Revenge ideas

[LordSappington]

A few days ago, some friends and I were at the neighborhood pool, horsing around, and some kid smashed my phone to hell. The only thing I could even salvage that would work was the micro SD card, with all my music and stuff on it.
I finally found out who did it when I hid in the bushes outside the pool and listened in on them.
So, what're some good revenge ideas? I was thinking of more messing with their mind. If I could get an old plague doctor outfit, I could stare at his window in the middle of the culdesac (I have no idea how to spell that), and leave cards, like business cards, outside his house that plainly say 'Witness.' on them. Then maybe escalate it; stand closer to his house each night, put more and more cards on his house, maybe even get a few IN his house.

Any ideas?

[Dixie]

I would like a copy of your mug shot as soon as it's available plz

[The Leader]

You could beat in his head with a large rock and then sodomize his corpse with pieces of your broken phone.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Wait till he turns his back and then hit him in the back of his head with your fist.

[Guitar Woman]

break into his house and rape him

[LordSappington]

So far I'm liking the sodomizing idea... :orgasm

[The Leader]

I thought you would, you sick fuck.

[The Leader]

Call me

[Sam]

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GRADUATE MIDDLE SCHOOL BEFORE YOU PLAN REVENGES. :rolleyes

[Guitar Woman]

Stalk him in a Miku Hatsune costume.

[Esuohlim]

PEE IN THE POOL

[Sam]

TAKE A DUMP IN HIS SHOE

[Esuohlim]

DUCT TAPE HIM TO A POLE

[MattJack]

GO OLD SKOOL AND SHI* DOWN HIS CHIMNEY

[Big McLargehuge]

IGNORE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND SHIT UP HIS CHIMNEY

[Esuohlim]

SET SOME PIGS LOOSE IN THE HALLS AND PAINT THEM WITH NUMBERS 1, 2, and 4

[kahljorn]

PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE; LIKE A MAN

DO IT

[LordSappington]

How illegal would punji stakes under his doormat be? Really illegal, or kinda illegal? Would the lack of feces coating look better to a judge?

[Big McLargehuge]

YOU SHOULD TIE HIM TO A CHAIR AND DANCE TO OLD MUSIC THEN CUT OFF HIS EAR WITH A RAZOR

[LordSappington]

Bonus points if he stops screaming for a second when he gets the reference.

[Big McLargehuge]

YOU SHOULD HOARD YOUR SHIT UNTIL YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO FILL A BATHTUB AND DROWN IN IT.

[LordSappington]

Eh, you just broke your own combo. Good job, LOSER.

[kahljorn]

YOU SHOULD TIE HIM TO A CHAIR AND DANCE TO OLD MUSIC THEN CUT OFF HIS EAR WITH A RAZORAND THEN ALMOST LigHT HIM ON FIRE BUT GET SHOT BY A RAT

not a good plan :(

UNLESS YOU"RE SOME KIND OF PSYCHOPATH

[Kitsa]

Mail a bill for a replacement phone to his parents?

And cul-de-sac was spelled right.

[MetalMilitia]

Sounds like instead of thinking up revenge fantasies on the Internet you need to actually grow a pair and demand he buy you a new phone/punch him in the face.

[Chojin]

yeah, pretty much

[RaNkeri]

1. Take a piss on an oven plate

2. Put the oven plate into freezer

3. Remove the frozen piss from the plate

4. Break the frozen piss into smaller parts

5. Push the frozen piss parts through your target's mailslot into his appartment

[darkvare]

i think metal militia has the best idea but... i suggest you grabsome of his food and rub it around your balls i do that a lot cause i'm an asshole

[LordSappington]

There's no point in sending him a bill, since it got rid of my 'upgrade points' instead of being billed for it; in a month, I was going to be able to trade it in for a better phone, but I had to use it on the phone.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

1. Take a piss on an oven plate

2. Put the oven plate into freezer

3. Remove the frozen piss from the plate

4. Break the frozen piss into smaller parts

5. Push the frozen piss parts through your target's mailslot into his appartment

:lol

[kahljorn]

metal militias plan :rolleyes

[Dixie]

1. Take a piss on an oven plate

2. Put the oven plate into freezer

3. Remove the frozen piss from the plate

4. Break the frozen piss into smaller parts

5. Push the frozen piss parts through your target's mailslot into his appartment
wtf is wrong with you finnish people?????

[Guitar Woman]

yeah, pee won't freeze

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

pee will freeze

[Sam]

PEE FREEZES >:

[Kitsa]

Remind me never to eat anything in Finland.

[Tadao]

1. Take a piss on an oven plate

2. Put the oven plate into freezer

3. Remove the frozen piss from the plate

4. Break the frozen piss into smaller parts

5. Push the frozen piss parts through your target's mailslot into his appartment

I have heard this before, but you ar supposed to be able to slide it under their front door.

[Sam]

I read a thing about how a lady was killed by a frozen pee shaft impaling her. :(

[Guitar Woman]

http://www.onlinegamer.se/admin/images/spysniper-jarate.jpg

[RaNkeri]

I have heard this before, but you ar supposed to be able to slide it under their front door.

That's the wrong american way :rolleyes

[Tadao]

Well yeah, cause we would just piss through the mail slot if they had one. Finland :rolleyes

[Sam]

HEY FINLAND, IN AMERICA WE DO THINGS IN A DIRECT FASHION BECAUSE WE ARE NOT A BUNCH OF SKIRTS

[Tadao]

Besides, if the person has a pet, all this is pointless and cruel to animals.

[Sam]

FINLAND WOULD RATHER HAVE THE FAMILY PETS CHOKE ON FROZEN URINE SLABS, WHAT A SICK FUCKER

[RaNkeri]

IT WOULD STILL BE A REVENGE, SAM >:

[RaNkeri]

GOD, YOU GUYS ARE SUCH PUSSIES

[Sam]

WHATEVER FINLAND, IT'S MUCH BRAVER TO STICK YOUR DONG IN SOMEONE'S MAILSLOT AND LETTING YOUR GOLDEN STREAM LOOSE THEN FREEZING YOUR LIQUIDS AND MAILSLOTTING IT UNDER THE COVER OF NIGHT AND PUSSINESS. :rolleyes

PLUS WITH YOUR WAY YOU HAVE TO HANDLE YOUR OWN PISS SO WHO IS REALLY WINNING?

[Sam]

HERE IS A HINT: NOT THE FINLAND FUCK WITH PISSY FREEZER BURNT HANDS

[RaNkeri]

I'D RATHER KEEP MY DONG THAN LET SOMEONE'S PET HAVE A CHANCE WITH RANKERI JR. >:


SORRY SAM, WHAT YOU AMERICANS LIKE TO DO WITH ANIMALS IS NONE OF MY BUSSINESS :rolleyes

[RaNkeri]

PLUS WITH YOUR WAY YOU HAVE TO HANDLE YOUR OWN PISS SO WHO IS REALLY WINNING?

HERE IS A HINT: NOT THE FINLAND FUCK WITH PISSY FREEZER BURNT HANDS

THERE'S A THING CALLED "GLOVES", SAM :rolleyes

[Sam]

WE ALL KNOW YOU CHOSE THE METHOD YOU CHOSE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VAGINA AND THEY DO NOT TRANSLATE WELL TO MAILSLOT INSERTION. :rolleyes

[Sam]

LIKE YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO EQUIP GLOVES:rolleyes

[MetalMilitia]

Finland is probably a bit cold to risk putting exposed skin near the metal of a letterbox.

[Sam]

Silly me for not thinking of that, I live in California where it is all sunshine, surfboards, and celebrity politicians. :rolleyes

[Tadao]

You could always pee in a squirt bottle, I mean, you don't actually have to put piss near your food and then handle it with gloves if you are gonna put it in a mail slot.

[RaNkeri]

you don't actually have to put piss near your food
Every household in Finland has it's own oven plate for freezing piss

[Sam]

BECAUSE THEY LACK THE SOPHISTICATION TO HAVE WASTE DISPOSAL SO ALL FINNS JUST PISS ON PLATES, FREEZE IT AND GIVE IT TO THE KIDS TO PLAY PISSFRISBEE WITH :rolleyes

FUCKING SAVAGES

[Sam]

I DO NOT EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU CREEPS DO WITH YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS, PROBABLY PUT THEM IN THE OVEN, BAKE THEM, AND THEN DINE UPON THEM AS DESSERTS

[Sam]

"MMMMM MATER, THIS TURDENLOG IST VER GUD, HAS LUTEFISKS IN EET"

[RaNkeri]

:lol

[Tadao]

hahahaha

[The Leader]

HAHAHAHAHA

[Evil Robot]

If this assholes home has a phone line running down the side of it, look for the gray box. Open it with an 11mm socket wrench and plug a phone into one of the RJ11 jacks inside it. Now call the police and threaten to kill the president or some shit so it comes back to him and not you.

[kahljorn]

like finland is so organized that you can figure anything out by looking into a box. look how confused he is just on his computer

[RaNkeri]

We can always blame germans for that :/

[kahljorn]

typical

[Sam]

JUST LIKE A FINN TO BLAME EVERYTHING ON THE GERMANS :rolleyes

[Dimnos]

How old is this kid Sap? Does he have a bike? Jack it and pawn it to buy a new phone. If he is older and has a car... Get a pair of dykes (the tool not the carpet lickers) and snip the valve stems on all his tires. If he is queer and doesn't have a bike or a car just kidnap his dog and take it to a pound the next town over or give to your girlfriend (or boyfriend if that's how you swing) as a gift. If none of this is aplicable I have always been a fan of the flaming bag of shit.

[Dimnos]

Or you can get a prepayed visa and pay for a years subscription to a gay porno mag in his name.

[Tadao]

Putting bologna on a car will fuck up paint.

[Guitar Woman]

Bologna is brutal

Write "BUT WHO WAS PHONE?" on his hood.

[Shyandquietguy]

Why are you folks even talking about cars? Put bolgna on the big wheel man, you'll get your revenge.

Also, don't forget to say "I'm gonna kill you and skin you alive!" when you're mano e mano with him.

[LordSappington]

I'm debating if i want to fuck with his car or not. This kid has a BRAND NEW Mustang. While it'd be perfect to mess with it, if I leave anything to trace it back to me, or get caught in the act, I'm going to have him and four or five of his friends drag me out to the woods and string me up for a pinata.

[Pub Lover]

So you're saying it would be a win-win situation?

[Guitar Woman]

http://www.roflronjon.net/images/Other/do%20it%20faggot.jpg

[kahljorn]

do the bologne thing :(

i always wanted to try cutting letters out of the bologne in order to spell a word :O you should spell faggot on the back o fhis car

i read this other one where you like freeze cans of shaving cream or whipped cream or somethingand then you cut the can off so all you have is a frozen mass of cream and you put them in the car and by morning it unfreezes and since it isn't compressed it supposedly gets everywhere :(

[Tadao]

Hahaha I wanted to use a cookie cutter of teddy bears and ducks to leave those shapes in the paint.

[kahljorn]

Maybe you could get a cookie cutter of a guy blowing another guy and then put some hearts around it :O

[LordSappington]

Okay, I just got an idea. I'll combine your bologna idea, with some good ol' 4chan. I just hope I can cut out goatse from bologna....
Our next topic: stealth.

[Pub Lover]

It is well known that most civic minded individuals refuse to acknowledge naked fat people. I suggest you do the operation with your meat while wearing no clothes.

[Evil Robot]

place an ad on craigslist for something ridiculously desirable and give his phone number and address.

[Dimnos]

So does have a car? What kind is it and does to have a sun roof?

[Evil Robot]

Why don't you just post his phone number and address here?

[Tadao]

Hey Evil, hows things with your neighbors? Oh yeah, you were to much of a pussy to stand up to them.


:tear

[Kitsa]

some of us cut out goatse from bologna for a living :(

[The Leader]

Why don't you just post his phone number and address here?

Please? :)

[Tadao]

Hey Evil, hows things with your neighbors? Oh yeah, you were to much of a pussy to stand up to them.


:tear


Oh man, my computer should have a breathalyzer installed on it.

[Evil Robot]

To tell you the truth, they werent that bad after the first month.

[elx]

A few days ago, some friends and I were at the neighborhood pool, horsing around, and some kid smashed my phone to hell. The only thing I could even salvage that would work was the micro SD card, with all my music and stuff on it.
I finally found out who did it when I hid in the bushes outside the pool and listened in on them.
So, what're some good revenge ideas? I was thinking of more messing with their mind. If I could get an old plague doctor outfit, I could stare at his window in the middle of the culdesac (I have no idea how to spell that), and leave cards, like business cards, outside his house that plainly say 'Witness.' on them. Then maybe escalate it; stand closer to his house each night, put more and more cards on his house, maybe even get a few IN his house.

Any ideas?
steal their mail, open a credit card in the culprits name, order a shitload of pizza on-line and make it inedible with anchovies and whatnot so he doesn't get to enjoy any of it.

if done properly you'll ruin his credit and his appetite and maybe even his face if the delivery dude decides to curbstomp him since you wont.

p.s hiding in bushes at a community pool spying on small children doesn't sound like a great idea.

[LordSappington]

And committing a felony is? I mean, maybe my community is just psycho, but identity theft tends to be frowned upon over here.

[Tadao]

While we all enjoyed talking about what you should do, I don't think for a second that you will do any of them. You've already justified him smashing your phone. :rolleyes

I hope to satan that you do something though. Even if it is tame.

[The Leader]

He isn't going to do anything. This thread allowed him to vent all frustrations off of his small, flabby, pale chest.

[LordSappington]

Oh no, I'm going to do it. The last thing I want to happen is for some punkass kids thinking they got away with it. I would even take pictures for proof, if self-incrimination was a good idea.
And for the record, I'm scrawny, not fat. I take pride in being slightly underweight and weak. :(

[Dimnos]

Pictures dont have to self-incriminating. You could take some and still post em. Just make sure your not in em.

[Dimnos]

So what did you ever do? Do we get no follow up?

[LordSappington]

Oh, I ended up keying 'WITNESS' in huge letters on the side of his car at 1 AM.
I didn't follow up because I didn't want to hear any more of kahl's shitstorms.

[Evil Robot]

You should have keyed "******".

[kahljorn]

What a pussy. I didn't even make fun of you. but hey, if my antics on a message board make you feel ashamed enough to restrain yourself from being a douchebag, more power to me.

[Kitsa]

silly LordSappington, when will you learn that kahl is the only one that ever has anything interesting to say?

go on, kahl, enliven the thread with some more prolonged multiposting about all the things you find objectionable! Who will it be today?!?!

[kahljorn]

I find denny's to be objectionable!

[kahljorn]

absolutely objectionable!

[kahljorn]

so objectionable that I'm going to make THREE whhhhhooooooollllllleeee posts about it. Honestly, can you imagine how much time it takes me to make these multiposts? At least a minute and a half folks. At least a minute and a half.

So just think about that next time you think I'm "Funny" or "Cute."

[kahljorn]

Also, kitsa, at least this thread was somewhat entertaining and held the potential to be something other than another kitsa bitchfest about how retardly vagina-backed you are and completely unable to solve life's simplest problems.

[Kitsa]

I knew you had it in you.

Don't you feel a lot better now?

[kahljorn]

nah, i pretty much feel the same: impetuous, indignant, LOVING, GENTLE, PUPPYDOG EYED KAHLJORN; AT PEACE WITH MY INNER PUPPY, TRANQUIL, I SUFFER FROM DIONYSUS.

[Kitsa]

I didn't know "DIONYSUS" was code for so many things.

[Evil Robot]

Thats what you get for going to a place with ramen noodles and hot dogs on the menu.