I may have betrayed you guys too (said Train Man to his 2Channel)

[JakeOfAllTrades]

There was this girl who wouldn't respond to my MSN messages, that I knew from years ago. I had the biggest crush on her. Now she's just responded and we're trying to organise a meet-up. That and she once promised to marry me if I got a basketball in a hoop three times, which I delivered.

Could this be the end of my single life? :love

[Sacks]

No.

[MetalMilitia]

Many women find it difficult to resist the charms of a level 7 wordsmith.

[MattJack]

You should just add a wink face and/or smiley face after everything you type to her.

The girl inside of her can't resist that shi*.

Agree with whatever she says and seem generally interested.

Then once you get a date you gotta make sure you j*rk it before you meet up with her. Feed her some liquor (like a gentleman)and then wax that sh*t like you're the Karate Kid.

Trust me on this.

[Grislygus]

What in the crispy, blistered, blue-blazing balls of Satan himself is going on in this thread

[Grislygus]

Hang on, I think I get it now. Not the title, but the gist of it.

These guys are just making fun of you, don't listen to them. Listen to me, I'm the nice guy here. First of all, she will still try to be coy. If she's finally responded, that means she was playing hard to get all of these years. If she wasn't interested, she would have blocked you. If she acts hesitant, it's just an act. Don't fall for it. Be forceful. VERY forceful. If she doesn't respond immediately, keep sending her messages over and over and over. And over. After a certain point, just keep typing anything that types into your head. Don't forget lewd proposals. She'll think it's cute.

Make sure you keep pressuring her into giving you her telephone number and home address. She WANTS to give them to you, but she can't just hand them over without looking like a slut. Never, ever leave her alone until she gives them to you. Don't be bothered if she gets angry, it's all part of the game. If she blocks you, hunt her down across the internet and bother her wherever she goes, posts, or if it seems like she may be interested in the site.

Remember, if you can meet her in public, she's yours forever.

[MattJack]

Gus is a FRAUD

I'm your friend here. Remember that time I replied to your post (Sep 10th, 2008, 08:39 AM)?

You should heed my advice

[pac-man]

Wait a fucking second. She promised to marry you if you made three baskets? And you're just now hearing from her again after multiple years? I don't know if they have this euphemism where you're from, but there is no tread left on that tire, bro.

[Grislygus]

I may or may not be a fraud, but I DO have in my hand a list of many known subversive communist agencies active in the United States, all of which MattJack is an active member*

That being said, his suggestions of "waxing it" and the "karate kid" are not without merit










*MattJack is also an active member on the mailing lists of Readers Digest, Dogfucker's Monthly, and "the TV Guide", but it is the purpose of this committee to investigate his politics, not his moral fiber

[MattJack]

*MattJack is also an active member on the mailing lists of Readers Digest, Dogfucker's Monthly, and "the TV Guide", but it is the purpose of this committee to investigate his politics, not his moral fiber

Guilty as charged :(

I just love them damn dogs so much

:(

[Grislygus]

I also have several credible reports that Pac-Man is a North Korean agent as well as a "lying gook bastard*", so I would bet my life that your true love is as tight as a sealskin drum

[pac-man]

He ries! I am not a rying gook! Your rove is roose.

[Tadao]

There was this girl who wouldn't respond to my MSN messages, that I knew from years ago. I had the biggest crush on her. Now she's just responded and we're trying to organise a meet-up. That and she once promised to marry me if I got a basketball in a hoop three times, which I delivered.

Could this be the end of my single life? :love

Hey buddy. May I ask as to how your moms boobies are pertaining?

[WhiteRat]

There was this girl who wouldn't respond to my MSN messages, that I knew from years ago. I had the biggest crush on her. Now she's just responded and we're trying to organise a meet-up. That and she once promised to marry me if I got a basketball in a hoop three times, which I delivered.

Could this be the end of my single life? :love


Does she have teeth? This is very important. Please respond quickly if you wish to hear my wisdom!

[pac-man]

Does she have teeth? This is very important. Please respond quickly if you wish to hear my wisdom!


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a0/Foghorn_Leghorn.png
"Wisdom! Teeth! That's a joke son! ...nice kid but he's about as sharp as a sack o' mush."

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I wouldn't buy her a ring is all I'm saying.

[DevilWearsPrada]

Hey buddy. May I ask as to how your moms boobies are pertaining?

Huge

[pac-man]

:wank:boob:boob

[DevilWearsPrada]

haha get it guys im implying sexual contact with JOAT's mother

[Zhukov]

So she ignored you for the longest time, now suddenly she wants to meet you? I really hope it's some kind of practical joke.

[MetalMilitia]

Jake, you're in luck! Here at I-Mockery we're used to dealing with a range of relationship problems - so much so that we made Loveline so that we may dispense our wisdom in a more efficient manner.

Firstly we're going to need a little more information. Did this girl ever write you a letter or give you a mix-tape containing songs that describe her feeling for you? Did any of your conversations take place on a bus?(!IMPORTANT!)

Have you ever suspected the depth of her attraction may be deeper than you first though? Does she ever emit a "strange longing sigh" when you walk away from her? Has she ever said something along the lines of "the day we met was the best/most significant of my life"?

God speed!

[Zhukov]

I second the notion that this is extremely important information.

Oh, and if you haven't already, for god's sake please save any future MSN conversations. You do want help, right?

[executioneer]

i forget how do you beat train man, is it with the bubble lead

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Ok, so I got her phone number. Should I ring it? By the way, the title of the thread is a reference to the book Train Man, which is a collection of internet posts on a forum in Japan where some Anime geek went to get help about his love life as a new girl came into his world.

Giving me her phone number was one of the first things she did when she responded on MSN, I just never reported it. Granted, because I wasn't sure whether you guys were teasing me or not, you can understand why I didn't report it.

Gonna ring her now.

[MetalMilitia]

Haha yes I can see how it may have been quite the sticky wicket, but if you want our help (and I know you do) you should try and report, in as much detail as possible, all encounters with this girl. For starters take transcripts of your conversations and save all MSN sessions.
Now - onto the issue at hand; the phone number.

By all means call the number but you need a game plan. A lesser wordsmith may require a script but at level seven a rough outline should be sufficient. I'd begin by mentioning any outstanding medical conditions you have. Don't have any? Make some up. Inspiring a sense of sympathy in a potential lover can put you on the track to success. Referring to your "infected piss kidneys" may sound in-elegant to an untrained layperson but to the lothario it smacks of sophistication hinting at the sweet embrace of a lover's subtle hands.

It's funny you mention Train Man as this forum may very well have been the inspiration for the book. Obviously the names will have been changed to protect those involved but what you're describing sounds like an all too common occurrence with the advice we provide.

Good luck and tell us how it goes.

[Neen]

This guy for real?

[Grislygus]

By the way, the title of the thread is a reference to the book Train Man, which is a collection of internet posts on a forum in Japan where some Anime geek went to get help about his love life as a new girl came into his world.

Unholy, bleeding, pustulent cuntgobs, our world will burn

[executioneer]

are you sure its not a reference to rain man, a guy who was an excellent driver definitely an excellent driver HOT WATER BURNBABY

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Tried to call her mobile twice, no answer. Yep, it happened to Train Man too.

[DevilWearsPrada]

hey guys remember when train man counted all those toothpicks when they fell on the ground

[Sam]

REMEMBER WHEN TRAIN MAN FOUGHT MEGA MAN AND HE FUCKING DIED AND I THINK MEGA MAN GOT TRAIN TAZER OR SOME EQUALLY LAME SHIT-ASS WEAPON.

[MarioRPG]

IT WAS TRAIN ROLL IDIOT. IT'S LIKE TOP SPIN WITHOUT THE JUMP.

[Tadao]

He compares himself to Train Man because of his fond memories in the locker room. 2Channel is in reference to the two openings he had filled at the time.

[sloth]

you did make sure you could see her from where you were dialling, right? that's the most important bit. whenever you call, it must be from a distance whereby you could conduct a face to face conversation if you wanted.

then, when she says 'I just wish you could be right here by my side now!', you can lean over and whisper 'I am', in her ear. Then she'll gasp, drop the phone and spin round to seize you in a heartfelt embrace. Seriously, this is the kind of thing girls dream about. It gives them something to rub in their friends' faces under the guise of polite conversation - 'oh you'll never guess what so-and-so did...!' etc. You'll be a HERO.

[DevilWearsPrada]

(Said Train Man to his 4Chan')

[JakeOfAllTrades]

Sorry guys, I really have betrayed you. It's been two weeks and still no word, I don't deserve it, I'm sure she got my text message, I got a sent notice so I got the number perfect. So far I don't know if this girl is that into me, because she tends to forget to call me back.

That's OK, I'm at the stage of my life where I'm actually watching Anime to cheer on the characters instead of fanboying over the hot gals who aren't even real, so there's hope for me yet. Who knows, maybe the attractive Japanese fujoshi I saw in Kinokuniya will talk to me (if she can understand English).

So I guess childhood promises just don't work out like they do in Love Hina or whatever, that girl should have treated me better, even if she was going to say no, she didn't even pick up the phone to give me an honest answer, how would I know if she'd let me romance her if she doesn't even call, I was simply appauled.

(sorry for the slight tendency towards Eminem inspired rap, this happens to me when I'm angry)

[Sam]

WELL NOW I SEE WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.

[Grislygus]

People like you don't exist in real life, stop lying to us



Hang on, were you the "high-functioning" mental gimp, or was one of the Lord Sappington/Wobzire/DevilWearsPrada/etc clones?

[Sam]

He is the one who couldn't watch Saving Private Ryan or something without shitting himself, but that sounds like the least of his problems.

[Tadao]

He also has to leave the forums if you ask to see his mommies fun bags. I think he is still suckling on her tit.

[wobzire]

WELL NOW I SEE WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
He was just to wondeful to be real.

[Chojin]

I'm actually watching Anime to cheer on the characters...so there's hope for me yet.

i see

[DevilWearsPrada]

Hang on, were you the "high-functioning" mental gimp, or was one of the Lord Sappington/Wobzire/DevilWearsPrada/etc clones?

:tear


jerk

[Yukiko]

OMG Jake! That's so awful that girl could break a promise like that! You deserve so much more. Feel lucky that a heartless "friend" would drop you like that!

PS-I like Eminem too!

[JakeOfAllTrades]

@Grislygus: I AM high functioning, I just wasn't functioning well that week.

@Sam: It was Flags of Our Fathers and I hate noises that are too loud! Saving Private Ryan I'm fine with, and I recently summoned up the courage to watch 300 for the first time. I couldn't go with my friends to see it at IMAX because IMAX always cranks up the speakers too loud.

@Tadao: Do I really have to put up with this?

@DevilWearsPrada: Are you sticking up for me? If you are, thanks.