Dogs.

[Aaarg]

FROM WIKIPEDIA:
"These dogs can be stubborn and jealous. They are childlike and can be opinionated at times. Do not expect this dog to come when it is called. Pekes are sometimes aggressive, especially to other dogs. It may take a long time for Pekes to get used to any other dogs except puppies, mates, and siblings. However, Pekes can be properly socialized with dogs and other types of pets and can become fast friends. The Pekingese personality has been compared to a cat, although this isn't quite right. It simply doesn't realize that it is a dog and would not like to be treated as such. Where a cat can be trained, a Pekingese needs to be convinced that the training is beneficial to the dog and the owner."

"The Pekingese is a large dog in a small body. It expects to be respected and will not tolerate being treated otherwise."

"A combination of regal dignity, intelligence, courageousness and self-importance make for a good natured, opinionated and affectionate companion to those who have earned its respect."


In summary: THESE DOGS ARE ASSHOLES.
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v195/25/79/523545691/n523545691_1117281_1119.jpg

[liquidstatik]

..

[executioneer]

or one of those remote control electroshock collars

[Aaarg]

or one of those remote control electroshock collars

that's not a bad idea.

this little buttfucker tried to hide under me the other day by going under the bed and there's no way to get him out of there since there's so much shit under that bed.

so i grabbed one of the guns (also under the bed) and told him i'd be waiting for him in the living room.

yes i talk to dogs as though they understand.

[Crimson Ghost]

Get a cattle prod.

http://www.redhillgeneralstore.com/prod.htm

[Aaarg]

He weighs 8 pounds!

[Crimson Ghost]

Rocks?

[Aaarg]

i'll just let his momma beat him.

[Crimson Ghost]

Get "cat in heat" urine, pour in on him, then lock him in a room with a bunch of male cats.

[Aaarg]

shit, if there was a room full of cats, my girlfriend would turn it into a gas chamber.

[Kitsa]

Since when is Wikipedia reliable?

[Aaarg]

From my limited experience with Pekingese (ie the two in the picture), wikipedia is spot-on, here.

However, I'd never refer to a dog as a "Peke."

It's Pekingese! Or if my girlfriend's trying to be cute, Peke-O-Nese.

[Kitsa]

I have a Standard Poodle and she thinks she's a horse.

[Girl Drink Drunk]

LESS AAARG STORIES AND MORE KITSA ANECDOTES

[Aaarg]

nooooo

[Dimnos]

you can bypass all that respect mumbo jumbo w/ your fist imo


The best answer to any dog problem.

[Otto]

Bite one of their ears off.

[Crimson Ghost]

Treat one really good and the other really bad. Then the one who's treated bad will be jealous of the one treated good, and they'll fight with each other. Or ignore one all together, "Wow, life has been great ever since NAME died" or you could call their name like you're gonna give 'em a treat or something and pretend you can't see them when they come, remember to keep calling them. My dog hates that last one.

[Aaarg]

Hahaha, sweet. Well only one of the two in the picture is ours, the other is my girlfriend's parents.

Her parent's dog gets pissed off very quickly. It's very particular. If you're in bed, he'll come up to go to sleep next to you. She prettymuch has to spoon the dog, also put his body under the covers. If not, it'll make a little noise and go sit at the food of the bed and stare at her.

That dog is extremely irritating when you're trying to sleep. Luckily we almost never have to deal with him.

Ours just wakes us up to licking our faces obsessively. Also if you piss him off he'll throw up. He gets his ass beat for that.

[Tadao]

I have a Standard Poodle and she thinks she's a horse.

They are horses.

[Kitsa]

Yeah :(

[Aaarg]

I'm not a fan of the poodle.

[Big McLargehuge]

aarg is an awful dog owner.

[Aaarg]

How so?

[Big McLargehuge]

i notice that people who complain about the way their dogs behave means they are stupid dog owners.

[Crimson Ghost]

Maybe it's the dogs who are stupid.

[Zhukov]

I'm looking after my friend's dog at the moment, and I hate it. Everything smells like dog no matter how much I clean it, the stupid thing barks all the time, it bit me when I tried to pat it, it knocked over a child and earned me a disapproving glare from an angry parent, it chewed my work boots and my xbox cables, and generally made my girlfriend's life a misery while she was visiting.

It's too big to live in the city; big dogs should live in the country. But I do admit that I am a terrible dog owner. I hate dogs.

It ran away this morning when I was about to take it for a walk. I ran around for twenty minutes before I found it about a kilometer away chewing a dead pademelon in a gutter.


Aaarg, I understand.

[Dixie]

The sounds of a dog licking it's own balls is the most terrifyingly disgusting thing to hear just before you fall asleep.

[Grislygus]

Zhukov, you're friend is a stupid owner and is currently inflicting you with his hellspawned mistake

[Kitsa]

I had to look up pademelon.

Like a wallaby?

[Aaarg]

sorry i won't complain that the dog vomits on the floor when he doesn't get his way for fear of somebody on the internet thinking i'm stupid and thus a bad pet owner.

[Grislygus]

The indicator isn't mere complaining, but substituting solving the problem with complaining.

[Aaarg]

How do you solve the problem of a dog being spiteful, especially when your current location is ~250 miles away from the dog in question?

I wasn't complaining about the dog, anyway, just relating a story.

[Grislygus]

Your girlfriend and her dog live approximately 250 miles from you?

What is it with these long distance relationships around here

[MattJack]

When you finally see each other it makes the love makin that much sweeter :(

[MattJack]

jkjk

It's hard to have a girlfriend that lives by/with you when you moonlight as a serial killer/rapist

[Tadao]

Hey! Where's the fucking salsa!

[Grislygus]

No salsa, just guacamole :(

[Tadao]

How do you solve the problem of a dog being spiteful, especially when your current location is ~250 miles away from the dog in question?

When the dog sees you, it should know in an instant that you are not to be fucked with and that you are there to take control of the situation. You however, are a knobby kneed wreck and that is why your girlfriend lives so far away from you. She keeps hoping that one day she'll visit and you'll be a man and then she will stay forever, until then she will just keep accepting gifts and cash from you.

[Aaarg]

I spoil that dog like it's my child.

I actually moved away from my girlfriend so that I could make more money for a few months than I was making up there. Not much of a job market in West Virginia, and the job I had was running me into a hole. My old boss was trying to get me to come back, so I'm here for a while.

Though I think I'm going to start making phone calls and trying to line up potential employers there, from here, so I can move back. Long distance relationships suck more when you actually like the person than they do when you're with somebody you hate because it's comfortable.

[Tadao]

I spoil that dog like it's my child.


If you ever breed children, please do not spoil them, you can already see the outcome in the dogs.

[Grislygus]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM IF I'M NOT THERE GUISE but yeah I spoiled the shit out of it but hey whatev

[Aaarg]

Dude, "my" dog was a year and a half years old when I met it. The other dog, the really obnoxious one, was like eight.

I hit the dog when it's bad, my girlfriend beats the shit out of it when it's bad. Me not beating its ass is how I spoil it, in addition to how frequently I play with him, take him outside, take him for walks, and the like.

The Pekingese is a stubborn breed, and anybody with any long-term experience with them will attest to that.

[Grislygus]

Beating dogs does not get the desired response.


It, uh, greatly aggravates behavioral problems. You schmuck.

[Grislygus]

"AH SPOILT THE HAYLL OUTTA THAT DOG, DAMN NEAR WENT FAHV HOURS WITHOUT WHUPPIN THE LITTLE SUMBITCH, YES AH DID"

[Grislygus]

Or do you do the prissy California-girl thing, letting Precious Little Hellbeast run rampant and finally work up the nerve to spank it with a timid "no!" and then bawl helplessly

[Aaarg]

You got it. Both time, actually. I'm a redneck and I hit my dog in the legs with baseball bats and I'm a Valley girl and I cry when I have to discipline my dog.

[Grislygus]

So Tadao was right about the nancy boy bit... but he didn't mention that you flail your arms at animals in an inept fury at the behavior you created...

[Aaarg]

The behavior I created?

Actually I helped end a lot of the behavior that was problematic when I put money towards his neutering.

The fact that he's stubborn is in his breed.

This entire thread was meant to showcase how picky the Pekingese is.

[Grislygus]

And distract yourself from the real problem

[LordSappington]

Do you live in a two story house or whatever?
You could grease the stairs.
It won't train them, but it'd be pretty damn hilarious.
But be sure to tell your girlfriend; in the words of my English teacher, 'BAAAAAAD JUJU!'

[Aaarg]

Nope, we're in an apartment on the second floor. He's fallen down those stairs before, too. He was super excited and started running down and missed a step and just kind of flew. Landed on the ground and kind of slid for a little bit. I was worried, but then he got up and started running some more and it was hilarious.

[executioneer]

you could also try puttin that fucker on his back with your hand on his throat and making eye contact the whole time to let him know who is the boss

[Aaarg]

Do you think you can keep a straight face while making eye contact with this?
http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v195/25/79/523545691/n523545691_1117280_763.jpg

[Grislygus]

Yeah

[pac-man]

I couldn't if I were high.

[DeadKennedys]

you could also try puttin that fucker on his back with your hand on his throat and making eye contact the whole time to let him know who is the boss

Right on.

I got a wolf/greyhound and he was a stubborn fuckin puppy. Wolf mixes (and and huskies and malamutes) really don't care about pleasing you. So I used to lay him on his back (submissive position oh no) for a while every day, and I treat him like a wolf, growling and bearing teeth when he begs etc. He's awesome now.

Those little dogs can be untrainable. They think they're hot shit and even a swift kick in the gut can't fix it. But it is fun when no one's looking