hmm...

[Lenor]

So, yeah after all the college and bullshit im doing, ive decided to be a sex thearpist.. So.. since I minus well get some practice.. ask me anything..

[sadie]

are you dyslexic or something?

[Cosmo Electrolux]

minus well?

[Lenor]

ITS NOT THAT HARD! Ask a question about sex, and me, wanting to be a future sex therapist, will try to answer that question as best as I can!

Did you grasp the concept yet?



No im not dyslexic, Obviously you have no Idea what that even meens, or even have any respect for people that are born with that disease. Please go play outside now.. your boreing me!

[Grislygus]

Don't worry, I won't be boreing. In fact, I hardly bore anything at all. I'm not really into metalworking, you see.

So anyway, I have this problem with a good friend from California calling me on a weekly basis about her problems, and sex is certainly not involved in our relationship. Does that make me gay?

[Lenor]

Ok.. wanna go that way.. try this ..

Theres two issues here, One being your pondering of being 'gay', which obviously started to manifest greatly when this female started to call you, asking you for advice, when theres no sex between you. I say two problems, because one, you obviously have thought of being 'gay' befor this has happend or else you most likely wouldnt be involving another person into your equasion to base a descion on the fact that this girl obviously likes your thoughts, appreciates you or could be takeing advantages of you in useing you for some mental stability. You could just not be able to tell this girl no, which is often a problem, being that nobody wants to hurt another person that badly, and if your not gettin a piece, well then your most likely in the 'friend zone' and wont be getting any from her.

[Grislygus]

Indecipherable scientific popspeak? You're on the right career track.

Ok.. wanna go that way.. try this ..

Theres two issues here, One being your pondering of being 'gay', which obviously started to manifest greatly when this female started to call you, asking you for advice, when theres no sex between you.

What brings you to the conclusion that it greatly manifested at that point? How do you know that it didn't greatly manifest in an earlier experience in the backwoods of Wisconsin with a redneck, chocolate sauce, and tapioca? Freud is displeased.

I say two problems, because one, you obviously have thought of being 'gay' befor this has happend or else you most likely wouldnt be involving another person into your equasion to base a descion on the fact that this girl obviously likes your thoughts, appreciates you or could be takeing advantages of you in useing you for some mental stability. You could just not be able to tell this girl no, which is often a problem, being that nobody wants to hurt another person that badly, and if your not gettin a piece, well then your most likely in the 'friend zone' and wont be getting any from her.

So... am I gay?

[Lenor]

Yeah, any more of this and im going to start charging you! You wanted a quick answer, I showed a little inteligence..lets all clap now and move on! If this is actually a serious issue for you, then I honestly suggest you seein a therapist who might be a little more helpful in person, not over the internet, on the i-mockery board. Which Ive never talked to you befor. But honestly who the hell cares if you are? nobody is straight anymore.. haha!

Obviously, im going to be good at what im going to do..

Edit: A big indicator that your thinking you might be gay was manifested with this female, is from that you implyed that your thinking of your sexuality because of this girl. Weither or not you've done anything in the past, was not indicated, and so therefore If you were to send that in to an advice columinist, you would get the same response.

[Grislygus]

Beautiful.

[Lenor]

And for some reason, I dont think that was dripping that much with distain and sarcasm.. so thanx ..

[FartinMowler]

is it rude to do a motor boat sound every time I look at your picture?

[Lenor]

Only if you can eleborate why and how a motor boat pertains to my breast in any way.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

is it rude to do a motor boat sound every time I look at your picture?


:lol

[Lenor]

cosmo.. sweetie.. please shut up.. dont laugh .. do me a favor just once..

[Cosmo Electrolux]

:( sorry.

[Lenor]

Cosmo: its cool.. i wrote you explainin shit.. you'll get it ..

[RectalWart]

You seem pretty obsessed with your own ta-tas there, girlie. Honestly, they aren't that impressive, and you tend to misspell things.

THE BREAST - er I mean - THE GRAMMAR NAZI STRIKES AGAIN!

[RectalWart]

Oh, and you use "your" alot when it should be "you're", which is a contraction of "you are".

Thank you, you may now continue your (used properly) psychoanalysis game.

[Lenor]

thanx for the quite unneccessary and rather annoying advice.. if I wanted to use proper grammar and spelling on a fuckin internet posting board then I would.. instead I save that for my 17 page papers I write in college..

And just so ya know.. actually yeah i have no problems with my boobs at all.. but if you actually payed attention you might notice its alot of other people makeing them into something its not. So maybe you might want to do a little more research befor you start accusing people of your asinin shit...

thanx ..

[Jeanette X]

So, yeah after all the college and bullshit im doing, ive decided to be a sex thearpist.. So.. since I minus well get some practice.. ask me anything..

Hokey-dokes.

I just bought me a good size dildo but it hurts terribly when I try to put it in. My hymen is pretty streched, and I used lube, so why does it hurt?

[Lenor]

Does having sex with a guy hurt you?

[Jeanette X]

I've never actually been penetrated vaginally by a man.

*technical virgin*

[FartinMowler]

Is it true "if she smokes she pokes"? :/

[Jeanette X]

Smokes? As in smokes cock and lets a man poke? :confused I'm just confused here.

[FartinMowler]

it's suppose to mean if women smoke they will let you put it in the pooper :/

[Jeanette X]

I don't smoke, and I've never tried anal. I'd like to try vaginal first.

[Lenor]

most likely if your havent actually had penetration with a guy, useing a large vibrator isnt going to work out all that well.. but if you want to break ur own hymen go right ahead..


and umm.. since when does smokeing have to do with anal sex? Actually i think its the person's own opoion, and choice. And has nothing to do with stereotypical shit.

AS with all sex.. if its legal in at least 5 states, if your havin fun, and your not in any way in a position to be sent to jail for sadistic fetishes and whatever.. then go do it!

[Jeanette X]

most likely if your havent actually had penetration with a guy, useing a large vibrator isnt going to work out all that well.. but if you want to break ur own hymen go right ahead..



I ALREADY STRETCHED IT AND BROKE IT! CAN'T YOU FUCKING READ?!

FAT LOT OF HELP YOU ARE! >:

[Lenor]

And im sure your 'problem' is entirely real? Please, take it to a gyno, which I am not planning on being. Thanx..

[Jeanette X]

And im sure your 'problem' is entirely real? Please, take it to a gyno, which I am not planning on being. Thanx..

OF COURSE ITS REAL YOU CONDESCENDING CUNT! WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T IT BE?! I JUST WASTED FORTY BUCKS ON A DILDO I CAN'T EVEN USE! >:

A REAL sex therapist would have some knowledge of problems with penetration beyond the hymen. You don't need to by a gyno, but you NEED TO UNDERSTAND VAG PROBLEMS AS THEY PERTAIN TO SEX AND AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME IDEA AS TO WHY IT HURTS! >:

[FartinMowler]

not enough lube? or you're not relaxed enough...put on some Barry White and drink a glass of wine, that's what I do :rolleyes

[Lenor]

actually I have alot of knowledge in that area, since ive actually had to have surgery for that reason of sex hurting for years..

I know what trying to get to being a good sex therapist entails, but I never said that I was one now, So since your not a real pantient and your not paying me shit ... nor are you a friend of myn.. so how much exactly should I really care?

And maybe if you didnt spend so much on a fuckin piece of rubber you could of actually seen a real dr. and had them tell you what was wrong..

[Jeanette X]

I know what trying to get to being a good sex therapist entails, but I never said that I was one now, So since your not a real pantient and your not paying me shit ... nor are you a friend of myn.. so how much exactly should I really care?

You're the one who told us to "ask you anything" for "practice".

You're going to have practice being a sex therapist a lot if you're going to get good at it, by what I've seen so far.

actually I have alot of knowledge in that area, since ive actually had to have surgery for that reason of sex hurting for years..

So why all this beating around the bush about my problem not even being "real"?

And I did see a gyn a few years ago. My little pink lady was shipshape, so I doubt I need to see one again, especially since I haven't been sexually active.

[Jeanette X]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30713

College Sophomore Thinks She Would Make A Good Sex Columnist
September 15, 2004 | Issue 40•37

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Lisbet "Lizzie" Gilchrist, a second-year undergraduate at Penn State University, told reporters that she has the makings of a good sex-advice columnist Monday.


Gilchrist on the campus she feels could benefit from her wisdom.
"Whenever I read a sex column in a magazine or newspaper, I always think, 'I could totally write this,'" said Gilchrist, a 19-year-old undeclared major. "I'm always giving advice to my friends about what kind of condoms to get, or whether you should use lube or not. I'm not afraid to discuss things other people are too embarrassed to talk about."

Although she isn't old enough to drink alcohol, Gilchrist can identify the major kinds of sex toys, knows what "frottage" is, and understands the subtleties of bringing herself to climax.

"Sex is as natural a part of life as birth or death," Gilchrist said. "People shouldn't be so weird about it. I lay it on the line. Penis, vagina—I'm not afraid to tell it like it is."

The aspiring sexpert said she would draw from her own experiences to compose solid, reliable sex-advice columns.

"I've been in some pretty crazy situations," said Gilchrist, who is currently single but has had three relationships and five sexual partners. "So many college sex columnists—like the one who writes for The Daily Collegian—sound like they're copying out of a human sexuality textbook. Well, I'd talk about real-life experiences. Believe me, I've had plenty of them."

Gilchrist said that when she was 17, her mother found a vibrator in her room.

"My mom never found out that it was the 23-year-old guy I was secretly seeing who bought it for me!" Gilchrist said. "And a couple months ago, I was at a party where these guys dared me and this girl to make out. We totally did."

Gilchrist's friends are relatively inexperienced, often making them targets for her advice.

"Lizzie would make an all-right sex columnist, I guess," fellow sophomore Lisa Wong said. "She sure talks about that stuff a lot."

Wong said that Gilchrist starts off nearly every conversation by asking her if she has a boyfriend yet.

"I usually say that it's not a priority of mine right now, because I'm concentrating on getting through pre-med," Wong said. "Then she says I'm denying myself the pleasures of orgasm because of my sheltered upbringing. Last week, she sent me a link to a web site about frigidity."

Another friend of Gilchrist's, Leo Beck, said he has been dating the same girl for nearly two years.

"Lizzie says Jenny [Kroll] and I must have an unsatisfying sex life because we've been going out for so long," Beck said. "Maybe if I made something up about Jenny and me using ripcord beads, or seducing the pizza-delivery boy, she'd drop it."

When she isn't encouraging her friends to be more promiscuous, Gilchrist urges them to play hard-to-get.

"I really like this guy John, who I met in my Food Science class, and I think he likes me," freshman Wendy Wheeler said. "It was never my plan to throw myself at him, and I thought I'd made that pretty clear to Lizzie, but she keeps telling me not to return his calls. She said I'm too young to limit my options. But when I told Lizzie that I really like John a lot, she said, 'It's 2004. Go buy a dildo.' Wha?"

Added Wheeler: "Maybe I should write in to one of those sex-advice columnists that they have in, like, every single campus paper."

According to Daily Collegian editor-in-chief Graham Edwards, Gilchrist's coy attitude and obtuse advice make her a promising candidate to succeed current campus sex columnist Megan Keane, who will graduate in May.

"It's a popular column, and [Gilchrist] would have to submit writing samples first, but, yeah, if she wants the job, she should go for it," Edwards said. "But the column's really meant to be more entertaining than informative. I don't think anyone seriously reads that thing for sex advice."

[FartinMowler]

do you talk too much before sex? cause maybe that's why you're a virgin :/

[Lenor]

Actually its good to see a gyno once a year for a pap test, even if your not having sex. And it could be mental, or physical. I dont really know your past history. Alot of things can be a factor in why sex hurts. For me they never figured it out, and I Just had to deal with it.

Ive heard of endometriosis, which is a physical problem usually resulting in a laproscopy(sp). They will then be able to tell if its more towards the front of the vaginal walls, which is usually scar tissue and causes severe pain, usually though only for the first couple of minutes.

It can also be an age issue, sometimes woman dont fully devolop entirely until their 20's...

Can you wear a tampon without it hurting? its very doubtful your that stretched out, unless you've had a baby and since you've never had sex, then thats doubtful. So, in that area, it stretches right back up after any type of intercourse. Most woman dont actually become any where near 'loose' unless they've had kids. Which eventually the vagina will yet again stretch right back up.

But yeah, id recommend getting yourself in the mood first, masturbate, get comfortable, use alot of ky lube.. the warming stuff is awesome haha .. and then after being relaxed after a few minutes, try to insert it then after reaplying more lubrication. Go slow and in just ease yourself onto to it..

[Emu]

This is my favorite thread.

[nothing4buddha]

Sometimes when my boyfriend cums he farts too and i just wanna kno... how can i swallow it before i vomit?

[liquidstatik]

this thread is gross :x

[WhiteRat]

Does having your woman perform a cumfart cocktail really spice things up in bed like i've heard?

[Jeanette X]

Actually its good to see a gyno once a year for a pap test, even if your not having sex. And it could be mental, or physical. I dont really know your past history. Alot of things can be a factor in why sex hurts. For me they never figured it out, and I Just had to deal with it.

Ive heard of endometriosis, which is a physical problem usually resulting in a laproscopy(sp). They will then be able to tell if its more towards the front of the vaginal walls, which is usually scar tissue and causes severe pain, usually though only for the first couple of minutes.

It can also be an age issue, sometimes woman dont fully devolop entirely until their 20's...

Can you wear a tampon without it hurting? its very doubtful your that stretched out, unless you've had a baby and since you've never had sex, then thats doubtful. So, in that area, it stretches right back up after any type of intercourse. Most woman dont actually become any where near 'loose' unless they've had kids. Which eventually the vagina will yet again stretch right back up.

But yeah, id recommend getting yourself in the mood first, masturbate, get comfortable, use alot of ky lube.. the warming stuff is awesome haha .. and then after being relaxed after a few minutes, try to insert it then after reaplying more lubrication. Go slow and in just ease yourself onto to it..

Now answer wasn't so hard to give, was it?

Anyway, nothings been stretched but the hymen. I can wear a tampon without it hurting, and I'm in my '20s, so I can rule out the age issue. I'll just keep working at it, I suppose. And arrange another pap test just to be safe, and ask her whats up with my vag while I'm there.

Thank you for *finally* giving me an informative and useful answer. Just a tip: you'll be a better therapist when people don't have to drag answers to questions out of you with iron hooks.

[Emu]

I think this is the first thread we've ever had where someone gave actual, useful advice. It only took us what, three years?

[Chojin]

At least 6, actually.

And buddha made me lol :<

[Lenor]

Chojin: ERic.. ouch that was harsh.. haha.. fuck your 6 years slut ;) .. buddha my ass! hahahahha..



And to the very offset questions, if thats your kink, and you find a grl that likes that shit, then go for it.. If you try and the grl sais no, just remember theres bitches out there like me that will break your jaw in 3 places .. muhahhahha..


And to you grly.. honestly, it takes time and patience, like ive mentioned, ive had to deal with this bullshit for years. And I dated a guy with a 12 inch dick and im not kidding.. And remember you can always play out your own fantasies, if you want candles then light them up!

[kahljorn]

i like how lenor tries to make the vagina seem like it has super stretch/healing powers in this thread. YOU COULD DRIVE A SEMI TRUCK THROUGH A VAGINA AND AFTERWORDS ITD CLOSE RIGHT BACK UP THATS WHY WE HAVE OUR SECRET CLUB MEETINGS INSIDE ROSY ODONNELS VAGINA.

ps dont tell anyone where our secret club is.

ps the doors they use in star trek are made out of vaginas

[RaNkeri]

:lol

[Lenor]

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d19/lenore00/random/1799166_m.jpg

[Girl Drink Drunk]

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d19/lenore00/random/1799166_m.jpg
http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/4541/babycryingcloseuprf3.th.jpg (http://img139.imageshack.us/my.php?image=babycryingcloseuprf3.jpg)

[Girl Drink Drunk]

..

[Lenor]

and?

[Chojin]

this is my favorite thread

[Lenor]

wheres my cookie then dammit?

[Supafly345]

I had an ex girlfriend who used to want to become a sex therapist, and even studied it for a while. Later she gave up after being called a loose slut by me and is now is a financial consultant. They use the same degree.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

they're both whores, for the most part.

[Lenor]

Your gf has low self esteem issues, and being her bf obviously you suck and I would of booted your ass out!

[Schimid]

:lol

[Sicktodeathmx]

This thread is the win.