Best Worst Pick-up Lines

[Hobo Renee]

Alright, here we go. What's the best, worst pick-up line anyone has ever used on you, or you've had the misfortune of using on someone else?

One time a drunk Finnish guy told me, "I have a sauna in my apartment." ;)

[MetalMilitia]

"My name is Pub Lover, you might know me from the Internet"

[MattJack]

"My name is Pub Lover, you might know me from the Internet"

:lol nice

When I see a girl I like I always make small conversation with them and then I'll say something like,

"Well I better get out of here before your boyfriend comes and beats me up."

Then they will usually smile and tell me how they don't have a boyfriend. Once that happens I'll say,

"Oh no, girls who look like you always have boyfriends. I'm sorry, I'm sure you get this all the time."

I'll wait for a response like a smile or a thank you, and then I ask them if they want to go out to lunch or an early dinner sometime. Something very non-threatening.

Once I get them to that point, I usually just cloroform and rag them.

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Damn, that's the most useful thing I've heard on the loveline forums!

[Sam]

"HIMYNAMEISSAMIJUSTMOVEDTOSACRAMENTOWOULDYOULIKETOG OOUTONADATEI'MSORRYISHOULDN'THAVEASKED :tear "

[Esuohlim]

"Hey, so, uh, speaking of awkward..."

AND THEN I MADE MY MOVE :sunglasses

[Sam]

"So, uh, I moderate a message board... I-mockery.com... you may have heard about it... my name is Esuohlim :wink "

[Esuohlim]

"My post count's not the only thing that's ;)

embarrasing :("

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Why is everybody changing their avatars to smileys? Did I miss something? Some sort of feudal warfare going on?

[executioneer]

did you not get a copy of that memo

[Sethomas]

Well, I had a great idea for a long rumination for nobody to read in this thread.

Instead, I'll just post an idea I had tonight for a pickup line. I would like you guys to evaluate it and tell me if I should use it or not.

"Your face is absolutely beautiful, and I'll still think that tomorrow morning when it has a bruise on it shaped like my dick."

[executioneer]

that's pretty bad, yeah

unless the lady is clearly into some kinky stuff

[Sethomas]

But is there a good kind of bad? I'm not good at these things.

[Fat_Hippo]

It really depends who you tell it too. Some might punch you in the face, some might scream "PERVERT" so that everyone can hear it, and others might just laugh (at you).

Just to be safe, I'd recommend using it somewhere who you're sure doesn't know anybody you know, in a place you've never been before and never will be again. You can never take too many precautions.

[Colonel Flagg]

Why is everybody changing their avatars to smileys? Did I miss something? Some sort of feudal warfare going on?

Don't ask. Don't tell.

[...] Instead, I'll just post an idea I had tonight for a pickup line. I would like you guys to evaluate it and tell me if I should use it or not.

"Your face is absolutely beautiful, and I'll still think that tomorrow morning when it has a bruise on it shaped like my dick."

It depends - what reaction are you going for here?

[Dr. Octogonopus]

did you not get a copy of that memo

Dude, I don't get ANY memos. My sister's boyfriends he'd been going out with for a week got told by my parents about one of my other sisters getting married before I was told. Same thing when another of my sisters got pregnant!

[Tadao]

Tell me about it dude! I just now found out that I got your sister pregnant!

[Dr. Octogonopus]

Damn, you got one ugly baby to worry about, then. For your sake, run.

[Dixie]

I'm going to have to get a voice recorder for the lines I hear at metalfests.
My favorite thus far has been from a Swedish guy:
Him: "You like Piledriver?"
Me: "Yes, great Canadian metal!"
Him: "You know of this sexual position called piledriver"
Me: pretending not to hear him.
Him: "Have you tried this Piledriver position before?"
Me: "My husband could probably answer that better than I could"

[Tadao]

I couldn't do the piledriver, my boners are to hard and it hurts to bend it down like that.

[T-Rex]

Worst pick up line = "Spare some change, please?"

[Tadao]

My dick itches for you.

[Hobo Renee]

Ah, here is another pick up line from the Finns. Whilst me and my friends were waiting to get into a club, and overweight/middle-aged Finnish man stood in front of us and started doing the splits over and over while yelling "in between your legs" at us. It was pretty hilarious. I don't know is that's the reaction he was going for though.

[Sethomas]

Well, I just had the awkward event that I was about to retort to someone "yeah, well you're missing out on MY DICK". I had to prevent myself from saying that because it would probably end with someone enjoying my dick, that someone being one upon whom I'd not otherwise grant that honor.

Speaking of enjoying my dick, I really, REALLY wish that I could incorporate this song into the act of initiating conversations with females somehow:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQykK_X5kB0

There MUST be a way.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'm going to have to get a voice recorder for the lines I hear at metalfests.
My favorite thus far has been from a Swedish guy:
Him: "You like Piledriver?"
Me: "Yes, great Canadian metal!"
Him: "You know of this sexual position called piledriver"
Me: pretending not to hear him.
Him: "Have you tried this Piledriver position before?"
Me: "My husband could probably answer that better than I could"


For some reason people fall for those lines. I don't understand it. I always see these ugly guys that look like Snaggletooth with these amazing looking women. Makes my brain hurt.

[MattJack]

dood it's cuz they know how to use the bowlin' ball grip, duh

[Zomboid]

HOW MUCH DOES A POLAR BEAR WEIGH?

ENOUGH TO CRACK DA ICE!

CAN I GIT YO DIGITZ?

Works every time :D

[Sethomas]

Well, I'd say that I'm impressed by your ability to ignore my recent contribution to your Myspace Inbox along with my decision to "poke" you on Facebook, but then I remembered how much practice you've had.

[Softix]

Best thing to do is show her that you are interested and then slowly put the talk game down
So her you want to be her friend make them laugh and next you guys are alone and if she wants it
trust me she will let you know

[Tadao]

Best thing to do is show her that you are interested and then slowly put the talk game down
So her you want to be her friend make them laugh and next you guys are alone and if she wants it
trust me she will let you know

Yep, so far this is the best worst one.

[Terra]

Best thing to do is show her that you are interested and then slowly put the talk game down
So her you want to be her friend make them laugh and next you guys are alone and if she wants it
trust me she will let you know

Jesus fucking bananas. You're never going to knock up anything less than four legs. Just don't talk, yo. You'll get more stang that way.

Just smile and wave, asshat.

[executioneer]

softix are you a fancy sort of spambot?

[Sethomas]

When spambot technology gets to the point where it can offer sound advice on picking up women, then I will say that the wonders of the internet have reached an equilibrium with its travesties.

[Chojin]

slowly put the talk game down
back away from the talk game
get down on the ground
hands where i can see them

[T-Rex]

Softix impresses the guys of the internet with his knowledge of how to get chicks.

[Sethomas]

Did somebody order an awesome fuck? 'cuz the delivery boy's here!

(To be yelled at high volume when entering a room occupied solely by attractive females.)

[Cosmo Electrolux]

"does this look like a mole to you?"

[D*O*L*E]

'HELP ME'

[Colonel Flagg]

(on one of those GLBT cruises)

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Rosie O'Donnell?"

[Girl Drink Drunk]

"Do you like Family Guy?"

[Tadao]

"That South Park episode dedicated to Heavy Metal is the best."

[Trash]

"Do you like Viking Metal?"

Always works.

[Harry Paget Flashman]

If you are in a hurry and don't speak the language a wad of cash usually suffices. It's called peso-nality. Stuffing a gym sock in your Fruit or the Looms works too...just remember the socks go in the front, not the back.

You can buy those cheapo badges and cop wallets on the Internet too. Works real well in a station wagon with the inside passenger side door handle removed.

I never tried any of that stuff, preferring to rely on charm.

[Shrubfest]

Wow...

I once got: 'I'd love to put some dick in you.'

Suave.

[Colonel Flagg]

Ummmm.... Did you hurl immediately, or did you wait til you got home?

[Tadao]

or did you get some dick put into you?

[Sethomas]

Wow...

I once got: 'I'd love to put some dick in you.'

Suave.

That's where you say "Yeah, if only you had some!" then you high-five your hot friends and start having lesbian sex in front of everyone.

[Shrubfest]

No, i didn't hurl, i just laughed, refused the dick, and unfortunatly didn't have my lesbian lover with me.

was kinda a downer. but then saw him at a party with his girlfriend, and the fear in his eyes was hilarious.

Which was worth the awfulness, really.

[Tadao]

Hehe, you should have hung near by just to make him want think of every excuse to leave the party. I hope you stared at him a lot.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

"So, my face or yours?"

[JediScum]

Once, I was at a bar with a friend who was a junkie (but otherwise a good guy), and we sat at a table. This was around when "The Blair Witch Project" first came out in theatres. Two girls asked if they could join us, and we said "ok". They talked about the movie, i made jokes, my friend nodded off, repeatedly, and when the bar was closing I hit 'em with this....

"Um, I hate to ask, but could I get a ride home?"

""(SIGH)..... WHERE do you live? (mild groan)"

"Uhh, I meant, YOUR HOME"

And it worked!!!! Lots of touchy feely with 2 girls, but no pokey squealy.

Oh well.

[Shrubfest]

Works for me!

[JediScum]

It's ladies like yourself, Shrub, that made me NOT turn gay over a decade ago... (swoons).

[Shrubfest]

I'm a classy bird....

*cough*

[JediScum]

well, i get paid soon...

Gonna hire 3 midgets at 20 dollars each to drink the Atlantic Ocean, then I'll walk to England


OH SHIT THIS THE PICK-UP LINE THREAD!!!

"Buy me a drink... i mean, can i buy you a migdet, i mean drink? I own hotels and the Moon!!!!"

[Shrubfest]

Great stuff. And back onto topic.....

[JediScum]

Are these supposed to be pick up lines that worked? Or just pick up lines?

[Shrubfest]

Just lines, methinks.
Wouldn't be as funny otherwise.

[Colonel Flagg]

You wait here, and I'll bring the etchings down.

- James Thurber

[WhiteRat]

It's a big one but it does the job:
http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q15/JerkDouglas/big-loser.png

[Esuohlim]

:lol

[JediScum]

and you pick up babes or dudes with that how?

[executioneer]

It's a big one but it does the job:
http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q15/JerkDouglas/big-loser.png

SIGNED, WILLIE

[Cosmo Electrolux]

how many drinks would it take you get you out of your clothes?

[JediScum]

"OH MY GOD!!!! That's a great dress you're wearing.... but it would look better on my bedroom floor"

[executioneer]

"CAN I SEE YOUR VAGINA, ITS FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT"

[Sethomas]

"I lost my virginity, can I have yours?"

[Cosmo Electrolux]

"I lost my virginity, can I have yours?"

the winner....

[JediScum]

Once I smeared rubber cement on the fly of my jeans, before this hot girl was about to walk past me. When she was in front of me, I light it on fire and said, "My loins are burning for ya, baby".

[Chojin]

And when you woke up, your pillow was gone.

[JediScum]

the previous post is a true story... i just left out the part where the woman (she was older than 17, which was my age, at the time) looked at me like, "Jesus, another dumbass kid who's never been to Chicago".

[Esuohlim]

*THINGS I FIND SEXY*

-BLUE EYES
-SKINNY WRISTS
-ATHEISM

DO YOU FIT ALL CRITERIA? [ ] YES [ ] NO

PRINT NAME HERE ___________________

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DATING TOTALLY RANDOM STRANGERS? [ ] YES [ ] NO

IF "NO", THEN PROVIDE PHONE NUMBER HERE ___________________

PLEASE DROP INTO ANY USPS CERTIFIED MAILBOX

[T-Rex]

Wanna see sum dikk?

[Kybo Ren]

You may be old enough to be my grandmother, but you're young enough to be my lover.



*use at nursing home, prepare for gummers

[JediScum]

I almost puked until i remembered Tom Waits in "The Mystery Men"

Say it with me.... "Heller"

[caffman]

my friend who is more forward than I always uses, without fail, this one.

"fancy a fuck?"

Works, I'd say, 2 out of 10 times.

[thepiemockmaster]

man some people are born with bad pickup lines

[Sethomas]

I think you were probably born because of one coupled with alcohol abuse that continued through the entire pregnancy.

[T-Rex]

thepiecocktaster :lawlocoaster

[Girl Drink Drunk]

"You are a treachous little peacock and you are food for the gods and I'm going to have all of you."

[MLE]

treachous?

[Girl Drink Drunk]

I think I got it from Yul Brynner's IMDB, with the grammar like that (my bad).

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Went camping last week and the pick up line of the night was "Hey, I'm really drunk right now but you should give me your number when I'm sober so I can remember it."