SPIDER-MAN THE OTHER: SUCK OR BLOW

[Mockery]

Protoclown's latest installment of "Tales from the Longbox" has arrived! This one's a big one too! Two full pages chock full o' Spider-Man goodness... er... well... maybe not "goodness". Proto's writing is the "goodness" but this new Spider-Man shit is more like the "awfulness" as you will soon find out.

http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/boxes/longbox5-box.gif (http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox5)
TALES FROM THE LONGBOX PART 5:
SPIDER-MAN THE OTHER: SUCK OR BLOW
http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox5

Enjoy!

[Mike P]

Protoclown has done a service to all Spider-Man fans who, for one reason or another, had not been able to read the "Other". Thank you, Protoclown.

[Emu]

Rog, the bankrobber in the first panel has your goggles. :eek

Edit: When Spiderman goes to the different doctors of the Marvel universe, do those occur in different comics by different artists or is it all contained within The Amazing Spiderman? Because this:

http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox5/pics/spidey_braids.jpg

looks completely different from the rest of the clips from above.

[MetalMilitia]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v37/176659.9/spidey_bullets.jpg

:eek

[Protoclown]

Edit: When Spiderman goes to the different doctors of the Marvel universe, do those occur in different comics by different artists or is it all contained within The Amazing Spiderman? Because this:

http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox5/pics/spidey_braids.jpg

looks completely different from the rest of the clips from above.

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. I don't remember in which of the three Spidey books that scene took place, but there were different artists working on each book, so Peter may have looked a bit different while consulting with the Black Panther there.

[Emu]

Oh, okay. I thought maybe that part of the storyline took place as a sub-plot in a different comic series starring the Black Panther or whatever. I don't keep up with comics much these days, but the sudden change in art styles threw me off.

[Protoclown]

Yeah, the art was radically different in one of the books, and it looked like hell (the pic with Aunt May and MJ in the Iron Man armor is a good example). I was going to include an insane picture of Aunt May done by that artist where she looked horribly mutated, but I thought the piece was pretty long already and didn't have a smooth way to work it in.

[Guitar Woman]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v37/176659.9/spidey_bullets.jpg
Rog is so cool he can make bullets dodge him :eek

[xbxDaniel]

Tales from the Longbox is one of my favorite series. I didn't know Peter Parker and Jesus had so much in common either.

[ArrowX]

Well What do you expect when an alcoholic creates a costume?

[Protoclown]

Well What do you expect when an alcoholic creates a costume?

Haha, good point!

[Dr. Boogie]

So, Spidermand puts his wife and Aunt May in some Ironman suits, and the three of them are able to tackle Dr. Doom on his home turf? I would think that Dr. Doom would be a little worried that anyone can just slap one of those suits on and foil him so easily.

[executioneer]

i like how there is time for witty banter while bullets are flying around

[Protoclown]

So, Spidermand puts his wife and Aunt May in some Ironman suits, and the three of them are able to tackle Dr. Doom on his home turf? I would think that Dr. Doom would be a little worried that anyone can just slap one of those suits on and foil him so easily.

Well, actually Boogie, Dr. Doom was apparently "out of town" when they broke into his mansion. He never actually showed up in the comic. Believe me, if he had there would have been at least one picture of that fight!

[ArrowX]

If the bullets are magic and don't lose momentum from flying across town why does the other one stop after it goes through spidey? Did it just transfer all of it magical force into him with little effect?

[Emu]

Because Spiderman masturbates with his right hand, thereby making it stronger and can more easily withstand the force of a gunshot. Leftie, which only rarely joins in on a game of pocket pool, doesn't have that kind of discipline and skill. Therefore, the bullet went right through it.

[ArrowX]

Emu, you just blew me out of the fucking water.


What happened to the spidey logo seen on Starks Super-Sewer its totally different on the Tankard Spidey Suit

[mburbank]

Proto, that was lovely.

"So Spidey does what any dying hero would do: he takes Mary Jane and Aunt May (both wearing Iron Man's old prototype armors) along with him to break into Dr. Doom's castle in Latveria to use his time machine, so that they can travel back in time and see Peter's parents and Uncle Ben before they died and he can get all depressed about it."

Without the picture, I would have been certain you made that up. Who wrote that horrid excuse for crap? Aunt May should have died ages ago before there was any chance some idiot comic book writer would stuff her aging old carcas in an Iron Man suit.

[Protoclown]

Haha, thanks Max. I always appreciate your feedback. I would love to see you do some more comic book articles...your stuff always cracks me up.

And the guy who wrote that shit is Reginald Hudlin. I'd never heard of him before and apparenly he is widely reviled by fans everywhere, so I can't imagine whose dick he's sucking to have landed the job of writing a Spider-Man title.

[ArrowX]

Hasn't Aunt May died like 10 times throughout the series?

[Emu]

She's the immortal geezer.

Besides, who in this series HASN'T died?

[Staxeon]

I'm so pissed they took Spidey the Superman-route (killed him, made him come back looking different, speculation ensues).

And I want an explanation of why there's only 3 robot arms on that Iron Spidey suit! 4 human limbs + 3 wheeled warrior-looking limbs = 7, not the arachnid quota of 8. Tony keep one to put on eBay? Maybe he's gonna try to sell it to Peter later as a promotional offer?

[Protoclown]

Yeah, I was wondering about the number of limbs too. And then I realized that one of his new Spider powers must be the 'third leg' if you know what I mean *wink wink nudge nudge*

[Staxeon]

Ahhhh, no wonder MJ put on the Iron Man armor...

Peter - "Hey, check me out baby. New powers"

MJ - "Sweet Jesus keep that thing away from me!?!!"

Peter - "Its all natural hun, go ahead and touch it, it won't bite."

MJ - "The fuck it won't, I don't know where bone-spikes are gonna shoot from next! Just keep that goddam thing AWAY! Peter, it looks like a placenta!!!"

Peter - "SHUT UP!! People love me! Maybe I'll find someone to really LOVE me!"

MJ - "Whatever. (picks up phone) TONY!! Are you involved in this? Well you've got some explaining to do....uh huh....well what about....YEAH.....ok.....impenetrable metal suit, ok......really? no way to pee out of it, well then nothing can come in right?......"

[Ninjavenom]

Sorry man, but the clone saga was far stupider than this already stupid storyline. It pissed all over everything we knew about Spider-Man and Peter Parker and showed a complete disdain for sensible, non-character-ruining writing.. I like to pretend that Maximum Carnage, Onslaught, and some fun videogames are all that happened to Spidey in the 90s.


edit: Also, Aunt May did die for good, or at least, she did way back in the early 90s. It was a huge part of the Spider-Man No More story. At this rate, they'll bring Uncle Ben back from the dead (not in robot form, someone already did that) as the new fucking Green Goblin.

[Emu]

Maybe Uncle Ben can come back from the dead as a skeleton, and then he finds Peter's old skin and puts it on, then swings around town as the undead Peter Parker with a lust for little girls.

[Dr. Boogie]

And I want an explanation of why there's only 3 robot arms on that Iron Spidey suit! 4 human limbs + 3 wheeled warrior-looking limbs = 7, not the arachnid quota of 8. Tony keep one to put on eBay? Maybe he's gonna try to sell it to Peter later as a promotional offer?

Nonsense. I'll bet the real reason they gave him three mechanical limbs was because if they gave him four, then he would basically be just like Dr. Octopus, but rather than take the time to come up with a really unique costume, they opted to lose one of the limbs.

[ArrowX]

I bet the twist will be good ol glug glug Stark will have actually FUSED the symbiotes to the interior lining of the suit. :O

With completeley implausable Ideas like that I could write comics!

[NES Boy]

Maybe Uncle Ben can come back from the dead as a skeleton, and then he finds Peter's old skin and puts it on, then swings around town as the undead Peter Parker with a lust for little girls.One problem, those spiders that make up the woman Spider Man was fighting ate the skin.

[Emu]

Have petty details like physics or common sense ever stopped them before? No.

[MLE]

Or prior storyline, for that matter.

[Staxeon]

Nonsense. I'll bet the real reason they gave him three mechanical limbs was because if they gave him four, then he would basically be just like Dr. Octopus, but rather than take the time to come up with a really unique costume, they opted to lose one of the limbs.

Ya know, that makes alot of sense. But it would have been funny to give him four and have Doc Ock show up and shout "copyright infringement!!! Now joo die!!"

I miss the days when Peter was smart, now he's just a whiny bitch. I was hoping after House of M they would have him psychologically snap, just lose his grip due to all the stuff that happened there (Gwen, Ben, and the Goblin). But alas, instead we retractable claws and power armor.

[Courage the Cowardly Dog]

Thanks for posting the comic. I was entertained by this abomination.

Unlike the idea of that Toby chap playing Eddie (venom) brock in the new movie. A part more fit for Henry rollins then an american pie reject.

[Staxeon]

??

Toby plays Spidey, Topher Grace (from that 70s show, and In Good Company) is rumored to be playing Eddie/Venom. They've even got the role listed on his imdb already.

I was pissy at first too when I heard it but, if you think about it, he does have a similar build and look to Toby, so that makes sense. I just hope they bulk him up bigger or have some wicked CG for when he completely goes apeshit.

[Pub Lover]

I thought Eddie Brock was meant to be a weightlifter, having him be the same build as weedy Peter Parker doesn't make sense to me. :/

[Staxeon]

With Raimi he's probably got Ash v Evil Ash on the brain. Start the guys out looking nearly the same, then twist the bad one through the course of the film.