Glowbelly's Post-divorce questionnaire for flirtatious jerks

[Rez]

Today glowbelly finally signed the papers and her thinking's as straight as the rope that previously had a knot tied on it but no longer. or something. at any rate this is a perfectly resonable litmus test thats not influenced by hot-buttered contempt so much as RCS (REGULAR COMMON SENSE).

anyway she has questions for you people doubtlessly lined up to oh-so-subtly flirt with and make insipid allowances for every bad joke she has. filth.

why she's having me post this is a mystery to me. i asked her to do it herself because i was simply "BOARDING WAY TOO HARD" but she insisted and i relented only if i got to add in a question of my own (GUESS WHICH ONE).

PRELUDE: do you read? if yes, go on. if no, go away

OKAY TAKE IT AWAY

[glowbelly]

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

[Rez]

YOU TURKEY

[glowbelly]

just kidding.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

12. have you read them?

13. did you really go to college?

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

15. do you talk in cliches?

[liquidstatik]

i'm just gonna go ahead and say NO to all of 'em! :x

[glowbelly]

RESULTS: you're lazy. you fail.

[MarioRPG]

Are you really expecting answers? #4 will lead to some horrifying responses.

[glowbelly]

RESULTS: you're supposed to answer the questions, not ask more. you fail.

[MarioRPG]

1. Not unless I'm sure you'd find out if I didn't.

2. Well, do we live in California? That'd be pretty redundant. Other than that, yes.

3. Actually, I'd say it was the neighbour asking for a cup of sugar.

4. I didn't notice the kid was watching until it was too late.

5. Not really, I'm a cat person.

6. Only the gay porn.

7. Fucking man up and make due without.

8. Lie, because I have no shame and am a dirtbag with no prospects.

9. It doesn't matter what I say, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. Technically, I can't even say that or it'll just tumble into more and more trouble.

10. None, I'd be sleeping by the vending machine like my father before me. Incidentally, he went to a party shortly after, but I digress.

11. Amazingly, yes.

12. Some. (2)

13. Only if you count communications as an actual course.

14. HELL YES. When I say cryptic messages it's like "BAM! Shoe is on the other foot now!" See how it feels?

15. Only to make myself feel like a million bucks. :(

[Pub Lover]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Uh, I would discuss with you that there is an oppurtunaty available and that I might like to take it. :creep
2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes.
3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
Only if it is infact my boss and my boss was GW. I could speakerphone it as long as it's not too late. Of course, if it's late I'm really rude to people calling me.
4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because you can do better. Also, I broke something and it's hidden in the garage under the pretext of 'fixing' it.
5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Yes.
6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
As part of some sort of Easter Egg hunt, yes.
7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Buy more because we budgeted properly and have some savings, except ugh milk, you make it yourself, drink that.
8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Only if you have shown a tendency to not stick to the budget if it seems we're temporarily affluent.
9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I think I might start lying about our finances, yeah.
10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None. :(
11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, all of them infact. :x
12. have you read them?
Some. :(
13. did you really go to college?
I can't remember I was drunk.
14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
You'd be briefed beforehand on what things not to say.
15. do you talk in cliches?
Not at first.

[glowbelly]

mario: NO RETAKES
publover: pass. but i don't like the answer to number 9. i do, however, admire your honesty. :)

[Tadao]

Can I take this test orally instead?

[Pub Lover]

Hang on, is a 'snap on account' some sort of tool buying website? I figured it for a work related superannuation fund. :x

Why the hell do you secretly buy $5000 dollars of tools? >:

[glowbelly]

tadao: NO.

pub: i'm through asking myself that question.

[Tadao]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
A: You wear the torn pantyhose in the family, so yes.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
A: Only if those boobs are yours and you are fucking me in Cali.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
A: No, to test the water yet again, I say that it is a woman who wants to have a 3way.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
A: No, I would be lying. Even if I came within 2 seconds we both know I am not sorry am I am very pleased with myself.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
A: Yes, that is funny and I am going to use that one a lot now. Thank you.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
A: Of course, it's so much kinkier when I come home and your watching my hidden stash and masturbating.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
A: The truth, I'm already busted if you're asking me.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
A: I slap you across the face and tell you to calm the fuck down.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
A: Every single one I had.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
A: I only own dirty German fetish mags.

12. have you read them?
A: I might, in order to learn how to write one sothat I can get rch quick off of people buying my book.

13. did you really go to college?
A: Please don't bring that up. It was one time and I was drunk and he said he would never say anything but then pictures where taken and then guys started calling me all the time and I started to crave it and now... now... GODDAMMIT I NEED A COCK IN MY MOUTH!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
A: Only after I slap you across the face.

15. do you talk in cliches?
A: :SLAP

[Fathom Zero]

:lol @ Love Master Tadao

Moreover, I know a lot of the right answers.

[Dixie]

Seth should take this quiz.
Congrats Glowbelly! ;)

[Chojin]

did you marry peter griffin or something?

[Rez]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

only if it's possible that i can keep it a secret because doing that without you finding out somehow is just too funny. then i would drop it in conversation all nonchalant like and watch you >: really awkwardly.

bonus points if it's making chumsicles for shark week.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT WOULD BE TALKING TO MYSELF SINCE THIS HAPPENED TO ME WITH YOUR NOW EX-HUSBAND AND IT WAS KINDA CREEPYTOWNE. BUT RE: TALKING TO MYSELF ABOUT BOOBS: ALSO KINDA FUNNY IF I MAKE A PRODUCTION OF IT

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

uh no it's a friend jesus christ is that concept so alien these days

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

:oneofthosedays

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

what tadao said. cept the puppy dies while licking my ear, whimpering gently.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

i would share only the really bad porn. i would buy only really bad porn. boners kept in check by laughter are the best kind. IT MEANS YOU'RE STILL HUMAN.
JUST KIDDING I WOULDNT KEEP PORN IN A HOUSE THAT CONTAINS JACOB THATS :x

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

FIELD TRIP TO AMISH COUNTRY
we're going to learn how to milk a cow
goddamn that's awesome

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

run through the truth real quick and get in a ROARING FIGHT ABOUT MY NEEDS.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

a bit of both?

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

GHROSS WHAT i dont know-

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

i lost my ability to read in a vomitorium back in '98

12. have you read them?

NO I DONT READ. I DONT BREATHE

13. did you really go to college?

YES AND I WON. I WON COLLEGE

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

no my family needs to be messed with

15. do you talk in cliches?

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU GORGEOUS :orgasm

[Tadao]

This seems to be all about what we think is a harmless lie. All lies are harmfull but the truth can be harmfull too. It all depends on the issue and the people.

[Rez]

if i was getting a new job that i wouldnt explode with good news about then i would defintely try to think about funny ways of revealing it.

and then when i get told that WE'RE ADULTS AND YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY AND I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST YOU then i can respond with I WAS GUNNA.

but seriously having $5000 worth of tools is too crazy to contemplate.

[Tadao]

I have been working on telling the truth since I got involved with my ex. That's like 20 years ago. Financial issues should always be talked about honestly. Porn... that will always be an issue as porn is still considered taboo. The rest is about trust, how much do I trust that you won't flip out on me when you hear the truth. Can you handle the truth? #9 tells me you don't mind being lied to as long as you get what you want. Sure you know the whole story with that one, but if you readthe sentence as it is, it is a bit selfish.

[Zomboid]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
BABE, IF YOU WAS MY LADY I TELL YOU ERR'THING.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, and frequently.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
That's a shitty lie, so no.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For spunking too early, on you, or in you if you're not on the pill or if I don't have a domer on.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if your best friend is really gullible and hot.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. I don't care who knows that I enjoy porn.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Bring in all the empties and get milk/cigarettes.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd probably lie.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'd let ya handle it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Depends on how stressed out I am. I mean, a man needs his relief.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Almost exclusively!

12. have you read them?
Almost all of them!

13. did you really go to college?
Still in!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No. But then, I don't like my family so we'd just avoid that.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only when it's bound to amuse or annoy.

[King Hadas]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I would but of course I'd tell my mother first. Priorities after all.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I do not know what eccentricities Californian boobs may or may not possess but yes, I would speak of them if the situation demanded it and who has the right to tell me not to, you? I think not. You see I am a grown man and I'll do what I like, when I like and how I like it and if speaking of Californey boobegry is my preferences then I well speak of them with relish and hopefully with out catching the third degree from YOU, thank you very much.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I have no reason for deceit, I am a gentleman after all. Though if it happened to be someone of let's say a questionable nature then perhaps, for YOUR sake, I might embellish the truth a little but only out of love and admiration for my beautiful lady.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I of course would be saying sorry in a caustic tone. It is not my fault I came early since you refuse to relax your vaginal walls. I am no Cassanova Fabio, I am simply a man and you can't expect me to take all the blame for this fiasco. After saying this I would offer a sincere apology and then give a rousing good speech about teamwork then we may go at it again in 15 minute intervals until we get it right!

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Was it a lie? I was being honest. Do you find it so impossible to believe me responsible of such acts of bravado? Am I lowlier than worm in your eyes? an amoeba, putrid human garbage to be wiped from your filthy toe-toes? My mother was right about you, your a harlot, a vampire drinking deeply my self-esteem and manhood. Does it satiate? Does it quench your bottomless ego you fiend!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
I would if I believed said pornography would upset my Undulating Honey Lilly Flower.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
We can always borrow milk from mother.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Let me worry about fiscal matters my Dumpling Dancer.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Do not worry about it my Mapleberry Cherry. Worse comes to worse we can always borrow money from my mother.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Although I was present for my brothers birthing and thus prepared for the process, I may make a tactical retreat from your side but not for my own sake! I would not want my porcelain clean image of you my Love Thrummer befouled by that most repugnant act of birthing.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I own an extensive library of great literature and a myriad of textbooks on varying subject that suggests that I am very well read.

12. have you read them?
I'll get around to them eventually.

13. did you really go to college?
I-I do not wish speak of this ever again.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I would not have to since my mother would pick up on my unease if you should follow such a line of conversation and interrupt by pointing out some of your more subtle faults. Mumsies is so reliable.

15. do you talk in cliches?

Certainly not sweetheart.

[Esuohlim]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Tell you what now? ;)

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
If California boobs are indeed worthy of discussion then I am hell of jealous right now >:

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It could very well be a girl and my boss. What an age we live in :eek

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
You know why >:

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I don't have the muscles to prove such a lie :(

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Yeah, probably, but I don't buy porn anyway so if you found some I'd be the one asking the questions.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Oh shit I don't know :( Uh well maybe the neighbors have some? Oh god

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
We'd be rich as hell dear don't even worry about it

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
More like we CAN pay rent this month. Unless you had something to do with it >:

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None I'd be right there with you watching every nauseating second because you told me to :(

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I don't own ANY get-rich-quick books :bonuspoints

12. have you read them?
Not all of them

13. did you really go to college?
Still am. And not only that bet when I do get my degree I'll hang it up in a conspicuous place so that you'll have to look at it every damn day

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Hopefully I won't have to say a word and the daggers I'll stare into your eyes will be enough.

15. do you talk in cliches?[/quote]
No way that shit really grinds my gears

[glowbelly]

i'm drinking champagne so i'm in no real state to grade any of you right now, but goddamn rez made me laugh hard.

as far as the selfish thing from tadao or whatevah, lemme tell ya a little something: this motherfucker would get us into major financial crisis. - I i would cry for a week, come up with solutions and he would tell me not to worry. that he'll take care of everything and then? NOTHING. so i ended up doing what i was going to do only later so i had to stress about it even longer. selfish? you fuckin bet. especially when there is a cool little cub involved. END OF DISCUSSION.

[executioneer]

I CANT POST IN THIS THREAD CAUSE IM NOT A FLIRTATOS JERK



1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

YES

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

only if they want to hear a bunch of conjecture re: plastic surgery

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

only if i am practicing my sitcom acting :x

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

farts :x

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

hahahah no

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

porn is against the law

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

break into a farm and swipe some from a cow

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

truth because my dad did that shit to my mom for years and now they are in deep shit >:

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

man if i ever couldn't pay rent i'd be too depressed to speak

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

NONE

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

every book is a get rich quick book if you have a strong enough imagination

12. have you read them?

BOOKS ARE FOR READ

13. did you really go to college?

yes but it was only for a week to visit my friend and get very drunk, i wasnt enrolled or anything

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

hahah no

15. do you talk in cliches?

sometimes but i like to jazz them up usually!

[Tadao]

Read what I said again when you sober up.

[glowbelly]

willie, i :love the way you spoil me.

[Tadao]

But yeah, I knew you'd fly off the handle. Experience with women told me you would.

[glowbelly]

shuddup cunt

[glowbelly]

don't ruin my night

[Tadao]

congratulations

[glowbelly]

mister know it all >:

[Tadao]

I've already been through this and I'm old. So I do know a lot about this particular thing. I also know that you are gonna have a lot of fun real quick so keep an eye on your money so you can have fun longer, not in one short world shattering freedom explosion like I did.

[glowbelly]

don't patronize me, prickster. i'm older than you think. get on aim. i like you.

[kahljorn]

I'm going to respond even though I have no idea what to say.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IM A SECRET AGENT AND I CSNT SHARE THESE THINGS

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT'S LOW BROW!

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

NO BECAUSE THATS AN EASY WAY TO LOOK LIKE YOURE CHEATING

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

BECAUSE AFTER SEX AND BEFORE SEX OCCUR AT THE SAME MOMENT

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

lol well maybe you didn't know this but that dog actually SAVED LIVES and KILLED AT LEAST FIVE TERRORISTS BEFORE SURVIVING A PLANE CRASH AND EXPLOISION and a building falling on him.

He was my ex-partner in the secret services for fucks suck! I told you about the time that we fought the evil MUGWORT ALLIANCE RELIEF FORCE SINGLE-HANDIDLY and i killed at least ten people with my bare hands and also everyone likes my heroic stories!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

depends on how embarrassed of it I am.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT EXPEDITED EMERGENCY THREE DAY SERVICE/steal.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

I don't know what snap-on is so I would probably say zero dollars also I buy everything in cash!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

NO!

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

I don't like cigarettes I like joints and I'd only need one to start feeling good then I would come back and trip out on LIFE and also you probably wouldn't mind cause you'd be cool like that.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes!

12. have you read them?

A decent percentage of them!

13. did you really go to college?

YES!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

If you knew what the hell I was talking about!

15. do you talk in cliches?

Probably i think everybody talks in cliches and that's why I try not to talk at all.

[Tadao]

DON'T PUSH ME WOMAN I JUST MIGHT GET ON AIM AND LIKE YOU BACK!

[glowbelly]

i miss you kahl

just get on tad :)

[Jaeger S Meistersen]

Eat my answers and vomit your joy upon me...

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? Why does this matter? You're in like Cleveland, 8 hours away...are you going to stop me? Hold an intervention? Oh...wait...this is one of those chicky questions about if we were dating, isn't it? This is a whole test of those chicky questions about if we were dating...fuck me...

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? I...wait, what? Have I recently been bludgeoned about the head? Lobotomized? Fuck that. I'm much more prone to talk about California as being a stain...or say something vile, like how California is the Anal Bleaching of contiguous states...i'm sure it really does something for a certain class of vile cretin, but I personally don't see the point.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? Again with the bludgeoning...the kind of retard it would take to cheat and lie about it...well, okay, i've probably been that retard. But the kind it would take to cheat on YOU? I value my veins too much for that.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? Because apparently we're still in the Upside-Down World of Make Believe. First off, this would require me to have sex...so you see why this is too absurd for me to continue.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? Nobody would believe me capable of that level of compassion.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? Porn...and let me qualify this by saying ESPECIALLY bad porn...is like chinese food. It's meant to be shared.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? Hook your tits up to a vaccuum cleaner like any sensible fucking person.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? Does snap-on make a drill press out of 151 proof hookers and crack or something? What nimrod, with a joint bank account, lies about money to his WIFE? No lobotomy is that thorough.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? If you have a plan, I'm all ears. If you don't have a plan, I'm pretty sure I can...oh, wait, these are all on the faulty premise that i'm stoned or retarded or something. Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure the rent will pay itself.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? A fucking truckload. I'm not even joking about this shit.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? I was a business major...all my old textbooks are essentially about this subject. The important thing is that books on management strategies and accounting principles are about getting rich quick by legitimate means, not cockamamie pyramid scams.

12. have you read them? Yes.

13. did you really go to college? If not, that was a shit-long horrible nightmare.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? I never, ever, EVER expect anybody to know what the fuck i'm talking about. That said, no...because my family is awesome and slightly bonkers. You'd love them.

15. do you talk in cliches? No, I just say 'fuck' a lot.

[MattJack]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I will tell you for sure. Mainly because I never ask, just tell.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I don't mingle with "yo frands."

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I forgot to record our fav episode of The Dukes of Hazzard

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if I were trying to get to that booty.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
You'll never find my pron, never :hiddenfolders

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Pawn your wedding dress that was also your mother's and grand mother's.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
You like to ask a lot, huh?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'll take care of it, but just don't bi*ch when I rip a fat bong loa*.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Cigarettes? Outside the hospital? Just tell me when it's out so I know when I'll have to leave the bar. You know my #.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
No.

12. have you read them?
NO.

13. did you really go to college?
YES

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
With my family you should generally never speak until spoken to and avoid all eye contact as much as possible. Same rules apply for "love making."

15. do you talk in cliches?
Example?

[glowbelly]

goodness i have a lot of grading to do

[glowbelly]

mattjack: no talking, more pictures.

[Chojin]

the truly amazing thing about this thread is that most of us have gone to college.

[glowbelly]

yes, but have you lied about it?

[kahljorn]

ya. Here's: to old memories which we remember and all that stuff.

[MLE]

Because I don't think Chojin will answer this!

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
You'd know before I even apply!

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
If they're particularly interesting, I'll talk to everyone about it, except probably my parents.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, that's really dumb! It's probably just my mom cause just about no one else calls me.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Cause I somehow talked you into being a lesbian :x

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
If they'd believe it, that would be awesome. If I could say it with a straight face, it would be even better!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
All my porn is readily accessible!

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Who needs milk for the week? (Unless cub needs it, and then I'd ask a friend for a few cups)

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Truth, if I had such an account! I don't keep debts from people, cause I know I'll have to own up to them eventually. Currently I'm debt free!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither! If a situation like this came up, it would be imperative to talk it out between us, and only bring in other people if absolutely necessary.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
Probably two packs or so, but only if you let me out of the room.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Tons :< Half of my collection is still at my parent's house.

12. have you read them?
About half -the rest of them are mainly for reference, such as textbooks.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes! 4 years of it, and I'm a semester away from a degree, but I can't find the time to go back!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Not at all! If you can't talk freely around my family, it won't last anyway.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Not unless I'm referencing something funny on the internet!



<3 <3 <3

[AChimp]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Yes, because it would be really stupid to lie about that. You'd notice right away if paycheques started coming from a different company because I give them to you when I come home. :(

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes, because I haven't seen Californian boobs and I want to know what they look like.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It depends on if it really is my boss pretending to be a girl or not.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I tore you in half with my huge weiner or I have a headache.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, that's pretty gay. Unless your best friend is really hot and I want a threesome. :O

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
No. Sharing porn is HOT.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Why would we ever be in a situation where we're so broke that we can't buy food? That's just irresponsible. Hypothetically, though, if we were really that broke I'd probably have to go get another job or something. :(

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
Tell the truth. Like some people already mentioned, financial issues need to be discussed openly and honestly.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
See Question 7.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke. >:

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes, but I don't own any get rich quick books.

12. have you read them?
Lots of times. I need new books. :(

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Yes, because my dad was a teacher and thinks that everyone wants to hear an impromptu lesson about whatever he remembers at the time. Don't get him started, woman!

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if they are relevant.

[Mockery]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
No, but only because super spies never reveal the true nature of their work.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Only if somebody asks me about them. The boobs aren't as much as a concern to me as the lips. While there are many naturally beautiful women in L.A., there are absolutely horrifying ones who have had so much work done on their lips that they look like the Joker. Scary :O

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, I claim it's an old stalker and you should be thankful that I'm with you instead of somebody who obviously cares more about me like her.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For breaking your vagina.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say I rescued a cat.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
That all depends on whether you paid for half of it or not. If you didn't help pay for it, fuck you, it's all mine. Wait, we're talking about a pizza, right?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
I pop enough of your zits and mix in the puss with some water so it becomes a milk white. Drink up!

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd say I rescued a cat.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither. We break into some old crone's mansion, hold her hostage and live like royalty for the remainder of our lives.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I would smoke as many as I could IN the delivery room in hopes that the kid would abort just in the nick of time.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Nope, my books are mostly about the ridiculous kind of subject matter you see on this site.

12. have you read them?
Some yes, some no. I will say that I'm one of the most ill-read writers you'll find.

13. did you really go to college?
Yeah. I went to Drexel University for Computer Science & Journalism. Then I got accepted to the College of William & Mary, so I transfered there to major in English. Then I became a MASTOR OF WEB DESIGN and dropped out. :O

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'll say, "Here, you talk to them... I'm gonna go run and hide somewhere so I don't have to."

15. do you talk in cliches?
That was a very cliche question. Are you gonna ask me what my favorite color is next? >:

[Guitar Woman]

yes, no, no, I'm ashamed about the 5 extra pounds I put on ages ago, no, no, drink water?, whichever one is true, probably let you handle it as I am a pussy, I'd probably wait until after the fact unless you were taking a really really long time with it, yes, everything but the Hemingway, not yet, no, no

[doopa]

just kidding.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
If I want to be a man that's my business

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I would just show them what they look like

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It's my mother

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Wrong hole

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say it was a helpless blind baby old woman with asthma

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
if you call keeping it up my butt "hiding" then I'd say you're over emotional

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
breast pump

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I wouldn't say either. I'd just ask you back what the hell a snap on account is

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'd say it's all you baby

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
It would depend on how drunk I was

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
why yes I do

12. have you read them?
and yes I have. and yes I can. and you can do it too!

13. did you really go to college?
Does anyone REALLY go to college?

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I have to say yes to this one

15. do you talk in cliches?
I valk in cliches to zound french no?



why is the edit on this thing weird

[wobzire]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
If by change you mean get. Then no.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I find Non-cartoon boobs intimidating.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I would tell you it was my boss but i would continue pretending to be a man.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I would be too out of breath to muster an "Oh my god please forgive me"

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I'm a cat person

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Bad how? like micheal jackson or like the power glove?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Try to remember where I hid my really bad porn.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
The new Batman movies taught us that lies are good.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Ask you if you have come across any really bad porn.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes.

12. have you read them?
No.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes, but they chased me under a table and ran around the table and so if I tried to get out they would run into me and it was kindergarden actually.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
You wont have to. Also you wont be able to.And if you are able to talk with a gag in your mouth from beneath a foot of goats blood you have earned your right to say whatever you want in my opinion

15. do you talk in cliches?
No I speak in internet memes kthxbye

[Fathom Zero]

I'll try this.



1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
That really isn't something I could try to do, much less actually pull off. I'd think I'd let you know if I had misgivings about my current job and was looking for another one.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Yes I would. If we were in a boob-talking-about conversation and you're cool with that.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I'd tell you exactly who it is, unless I'd happen to be cheating on you. Actually, I'd probably be embarassed about having another girl call me and even if it was something insignificant, I'd make myself look very incriminating.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I felt that fucked up at something or I thought about something weird.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No. That's dumb.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Hiding it is half the fun, no?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Easy. Sell plasma. I'm not joking.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd lie through my teeth and work like hell to right it. If I'm unable to, I'll own up to it.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I'll let you handle it if I can't. The last thing I want is for you to be pissed more than you already are.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I'd go through every pack I happened to have and bum off of other people.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Assloads.

12. have you read them?
Yeah. Books as decorations are really gay and so are the people that have them.

13. did you really go to college?
Nope. Not yet.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
If we had a very long conversation about "anything" right before we got into the room, then yes. Otherwise, I couldn't.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Of course, baby.

[darkvare]

what does flirtatious means

[Tadao]

Because they don't have google where he lives.

[darkvare]

cause i'm whoring for attention

[Tadao]

We all know that mexican google is too lazy to give you an answer on time.

[darkvare]

i use french google :posh

[Tadao]

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii285/tadao_mockery/WebJunk/resume.jpg

[sspadowsky]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I hate what I'm doing, and it's either I change jobs, or you see me on the news for killing an awful lot of people.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I don't understand this question. Quit being an art-fag.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I tell you it's some whore who can't forget my incredible penis, which I don't need to tell you, because you spend every waking moment with your friends extolling the virtues of my incredible penis.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I stuck my thumb in your butt without asking you if you were ready for it. Which you totally are, but you don't want to admit, because you're modest. Which, of course, is why I love you.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, because any dogs hanging around 9/11 were service dogs, and they had the sense to get the fuck out of there. Animals are smart like that.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
If you weren't watching porn with me, I would question the quality of our relationship.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Jebus invented credit cards for a reason.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I don't know what a snap-on account is. 6000 bonus points for me.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I promise to take care of everything, because I'm a man, and that means I'm a provider, and that means my ego is the size of Montana, and you should shut the hell up and sit back and for Christ's sake not get pregnant while I try to handle everything.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
ALL OF THEM. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR EXPANDED VAGINA.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I own no such book. I own other books whose virtues might contribute to me getting rich, but they are not directly connected to such a scheme.

12. have you read them?
The vast majority of them, yes. I do have to sleep from time to time. FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

13. did you really go to college?
Yes, but I didn't take it seriously. My mistake.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I wouldn't do that. I would tell you, "My family sucks; here are some things to watch out for."

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if I truly think it will get me some pussy. And isn't that why you ended up with me in the first place?

I declare myself the winner of Glowbelly's heart. All entries will cease now.

[Sethomas]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
To answer a question with another question, Would you hurt me? (note: answering either way will not bar further consideration of the matter.)

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
See, I have a certain number of reservations. Some people take me as having this aura and each would define it in a different way, so I have to take unique approaches with every person I meet with whom I'd like to develop a functional acquaintance, whether it be intellectual or coital or whatever else. Yet I do maintain a few hard-wired prejudices and one of them is that I hope to avoid ever going to California and/or Las Vegas for as long as possible. If it remains realistic, I will aspire to die at whatever age having never gone to either of those. It only follows, then, that I should provide irrational post facto justifications for such things via a voiced hatred of how lacking California boobs are. Also, I will say that California boobs are especially horrific in light of my intimate acquaintance with YOUR boobs.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I have two bosses and both of them are female. When I throw out such a line, it IS insulting but certainly not to you.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I peed in the pool. Actually, that is not intended as a prurient euphemism, I swear. And really, get over it, the chlorine will kill us long before my urine does. If you INSIST on having a neurotic aversion to bodily fluids that are ejected from my pee-pee, I don't see how this relationship could have lasted so long.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I believe strongly in not letting my left hand know what my right hand is doing. I am quite content in the personal fulfillment that comes from having done that act.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
It's like I keep telling you, I'll let you have your porn back ("really bad" or otherwise) as soon as you eat your vegetables and put on the outfit I laid on your dresser. You know the one, and I know that it will fit so don't lie to me and say that the flippers are too big.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Before anything else, I will apologize for having bought a dairy cow with our money and then I'll try to outline why it seemed, at the time, completely logical for me to have slaughtered it for that delicious steak dinner we had last Sunday. Those who are willing to sacrifice a dairy cow for a delicious steak deserve neither dairy nor steak and that is what they get, yes, I know that now. I mean seriously, how big of a deal is it anyways, I have an idea. I think we can make more milk with that tub of Country Crock in the fridge.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
You should know my ability for semantic quibbling well enough to avoid calling me out on a lies versus truth dichotomy. It IS up to $500. If you asked if it were FURTHERMORE higher than $500, I would be honest.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I will promise to take care of everything, but from there I will actually encourage you to worry. I will insist that I've got things under control, but that is no reason to stop cowering in anxiety and, eventually, shame.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I do not smoke cigarettes. However, I know a very delectable maduro cigar that comes in a Churchill vitola. I can buy them in bulk for roughly $3 each and they tend to burn around fifty minutes.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes. My medieval philosophy anthologies are especially lackadaisical about getting me rich with respectable expedience.

12. have you read them?
As you likely remember, the first time you came into my bedroom was when I insisted that you look at my bookcase and marvel at the breadth of understanding and character that was implied by its contents. I really, really didn't want to ever hurt you by having to actually answer this question. Not after what I felt with you that night.

13. did you really go to college?
Oh, I did. I REALLY did. Really, holy shit did I ever go to college. God damn.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No. I like the laconic virtue of just saying "stay quiet" instead.

15. do you talk in cliches?
I speak in archaic clichés, so unless you have a dinner party set in the sixteenth century I don't think I will spur too much rolling of the eyes.

[McClain]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Certainly.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Do you befriend femenists? If so, no. If not, yes.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I didn't think it was normal to cry.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No. But that's only because I hate dogs.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Yes.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Borrow $10 from a friend.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd give an approximate number.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Take care of it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
None.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes.

12. have you read them?
Yes.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No.

15. do you talk in cliches?
Show me the money!

[MLE]

I like how people are answering as if she asked "Do you own any books that have to do with getting rich quick."

Please re-read the question!

[Fathom Zero]

:lol

yay, I read the question!

[Sethomas]

Okay, I DID read the question, but the point I was expressing was that the books I own for furthering the goal of me getting rich are so alienated from that purpose that they certainly could not purport to do so in a "quick" manner.

[Fathom Zero]

That wasn't smooth at all.

[Tadao]

PRELUDE: do you read? if yes, go on. if no, go away



No one said anything about comprehension.

[Archduke Tips]

Glowbelly, think about your child before you bring some internet weirdo into your life.

[D*O*L*E]

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because the spunk SHOT OUT OF MY EYES

[Rez]

hey fuck you seth california is awesome >:

[MrAdventure]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
A: i already told you a dozen times! i was a big dog, then i was a little dog, then i was a horse, then i was a superman holder, then i was the principal from breakfast club (i said dont write on the wall!) after that i was mr noodle from elmo (i hear he died?) and after that i was a chef! that's right i'm a stay at home dad


2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
A: only if we say tits in whispers while the kid is asleep and then it's because i just said "don't talk about tits goddamnit i dont care!"


3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
A: GET OFF DA PHONE GLOWBELLY I'M TALKIN TO YA ALREADY OH AH OH AH OH


4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
A: because i can't stop making race car noises or singing dirty stuff like aaron neville and it's gotten old


5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
A: i'd rather say that a dog rescued ME because it doesnt get better than being pulled from rubble by a dog's love


6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
A: pornography gets stuck in the safe where it's properly danny tannerd (dusted and alphabetized) and if you want to use it both of us gotta be there to turn the keys at the same time otherwise it's gone forever


7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
A: i'm outta here *peels out* and by peels out i mean we're havin bananas and water! okay maybe i borrow a cup from the neighbor (if they're nice i don't want some stoner's milk)


8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
A: if i had $5000 i'd be too busy doing the waynes world "i got five thousand dollars" song and dance to hide it


9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
A: well first off i frown because you swore in front of da kid! then, i say "you got it babe" and then i go to the dry erase board and wonder where my budget blew up


10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
A: the only way i'd ever smoke a thing is if someone gave me a cigar george burns licked (it would let me live to 100 years old i bet)


11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
A: heck yeah i hope you like elves and swords and shirtless dudes


12. have you read them?
A: only til the parts where things get too sexy, then i giggle and close it


13. did you really go to college?
A: i did and now i owe them big time! it was all worth it though, you should see how smug i look when i fill in the some college bubble on those surveys from the mail, and then i put in parenthesis (too smart for college)


14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
A: unless we're doing a reverse surprise party (where we shush each other then open the door and yell surprise!!!) feel free to talk about me my mom would love to tell you about me, she would just be all "i love him he's a great guy a great guy" mostly because it's true and my dad (who wouldn't be there that's what divorce does) would be all "he sure knew how to mow the lawn" which is the extent of our relationship so long as i don't have a real job gawd


15. do you talk in cliches?
A: only the best ones for my new family! it's like you're dating beavis butthead wayne and garth it sucsks... NOT!

[Grislygus]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Define "jobs".

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Real or fake?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It actually was my boss pretending to be a girl.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I had sex with my boss earlier.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I'd tell her I raced to New York City after 911 and rescued firefighters from the rubble.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Hahahaha.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Call all of the lazy motherfuckers I've lent money to.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I would never, ever do something like that unless I could somehow profit from it.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Rent? Rent? Cute.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I promise that I would switch to chew instead and never leave your side, even while spitting.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I'm already rich. Filthy, stinking, immorally rich. And yes, by the way.

12. have you read them?
Read them? I will have you know that I am practically a scholar on Calvin and Hobbes.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Any direct orders I give you will be clear, precise, and typed in advance.

15. do you talk in cliches?
I am an original, unique, almost godlike figure that does not bore himself with repetitive drivel. You aren't allowed to bore him with repetitive drivel, either.

[Blue Fox]

wow. your ex musta been a real dick if your hooking up with one of these retards on the rebound glow... T-T

[Colonel Flagg]

My "stream of consciousness" answers:

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
What, do I look like I have a death wish? Of course. >:

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Do they know? If so, then Hell Yeah!

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
Only if it's my boss pretending to be a girl.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Ummm ... if you have to ask, then never mind.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
Only if they took me seriously. Then I might say that I was also kidnapped by aliens.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Bad porn is meant to be savored, like fine wine, and can only be properly made fun of in groups of two or more.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
You mean we're also out of Bourbon? If not, then what's the problem?

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'm embarrassed to say I had to look up "snap on account" on Google. Honestly, what would I be doing buying all these tools? Im a complete technogeek, wihout any sense whatsoever of what to do with hedge-trimmers.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I call the landlord, ask for an extension and hope you never find out. :facered

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke. More to the point, ritual "significant other abuse" is part of "sharing the experience", is it not?

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Of course. Mostly Chemistry and Physics related.

12. have you read them?
I'd better have. :sleep

13. did you really go to college?
And grad school. :x

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
We're sufficiently in synch that, yes, I'd expect you to know.

15. do you talk in cliches?
What do you think?

[Cosmo Electrolux]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
what if I don't have a job to begin with?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
are boobs different in California?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
My boss is a girl

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I wiped my dick on your curtains...

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
that's too stupid even for me....

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
no..I would insist you star in the porn....

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
steal it

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? no clue what snap on is...wait, is that the tool company?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I take care of it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
don't smoke...

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
yeah, actually my bookshelves are full of books by Robert Anton Wilson, Crowley, and George Carlin

12. have you read them? every last one

13. did you really go to college? yes...I have the failed grades to prove it.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'd say "pretend you like me"

15. do you talk in cliches? no, I speak in mindless riddles

do I win? are you going to send me topless pics now?

[Tadao]

http://mfrost.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/08/20/hamsters.jpg

[glowbelly]

winner

[Tadao]

Yay! Nekid pics!

[Bod]

oh lordy last time i was here, Glow just got married.
bollocks.

[Chojin]

well hello there :suit

[Bod]

hello there back at ya!
and goodbye for in a few hours I fly to Egypt.

[Tadao]

Chojin, stop scaring away the women folk.