The museum of Creepy Santas!

[Kitsa]

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysantamuseum6.jpg
Last night my family made its annual pilgrimage to Clifton Mill. It's an old mill that's covered in Christmas lights and has a miniature village, antique toy collection, that kind of thing. It's tradition every year to pay $8 a head to stomp through cold mud, take the lights in at a glance, get shoved around by the crowd and remember why you said you'd never go back. Dear god, never get in the way of a parent trying to create an experience for their child.

We entered this soggy realm only to find that everything was pitch-black...they were having an electrical problem. The turning-on of the lights, sloppily timed to a clip of the "Hallelujah Chorus", was slightly delayed, then came on with a loud and rather frightening pop.
So there we were, in the midst of a hundred-some parents and grandparents oohing and aahing loudly for the benefit of their kids, getting pushed around as they crowded the banks and railings for the best view:


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/millatchristmas.jpg


Anyway, it's not officially called the Museum of Creepy Santas. I call it that because it creeps the almighty fuck out of me. And I don't really get why they're displaying these things, because the place is cold and smells weird and is pretty much the exact opposite of warm and fuzzy. But the line for the creepy santa museum is crazy-long.


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysantamuseum2small.jpg


You stand in line and when you go in it's like one of those old insane asylum tours, only all of the inmates are dressed as Santa, with some decapitated heads scattered throughout.


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum12.jpg


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum7.jpg


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum3.jpg


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysantamuseum5.jpg


Sometimes it's not entirely clear why the object is considered a santa, except that it's wearing a coat of some sort and may or may not be surrounded by long white hair. This doesn't look like a Santa to me. This looks like a hairy demon-child.


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum6.jpg


Every time I see this one, it seems like it should have a butcher knife in one mittened hand. Just utter fucking evil.



http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum8.jpg




http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum9.jpg




This one handily combines the horrors of Halloween and Christmas:


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysantamuseum7.jpg


I call this one Leatherface Santa...


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum11.jpg


This one's head and eyes move and he watches you...

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum4.jpg


Speaking of watching you, they move this creepy little fucker every year but I always know when he's behind me because the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.



http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum5.jpg



And the nun doll has a snapped neck...coincidence?!?


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum1.jpg


Whose idea was it that Santa's tongue should be poking out, licking his lips?


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysanta8.jpg


"Ho ho ho, little boy. Santa's going to ram this teddy bear up your ass."


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/newcreepysantamuseum3small.jpg


Anyway, that was the museum. If you're cold, you can get a packet of Swiss Miss and a cup of hot water for $3 and wander over toward the mechanized miniature village, which features a trailer park:


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/minitrailerpark.jpg


and the supposed aftermath of a tree fire, powered by a can of Sterno.


http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/miniburnedoutbuilding.jpg


Until next year.:domo

[Mockery]

Damn, those are some awesome pics. Creepy Santas indeed. Definitely something I'd like to check out in person at some point. Also, I absolutely love all those red lights draped over the bank there. Thanks for sharing the pics!

[Kitsa]

No problem. The Mill is a stone's throw away from the neat, artsy town that's hosting my gallery show, and a slightly harder throw away from very good ice cream and a petting zoo (and a cow on a dirtbike mounted over the door). There's other stuff in the area (and that Halloween place from earlier is open all year), and it's about an hour northeast of Big Butter Jesus (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9786), Jungle Jim's (http://www.junglejims.com) and 2 enormous flea markets, so there's plenty to do if you ever do make the trip.

The red lights are a theme throughout....I can't imagine how much work that must be.

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/cliftonmill2small.jpg

Here's another shot of the mill:

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/cliftonmillsmall.jpg

[Tadao]

I like stalker santa the bestest.

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn199/kitsa_for_imockery/creepy%20santa%20museum/creepysantamuseum8.jpg

[Fathom Zero]

The pose of the statue as generated plenty of discussion. The upraised arms familiar to "praise" service attendees conjures different images for locals, who refer to the big Savior as "Touchdown Jesus," or "Drowning Jesus."

I love Ohio. Can't wait to get back up to Cincinnati.

[Colonel Flagg]

Jesus Christ Almighty! They let KIDS through this horror-fest? I just looked at the pictures, and I'l need to sleep with a night-light tonight.

The one Tad calls "Stalker Santa" reminds me of Jack Nicholson in "The Shining":

"All work and no play makes Santa chop your head off!"

[Kitsa]

Yeah, Stalker Santa is creepy but I just can't deal with that one and his mixing bowl, with his head cocked at that unnatural angle. It's the maniacal stare, I think, like he's memorizing your features.