areas where the lease is being broken by the next-door tenants and send it all to the landlord with a nice letter about how you really like the place, but you can't keep putting up with the current shenanigans going on next door. If you're a good tenant (pay rent on time, usually works for most douchebags) he'll delve a bit deeper into things.

If you're certain he still won't do anything, try sending the kit and kaboodle to a good landlord/tenant lawyer. I know you'll have to look for other living accommodations, but it sounds as if this might be unavoidable in any event.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[King Hadas]

You haven't been here very long kitsa so I don't think I am overstating the fact that I don't really know you. That being said, the idea that some punk is stealing your mail fills me with outrage!

If possible you may want to seriously consider moving somewhere else, somewhere that isn't a duplex. I've never lived in a duplex myself but my dad owned a few way back when. The tenants where so bad they ended up putting are family in a financial hole that would last for years to come.

[Evil Robot]

I'm not joking about making the photoshopped abuse picture. A valid option? I'll let you sleep on it. Just keep in mind that your neighbors could be commiting crimes on the other side of your living room wall. There could be, and probably is, a meth lab less than ten feet from your precious daughter.

I understand my methods might seem rash, but what is important to you, your daughters innocence, or the daughter of an innocent man who happens to be a dick head?

I say you should help me,... help you.

Sincerely,
Evil Robot


PS, PM me, we have slander to attend to.

[Pentegarn]

You should do as the Colonel suggests to start with. If your landlord fails to comply and lay down the law, you have to go to the courts next and set up an escrow with them and pay your rent there. The courts will then send a letter to your landlord telling them your rent is being held in escrow until he lives up to the rules of the lease. If you have a lawyer they should set it up in short order for you. I know they can be expensive, does your job offer prepaid legal? If it does, you might want to get into that, they are made for just this sort of thing.

As for your mail, if your local postmaster does nothing, I recommend you go over his head to his boss. If he does nothing, go over his head, and so on, and so on, until you get results. Might help if you anonymously inform the news that there is mail theft and the postmaster is doing nothing about it. If there's one thing the media loves, it's bad publicity about something. And if there's one thing the USPS hates, it's bad publicity about themselves.

[Colonel Flagg]

We evicted a tenant after the neighbors called me (on vacation, that was fun) and told me she and her boyfriend broke a window during a fight at 2AM, with the cops showing up and hauling him off to the slam for abuse. Up to this point we knew none of this. We acted within the month, inspecting the damage (which she lied about) and looking over the other, ancillary damage to the property. We took a financial hit on this (evicting someone costs money, and you can't deduct it on your taxes), but we won the respect of the neighborhood.

I hope your landlord will view it the same way.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Also, take a look at this. If you have the skills, time and money, this will take care of the kid, dog, AND any other kids that get on your lawn, and it's 100% legal!
http://www.waterhobo.com/

[Kitsa]

That thing is excellent. I've seen motion-detector sprayers before, but taping the offenders was a fabulous touch.

You know, this neighborhood isn't actually bad...it's just this cluster of 3 or 4 duplexes. They're sandwiched between retirement houses (besides being cranky in general, they're not really a problem) and some nicer upscale homes at the beginning of the street. I think that, for the most part, when you have rentals you're going to have problems...mainly because people just don't give a shit.

[Sacks]

Do you stop hammering/drilling/working when they bang on the wall? If you do, stop doing that. If they have a problem let them come over and explain to them how full of shit they are. Then ask for all the mail they've stolen.

[Kitsa]

That's what sucks...when it happens, we're so utterly astounded at the sheer ballsitude that we're startled into silence.

I think it's one of the kids stealing the mail, and I have no idea why. It's random...just sometimes I'll see him hanging out by our mailbox, and the next thing I know Netflix is telling me they never got my returns and are putting a hold on my account. I don't even know why he'd want them...I tend to watch weird foreign shit. We had some other issues with Netflix and eventually had to cancel it, which sucked.

The people before them were a pain in the ass (once, they left their hose on for so long they literally flooded the backyard....there was a puddle about 10' around and 4 or 5 inches deep!) but at least they mostly kept to themselves.

[McClain]

move up out of teh ghetto son dese bitches and hos gank yo shit less in teh suburbs

[Tadao]

Can you replace your mailbox with a locking one? Whatever shape mailbox you have, they make one that needs a key to get into it. I do this everywhere I live and I always put my out going mail into one of those big blue street mailboxes. At least you'll be able to enjoy Netflix again and it will send a message to the neighbors.

[Colonel Flagg]

That's what sucks...when it happens, we're so utterly astounded at the sheer ballsitude that we're startled into silence.

I think it's one of the kids stealing the mail, and I have no idea why. It's random...just sometimes I'll see him hanging out by our mailbox, and the next thing I know Netflix is telling me they never got my returns and are putting a hold on my account. I don't even know why he'd want them...I tend to watch weird foreign shit. We had some other issues with Netflix and eventually had to cancel it, which sucked.

The people before them were a pain in the ass (once, they left their hose on for so long they literally flooded the backyard....there was a puddle about 10' around and 4 or 5 inches deep!) but at least they mostly kept to themselves.

May I ask why the former tenants (with the overactive hose) left? Did the landlord kick them out for property damage (standing water can create all sorts of nasty problems with foundations) or did he calmly just accept the rent money without so much as a blink until they decided they didn't want to live in a house with a perennially flooded basement? I'm guessing it was the latter, since he's already proven to be a douchebag.

What's your preference, are you leaning toward raising the white flag and moving on to a landlord who is less of a douchebag, are you going to gnash your teeth in silent frustration (is the rent really, really good?), or are you going to fight back and risk an all-out border war. Not that I'm advocating any position, but it might help to know which way you're leaning.

[Sacks]

Locking your mailbox and ignoring them when they bang on the wall are definitely the first steps you want to take.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Get one of your buddies to come over, and when they start making a din in the garage, bang on the wall and complain they're being loud when all you want to do is catch up to an old buddy. Eventually, they'll get the message. Bang on the wall every chance you get.

[Tadao]

No, it will go on forever. Just go about your business and let them wear themselves out banging on the wall. Just ignore them. If you retaliate, be prepared for a long battle. Plus you will lose the upper hand if it comes down to the land lord since you behaved improperly as well.

[liquidstatik]

arsons the only answer :o

[Kitsa]

May I ask why the former tenants (with the overactive hose) left? Did the landlord kick them out for property damage (standing water can create all sorts of nasty problems with foundations) or did he calmly just accept the rent money without so much as a blink until they decided they didn't want to live in a house with a perennially flooded basement? I'm guessing it was the latter, since he's already proven to be a douchebag.

What's your preference, are you leaning toward raising the white flag and moving on to a landlord who is less of a douchebag, are you going to gnash your teeth in silent frustration (is the rent really, really good?), or are you going to fight back and risk an all-out border war. Not that I'm advocating any position, but it might help to know which way you're leaning.


I don't know why the first people left; they just up and moved out one weekend. I had the feeling they might have been evicted, because of the sheer speed, but I don't know anything for sure. I doubt the landlord ever knew about the puddle (we're on slabs, so no basement problem).

What happened was that the (unsupervised) preteen girls were playing in the backyard one afternoon and got the brilliant idea to thread the garden hose up through the springs of their giant trampoline. I've never been allowed on a trampoline in my life, so I'm not real sure what this was supposed to accomplish, but that's what they did. They stood and watched the hose for a while, then got bored and went inside. I went about my business (was painting out on the patio at the time) and noticed when I glanced over two hours later that the hose was still running and that there was a sizable puddle. I sort of frowned at it, still going full-blast, and started the internal debate as to whether or not I should do anything. Two hours after that, the hose was still going, the whole yard was flooded, and it was getting dark.

I finally went next door and knocked...it was answered by the (still unsupervised) girls, who were fully in that ass-annoying "what-evurrrr" phase. I said I was sorry to disturb them, but I didn't know if they knew their hose was still running and the backyard was flooded. One said "Ok, ok, thanks" and slammed the door, but I heard the other girl exclaim "The hose!" just as it closed. I assume they ran back through the house and turned it off. That patch of grass was vivid green for weeks.

Here's the thing with my situation, because I don't want to sound like an asshole who just wants to whine about the problem. Well, I guess that's what I'm doing, but I genuinely am really frustrated. I'm disabled and not allowed to drive. I am hugely physically dependent on my family members, and we waited forever for one of these duplexes to open up because it's right down the street from their house. I can get back and forth between the two places easily and it gives me some degree of freedom...it's about 10 minutes from my (boyfriend's)place to theirs or the other way round, give or take the time wasted crossing into the street and back again when some asshat parks across the sidewalk.

Being here has been the difference between being like a little kid "dropped off at the babysitter's" and being an adult with some control over my daily activities. It's the difference between being able to function and utter depression, to be perfectly honest. So moving really isn't an option. I just wish that these duplexes weren't continually inhabited by a series of thoughtless rednecks. There was an elderly couple who lived on the other side for about 6 months, and that was fantastic. They mowed their yard and everything! But they found a house and now they're gone, and I damn near wept when I saw the new family had a Bassmaster sitting in the driveway on the first day.

Hope that helps clear things up.

[Girl Drink Drunk]

Kill them.

[executioneer]

arsons the only answer :o

not a good idea on a duplex unless you can figure out a way to keep it contained to the one side :x

[Pub Lover]

Remove all the oxygen from your side.

[executioneer]

break into their half while they're sleeping and set off twenty or so bug bombs

[Pub Lover]

Dismantle twenty microwaves, mount the magnetrons on a frame pointed at your neighbour.

Maybe have a timer to switch it on so you're not there while it's active.

[Colonel Flagg]

Here's the thing with my situation, because I don't want to sound like an asshole who just wants to whine about the problem. Well, I guess that's what I'm doing, but I genuinely am really frustrated. I'm disabled and not allowed to drive. I am hugely physically dependent on my family members, and we waited forever for one of these duplexes to open up because it's right down the street from their house. I can get back and forth between the two places easily and it gives me some degree of freedom...it's about 10 minutes from my (boyfriend's)place to theirs or the other way round, give or take the time wasted crossing into the street and back again when some asshat parks across the sidewalk.

Being here has been the difference between being like a little kid "dropped off at the babysitter's" and being an adult with some control over my daily activities. It's the difference between being able to function and utter depression, to be perfectly honest. So moving really isn't an option. I just wish that these duplexes weren't continually inhabited by a series of thoughtless rednecks. There was an elderly couple who lived on the other side for about 6 months, and that was fantastic. They mowed their yard and everything! But they found a house and now they're gone, and I damn near wept when I saw the new family had a Bassmaster sitting in the driveway on the first day.

Hope that helps clear things up.

Yes, it does, and no, you're not whining, you're venting. It's a good thing to do on the forums.

Camcording the kid swiping the mail, the junkers in the driveways on the weekends, the airhoses who park in front of your house, anything that might be outside of or in violation of the lease would be still my choice for action. Document, document, document. Keep a file if you have to. Even if you do nothing with the evidence, this simple act of defiance can be a great source of release. And then, when the last straw breaks the camel's back (mixing metaphors, I know) you'll be ready to take the final step. Whether it's with the landlord or a lawyer will be your call.

And, BTW you are a fine artist.

Good luck.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Ooh, put a potato deeeep in their exhaust pipe. Or sugar their gas tank. Also, open a jar of mayonnaise and/or cans of tuna, and put it in the air duct. If it were possible for you to get into their house, put shrimp in the curtain rods; it'll smell terrible, and who thinks to look in curtain rods?

[Pub Lover]

Those would be really stupid things to do, Dr. O. She doesn't to get into a prank war.

[Sacks]

Do you guys remember when Jack Lemmon hid that fish in Walter Mathau's car in Grumpy Old Men? What a hoot! :lol

[thebiggameover]

move..

and when you get your stuff out, set the place on fire....

[Kitsa]

Yes, it does, and no, you're not whining, you're venting. It's a good thing to do on the forums.

Camcording the kid swiping the mail, the junkers in the driveways on the weekends, the airhoses who park in front of your house, anything that might be outside of or in violation of the lease would be still my choice for action. Document, document, document. Keep a file if you have to. Even if you do nothing with the evidence, this simple act of defiance can be a great source of release. And then, when the last straw breaks the camel's back (mixing metaphors, I know) you'll be ready to take the final step. Whether it's with the landlord or a lawyer will be your call.

And, BTW you are a fine artist.

Good luck.

Thank you. I'm glad the explanation helped. :) I think you have some good ideas with this, and you're right...it's a release, if nothing else.

[Chojin]

Also, I'd recommend finding and talking to a lawyer about your problem in general. Since you're disabled, you will probably find that it's easier to get the law to work with you here.

Not with the intent to start a lawsuit, mind you - he'll be able to tell you what your legal options are, so you know how to act accordingly.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Those would be really stupid things to do, Dr. O. She doesn't to get into a prank war.

Pranks warfare is the best warfare!

And Chojin has a point; you can milk your disablement for all it's worth against them, that gives you TONS of leverage.

[Sacks]

I'm coming down to Austin to give you the Least Helpful Poster award. Expect me in 3 hours.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

FINALLY, some recognition!

[Kitsa]

An update, of sorts:

I had to call the landlord because our dryer-vent was completely plugged with lint and our clothes weren't drying. When he came (removing both the log of lint and some ancient pre-us beercans and shuttlecocks from the gutters), I mentioned delicately that we were having a personal-space problem with the neighbors. I showed him some portable accordion-fencing from a catalog and asked if I could put up at least a couple, just as a territory-marker. He approved it.

It's a start. If they don't respect a fence, well, the situation is probably beyond hope.

[Pandajuice]

It's a start. If they don't respect a fence, well, the situation is probably beyond hope.

It's a good start Kitsa. And if they don't respect the fence, then it becomes an issue of trespassing and gives you leverage against them. As others have said, you already have leverage based on everything else they do to you, now you just need to document it, and inform the right people, and justice will be swift.

I'm having issues at the moment with neighborhood kids here thinking they are funny by kicking the wing mirrors of our car, pounding on our front window (our house is right up on the street, common in England), and generally being loud as they walk past the house. I've yelled at them, chased them, snuck up on them and watched them run as I scared the shit out of them, etc, and all that does is make it more of a game and more fun. It just escalates things when you confront bad people, and I'm sure confronting your neighbors won't help either.

It's much better to document it (my neighbor has installed a CCTV system to watch over the street), and go to the right authorities. We'll just keep calling the police and giving descriptions every time our property is messed with until they do something about it; at least to just shut us up. I suggest you do the same to your landlord.

[Colonel Flagg]

[...] I mentioned delicately that we were having a personal-space problem with the neighbors. I showed him some portable accordion-fencing from a catalog and asked if I could put up at least a couple, just as a territory-marker. He approved it.

Congratulations. Not only did you score a small victory in getting him to approve fencing, but you also got a tacit endorsement of a potential "your side" vs "their side" scenario. The fact that you were polite about it, and that he concurred (I'm assuming that he didn't even flinch) gives you leverage.

Not that you need to use it, mind you, but this kind of support is a good thing to have in your hip pocket.

[Kitsa]

Thanks...I hope it works.

Speaking of the devil, I was just wandering past the front window when I saw a GIGANTIC rottweiler bound past. I was so startled I shouted some badwords in alarm, and I think they heard me. The next thing I knew, the mother and son from next door were running through the neighborhood trying to get hold of this thing.

That's just what I want to think about with babies on the way...rottweilers on the loose.

[Colonel Flagg]

To paraphrase Indiana Jones, "Rottweilers. Why did it have to be Rottweilers."

Check your lease, on the off chance it has a clause concerning pets. I'm guessing that this is a new development, and that maybe Mr. Landlord doesn't know .... yet.

[Sacks]

I have a rottweiller and he's a big goof. Don't be a dog racist. Although considering who owns it I'd be cautious, BUT DON'T BE DOG RACIST.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

Specist? Wouldn't a dog racist be a racist dog? I'm picturing a rottweiller with a shaved head and a Hitler mustache.

[Kitsa]

Sacks: I'd be just as worried with any dog running wild. Chihuahuas have been some of the most vicious dogs I know. However, with my physical limitations, I'd have a harder time getting between a rottweiler and my kids than a chihuahua and my kids.

It's 100% who owns it, and the fact that they don't seem to give a rat's ass either way.

But if it makes you feel better, talk some shit about my cats :)