McClain
Aug 29th, 2008, 01:26 PM
Your Pillow Says Hai Thar
If a pillow learned
a thousand words
from all the heads it held
I hope it learned
to say one phrase
"Your hair's the worst
I've smelled!"
It Ain't Easy Being Towel
I've held on tight to lots of things.
Stink and Dead skin make me scream.
But worst of all is when the snot
wipes off your nose and on my spot.
Then to-morrow morn it's a dried yellow stranger
Like a broken Triscuit; jagged, spiked with danger.
When drying your face you must be careful -
A dried booger in your eye would be dreadful!
A much fair fate
would be the case
of a stranger's curly pube
as you blot your face.
"But wait, my hair ain't black!" you cry.
With a pube on your tooth and snotspike in your eye.
"This has to be
the worst shower ever!"
But don't blame it on me.
Towels aren't vengeful. Ever.
'Cept for the times you use us wrong
Like wiping up vomit or wrapping a bloody thong.
But apart from that we're rather forgiving.
How would you like soak funk for a living?
Frozen Grocery Cornish Hen Can Dream, Too!
I do a lot when the lights go off
like pretend I'm Fred Astaire
But it's hard to dance with cause and grace
while my wings are tied with care.
One time I tried to mimic birth
So I squeezed myself between
two pieces of raw thaw Steakumz,
I know it sounds obscene.
But when I berthed I came out clean
across the grocer tile.
I shot out 15 feet away
in a pool of umbilical bile.
It wasn't really afterbirth,
but a mess of rotten beets.
Oh, and I also used a can of beans
and gelatinous pig feet.
Bon Appetit!
If a pillow learned
a thousand words
from all the heads it held
I hope it learned
to say one phrase
"Your hair's the worst
I've smelled!"
It Ain't Easy Being Towel
I've held on tight to lots of things.
Stink and Dead skin make me scream.
But worst of all is when the snot
wipes off your nose and on my spot.
Then to-morrow morn it's a dried yellow stranger
Like a broken Triscuit; jagged, spiked with danger.
When drying your face you must be careful -
A dried booger in your eye would be dreadful!
A much fair fate
would be the case
of a stranger's curly pube
as you blot your face.
"But wait, my hair ain't black!" you cry.
With a pube on your tooth and snotspike in your eye.
"This has to be
the worst shower ever!"
But don't blame it on me.
Towels aren't vengeful. Ever.
'Cept for the times you use us wrong
Like wiping up vomit or wrapping a bloody thong.
But apart from that we're rather forgiving.
How would you like soak funk for a living?
Frozen Grocery Cornish Hen Can Dream, Too!
I do a lot when the lights go off
like pretend I'm Fred Astaire
But it's hard to dance with cause and grace
while my wings are tied with care.
One time I tried to mimic birth
So I squeezed myself between
two pieces of raw thaw Steakumz,
I know it sounds obscene.
But when I berthed I came out clean
across the grocer tile.
I shot out 15 feet away
in a pool of umbilical bile.
It wasn't really afterbirth,
but a mess of rotten beets.
Oh, and I also used a can of beans
and gelatinous pig feet.
Bon Appetit!