PDA

View Full Version : 101 Ways to piss someone off.


foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 01:48 PM
101 ways to piss someone off


1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Dixie
Sep 5th, 2008, 01:57 PM
I wish you would die.
Choking on a twinkie while watching tentacle porn.

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:20 PM
I wish you could make better comebacks.

Pub Lover
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:25 PM
That wasn't a comeback, it was a comeon. :love

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:27 PM
O.O....OOhhhhhh I GET IT!!!!

Dimnos
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:28 PM
I wish you would die.
Choking on a twinkie while watching tentacle porn.

Comeback of a lifetime there. ROFL @ tentacle porn :lol

Where is Esuohlim with your infraction?

Phoenix Gamma
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:42 PM
102. Copy and pasting chain letters your friends send you and posting them on forums.

RaNkeri
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:52 PM
102. Copy and pasting chain letters and posting them on forums.


fixed

Phoenix Gamma
Sep 5th, 2008, 02:59 PM
I'm sure he's got at least one friend. Middle School kids aren't THAT mean :U

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 03:03 PM
Where is Esuohlim with your infraction?

Uh....She had a lil accident....CRAP HE'S ONTO US RUN AWAY!!!!

Grislygus
Sep 5th, 2008, 03:03 PM
FORWARD TO AT LEAST TWENTY PEOPLE AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS

BREAK THE CHAIN AND YOU WILL BE CRUSHED BY STEAMROLLERS AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL PISS ON YOU CORPSE :D

Madonna
Sep 5th, 2008, 03:05 PM
103. Threaten me with arrest for simulating masturbation onstage.
104. Continue to call me "Material Girl" even though I did that song years ago and I despise that nickname.
105. Publish nude photos of me taken when I was 20 without my consent.
106. Media-stalk me and my husband to the point where it puts a terrible strain on an already rocky marriage.
107. Cancel my Pepsi endorsement because my Like a Prayer video was too provocative.
108. Ban my "Justify My Love" video from MTV.
109. Cut several key scenes in my movie, Dangerous Game, and completely change the ending.
110. Mess up the sound at my concerts so I can't even hear myself.
111. Write things about me in tabloids that infuriate my inner circle and leave me to smooth it all out.
112. Have the Pope attempt to ban one of my tours and force me to cancel shows.
>:

Phoenix Gamma
Sep 5th, 2008, 03:09 PM
FORWARD TO AT LEAST TWENTY PEOPLE AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS

BREAK THE CHAIN AND YOU WILL BE CRUSHED BY STEAMROLLERS AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL PISS ON YOU CORPSE :D

You forgot that you need to forward it 20 times in an hour.

Emu
Sep 5th, 2008, 03:23 PM
114. forcing someone to read a foolfighter thread

MarioRPG
Sep 5th, 2008, 04:32 PM
Emu won.

WhiteRat
Sep 5th, 2008, 05:24 PM
103. Threaten me with arrest for simulating masturbation onstage.
104. Continue to call me "Material Girl" even though I did that song years ago and I despise that nickname.
105. Publish nude photos of me taken when I was 20 without my consent.
106. Media-stalk me and my husband to the point where it puts a terrible strain on an already rocky marriage.
107. Cancel my Pepsi endorsement because my Like a Prayer video was too provocative.
108. Ban my "Justify My Love" video from MTV.
109. Cut several key scenes in my movie, Dangerous Game, and completely change the ending.
110. Mess up the sound at my concerts so I can't even hear myself.
111. Write things about me in tabloids that infuriate my inner circle and leave me to smooth it all out.
112. Have the Pope attempt to ban one of my tours and force me to cancel shows.
>:

:lol this is hilarious

Madonna
Sep 5th, 2008, 06:31 PM
:lol this is hilarious
I live to entertain. :blah

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 06:44 PM
113. Forceing someone to date me.

Chojin
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:12 PM
And here I thought FF discovered the 'find all posts by...' option.

Guitar Woman
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:13 PM
being foolfighter009

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:22 PM
Ok stop picking on me lol pick on someone else.

Guitar Woman
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:28 PM
I will when you go away and someone equally retarded shows up.

If nobody else shows up, Guitar Woman will be reinstated as the standard picking on subject.

foolfighter009
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:43 PM
-.- Picking on me will just show how dumber than me you are.

Madonna
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:47 PM
-.- Picking on me will just show how dumber than me you are.

Try not to take it personally. I try to have thick skin, but every once in a while I read something that someone says about me, and it's so slanderous and moralistic and it has nothing to do with my music. :\

Girl Drink Drunk
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:53 PM
116. Watching any of Madonna's films :lol

Guitar Woman
Sep 5th, 2008, 07:57 PM
oh, did someone finally ban that guy?

:barnstar

Madonna
Sep 5th, 2008, 08:02 PM
116. Watching any of Madonna's films :lol
Open your heart, I'll make you love me.

Its not that hard, if you just turn the key.

:rave

Guitar Woman
Sep 5th, 2008, 08:02 PM
Can we delete all these threads, too

Jeanette X
Sep 5th, 2008, 09:46 PM
117. Reveal the identity behind their forum character. :sulk

Girl Drink Drunk
Sep 5th, 2008, 09:48 PM
118. :(

Esuohlim
Sep 5th, 2008, 09:52 PM
Sorry Jeanette I was on a roll :119

DevilWearsPrada
Sep 5th, 2008, 10:15 PM
:120 delete a whiny 12yr old homo's account

WhiteRat
Sep 5th, 2008, 11:38 PM
Can we delete all these threads, too

No, this thread must be preserved for future posters. It's a model of excellency (thanks to Madonna).

Esuohlim
Sep 5th, 2008, 11:52 PM
Plus I need a place to strengthen my counting chops so that I never have to worry about losing track of how many jerks I'm going to ban :121

Jeanette X
Sep 5th, 2008, 11:54 PM
No, this thread must be preserved for future posters. It's a model of excellency (thanks to Madonna).
:)

Evil Robot
Sep 6th, 2008, 02:46 AM
Ok stop picking on me lol pick on someone else.
Okay people, this new account has reached the break-in phase of self deprication. It's the work we do now that can drive this new accout away for good.

Evil Robot
Sep 6th, 2008, 02:49 AM
OK good, hes gone.