what happend to me, a story for chojin

[george]

ok this might be a long story, nothing i say in this is to make people feel sorry for me or anything like that. i will be honest with most of it, but in a few spots i will have to take poetic license cause this IS the intraweb and some things are other peoples business and not mine to post. i hope this can go unsaid, but i ask for no pity from anyone on this. i have had time to deal with all of it and i think it is all kind of funny now so:

1995 to about mid 1997

ok, this is to provide a little background, cause the full impact of everything else that happens is lost without a little background.

May 1995: I am offered a comission in the Marines. I have worked six years for this day. It is what i have wanted since I was 17yrs old. My wife Nancy has supported me, and helped me to get to this point. We have just had a new baby. Life is PERFECT. I have money, a nice house, two cars, and I love my wife with all of my heart. When I tell Nancy about being accepted into OCS (under an enlisted comissioning program) she tells me "If you stay in the Marines I will divorce you."

I decide to get out of the Marines. As a side note, I would have been able to retire this year if I had stayed in.

October 1995: I get out of the Marines and we (my family) move in with my mother in law. We move in with her because the death of her husband has left her reeling (oddly enough, he had been on his way to visit Nancy and I and had a car accident) and she literally got on her knees and begged us to move in with her.

Nancy has a surgery at Bethesda Naval Medical Center. It is a simple Gaul Bladder removal, same day release surgery that got postponed cause of her being pregnant, so the military was doing it because it was a legacy condition. They botched it, and it turned into the biggest nightmare that I could have ever imagined. They killed her through incompetence at least three times. The woman that came out of that "Same Day" surgery three months later was a very different version of the person who went in.

December 26, 1995: I get thrown out of my mother in laws house :( i did not see this coming, i came home from work and my shit was packed and MIL and Wife said I had to go. I would later learn that my Wife had told my MIL that I was cheating on her, and that I had a drug problem (it had been three years since i had even had a drink, much less drugs)

February 1996: After living with a friend for a few months I decide to go back in the Marines. I join a unit near my hometown. I have a lot of fun in this unit and a lot of interesting adventures. Nancy in the kids move into base housing with me. Nancy and I fight almost constantly, and it is awful.

July 1996: I am on a deployment in San Diego, CA. I call home to tell my wife I got a tattoo (it had her name on it BTW) and she tells me that she's glad I called because she wouldnt be there when I got back. When I get home all the stuff is gone, and the only thing left is my dog (it had been sick when I left) and it is dead in the middle of what had been the living room.

January 1997: Nancy turns up and asks me for money for an abortion. I am all for a woman having the right to choose and all that, but none of my money will ever go to murder a baby. I convince her to put it up for adoption, and end up taking responsibility for organizing the whole thing for her (mostly be getting her Mom and Sisters to take her to an Adoption agency). I set it up so she can have the baby at the base hospital. When my command realizes that i am helping my estranged wife have another mans baby on the USMC's dime it effectively ends my USMC career, and I am denied reenlistment.

August 1997: Nancy has the baby. I get slapped in the face by a nurse that I had been dating when Nancy and I were split up.

that sums up this part. Nancy and I get back together, mostly because i cannot take being seperated from my children. Things are actually pretty good for awhile, and during this time is when I met a lot of the old imockery crowd (including boring roger and doopa to death at a party at my house :()


ok, i gotta take a break for a minute. more to come...

[Fathom Zero]

If I saw you, George, I'd give you the biggest, bestest hug.

[captain516]

sad story bro

[Shrubfest]

This is only half of your shit? Christ. Remind me never to grow up.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'm sorry to hear about your dog :(

[Zomboid]

Your ex-wife sounds like a raging cunt. Just sayin'.

[The Leader]

I like this thread. :)

[Dimnos]

How many kids do you have with this cunt lady?

[george]

three kids, and dont cry for me at all, i really mean it. there was all kinds of fun mixed in, and it is just life.

the funny part is coming, i just ran out of time today. i will write more of it when i get home from work tonight.

i promise, it will make you laugh in the end.

[Sacks]

This woman is really good at destroying your career.

[Carnivore]

I'm hooked. Can't wait for the next episode.

[Dimnos]

Need more story time.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

publish your memoirs

[Chojin]

oh god

[Fathom Zero]

George makes too many threads. :( Now I look like what I really am; comfused.

I'M WAITING ON BATED BREATH, GEORGE.

[george]

2003

Ok, this is the year that I got laid off from Sprint. For those of you who were around then you may remember that I was kind of happy about losing that job. I was pretty much getting paid to come on i-mockery, but if you have ever seen Office Space then you understand how I felt about Sprint. I am the type of guy who likes to work, I am awful if I have a lot of down time.

So,
I get laid off in march and get three months severence pay. Three things happen during this period of time that are embarassing to me personally, but again important to set the end of things:

1. I get smaked out of my gourd every day. For the purpose of conversation I will say I was drinking ;) and I was doing it heavily. I had already lined up a job and had nothing to do for three months except collect checks and get fucked up.

2. I watched the news. I was off work from the very first day of the gulf war, and if you were too young, or had a job maybe you did not get to see the full range of coverage but there was some very, very trippy shit happening in the early days of that war that got shown on the news. Well, the news also did a special segment on a special, legal, way of getting fucked up for cheap. and so I watched a lot of the war in a highly altered state of mind. I also watched the LOTR like a million times.

3. I got too fucked up one night and while sitting outside looking at the stars (and for those of you who have been to what me and the kids refer to as "the white house" you know that there is NOTHING nearby) I had a seizure and from my point of view died in my front yard. I had a vision, it was really fucked up (a story for another day). I woke up to the kids burying me, cause they thought it was funny.

now, you would think I had learned my lesson. but i didnt. i got worse. so at this point Nancy had just about enough of me and my new habits. Mostly cause she had to spend a lot of time at home instead of going out with her friends because I could not be counted on to do ANYTHING except get fucked up and watch LOTR. i in no way try to justify my behavior, but my point of view at the time was that I was on vacation with pay. I was deep in a bad habit, and anyone that has been an addict, or lived with one knows how selfish and self serving they can be. I was as bad as any i can imagine.

until, one day I was watching 60 minutes and they did a special on GHB addiction. this guys kids filmed his deterioration as he got more and more addicted. they did it to try and show him that he had a problem, and man this cat had a BIG fucking problem. The segment ended with this guy blowing his parole by drinking floor cleaner in a Sears cause it had GHB in it.

i went to sleep that night bummed because I was going to have to be sober the next day becuase i had to go to my grandmothers funeral. When I woke up in the morning and looked around my room there was nothing but empty bottles all around my room. It would be a while later that I would see Requim to a Dream but I understood the final scene when the girl is siting in her apartment with about a million bits of paper all around. i was horrified. the whole thing with the guy on TV suddenly came back to me. For the most part I was worried about the kids (i have had open discussions with them about this period of time, and none of them remember anything except that they fucking hate the LOTR, or at least so they say). I quit my new habits that morning, I have been mother and father for these children for most of their lives. They needed me back from vacation.

Nancy loved the fact I had fallen down. Now for those of you who have never been in a NEED based realtionship, there is always the Needy one and the strong one. Nancy knew she was the needy one, and absolutely hated me for it. Now that she had a stick to beat me with, she used my actions to justify ANYTHING she did. and man she did anything.

I WILL HAVE TO LEAVE IT HERE FOR THE MOMENT!! WE ARE GETTING THERE GUYS :)

[Terra]

Wow george. Glad you're still alive.

[Colonel Flagg]

Damn, bro', you been doin' some serious bad mojo. Or something.

Are you sure this will end with a laugh? :confused

[george]

it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

but there is some funny stuff coming.

i am off work tomorrow and monday so i will prolly finnish this thing up in the next day or so. sorry to keep you waiting for the end of this story, but i had a busy night arguing politics with a bunch of Greeks and a black guy that looks like a black guy made out of a rather large bull :)

[Terra]

When you argue with Greeks keep your back to the wall! j/s

[Colonel Flagg]

it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

If you say so, brah. :word

[Fathom Zero]

it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

Hey, I am too. It's the only way I can make it through some tragedies. I have this running joke with people where Whatchamacallits are my Uncle's favorite candy bar, but he can't eat them anymore. When they ask me why, I let them know it's because he's dead. :(

I love that one.

[george]

you understand ;)

once me and the kids were at a gas station. at the time we had this monster of a jeep. it looked like it had gotten blown up in the war, and put back to use after very minor repairs.

we were all in pajama's and some gay assed 80's song came on the radio that all WaWa'a and Sheets seem to play at top volume. me and the kids started dancing, and i am sure we looked like a pack of retards.

there was this guy putting gas in his mecedes at the pump directly in front of us. he was a very well appointed fellow, and he gave us a look of disgust. we all stop dancing, and my daughter Tuesday says "look at that guy!"

i started laughing and said loud enough for him to hear "Fuck him!"

Tuesday laughs and replies "Yeah! We know how to live!"

and we all start dancing again. The guy gets obviously upset, slams the nozzle back in the pump, slams his car door and goes roaring out of the gas station as we dance and laugh.

FZ i think you might get the point of this story. you sir now how to live, and i bet your grandfather would like your joke.

[kahljorn]

IT WAS HIS UNCLE DICK

JESUS YOURE GONNA MAKE HIM CRY :(

[Fathom Zero]

Even better, he killed himself. And I bet my mum would appreciate it; she was the oldest out of the five of them.

I love your story, dude. I try to live that way, but I think the key is not to try, just let it loose. To have to try and live carefree is to negate its purpose. Then again, I like to think I have a few years ahead of me to learn how to live right, yo.

[kgp4death]

you understand ;)
you might get the point of this story. you sir know how to live

Don't give a fuck about other people, do whatever you want and have a blast doing it.....sounds good, wish I lived like that. Wait that's what I do all the time.....sweet to be me.

[kahljorn]

:rolleyes
see what talking about yourselves gets you? assholes.

ps this does not include this tragic story -- of which I am enthralled by

[george]

Raves, Tyler, and Bubba 2003ish to 2005ish

The end of this little tale begins with a fun little project that I had gotten involved with after I got fired from Amtrak. The job at Amtrak had been set up for me by a distant relative, and it was fucking sweet. I was a Service Attendant a position that is essentially a waiter/bartender on trains going all over the place. Of all the jobs I have had that I failed at, this was my favorite. There were multiple reasons that this job did not work out, but the number one reason (again) was Nancy hated it.

I wont go into great detail on the whole thing, but when your wife is supposed to pick you up after a twelve hour shift on the train and never shows, you got problems. When your kids stop making it to school because their piece of shit mother wont get up, or isnt even home to take them to school, you got problems. So I ended up missing an assignment and getting fired. I was sad, but life is what it is.

I ended up getting a job installing signs. This was a pretty fun gig, and the hours were pretty good. It didnt pay too great though, so I had to supplement my income. I took up doing light and sound with a friend of mine named Ronnie. Ronnie is a giant story himself. Ronnie has been running a recording studio since the late seventies, and has worked with giants in the local music scene, GO GO bands like EU and Rare Essence, Chuck Brown, and Little Benny and the Masters, and too many local rock bands to mention. We did shows all across the baltimore/washington area. In the course of our travels we made friends with a girl named Tyler, and she and Ronnie decided to start doing Raves.

Now, the best thing about doing a rave when you are part of the crew is that you are one of the few sober people there. I bounced trouble makers, helped people that took too much drugs, or got too hot. Nancy even bartended, it was a great time. I can probably say that this was prolly the happiest stretch of time in my adult life. Eventually the Rave scene started to cool off and our travelling show started going out of a defunct bar that we got leased to us for events. Tyler moved to Virginia Beach and had some adventures of epic proportions. There were a few good times, but the lack of money coming in and the amount of drugs being consumed (thank God I was sober at this point, or i would prolly have died) were making the whole thing pretty grim and sad.

One day it was raining. It had rained all night. It had rained all day before that, and the day before that. So on this particularly wet and rainy day the brilliant people that run the Community Service Program (those assholes you see picking up trash on the side of the road) decided to drag a bunch of people out to the side of the road in the fog to pick up trash. This trail of people was directly across a meadow that constitued the front yard of Ronnie's house. A dog that lived in the house next door to Ronnie had escaped the fenced yard an sauntered up to the road where the people were picking up trash.

This dog would eventually become the most beloved thing I have ever owned. I am not a big one to attach emotional attachment to animals. I pretty much consider them replaceable. Before anyone gets all up in arms about animal cruelty or anything, understand that I think you should be kind, and all that, but a dog is a dog, is a dog, or so I thought. I loved this animal as much as I have any person in the world. Bubba ended up being a lot of things, but he was my friend (hence the name).

So anyway, Bubba wandered up behing a man in the work gang. When this dude saw a giant Rottwiler approaching he freaked out and started to run. Towards the road, and in front of a dumptruck. The guy was run over and killed. Bubba had become a murder :)


ok...gotta go get cigarettes, and then i will work towards the end :):)

[Colonel Flagg]

I dunno, kinda sounds like a Darwin Award winner to me. :\

Keep going, george, love the story. (even if you're not writing it for me!) :)

[Fathom Zero]

"Bubba had become a murder" will be forever etched within my mind.

[Tadao]

More to come? Yikes!

[george]

Continued...

Now I knew nothing of this little incident whent i arrived at Ronnies house later that day. Nancy an I had come to visit Ronnie so that she could get some weed and to pick up some equipment for a show later that night, and to bring Ronnie a Birthday present. Ronnie, Nancy, and I sat on the porch with a girl named Erin.

Erin is the definition of sugar. Beautiful isnt the right word for her. Her eyes kind of look funny (almost like if you put Mr. Potato Head's eyes on upside down), and her features are not perfect. When she smiles though her whole face lights up and is the kind of thing that will drive a guy crazy with want. Looking at her made you want to touch her, cause you are sure that she'll feel like silk. She was sweet in every way.

Erin was an old friend to me and Nancy. We had known her since she was thirteen. At this point she was twenty and had been in and out of our lives for years. Nancy and her had been travelling partners for years, going out to parties and clubs together, but they had a falling out involving Erin's babies daddy, a guy named Andrew.

The first time I met Andrew he was sleeping naked on my couch. I had just gotten home from work (an overnight shift) and was shocked to see him laying there butt ass naked. I went upstairs to find the kids locked in their room, and Nancy passed out drunk in our bed. She had wet the bed and would not wake up. I went back downstairs and woke Andrew up, and threw him out of my house. I fixed the kids breakfast, cleaned up the mess of an obvious party, and quit my job (i was an overnight manager for Target at the time). Andrew would eventually become a family friend, and still is, but both of us have been amused by our first meeting.

Erin had gotten Ronnie some Opium for his birthday. We all sat on his porch and smoked and I for one got very, very, very high. Ordinarily I would have said no, but I had never tried it before. It was intersting. Just as I was settling into the high, a giant Rottweiler comes bounding up and jumps as much as he can of himself into my lap, and starts licking my face. I was in love. If you have never been high and pet a well groomed dog, then you have been wasting your drugs. This dog was a beauty, and he was in love with me.

I went out in the rain and played fetch with him. We slopped around. We wrestled, we had a hell of a good time. I went back on the porch and Erin told us the whole story about the work gang. She told us how the Sheriff had come with a destrruction order for the dog, and how when the neighbor got home he was supposed to turn the dog over to the cops. I felt so bad for my new friend, but whats a brother going to do?

So, when time to go had come, i took the dog back to his house. I tried knocking on the door, but no one answered. I went around to the back and put him in the fenced in yard, said goodbye. The plan was to head home, get cleaned up, and meet Ronnie in an hour at his house. Instead i would not see Ronnie for a week. I walked over to my car and opened the door, and a giant Rottwieler zipped around me and into the backseat of my car. He refused to get out. We were really pressed for time cause we had to go pick the kids up from the bus stop, so we decided to bring the dog with us and return him when we got back.

Driving uo the road to my house, the road collapsed. The road collapsed and the car fell into a cornfield into mud as high as the door frames. We had to get out through the windows. I walked to the bus stop to get the kids, the dog came with me. We never made it out of the house that weekend. We were stuck, the road impassable. Me and the kids had fun playing with the new dog.

Monday came and we went to Ronnies place. While we were there his neighbor, a guy named Melving was there. Now for the record I knew melvin since I was a kid. I lived in the poor white part of town, he lived in the poor black and they were right next to each other. Aside from a few fights here and there MOST of us got along, but I knew Melvin was not a guy to fuck with. When we walked up to the porch I was about tell Melvin I had his dog, when I heard him say, "If I find out who took my fucking dog, I am going to kill them." he then promptly turned and stomped off. Wether or not I wanted to I had adopted a new dog.

ok, i am going to have to stop myself on this part. I could go on for days about Bubba, and how much he meant to me. He was a Wanted Killer, a Stud, an Escape Artist, Protector, Cannibal, and on at least two occasions saved my life when i was so far in despair that i wanted to die.

gonna go eat and then i will hopefully get to the end of this.....

[Chojin]

this is definitely one for thread backups, but someone was right in that this would make a great book

[Evil Robot]

Folk song

[The Leader]

Call Bob Dylan.

[kahljorn]

its that guys own fault for dying being he didn't know that rottweilers are the happiest sweetest dogs in the world.

he was racist and got what he deserved. lol maybe thats mean :(

[george]

April 2004 to June 2005

This is the home stretch, and we are getting to all the goodtime rainbow happiness.

I got fired from my job at the sign shop. For the first time ever Nancy had nothing to do with it. Did she yell at me al the way to work, everyday without fail? Did she forget to pick me up? Did she leave me to walk home from my partime (40 hrs a week) job at Wendys, while absolutely refusing to take care of the kids or work herself? yes, but the reason I got fired from my job at the sign shop was Racism.

I love racial humor. There is something to the stupidity of hating somone for how they look or cultural differences that amuses me. Maybe it is because I have no real family tree. My mother was an orphan and my father only had a mother that we ever knew. I could not take offense to any race jokes, and often wished I knew exactly what clan I belonged to so I can get indignant about racial slurs. Anyhow, jokes are jokes, actually hating someone for that kind of shit in real life is pure stupidity, and my boss at the sign shop hated everyone that wasnt lilly white.

After months of working for Craig, I was finally competent enough at my job to sell signs to people. I had gotten a customer to purchase roughly 20,000 in signs. She was a very classy black woman, and she had gotten rich and decided to put back into her community by building a sort of Cultural Center in a very bad neighborhood. I stood to make a 2000 dollar comission on the job, not too shabby.

Craig told me to double the cost of the job cause we would be working for ******s. His exact words. I did as I was told, and promptly lost the job.

Then I got another customer. I managed to get them to buy a rather nice sign (you would be suprised how much artistry goes into a business sign). I also found a sign box manufaturer that would build the box for it for half the price of the guy we usually got them from, and since my comission was on the PROFIT for any job I was pretty stoked.

The problem was that the new manufacturer was Chinese. Craig told me that the day he started doing business with Chinks is the day he would stop doing business.

I told him to go fuck himself and walked out.

When I got home the phone was ringing. Now this part is going to sound made up, but it is not. I picked it up and the girl on the other end asked for George (me bitches :)). The girls name was Juliet and she was calling to offer me a job. A high paying government job. I had applied for this job well over a year ago, on a whim. I never actually thought I would get it. Juliet had dated my brother in high school, and had been detrmined to get ahold of me. She said she had been calling for days, and that this had been her last try and if I hadn't picked up she was going to have to call the next person on the list and offer the job to them.

serendipty. I told Nancy later that day. There was great joy in mudville. For about a week.

[Sacks]

Where is the part where Nancy is in a port-a-john and gets hit by a wrecking ball and goes sailing into the knife factory?

[Evil Robot]

Are you dying?

[captain516]

I love racist jokes too! But it's good to know you didnt let your morals take a backseat to your job.

[stevetothepast]

this is a good story.

[george]

continued...

Now, I was pretty stoked about my new job. I had to go get a physical and do a Urine test because I was going to be making explosives and you had to be clean and in decent shape. I wasn't too worried though because it had been months since I had done anything (Ronnies Birthday) and I was pretty sure I would be fine.

I was wrong. I came up positive for Opium. I got called by the Lab, and was given the option of withdrawing my application or being banned from Federal service for life. I withdrew my application :(

I was jobless (aside from Wendy's) and broke, and things could not have been worse. Nancy went to work bartending, and for the first time in our marriage our roles were completely reversed. I started taking care of the kids all day, and they were happy. I took them to school, got them off the bus, cooked them dinner, and we watched a lot of cartoons together.

Nancy lorded my failure to get the job over me at every opportunity. Any time we didn't have enough money to do something for the kids, she would be sure to tell them that it was my fault. That i was a drug addict piece of shit. Remember all that time I was laid off and had a problem? Well Nancy made a point of telling anyone who would listen about it, and about what a huge asshole I was, and how she had to support us all because I was such a lazy fuck.

All the while she did nothing but go out and get drunk, and spend what money she made bartending on god knows what drugs. She had taken to passing out and peeing whatever she was sleeping on. Not a day went by that me and the kids did not find her passed out in her own urine. She got two DUI"S in the space of a week. Nancy was completely out of control.

Finally, I found a job. Overnights at Wal Mart. Stocking shelves. It was crap work, but it brought in money, and I was home during the day with the kids. It only antagonized Nancy. Seriously, I dont know how I survived this part of my life. You can not imagine how a concentrated effort by somone you love to make you feel like shit can hurt you. I now have the deepest sympathy for women who get beaten and dont leave. If you are caught in a cycle of abuse, you really do start to feel like you desrve it. You hate yourself so much that you NEVER think a good thing about yourself.

Erin started coming by the house during the day. She had a new BF named Larry and they would come by and my kids would play with Erin's daughter (Erin had no ther friends with kids and no where to stay with hers except home). I liked Erin and Larry, and when they were there it gave me a little bit of a break from Nancy's non stop bitching. Plus Erin and I were slowly becoming close friends. Even if people coming over slowed Nancy's bitching, it never really stopped, and Erin was pretty sympathetic even if we never talked about the whole thing.

Larry helped Nancy get a day job bartending at a bar he managed. I took over Nancy's day shift at the bar she worked at. It worked out nicely cause I could work at the American Legion and Walmart, and still had time to be there for the kids. I spent a lot of days with them and Erin. Her and her little girl became regulars around my house, which didnt bother Nancy when she had been home to chaparone. Now that she was not there though she had much different thoughts on the whole thing.

People get suspicious about the things they would do, not the things they think you are doing. I had it on pretty good authority that Nancy was cheating on me. I wont get into the whole thing, but I just decided to stop having sex with her and leave her to do whatever she liked. I just did not want to know. Just the same she started to imply that I was fucking Erin. The fact that there were four kids in the house with us at all times, and that I would not cheat on her meant nothing.

I will digress here for a moment to explain my viewpoint on cheating. I feel like loyalty is the greatest of all human commitments. If you love someone and have sworn to be on their side to the bitter end, that is what you fucking mean. It is what you stand for. It is not just when things are good. You stand in through thick and thin and until the war is won. That is how it is.

One night in 1994 my neighbor had a party. Nancy and I went to this party and had a really great time. Nancy and I had been fighting for a few months and had not had sex for about four months or so. Mostly cause she was having some medical problems with her gaul bladder (remember that surgery gone wrong? here is where it became my fault). She got scheduled for surgey, and it was about two weeks away.

The party was a blast, and Nancy left and went to the house and passed out drunk. I ended up spending the evening making friends with a really, really hot chic. She was supposed to stay at my neighbors house, but he had gotten really drunk, and was not going to take the answer no to a threesome with him, this girl, and his wife. His wife asked me to walk the girl home.

I obliged. I walked her to her house. She informed me here husband was deployed to Haiti (this was military housing) and she was there all alone. She asked me to come in with her when we got to her house and help her make sure no one was there. When we went through the house, we ended up in the bedroom. She pulled off her top and I stood there stunned, staring at one of the nicest sets of boobs I have ever seen.

Then I turned and ran.

I ran all the way home. I ran home and had sex with my very drunk wife. She got pregnant. She got pregnant and could not have her gaul bladder surgery, luckily they caught her pregnancy or I would not have my daughter Tuesday. I have always thought that I traded Nancy for Tuesday cause of the delayed surgery, and if I had this event to do over I would do the exact same thing. Every time.

Anyway, that was my soultion to cheating. I loved to flirt. I could talk the panties off a nun. I once almost got a considerable bunch of nerds (Doctor Boogie, Jaeger, Protoclown) laid by some strippers in Cleveland. But talk is all I would ever do, if things turned serious I would run away.

Erin had other plans.

[kahljorn]

OH NOES

OH NO SHE DINNIT

[mew barios]

i guess the last time i saw you or talked to you or anythin was around 2003. not tha i could've offered super advice and insight if i knew any of tha stuff back then, i was justa dumb kid. unless defeating you at starcraft helped somehow :o

[Colonel Flagg]

This thread ROCKS! :rock

[george]

mew, there was prolly little you could have said at that point that would have changed things, but i appreciate the thought. your visit was fun, and it was a good break from the everyday life. and starcraft was my favorite thing in the entire world!!! i can not wait for starcraft 2 to come out. i am saving up for a new computer that will handle the game. :)

i think only glowbelly had a full bead on what was going on. Protoclown to, although i did not lay too much on him because he is a genuinely nice guy and he would have been really sad for me, and i never wanted that.

ok, i am prolly gonna watch football now. i was thinking of trying to finnish this tonight, but everyone seems to like it so far so i wont rush to finnish. i havent quite figured out where to stop, but it seems to get bigger as i go along.

let me know if it starts turning into some sort of shitty blog, cause mostly it is just meant to be entertaining, and the fun part is coming, i know i have said this a bunch but the more i fill in the better the impact later. you'll see what i mean.

[LordSappington]

Okay, in the beginning, my attitude was a solid ' :rolleyes ' , but now this is fascinating.

[kahljorn]

yea its almost as juicy as celebrity gossip

[captain516]

I once almost got a considerable bunch of nerds (Doctor Boogie, Jaeger, Protoclown) laid by some strippers in Cleveland.

Wait, seriously?

[kahljorn]

Yea, cause strippers are so hard to get in the sack.

[Zomboid]

Nigh impossible to get blowjobs in the champagne room from them.

[kahljorn]

One time a stripper talked to me and after that EVERYBODY in town wanted to be my friend. Unfortunately I moved towns and I have yet to get a stripper to talk to me here ;/

[george]

oh it was really funny.

a bunch of us were there. Jaeger and Proto had ridden with me and Nancy to cleveland. Spaddowsky, boogie, glowbelly, and another guy i cant remember, Sam, and a few others were there.

we went out to eat dinner and i struck up a conversation with a girl at the table behind us. turned out they were a bunch of strippers having a celebration of some sort and they invited us all back to their place for a party.

no one but spad wanted to go :(

it was pretty funny. boogie spent the night kicking nancy cause she wouldn't stop snoring, and i told them a story about a fun visit i made to food lion with my dick hanging out. that Mock Meet was a really good time.

[Dimnos]

Yea, cause strippers are so hard to get in the sack.

He probably mean without paying them.

[kahljorn]

okay.

[Nick]

This thread feels very very sticky. Also it makes me sad. :(

[Chojin]

moar

[executioneer]

man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu

[Chojin]

man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu

wtf did you think we did all day

[george]

sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day ;) it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts >:

[kahljorn]

AS A FATHER IT IS NOW YOUR FILIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO KICK CHOJINS ASS

[Sam]

GEORGE WATCH OUT, CHOJIN WILL GIVE YOU THE CKO :(

[Guitar Woman]

What was that about having a mockmeet in Portland, now? :lol

We have great strippers, apparently!

[Chojin]

sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day ;) it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts >:

wat

[george]

when you came to my place and we watched Childs Toy for a whole day, ever since then she has been hooked on Anime. all your fault buddy.

ok back to business:

Two Parties

I dont know where to start on this part.

Nancy and I decided to have a party. Well, mostly it was Nancy but at this point I tried to avoid doing anything that would piss her off more than she already was. Things had really disintagrated at this point. Seriously, I couldn't do anything that didn't get half my ass torn off at any given time. A prime example:

One day I woke up. I realized Nancy had come home that night because I woke up in a puddle of urine. Once again she had gotten drunk and wet the bed. I took a deep breath, got up, and went and took a shower.

It was really early, so I decided to fix breakfast for the kids. I made breakfast, and me and the kids had a jolly time. Mostly cause at this point we had a duck named Sparticus and a goat named Elvis. The goat would follow the duck everywhere. If the duck stood still for a minute the goat would rape it.

This was amusing enough, but on this fine day the goat was in rare form and when i let Bubba out, the goat tried to rape him. I was always of the opinion that Bubba was a human in dog form, so when Bubba literally did a double take I could almost hear him thinking WTF. Very patiently Bubba turned around, grabbed the goat around the neck, and shook the ever fucking daylights out of the goat, and then peed on his inert body.

laughter ensued. a lot of it. and we woke up the monster.

I had watched the whole episode with the animals from my kitchen window while I did the dishes. Nancy came stomping into the kitchen from our bedroom. Stomped off to the bathroom, and then returned to the kitchen.

"What?!" she demanded.

I turned. and for a moment she looked just like the fucking girl that comes out of the TV in that shitty movie The Ring. I raised my eyebrows, but said nothing. At this point I had started reading a lot of books about how to deal with pyschological abuse. I decided to try out a technique that one had recommended, dont say ANYTHING. I turned back to doing the dishes.

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!" She shouted, and the kids made a break for it to their rooms. At this point they had learned that any argument we had would be worse if they were around cause I would back down if they weren't around, but if she could bring them into it I would defend them ferociously. Plus seriously, who wants to fucking waste a saturday morning listening to their parents argue?

"YOU NO GOOD JOBLESS (i had three jobs at this point), FUCKING DRUG ADDICT ASSHOLE (hadnt touched anything in months), FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, BLAH, FUCKING BLAH, BLAH"

"I made breakfast." I should have stayed quiet.

I don't know what she said next, she just started screaming. I concentrated on doing the dishes like my life depended on it. Then there was silence. I should have seen it coming, but I was just hoping that she would go away. I heard steps come up behind me, and before I knew what was going on she hit me in the back of the head with a can of scrubby bubbles. She nearly knocked me the fuck out, and she managed to hit me three or four more times before the can burst, and I could turn around.

I turned around and she tried to spray me in the eyes with the scrubby bubbles. Calmly, I grabbed the arm with holding the spray can and raised her arm up so she could not get the shit in my eyes. I kept telling her to calm down, and she tried to knee me in the nuts, slipped, and fell to the floor.

She started screaming help at the top of her lungs. The kids came running, and when she spied them she screamed "SEE HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN, THIS IS HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN" the kids turned and walked to their rooms. I cant imagine what it looked like to them, but we have laughed about this incident many times. It was pathetic that she would try to use them to hurt me, but it was pretty typical.

gotta go pee, will continue......

[kahljorn]

jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?

[george]

continuued:

So when nancy suggested that we have a party, i went along with her. I wont say i wasnt willing, i like to have fun. This turned out to be the greatest party i have ever been a part of. For the month that we planned it all out we did not have a single fight, it was a true team effort, but there was a little trouble ahead.

A friend of ours had broken up with her boyfriend. She found out he was banging her fourteen year old daughter, and sent him packing. He was furious about it. Word had gotten back to me from another friend that he was planning to pull "Some Columbine Shit" at my house on the day of the party.

I knew this guy had an AK47, I knew he had done jail time for building a bomb and trying to blow up some dude for money. I also knew this guy was completely capable of going on a shooting spree. To make my point, he would later die in a car wreck while chasing down another exgirlfriend and her new boyfriend so he could kill them. He was a fucking pyscho.

Being the rational person I was, I suggested not having the party. I was really afraid of the idea of this guy killing a bunch of people on my property. I would feel like shit if I knew he was planning some shit like that and hurt people. I had the last fight I would ever have with Nancy that day. We argued for a long time. It ended when she called me a Pussy. I had been a pussy my whole life, that the reason life was so hard was because i was such a pussy. That I was a failure as a father and husband because I was just a big pussy.

and although I felt in light of a lot of logical reasons I was not being a pussy, I realized she was right. I had let this stupid bitch terrorize me for over a decade because i was too big a pussy to stand up to her. Fuck it, let her have her party, quite frankly i hoped she was the first fucking person this asshole shot.

Well, the party went off without a hitch. A local biker gang agreed to do security and the Psycho knew these dudes well enough that he didnt want to fuck with them (funny side note, i was friends with these guys cause one of them had spanked me for being an asshole when i was a kid and then became friends with my Dad cause my Dad also spanked me for being an asshole and so the circle of life goes). We had ten bands play, and well over a thousand people came to this party. You know its been a good time when you wake up in the morning and a bunch of naked people (men and women) are playing horshoes in the back yard.

I hadn't forgotten that whole pussy thing. No one little bit.

So when Erin came to me and asked if she could have her 21st birthday party at my house, I said yes. Over the years Erin and I had become pretty close, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. She had made it pretty clear she wanted me to fuck her for her birthday. Nancy never stayed home at this point, and Erin's birthday was no different. It was also a really good party.

About halfway through, Erin and I went to my room and had sex. While we were off having fun somone decided to steal my PS2 :(

When I realized it was gone in the morning I felt really bad, me and the kids used that as our only form of entertainment. We had no phone or cable, and it was our only way to watch DVD's. I already regretted sleeping with Erin. As I noted earlier, I am not a cheater. I am not trying to justify it, but I only went through with it cause she was so fucking hot, and I kinda wanted to prove to myself i wasnt a pussy. Low self esteem, mixed with a stolen play station, mixed with violating everything you believe in equals a perfect storm of depression.

Instead of folding, I decided to get my shit together. I spent more time with the kids. I cleaned house obsessively, and in general started doing positive stuff. I felt dirty inside and it bothered me, I wanted to be a good person again.

As luck would have it, I got a call from Juliet. Another opening had come open on the base. She had done me a solid (again, she LOVED my brother) and held onto my application from the last time, and offered me a job. This tie I had been clean for awhile, I passed the pee test and for the next year Nancy and I avoided each other like the plague. I worked hard, and got my finances under control, and life started getting to be ok.

[Colonel Flagg]

jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?


I'm with kahl - how could you not kick the shit out of this bitch? You could teach anger management. Or be a therapist.

[Kitsa]

She sounds like just a horrible, horrible person. And like she thought she could get away with most of it because she was a woman.

[Fathom Zero]

My stepmum is like her. Some people are just evil, for lack of a better word.

[Zomboid]

StepMUM? Aren't you from the south?

[Tadao]

AKA SISTER

[Fathom Zero]

It's always been "mum" for me. I don't have an accent or regional dialect. All my vocabulary comes from books and movies.

I also say "awwwwwnt", instead of "ant". My mum told me that was wrong, but I neither unlearned it nor cared.

[bigtimecow]

that little bit on the 2nd page about running away from the nicely boobed woman, having sex with nancy, getting your daughter out of it etc. etc. is one of the most passionate things i have ever read (especially on this board)

this thread is warming my heart :love

[Colonel Flagg]

george has lived life to the fullest - from the depths of the 9th circle of hell to the highest of the celestial spheres.

I'm still waiting for the "celestial" part. :)

[Tadao]

I like George, he's got a positive attitude. Good on you, you set the bar high for your kids.

[Tadao]

BTW, my wife did some gay ass shit and I hated it when people would trash on her. Also that is still somebody's mother.

[Sam]

The part about the PS2 getting stolen cracked me up. :(

[captain516]

I don't think you're a pussy george :)

[Dimnos]

Damn George. Your a better man than I. I would have kicked her ass to the curb.

[robo_rob]

This story is better than Precious.

[kahljorn]

Sometimes you have to punch people not out of anger, but cause they are cunts and need to know that they are cunts and how much it hurts when somebody you love hits you and treats you like shit.

[Chojin]

christ :<

[Fathom Zero]

I've got a certain level of sympathy for "crazy", but I stand by my original opinion.

[george]

and so far it has all been setup :)

i'm glad you guys like it so far, i have posted parts of this here and there before, but i just dont want it to see like i am looking for sympathy of any sort and if gets crappy or boring let me know cause i dont want to be the old guy who just keeps rattling on.

i'll try to get the next part finnished later tonight :)

[Wiffles]

your stories are cool, and Its nice how you seem to be taking it lightly ^.^

[george]

sorry i didnt write last night, but i fell asleep :)

i will try to finnish this up tonight, i really will. and then it will be the last time i tell this awful story, i dont want to be one of those guys who spends the rest of his life telling how tragic his youth was, no matter how fun it is to talk about.

and wiffles, that is my blessing and my curse. i take everything lightly, and find amusement in even the worse things.

[Seven Force]

This is the best story and you are my new role model

[Dr. Boogie]

George, you and Pednaud are the two best storytellers on this board. I love you, man.

And if I had known any of this stuff prior to the mockmeet, I would've tried to discreetly snap Nancy's neck in the middle of the night.

[Colonel Flagg]

George, you and Pednaud are the two best storytellers on this board.

Then McClain is a razor-close third. :)

[Zomboid]

That order is reversed for me. That's not to say that I haven't been enjoying this thread immensely.

[Carnivore]

This is pretty great thus far. I would like to cast some Hollywood types for the show. I see Tom Sizemore playing George. We need a Nancy, of course, and an Erin. So help us try to visualize these people by assigning them actresses, George.

[Tadao]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yEcIvpIHnZY/SLTSn0adnQI/AAAAAAAAAZg/N4Qr9ozn8jA/s320-R/peg02.jpg

[captain516]

She supposed to be Erin or Nancy? I can see it working both ways.

[george]

Going Crazy, Thanksgiving 2005.

In May of 2005 I bought Nancy a new car for mothers day. It had been well over two years since we had a car that was not an embarassing POS and I was really excited. Having car payments required that she get a job, and I get a new part time job, but it was really worth it. We went out to lunch to celebrate and have a conversation.

I wanted to talk to nancy about getting divorced. There is a lot of stuff that I have left out of this story mostly cause it would take like a million years to document EVERY fight. I have given you a pretty accurate view of how things were. So, when I asked nancy if she wanted a divorce she was not really too suprised or even angry.

We had a very constructive conversation about all the things that had gone on between us. I thought it was one of the most open and honest conversations we ever had. Of course I left out all the stuff about Erin, and I didn't inquire too much about some troubling rumors about her sex life, but still we both laid out our cases against each other. It is not easy to have a matter of fact conversation about getting divorced, to inspect a relationship that has been the focal point of your life (good or bad) and be antiseptic about it. We came to an agreement.

We would table talk of divorce until after Christmas. From now until then we would both try as hard as possible to be good to each other and the children. We would bury our hatchets, forgive, and try our absolute best to start over. No more going out partying, no more drugs, lies, we would focus our attention on getting our life together back on track.

it was all bullshit.

it took less than three days from that conversation for me to realize that i could never believe a word that came out of her mouth. i guess i knew all along, but i really wanted to try to save both our souls.

we went shopping with the kids. it was a friday night, we were both off work (we were both bar tending at the American Legion) and made plans to watch movies with the kids. they were really excited. it was rare that they spent time with both of us, and for the last few days we had been getting along nicely.

then Nancy's cell phone went off. She read a text message, and with barely a goodbye she was out the door. the kids were devestated. at this point it had really begun to hurt them that she was never around, and when she was she was drunk (she "cleverly" carried around a coffee cup filled with beer EVERYWHERE), or had peed herself. I consouled them and we had our usual sort of fun. But inside i was pissed.

She never came home that night. When she finally did turn up, the kids were all late for their soccer games (the scourage of parents with kids under 12 everywhere), and I was pissed. She said she had been down by the pier (the property we lived on had a private pier we would fish off sometimes) and fallen asleep. it really didn't explain much, but i had shit to do. i took the kids to their games, ran some errands, and then headed home.

on the way home I did something unusual for me. i got suspicious of Nancy's story, and went to the pier on the way home. i dont know exactly what made me decide to go, so far i had managed to get thru life with my eyes closed, but i was just curious (jealous?). I found: an empty 12 pack of beer, a condom wrapper, a lot of cigarette butts. all of this could be explained by other people. then i saw the footprints.

Nancy has good taste in shoes. i like that in a girl. im not one of those fucking freaks who jacks off in shoes or anything, but i DO notice their shoes. Nancy had a pair of shoes with a very unusual tread pattern, and there was a spot where she obviously stood very close to somone, obviously a man. Belly to belly, like you would if you were kissing.

i was pretty mad. rage is not even close to describing how I felt. I mean for fucks sake, THREE FUCKING DAYS??? Why not divorce me? We could be adults, be honest and open, fucking opt out of the whole thing if that is how it was gonna be. COULD I PLEASE GET JUST A LITTLE RESPECT?

and that is how I put it to her. in loud, harsh terms. she just looked at me with big brown eyes. perfectly innocent, might i say hurt eyes. and she said "you're losing your mind."

and like the jedi fucking mind trick it was, i believed her.

TO BE CONTINUED, GOTTA GO SMOKE....

[george]

Continued....

for the next few months i thought i was losing my mind. not since my adventures in 2003 did i think that i could not trust my perceptions as much as i did through the summer and fall of 2005. Nancy worked, and then went out with friends, was never home, and whenever i inquired about all of it she somehow managed to make think i was being irrational.

now this was not as hard as it would seem. i felt very guilty over the whole Erin adventure (nancy was unaware of this at this point thank god). and i felt guilty about 2003 as well as ashamed. Nancy knew this and had learned that if she played her hand gently instead of coming out swinging she could make me feel all guilty and sad.

so when she told me that she was going to visit her friend Dana in south carolina for Thanksgiving, i was kind of relieved. The only catch was that she had to drive down there and we only had one car. I did not have any real plans to do anything, and the kids and i decided we would stock up on food and movies and just have fun for the weekend.

then Dana gave me a call. i have known Dana for well over thirty years. we have been friends the whole time. we went to church together, her boyfriend/eventual babies daddy was my neighbor. i took her to get birth control when we were in high school. she was also Nancy's best friend from childhood. so i doubt Nancy would have expected Dana to call me and tell me:

"Uh, your wife is here with another man"

I was so mad. I did not know a person could get this mad. for months i had let her undermine my sanity. i WAS SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!! i knew i was right, i had been right all fucking along. i was a fool.

When she got home, i asked her how things went. She had fun, it was good to see dana, the kids were great. She liked south carolina, blah, blah, blah.

then i asked her if Jason had fun. and she froze. and then told me that it was a mistake, nothing happened, he was just a friend, she was sorry, blah, blah, blah.

i grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her face to mine, and in a very calm, relaxed, and controlled manner explained to her that i did not give a fuck, that whatever was going on was over, and if ever heard a peep about this again from anyone that i would kill her and jason, or whoever the next guy was.

i think she took me seriously, cause for the next few weeks she behaved herself.

[Chojin]

i grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her face to mine, and in a very calm, relaxed, and controlled manner explained to her that i did not give a fuck, that whatever was going on was over, and if ever heard a peep about this again from anyone that i would kill her and jason, or whoever the next guy was.

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/ortonenrage.jpg

[Colonel Flagg]

Yeah, baby! SMACKDOWN! :rock

[Seven Force]

Yeah i'm seriously glad you had the sense not to pull a Benoit.

[george]

almost did. :(

it was the only time ever that i got rough with her. i have learned to stay calm since we split up. once i got away from the problem, i learned how easily she manipulated me with my temper.

[bigtimecow]

dude make me laugh for chrissakes plz this is awful :(

[MLE]

I came back at a good time for stories! Continue, prz.

[Colonel Flagg]

Guys, george was right, this started off awful :( but it's getting better :| and soon it will be a real laugh :lol. Trust in george, he won't let you down! :)

[glowbelly]

love ya, georgie...and even though most of this isn't new to me, it's super cool to see it all written down in one place <3

[george]

oh btw, when she went for Thanksgiving she took the car and left me and the kids home for the weekend. she left the fucking car AT HER BOYFRIENDS HOUSE >:

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS 2005

So, it's a week before Christmas. The last few years have been pretty shitty and this year I have saved up :) Working part time at Wendys --you know the FIRE IN THE HOLE videos that are on youtube of people throwing drinks back in drive thru windows? well me and this kid Demitrius were stealing chicken nuggets one night and some dude pulled up to the window and when this retarded bitch (i fucking hated this chic) handed him his soda the guy yelled "FUCK YOU BITCH" and drilled her with the drink. i laughed so hard i puked chicken nuggets, seriously one of the funniest things i have ever seen--- and at the American Legion, and hiding money from Nancy I had managed to save up $2500.00 for christmas presents.

now some of you fuckers might not think that is a lot of money, but to me it is. Seriously, my family was old time poor when i was a kid. i once got a Merlin for christmas:

http://tvcream.squarespace.com/storage/photos/electronics/merlin.jpg

and that was fucking ALL. i truly hate Christmas because when youre poor it is the one time of year you get feel like shit for having nothing AND get to feel like shit for being a bitch about having nothing (OOOH FUCKING BOY, i get the ever fucking eternal love of jesus again this year!).

i pulled my money out of the mason jar in the backyard ;) and suprised Nancy with it. i was so fucking proud of myself. when i thought about her reaction i pretty much envisioned myself as a dog bringing home a rabbit. all bouncy and proud. i really wanted to impress her. i wanted her approval. like every abused person ever, i wanted my personal victimizer to see how wrong they were, come her senses, and love me.

and i offered to buy her jewlery. diamond earings. cause it had been a long time since she had gotten anything nice from me, and i felt bad about Erin, and I wanted to show up the asshole she had been running around with.

i wanted to be awsome.

and she said no thank you :(


gonna go smoke, more to come....

[george]

Continued:

now, if i have not made it clear at this point Nancy is the most selfish person i have ever met. i can only express it like this:

one day nancy was driving me to work. she would drop me off just outside the gate of the base i worked at and i would have about a two mile walk to the "plant" that i worked at. this was because we lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and she "needed" the car to drive the kids to the bus stop (the fact that her mother--thank god--would usually make a ten mile drive to our house, pick up the kids, and take them to school, and then pick them up, was NEVER a topic that was brought up). it was just after hurricane Katrina, and i mentioned how bad i felt for the people in New Orleans and Biloxi (a city i had lived in for about a year).

her response was:
fuck those ******s, they are getting 1,000 dollar gift cards and free trailers just because they were too fucking ignorant and lazy to move somewhere else. They are a bunch of free loading bastards, and that they don't deserve a fucking thing.

my response was:
but they were the most desperately poor people in America, that they endured horrors that no American should ever have to endure, and they had no money, or place to go.

her response was:
i'm poor! where's my free house, where's my free check?

this was a woman riding in a brand new car taking her husband to his high paying job so that she could go home and sleep while her mother spent her day doing her job of being a mother for her. that should pretty much sum it all up.

so when i offered to buy her jewlrey and she said no, my heart sank. i knew this woman. if it meant the kids didnt get a goddamn single christmas present and she could get diamond earings (that she had harped about getting for months) she would have left the kids high and dry. something awful was coming my way.

i decided that i would try for honesty. i asked Nancy if there was something going on that i should know about. i told her that she could tell me, be honest, and that we would settle our differences after the holidays. i told her i would be sad but that i would rather have her be honest than break my heart. in one of the most touching gestures that i had ever seen out of her she got on her hands and knees and sucked my dick (jk, she got on her hands and knees and swore that there was nothing going on and that she loved me with all her heart and that she would be good and faithful forever and ever, blah, blah, blah)

this is gonna be tricky so stick with me:

my mom has her christmas party the week before christmas. i have a bunch of brothers and a sister and it had always been really hard to get us all together on a regular basis, so it had become an annual event for us all.

i had to work a day shift at the American Legion.

A friend of mine had rented a local nightclub to throw a christmas party. Every person that i was friends with was invited. People i have been friends with since childhood were going to be there. it was going to be a party to remember.

nancy had to work a night shift at the American Legion.

So we traded. she took my day shift. i took her night shift. i would go to my parents house, the relieve her at the Legion. Nancy was going to ride to the party with some friends (a few girls we both knew). i would come to the party later that night when i closed the Legion (around midnight).

easy peasy.

i ran late returning from my parents house. when i got to the Legion nancy was furious. there were only a few people at the bar, and one got up and left when i came in. we quickly changed over the bar. Nancy said she was ready to go, and departed. i thought it was a little strange her friends did not come in, because these were girls i was well aquainted with, and usually they went out of their way to say hi when they were around cause i did not go out very often. i did not think much of it.

before long it was me and a guy named John. I fucking hated John. John was a guy who had spent his life pissing away a small fortune his parents had left him. his favorite thing to do was fuck with people he thought were lower than him and that was pretty much everyone. he would not let up. he was insulting and rude, and just kept pushing my nerves. i bent down to get him his upteenth shot of Rumplemints from the cooler, and while my head was in the cooler he said " I could kill you right now. "

i popped up like a fucking jack-in-the-box. he sounded pretty serious. i thought that i was about to die, that this drunk POS asshole was going to kill me in the shitty old American Legion. He got a big laugh off my reaction. i told him to get the fuck out. he refused.

i calmly walked around the bar. got him in a headlock, drug him out the door, and locked it behind him. he stood outside screaming how he was going to have me fired, i was an asshole, blah, blah, blah.

i decided i did not give a shit if i was fired. i closed the bar. i decided to go to the party early. i had not been out in awhile. i was looking forward to seeing my friends.

when i came into the party it was packed. literally every person i knew was there. every fucking one of them.

have you ever had the feeling everyone was watching you?

that every person in a room was looking? that all conversation ceased when you came into the room. that even though the music was playing there was deadly silence underneath it, and when the song ended you would get that crazy ringing sound that is so awsome after listening to Tool at far too many decibles?

i walked the room and i felt like i was being stalked. i looked for Nancy and her friends and there was no sign of them. i wandered. i thought maybe they had gone outside to get high. i wandered. and looked out at the dance floor.

and there on the dance floor was my wife. she had her back to the dude who had left the American Legion they were making out. he had his hands on her tits (in the insane clarity of the moment i could clearly see he was pinching her nipples). she was grinding her ass back into him.

the whole place had been watching me. she knew i was going to be there eventually. she knew that everyone would be laughing at me behind my back when i got there. she had fooled me once again.

i walked up to her an her friend and said, " are you two having fun?"

they opened their eyes at the same time. he screamed like a little girl and ran away.

she looked at me for a second and pointed to my wristband and said, "you didnt have to pay to get in."

[Terra]

I would love to ass fist Nance.

[WhiteRat]

I would love to ass fist Nance.

You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

[captain516]

Oh man. please tell me you strangled her.

[Dimnos]

George. have you ever had a job at a foundry? They have huge ovens that get up to 4k degrees you know. Just saying. ;)

[Kitsa]

I was disappointed when you said you were just kidding about her sucking your dick. You deserved at least that much.

[bigtimecow]

signature'd

[Fathom Zero]

I'm completely serious when I say this; living well is the best revenge. The only way that you can win again someone so repugnant is to leave them alone to destroy themselves and get away from them if they try and come after you.

She'll kill herself one day, whether it be a conscious bullet or a completely unforeseen consequence of her lifestyle like a football liver. Don't worry about it.

[Sam]

goddamnit BTC I was going to put that in a sig :(

[glowbelly]

i hate this woman so fuckin much. i hope she stops by here and throws a fit in this thread. that would be hilarious.

[Tadao]

Like you'll ever be back around to see it. :rolleyes

[glowbelly]

quit your snifflin. i'm around when i feel like it.

[Colonel Flagg]

[... still waiting for the other shoe ...]

Keep it going, george, this is great stuff!

BTW, Nancy = Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King's "It". Squirt battery acid at the bitch. ;)

[george]

OMG if nancy saw this thread she would have a fit.

we had an argument the other day about thanksgiving. please try and take one guess why it is a holiday that me and the kids exclude her from.

so, her current BF decided she could not go with him to his parents house for thanksgiving so she decided to latch onto our plans and go with us to MY SISTERS house for the holiday. when i told her that wasnt gonna happen she said she would just come anyway :(

and she said it was all my fault that she was all alone for thanksgiving, what a tard :(

[Terra]

Did Nancy used to post here??

[Chojin]

yeah, under 'Nancy'. iirc i made her avatar

the account isn't here anymore, though, unless the name got changed

[stevetothepast]

OMG if nancy saw this thread she would have a fit.

we had an argument the other day about thanksgiving. please try and take one guess why it is a holiday that me and the kids exclude her from.

so, her current BF decided she could not go with him to his parents house for thanksgiving so she decided to latch onto our plans and go with us to MY SISTERS house for the holiday. when i told her that wasnt gonna happen she said she would just come anyway :(

and she said it was all my fault that she was all alone for thanksgiving, what a tard :(

tell her to fuck off george.
you'll be thankful that you did.

[kahljorn]

I wouldn't bring her, she might try to have sex with someone in front of your sister.

[Sacks]

Or pee all over everything.

[Nick]

Or both.

[george]

oh, she is not coming. she does this all thi time.

ha. pretty sure i am going to have some news on the love front that will truly piss her off!!! 38 year old bitch ex wife meet 23 year old artist sweetheart gf (??????) just maybe i will have the closure for this story.

i will try to do more of this monday night, i was up all night in happy town (1 shift drink became 10, and i amused my coworkers by getting old ladies to dance all dirty with me) and i worked all day today, and work all day tomorrow. but business is picking up at work and life just may be getting good for once and all. :)

[bigtimecow]

DUDE UPDATE COME ON WHAT THE FUCK >:

[MLE]

I'm pretty sure getting closure on this is the only reason i've been checking these forums lately.

[Carnivore]

It's increased my lurking 1000-fold!

[MLE]

I hope there's a big update after Thanksgiving.

[Pentegarn]

Yeah, there needs to be an update

Nice foreshadowing on what a bitch she was though when you mentioned she said she would divorce you if you took that commission to the Marines. A loving wife would have supported you (Like my mother did for my father when he served). While a bitch would have.... well you lived the story, so I don't need to tell you.

Thank you for your service by the way.

Jesus I hope this has an uber happy ending, you deserve one after all that

[Tadao]

HAPPY TG GEORGE!

[Pentegarn]

Also, best quote about divorce (one that dragged on for years, and it still hadn't been finalized yet) that I have ever heard...

"If I had killed her, I would have just finished serving my time by now"

[Nick]

Nancy found out about this and knifed him good.

[Pentegarn]

I hope not

And not just because I want to hear the conclusion of his story

[Carnivore]

Season one is over. They're filming season two now.

[Tadao]

I was promised a Thanksgiving special. :(

[Pentegarn]

Agreed. This cliffhanger is worse to endure than the last writers strike

[MLE]

Ffffuuuuuuuu

[Dimnos]

I hope she didnt shoot him or anything. :(

[george]

i am all ok!!! i have been super busy is all. me and the kids spent the weekend doing all sorts of fun things, and it has been all doubles at work (including today) i am off tomorrow (thurs) and i promise i will finnish this whole thing then.

and since i decided that this is the very last time i am going to tell this story i guess life decided to bring all the sad things to an end. you'll see what i mean.

thank you for your patience.

[MLE]

I'm only waiting somewhat patiently until I hear the end of it ;<

[Pentegarn]

There needs to be a trailer, like you have for the summer blockbusters

[george]

Aftermath: part 1

what do you do when you are upset? i am pretty sure most people would have slapped Nancy, chased that guy outside and kicked his ass. i just stood there. i just stood there and thought about the day i fell in love with Nancy.

i was working at Ames. Ames was a shittier version of KMart, and at this point in time no one had even heard of Wal-Mart in the north east. i loved my job. i had just moved back to MD from Mississippi, was having sex with the girl who worked in the she department (she was a Ms Maryland contestant) at least once a day while on the clock, and had reached legendary status in pissing my boss off. i would take a Talking Pee Wee Herman Doll:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51vs59m32nL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

then turn on the PA system for the store, pull the string, and blare Pee Wee through the whole place. The manager could never catch me doing it, and my co-workers hated him so much that no one would rat me out. The bane of my existence at Ames was getting shopping carts.

Now a days they have those little carts that they use to assist pushing the carts through the store. I hate those fucking things. In my day the carts were made of metal, all had bad wheels, and there was no happy ass cart corral to park the carts in. I would have to walk the whole parking lot to gather the carts, then push those heavy fucking things back into the store. to this day i will not put a cart into one of those cart corrals, fuck those lazy bastards and the assisted pushing of plastic shopping carts.

so, to pass the time i would sing songs while i gathered carts. i would sing metallica, i would sing aerosmith, i would sing skynyrd, GNR, and i would rap. Nancy and i went to church together as kids. one day we were working as voluteers at a church dinner and we snuck out to the parking lot and made out for most of the night--she was the first girl i ever made out with--and then promptly never saw her again until a very hot june day in 1998. i was rapping Public Enemies now classic "Don't Believe the Hype" and pushing ever fucking shopping carts. and a sweet voice behind me said "Hi"

I turned around and met my doom. Big brown eyes, long brown hair, and a beautiful smile. i was smitten. they say you know the moment you meet somone if you are ever going to be in love, and i would have said that it was bullshit until that moment. After that moment i knew i would have followed Nancy to hell if she asked (and she did), and done it smiling (and i did).

For the next seventeen years we went through the wars together. through good and bad, through everything i have told you so far (and a million that are just too personal) i always believed that our pathes would lead us back to being the two people who instantly fell in love because she liked the fact that i would sing in my awful voice and be unafraid of who heard, and because in my soul i believed that she heard the truth and understood.

I stood there and i thought as i had so many times about that girl i loved so much. i thought about the redemption that time would give to us both. all those days in our future when the fires had grown low and we had come to the end and watched the world burn together and the power of all that time had overcome the momentary hardships and pain and smoothed it all out into a story we could both be proud of.

i thought about all of that and went out to my car to get my gun.

ok, brb gotta pee.

[george]

Aftermath p.1 continued:

I didn't really have a gun. I wish I did. It would have made a better story, and at times i have told this to people for dramatic effect. here are some lies about myself that i have perpetuated in my lifetime that make me happy:

1. I have a tattoo on the inside of my wrist. i tell people it is the chinese symbol for monkey. i think i have only told like five people what it really means because explaining the real meaning would take too long and be too personal. the story of how i got this tattoo goes like this:

For Zoe's 14 birthday Nancy and I took Zoe to get her eyebrow pierced. The guy that was going to do the piercing was a family friend, had pierced both my and Nancy's eyebrows and ran a successfull tattoo shop until he died recently from the same type of blood infection that killed Bernie Mac.

So the guy swabbed Zoe's eyebrow, placed the clamp, and promptly pierced a vein. After a few seconds of hurried activity the guy turns to me and says "i'm so sorry, i did not check for a vein, i did both of yours, you should have told me you were not her father!"

calmly i replied, "i am her father."

He gave me the universal look that people give when they know that they have just gotten themselves into a conversation they don't want to have. he did not want to explain genetics to someone who was not going to listen, much less shatter the emotions of a young girl and her father(?). Instead he told us to go wait in the lobby to make sure that Zoe wasn't gonna be all fucked up from damage to that vein.

to distract ourselves from the great truth that we had just learned (although i have yet to find anything definitive confirming that vein placement has anything to do with genetics like eye color does) zoe and I started looking through tattoo books. she wanted to get one (and it was fine by me) but her mom would not let her. instead she picked one out for me: the chinese symbol for monkey.

i love that story.

2. I have met Justin Timberlake. Tuesday and I started this lie and tell it whenever we get the chance. this lie went so far that we faked JT's signature on a poster, and got a bday cake for T that said "love you T, from JT" anytime anyone tells us how they met someone famous, we double team them with our account of how we met JT:

We were bored one day and listening to 99.5, the local Pop music station. We called in to the station to request a song and just happened to win a contest, out of sheer luck. we got free tickets to his show and to meet JT backstage.

instead of being the dousche we expected him to be, JT turned out to be an awsome guy. Instead of just hanging out for a few minutes, we hung out together all afternoon. JT bought us pizza, and we all became great friends.

we will dogpile more and more onto this story until whoever we are lying to gets mad or decides to call us on it. it is great fun, and really great on those pompous people who like to name drop.

Since this the last time i will tell this story i will carry on with the truth. i went out to my car and started crying. i cried like a big fat bitch of a baby. i saw the future i hoped for go up in smoke. the life i suffered for, endured for, dreamed of, worked for, my whole vision of the purpose of my life, my reward for it was gone.

my shinning vision of the future had turned into a great void of nothing in the space of a day. to say i was hurt is not even right. she had killed me. the person i was right up until that moment was gone completely. sitting in the shitty parking lot, of a shitty nightclub in southern maryland i died and was wiped clean. nothing mattered.

then my cell phone rang. it was zoe. she wanted to know when i was going to come home. she wanted to make cookies, wanted me there because she and the other kids loved me and needed me.

so i went back into the club, and called the doorman over. they would not let me back in. they were afraid i was gonna start trouble. i told them that the bitch had my money, that she could go fuck the russian army for all i cared but that if she didn't give me my christmas money right fucking now i was going to go an epic level of apeshit on everyone in the place.

they drug her over, and she gave me my cash. i told her not to come home ever again. it was all over, and i never wanted to see her again.

i went home and made cookies with the kids. we had a good time.

i did not see Nancy again until Christmas Eve.

[Dimnos]

:eek

[bigtimecow]

duuuuuuuuuuuuuude

[Nick]

I love this story. :)

[george]

Christmas

i spent the next week in a daze. this is to be expected, but when your job requires you to pour straight nitro glycerine into a mixer already filled with nitro cellulose and ether being out of your mind is a really bad thing. i would forget what i was doing, or why i was doing it. if not activly engaged in talking to another person my mind would wander off into the white static of nothing. one thought kept popping up:

you deserve this for sleeping with Erin. this is your punishment. this is your atonement. this is your chance to come clean and get the weight of the whole thing off your chest. i could trade evils with Nancy, we could be mad and then find common ground again.

sigh.

So when Nancy turned up on Christmas Eve i was feeling pretty happy. we talked for awhile. she apologized. i accepted. and instead of coming clean about Erin, i begged her to take me back. on my hands and knees i begged her. i dont think i really wanted her back. i think i just wanted to make the end on my terms instead of the tawdry scene that had occured.

she accepted. told me that she had dumped Jason after he ran away on her, realizing what a dousche he was. i was prett stoked about the whole thing. here was the answer to the whole thing, not a great one, but an answer.

we spent christmas eve together. we had fun christmas morning together. later that day Zoe came to me. she had nancy's cell phone in her hand. and she had been reading a string of txt messages Nancy had been trading with Jason. the last one came in just as Z was gonna send me a txt (zoe is good at getting txt while sending, we do it to each other all the time): I WLL B THR TO GET YOU AT 9:00.

there were a lot of texts. some about fucking, some about being in love, and a bunch about what an asshole i was for taking her seriously about getting back together. Zoe was crying as she watched me read the txt. i closed the phone, hugged zoe, and then went to find Nancy.

i handed her the phone and asked her what was up. why wouldnt she just be honest? why keep lying? WHY?????

she just looked at me. in a steady voice she said " I am in love with him, you have to understand that it is over between us, i just wanted to be with the kids for Christmas."

and out the door she went. i would not see her again for a week.

it was all over. any hope for our future was gone.

cheating for sex you can get over.

BUT SHE FUCKING LOVED SOMEONE ELSE. and for the second time in a week i sat and cried. then the girls came in my room, sat on the bed with me, put their arms around me and hugged me until i pulled myself together.

[Nick]

Aw mayun. :(

[Dimnos]

WHY?! WHY DID YOU LET HER BACK IN ON CHRISTMAS EVE? :tear

Why couldnt you just turn off all the lights (after she knocked on the door or whatever) and in a not so quiet voice tell the kids to be quiet and maybe she will just go away.

[captain516]

Holy shit, this just gets worse and worse.

[kahljorn]

I can't read this anymore P:((

[sspadowsky]

I'm waiting for one of two things to happen here:

1) George fesses up to this being the biggest bullshit story he's come up with since meeting Justin Timberlake, and gloats over how he got us all real good, or.....

2) George sends us a photo of him in an orange jumpsuit, typing away on a laptop in a prison cell because he has chopped Nancy into pieces and fed her to the family's pet goat.

I will be satisfied with either conclusion.

P.S.- I love you George, you big, fruity hunk of weird.

[Chojin]

i didn't know comic book villains existed in real life, too

i think it's hilarious how she'll lie in any scenario, even when there's no reason to do so and it could even hurt her position. She is totally dedicated to evil, and that's kinda admirable.

[Colonel Flagg]

I can actually see this happening - people are effed up and they do some stupid, nasty despicable things to people just for the hell of it. I'm sorry it happened to George (if it did happen, now that the BS card has been thrown into play, thanks sspad!) but the fact that he's talking about it means he's in a better place now, which means the story does have a good ending.

I hope it ends with Nancy being eaten by sharks.

[Zomboid]

She is totally dedicated to evil, and that's kinda admirable.

:lol

[george]

no spad, this is all the truth, or at least as much of it as i can tell without fear.

trust me, despite the fact that i felt like killing her, the pay off comes eventually. this is so much longer than i thought it would be. there is quite a bit more. trust me, everybody gets what they deserve :)

i will try to add more tomorrow, i want to be done with this, thinking of it all makes me sad, and amazingly life is pretty good right now.

but i wont spoil the story.

[Pentegarn]

Focus on the good stuff now while you write it. Make that your balm. To borrow the cliché, 'That which does not kill us only makes us stronger'. I like to think that means when things are good we can look back at what is bad and endure the memories, because we were rewarded later.

[bigtimecow]

reading about how your kids have never left your side is absolutely adorable

:bestthread and i mean that <<<

[Colonel Flagg]

Kids are like that - open honest and caring. When the chips are down, and there's no where to go, a child will instinctively cling to that which makes them feel safe and secure. That says a lot about Georgie, now doesn't it. :)

[Pentegarn]

I am telling you, this had better end with something like, and then I hit the lottery and banged Natalie Portman

[Dr. Boogie]

trust me, despite the fact that i felt like killing her, the pay off comes eventually.

Please tell me it's coming soon, George. If there's another bout of you crawling back to this heinous bitch, I will have to smack the shit out of you.

[Pentegarn]

Unless I miss his hints meaning, I think the next installment will have at least one more instance of that, otherwise he would have been able to give us the payoff already :P

[MLE]

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE

[Dr. Boogie]

Didn't nancy post on these boards for a brief period of time way back?

[Zomboid]

Yeah, I thought I remembered that.

[Pentegarn]

I think George verified it too earlier, I can't remember for sure though

[Colonel Flagg]

What was her alias? :confused

[Pentegarn]

Sounds like it may have been just Nancy

[Dimnos]

yeah, under 'Nancy'. iirc i made her avatar

the account isn't here anymore, though, unless the name got changed

:\

[Terra]

Did George ever come back with another installment?

[The Leader]

The thread's right here. You can find out with just a few clicks! :O

[Terra]

I'm lazy. So far it's the same posts from the last time I was here.

[Tadao]

Yes, he renewed his vowes with Nancy on Thanksgiving.

[Terra]

Suddenly this thread is funny.

[Tadao]

I think he stuffed the turkey. ;)

[Dimnos]

Turdicken.

[glowbelly]

this is rez, glow had me read this whole thing out loud tonight

holy fuck what the fuck oh my god this is aaaaaaaaa

[Tadao]

:rolleyes

[Womti]

this is rez, glow had me read this whole thing out loud tonight

holy fuck what the fuck oh my god this is aaaaaaaaa


whatsamatter glow did Chojin come over and is raping you :eek

[glowbelly]

:rolleyes
You Need To Stop

[Rez]

Here comes an issue

[Tadao]

You Need To Stop

Sorry Nancy

[Pentegarn]

No need to get cruel :P

[kahljorn]

:rolleyes

Some people need to grow up

[Pentegarn]

This thread needs more George

[Chojin]

well, i guess that's it for george for another 2 years

[Colonel Flagg]

Have faith ....

[Pentegarn]

Man, after we invest so much in this story if he left now it would be the ultimate let down

[Dimnos]

Best troll ever? :confused:

[Pentegarn]

I would be more inclined to call him a contributing writer to The Sopranos :lol

[MLE]

Come back, george :<

[Pentegarn]

I don't think he is for awhile.

I had almost forgotten this thread it has been so long. That and the DML/10K mess and SS have kept me occupied till he returns (whenever that is)

[Colonel Flagg]

I just hope Nancy didn't get wise to this thread and do something tabloid-worthy. :(

[Pentegarn]

What is it with i-mockery forum members with crazy significant others?

[Sacks]

They're wild in the sack.

[Colonel Flagg]

Truer words hath never been written. :posh

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Speaking of which....does anyone else high five after they're done?

[Pentegarn]

Like high five the lady you were just with?

No, but I am going to next time just for laughs (she'd laugh at that one if I did it I think)

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I've been high fiving for a few years. It just feels right to do....like you know.....good game.

[Pentegarn]

A slap on the butt is more traditional for a "good game" though :P

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

and get my hand all gooey???....no thank you. :P

[Pentegarn]

That's why you aim the end for the left cheek and slap the right one.

Didn't they teach you anything?

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Learning from experience as I go along. I'll try that next time though.

[Pentegarn]

:wank:moon

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

:lol Even watching that loop is hilarious.

[bigtimecow]

STOP UPDATING THIS THREAD AND MAKING ME THINK GEORGE DID IT :(

[Pentegarn]

We gave up on George already though. Now we are talking about where to finish and what to slap

[Chojin]

george is back!

[Chojin]

well, i guess that's it for george for another 2 years

18 months; i was close

[Pentegarn]

I thought that when I reread the thread a bit ago

[george]

ok, i am going to read this again so i am sure to not forget anything. sorry for the two year absence once again, i had some seriously crazy shit happen.

i need a new avatar.

[ThrashO]

Holy shit. I just read the entire thread and I've been on the edge of my goddamn seat the whole time. It makes me want to read books.

If you don't finish this story I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. George you're the fucking man. Also, I was born in Biloxi! One of my best friends as a kid growing up was killed in Katrina and so was his mother who was my mother's best friend. That story is fucking gay compared to yours though please continue.

[george]

long cold lonely winter

if i have covered this part bear with me a little bit. in the winter of 2006 i went crazy. i don't mean crazy kind of, or i felt crazy, i mean i lost it for realz.

i came awake and i was on my couch in my tighty whitey's, i had a huge erection, i was listening to Pink Floyd at very high volume, and rolling a gigantic blunt from the biggest bag of weed i had ever seen. i could see my mattress was burning in the front yard.

i tried to remember what had happened. that talking heads song with the line "is this my house?" began to play in my head. and just a little movement of my head was enough to confirm i had destroyed everything in the house.

plates, glasses, pretty much anything that could be broken was FUBAR. i had beaten my kitchen table and chairs to pieces for sins i will never remember. i wandered the house like i was having a dream, the mess was spectacular. i actually toilet papered my own house. i followed the trail of destruction until i got to my bedroom.

my room smelled. mostly cause i had put all of nancy's clothes into trash bags and then had what appeared to be explosive diarrhea in a few, and lacking anymore shit i peed in the rest. this part still makes me giggle.

i also had destroyed nancy's guitar. it was her prized possession. i had found it at a thrift store. it had been in a fire and was coated in soot. i pulled it apart and cleaned it up, and it looked and sounded beautiful in that rare way cheap instruments sometimes do. and i fucked it straight to hell. and this part still makes me giggle too.

then the phone rang. it was nancy.

"are you alright?"

"uh, i guess so." i lied.

"i just got a call that you called Jason's family at four am and said you were going to kill him."

"hmm, uh...." i hung up the phone. i remembered calling everyone in the phone book with the same last name as her new man. i also defiantly threatened to do some kind of killing :)

i also remembered pictures, and an excessively helpful bar tender. Her name was Trish. She had given me thirteen shots of Jaeger and shown me pictures of nancy in various stages of getting gang fucked by a bunch of dudes. this would be the first of many such events. everywhere i went at least one person would tell me yet another humiliation that i just had to know about now it was all over. Soon i will tell you the last (and worst) one of all, but this first one rocked me. the rest just made me sad.

so i look around at my world, smoke my blunt, and decide to run away from home. i leave a note for the kids, get in my car and just start driving. i want to be anywhere than my shit hole home town, i want to find some place to be alone.

instead i drive to south carolina and have extremely dirty sex with nancy's oldest, closest friend. no revenge is better than ATM with the girl your ex has always been secretly jealous of. it still makes me giggle.



more to come, it gets better.

[ThrashO]

ITS SO GOOD

[george]

CONTINUED....

i laid low for three days. long enough to decide i needed to get the fuck out of MD and go to SC for good. houses were cheap, there was some jobs and it was nothing like home. i like the south, everyone is polite and they have a "doing it my own pace so fuck you very gently" kind of attitude. life seemed to be looking up.

i got home to find nancy and my landlord in the driveway. now some of you have been to that shit hole farmhouse we lived in, and you can bet the rent i was paying was not being reported. the place was only slightly better than nothing. my personal paper street soap company, and it was the best i could afford. even with a high paying job, 3 room town houses were going for 1900 a month in the section 8 ghetto part of my area. i was paying a lot for that dump and my landlord was very kindly standard 00' republican asshole. i did not want to see him.

i get out of the car and two people i have no interest in talking to start yelling at me. it is cold and gray and it feels like snow and that is all i really care about. i always imagine i looked pretty cool in this moment, staring off at the dull horizon, lighting a cigarette. telling them both to shut the fuck up.

if you have never managed to tell someone to shut the fuck up in a menacingly friendly way, i hope someday you get the chance and pull it off. they both shut the fuck up immediately. in a month of humiliation i had finally shown a little spine.

Turning to my landlord, "Mr. Wrinkles, I am moving out the first of February. I am having some emotional difficulties and do not wish to speak with you."

"If I had known this," pointing to the husk of the burned mattress, "I would never have rented ...." He stopped talking because i had started a quick walk over to whip his republican slum lord ass. i repeat at this point that i was CRAZY, no one should have trusted me with anything. Mr. Wrinkles got the message and got in his lexus and left. i never talked to him in person again.

nancy and i stood there and i felt every ounce of hate i had for 16 years of her bullshit. the wind blew my hair back, it is the only time i have ever been happy with my hair in my entire life. i was an angry man. i looked it.

"You should have asked me before you told him you were moving out, now where are me and the kids going to live?"

wtf? it can be many things, a sound, a motion, a feeling, a universal vibe that everything around you can feel. my WTF? was all those things. i laughed so hard i nearly puked my guts out. by the time i straightened up she was standing there with a very puzzled expression. i decided to clarify things:

"those children will never live with you again for the rest of your entire life. you are a terrible mother, a terrible person, and i hope more than anything that you get exactly what you deserve. i hate you. leave and never come back." she left and never came back.

i called my work and told them i quit. i had gone crazy and was not fit to carry on with my job. i was a danger to myself and others. they let me take a month off, and i could decide what to do after that. it was the best month ever! the kids and i played fable all the way in every possible way. there was a lot of gay rape.

i had lined up a place, had enough money to get started, and was going with our basic shit, and nothing else was coming. and on January 30, 2006 the kids and i burned everything.


more to come, promised AK that i would go to the craft store to get some shit she needs for some shit she is doing (a lot more about AK later)

[george]

now i am going to tell you the second funniest thing i have ever seen:

it is a week before Christmas in 2007. i am meeting nancy and her boyfriend at the mall to pick up the kids. at this point i have still never met the guy. he has stolen my wife (good job too, i was glad she was gone), and buried my dog. he was justifiably afraid of me and demanded a public meeting place, hence the mall. i look down on myself and realize there is blood all over my shirt. I HAVE TO GO TO OLD NAVY AND BUY A NEW SHIRT :(

i have blood on me because i am working part time as a bartender/bouncer at a local biker bar, and i had to stop two dudes in ass less chaps from fucking the whole place up. one of them bleeds all over me. i put the old navy shirt over the bloody shirt and the blood immediately soaks through. sigh.

now i look as crazy as i feel, and it is all because of bubba. now this may seem like the funny part, and it is pretty great, but it is just setting the mood.

NANCY'S TRAILER BURNED THE FUCK DOWN :lol

i had a daydream about it. pure clear dream. i knew it happened. and when i got off work and turned on my cell phone, it immediately rang. Nancy.

"You killed my dog." is how i answered. and i hung up. i went on to work at the bar.

it was a slow night and i was trying to close early. a big tub of redneck lard shambles into the bar, and makes it clear he wants to stay. he starts asking me if there are any places with female bartenders open. how the fuck should i know? i ignore him and he tells me a story

Once not so long ago, him and his buddies used to go to a bar and when the place closed and the bartender, a girl named nacy (knda fat, brown hair), would let him and his buddies fuck her. one time they forgot condoms (thank god she made them use them) and she wrapped their dicks in saran wrap and took it in the ass and mouth... (eww..)

i went home to my parents house, watched fiddler on the roof with the girls, made fun of the movie, and when the girls went to bed i went to the living room. i put my head in my mothers lap and cried for the last time over nancy. i was so fucking glad to be rid of her.

so with this in mind, looking a hot mess, and strung out from constant driving and a lot of energy drinks i was sitting and waiting for nancy and dipshit to finish whatever they were doing with my son and i was hating god a little more than usual. and then god sent me a miracle.

this douche bag comes running in with about a dozen Pomeranian on a big dog walker. since one of our favorite family activities is to make fun of the rest of the world, and this guy looked like as smug as the winner of the biggest cock contest at Slutty Whore Beach. and he was whisking his dogs off to get portraits at the mother fucking Sears portrait studio. so i hit my daughter in the arm.

and just as she looks one of the gaggle of dogs lays a huge piece of pipe on the floor, about ten feet from the entrance to the food court in a busy mall. and king cock just keeps cruising. we laugh at the whole scene.

and at once we both realize that there is a turd lurkiing at the entrance of a busy mall. anyone can step on it. we just have to wait for it to go down. there are MANY close calls. some so close it is astounding that it has not gone down yet. and then comes the kid.

ever meet a kid who did need ADD medicine? this kid was that kid on crack, his mother told him to shut up well over twenty times in the short period of time we shared together. watching him dance. over the turd.

he jumped over the turd. he marched over the turd. he was mr. goddamn bojangles and he danced over poo in worn out velcro shoes. and he had no idea the turd was there. and missed stepping on it by a margin of cunt hair well over three hundred times in the ten minutes we watched him. there were well over a thousand near misses that were more hope than anything. this kid did not stop moving until his mom spock pinched him and he fell to his knees right over the turd.

from the angle i had it looked like a little brown boner. my daughter and i laughed so hard. we still talk about this at least once a week. the mother drug the kid off, the turd was intact, and we could not handle any more.

what happened to the turd i dont know. if you want i will tell you a story about the cleaning crew for that mall at another time that is also a very funny tale on it's own. remind me if you like.

and that is how god apologized to me for killing my dog. very appropriate.


next is the funniest thing i ever saw, i hope you enjoyed this one :)

[MarioRPG]

Never expected to see this story have anything added to it. Loving it, keep the updates a rollin'.
e: but yes, seriously glad to hear that you told nancy off and that she's worthless. Can't really imagine myself in a situation quite like yours, but I can appreciate how it's hard to end things even if they are shitty.

[Pentegarn]

I think I should just subscribe to this thread, and I never subscribe to threads in a forum ever

[Shyandquietguy]

I remember reading this thread a long time ago. And I'm also as big as a scared little dork when it comes to making comments as I was then.

George, I am happy you finally stood up and came to terms with yourself and I look forward to more stories from your life.

You are a king of kings and I hope your life is a shit ton better than it was then.

[Colonel Flagg]

George, welcome back! I thought you were dead. :eek

If that's the second funniest thing you ever saw, God help us all! :lol

[Colonel Flagg]

And write a book already. >:

[george]

the funniest thing i ever saw.....

i had beaten Fable, Solid Snake, and Spiderman. i had pulled the kids out of school. i had put everything else i needed to do off to the last moment. i was having a great time. the day had come to destroy yesterdays life.

i began by taking all the small stuff. linens, the odd copy of Swank, everything had to go. dirty clothes? not anymore :) i piled all of this in a small circle in my back yard, and poured about a gallon of gasoline on it.

then i got the bigger shit. dressers, bed frames, anything that would burn.

finally there was nothing left but the couch. a great big sleeper couch from the 1960's that we inherited when Nancy's weirdo wife swapping uncle had croaked. it was huge and heavy. the house i lived in had a set of wooden steps up to the door, and i had only one choice. i had to flip the couch over the porch rail so that it could fall 10 feet to the ground. we hoped it would come apart in some sort of gravity assisted explosion.

the kids gathered around the porch. i heaved one side onto the railing. i got to the other side and flipped the whole thing over the side. the couch tumbled twice in the cold air, and landed on it's side.

the bed part popped open and a squirrel skeleton with a bushy tail came flying out and we all screamed. then we all puked, then started laughing.

and laughing. we had slept on that couch. lived on it. and the skeleton seemed to say it all. we had a lot of fun throwing it and chasing each other around with it.

this may be the part where i fail to express to you how funny this really was. how grim and serious i had been all day. how scared the kids were to have their world changing so fast. how strange i felt in my own life. how i had a part of me saved by the most oddly preserved skeleton i had ever seen.

once we calmed down we added the couch to a burn pile that was easily six feet tall. i added a lot more gasoline. and i ended that part of my life with a fire.

[Colonel Flagg]

How appropriate.

I often appreciate the cleansing nature of a good rip roaring bonfire.

[george]

man that fucking thing burned like the heart of god.

i dont know sometimes. when i look back on all of this and it really seems like it happened to someone else. when i started this thread i was pretty full of raw emotion and was still angry, but life literally changed the day i last updated it. when i finish telling this to you guys i will never tell this story again. i kinda fall into the emotion of it when i am writing, but i feel really dispassionate about it. that life is over in every way and it is hard to remember how vacant i felt.

sigh.

uh most of the stuff to come is pretty happy and good. there is a few little nasty parts with Nancy, and i exact my revenge, and i win. so maybe i will get a bit more excited as it all comes to an end.

thanks for sticking with me.

[Pentegarn]

and i exact my revenge, and i win

I anticipate this will be i-mockery's "Who shot JR?"

[Grislygus]

[ROLL CREDITS]

VQnHAb_6sOs&feature=fvst

[Grislygus]

THE FILMMAKERS WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE COOPERATION OF THE GOOD PEOPLE OF MARYLAND

[Pentegarn]

No credits just yet Gus, george said there was still more

[Grislygus]

Breaking my balls, Butters

[Pentegarn]

:lol

[george]

i am going to the beach today and i will try really hard to organize my thoughts for the next part. i have been trying to keep it all the most sailient points so that it does not turn into a huge mastabatorial bore fest. but there is going to be a lot more before i am done, i think.

i promise i wont fade again, or at least not until i finish this. i owe imockery for a lot of good times in my life and i can finally pay back a little bit in my own way.

[Dr. Boogie]

I'm just glad the story didn't end with you getting killed, George. It was kind of looking like things would end that way for a while.

I just hope you aren't going to ditch I-Mockery because it was part of your old life.

[george]

dr. boogie i am back to stay. imockery message boards are my favorite thing about the internet.

then inter racial gang bang porn.

[Chojin]

keep going fgt

[george]

i will work on this all day tomorrow when i am supposed to be working :)

[Colonel Flagg]

dr. boogie i am back to stay. imockery message boards are my favorite thing about the internet.

then inter racial gang bang porn.

Who doesn't love that? ;)

[george]

exactly CF.

2006 to 2007

i was all set to leave for SC and i got a phone call from two different old ladies.

call number one was from my mother in law. since Nancy and I had split up, there was a thawing in this relationship. for about 15 years Nancy had been blaming all of our troubles on me, and her mother believed every word of it. a shrew and a man hater, it was not very hard for nancy to convince her that i sucked. but over the last month a lot of the BS Nancy had fed her became obvious lies, and while i never got an apology there had been a few meaningful conversations between us. i was not ready for this call.

"Please don't take the kids away from me," she sobbed to me when i answered. "I love them all so much, I should not be punnished for what Nancy has done."

this hurt a lot. while i hated this women a great deal, and had been on the bad end of her hatred for a long time she was a GREAT grandmother. She had been there for my kids (and me by assosciation) their entire lives. Even though i worked hard, we were not rich and more or less lower middle class. Nancy's mom was/is rich, and gave the kids a lot of things they would have had to do without if not for her.

i told her that i was not taking the kids away out of spite, but that i felt that it was best for them and me to leave our small community where everyone knew me and Nancy, and their friends parents knew all about Nancy's activities and my meltdown. it was really hard to tell a crying old lady no, but my heart was set, plus i rembered being thrown out of her house the day after christmas. i was determined not to be fooled again.

the next old lady to call me was my mother. she had been keeping it a secret, but she had lung cancer. small cell, the kind that is supposed to kill you really fast. doctors gave her less than six months to live. she had to quit working, and her and my father had exhausted their savings caring for my grandmother who had died of brain cancer. they needed help to cover their bills and to maintain their farm. would i please come stay with them in Virginia?

sigh. i could not say no. i hung up the phone and just watched the world go by. called the job i had left, begged to get it back, and me and the kids moved to VA. i would regret this decision a great deal.

i spent the next year of my life driving. it was one hunrded miles each way to my job. i slept on the floor in my daughters room because my snoring kept my son awake. between a giant car payment, paying for gas, and helping my parents out i watched my financial life slowly crashing down.

i needed another job, and i found a bartending job at a biker bar called Good Times. i began sleeping in my car 2 to 3 nights a week. i drank more red bull than the law should allow. i fell asleep wherever i was.

one day at work my boss pulled me aside:

"you sleep all the time, you are disrespectful, lazy, and don't ever come to work on time, and you are always broke, you're the blackest motherfucker here" I was the only white person :) i got assigned to the worst job they had, grinding a very dangerous chemical (it was know to explode from time to time while being ground) into a superfine powder. and my real troubles began.

between never really sleeping, the red bull, driving all the time, and the chemicals at work i began having headaches. they would start with everything seeming a bit too bright, a vauge citrus smell, and then it would feel like the backs of my eyes had caught fire, then my whole head. i have never know pain like this in my life and noithing made it go away. i was in a constant nightmare of pain.

and then i started to get cysts. i still have some in my arm, and one in my back. on occasion they would surface and burst like the biggest zits in the world. on top of the pain of the headaches it was not very fun.

i struggled on like this for most of 2006, i never saw the kids (or at least not as much as i wanted), and i was slowly going broke.

something had to change.

one friday night at Good Times a fight broke out. three or four hillbillys got into it with some bikers. the bikers were very regular customers, and they essentially ran the place. the bouncer was a member of the biker gang and they beat the piss out of a couple of the hillbillys, and threw the rest out. the bikers stayed and the night followed it's regular course.

except, the hillbilly's went and got a bunch of buddies and returned to try and start a brawl. the bouncer met them at the door. he got in a fight with three guys, while about five others helped out by punching and randommly sneaking in blows on the bouncer.

the bouncer fell to the ground with one of the hillbillys. the other hillbillies decided to start stomping on the bouncer, indiscriminately stomping their friend as well. the hillbilly tried to crawl away. in court no one could prove who did it, but somone kicked the crawling hillbilly it the head. his head happened to be on one of those concrete parking ties. his skull got crushed. by the time we were able to get outside the dude was already dead. there was blood coming out of every hole in his head and the side of his skull was crushed in.

i once saw a man get choppped up by an airplane propeller and it was awful, this was even worse. i had a guy put his tounge in my ear (uninvited), had dudes (bikers) offer to suck my dick in the parking lot, seen about a thousand sets of tits (due to my SHOW ME YOUR TITS AND GET A FREE DRINK POLICY), broken up about a million fights, and worked in a very loud nightclub with a constant headache for seven months. this guy dying was enough. i quit the next day.

and a few weeks later got a job at Outback, and it was the best job i ever had......

more to come :)

[Pentegarn]

Damn George, I thought there would be some cheer in this chapter

[george]

the fun will start in the next two parts. i think it is almost done. i wasted a little time being drunk an fighty last night.

i am almost done i think.

[creeposaurus]

Good guys always win

[bubbles]

word

[Pentegarn]

the fun will start in the next two parts. i think it is almost done. i wasted a little time being drunk an fighty last night.

i am almost done i think.

But goddamn were you fun when you were drunk and fighty, I laughed all day at work about the other thread :lol

[george]

IT IS WHAT WE DO MY FRIEND

i love the fun of going against people who dont suck. too often there are lurkers that are just to weak to fight with.

i have an idea for a game!!!!!

[Colonel Flagg]

I agree with Pent. We need more FUNNY in this story.

:chuckleworthy

I still think you should take this thread and expand it to book length. Throw in a few dragons and "Avada Kedavra's" and you might even have a theme park.

[Colonel Flagg]

I was not expecting that! :eek

[george]

Okay, we are almost there!!!

This part gets a little involved because a lot of new characters get added. I don't like getting off topic when i am wrting this cause it is all unedited first draft and i will most likely drift off point and never come back if i do. so i am going to describe all the characters i can think are relevant to the rest of the story:

Brian W. and Ivy

i met Brian W. when i started working at outback. i did not have any friends and when he asked me to hang out with him i was suprised. for the last year and a half NO ONE was my friend. aside from the kids i talked to people at work and no one else, and never when we were off work. i did not have anywhere to go, and was pretty lonely so i accepted.

we went back to his place after work and i was pretty suprised to meet Ivy. Brian was one of those guys that it suprises you when you find out they are straight, so him having a girlfriend was unexpected. Ivy looked like a bruenett version of Heather Grahms character in Boogie Nights, except just a bit chubbier. She was all sexy and dangerous (her job was being a coke dealer) and very fun to be around.

We smoked a lot of weed, did lots of coke and played NCAA basketball of some sort on Brian's xbox. it was the best time i had in years. i had made a few freinds.

Ivy was especially good at hooking me up with chicks. i dont sleep around a lot, but i love women and most epsecially flirting with them. Ivy would find whatever girl she wanted me to hang out with (she had good taste too) and walk her up to me, tell the chick how awsome i am, and then split. This worked well and led me to see one of the greatest things i have ever saw.


Her name was Sophia and i met her in just the way i described above. i was standing at the bar, and checking out everyone dressed up for Halloween. pretty much minding my business. and Ivy dressed as a slutty nurse appears out of the crowd pulling a pretty little angel along behind her. it was like two of my old Hook Ups shirts come to life. pretty fucking cool, and it was friendship at first site.

You ever meet somone and know instantly that you were gonna be friends? Sophia and i started talking, kept talking until closing, and talked for a long time at breakfast, and then on the phone for about a week. then she asked if i would hang out with her while she worked.

i was not expecting much, early on Sophia told me that she walked dogs for a living. i figured that it would be cool to hang out but not much fun. i picked her up at her house around noon. as we drove to what i thought was the first house on her route she told me a story i had not heard yet.

"I was raped when I was twelve years old," she said. She was all white blonde hair and freckles across her nose, and her blue eyes were very serious.

"And then," she continued "I got raped by one of my neighbors. A big tall black guy. He knew my parents were gone, he broke in the house. I never told on him, and he came back and did it a few more times until my family moved. Eventually I started to like him doing it."

i just nodded, this was a bit deeper than i expected. She was so innocent looking. it made me sad that so many people had hurt her. i was sort of at a loss for words. We arrived at the house, and she knocked on the door. A huge black guy answered the door.

"Who the fuck is that?" he asked, not even looking at me.

"My manager," Sophia said with a big smile.

Huge black chuckled and held the door for us. There were about ten naked black dudes, a bed in the middle of the room, a couple of cameras, and a small lighting rig. Sophia took off her clothes, and i tried really hard to look cool.

For next few hours i watch Sophia get fucked in every possible way. it was insane. not the dirtiest thing i ever saw, but a close second. i could not stop watching.

When it was all over Huge black handed me a huge wad of cash (3,000 i would later learn) and Sophia and i went our merry way. i felt like a motherfucking pimp.

later we sat in my car smoking a joint. "I realized when I was 18 that i could not fuck enough. i never felt angry about being raped, just confused because i liked it so much. doing this is pretty much the same as a rape, and i get paid for it. What do you think?"

"As long as your happy."

we stayed friends for awhile, but she "worked" a lot, and we eventually each had other shit to do.

this was the sort of shit Brian W. and Ivy got me into. They were the catalyst for me starting a whole new social life. we had a lot of fun together. i really dont know if they come up much again, but i really wanted to tell the porn star story. but just the same, i was back in the game.

next, dsprings...

[ThrashO]

Get to the part where you have to lower Nancy into the molten steel and she gives you a thumbs up but you piss on her hand.

(+1 for black rape)

[Chojin]

Huge black chuckled and held the door for us. There were about ten naked black dudes, a bed in the middle of the room, a couple of cameras, and a small lighting rig.

-k98bRUOb4g