I GOT SKILLZ [Archive] - I-Mockery Forum

Zomboid

Jan 17th, 2009, 05:48 PM

The other day, this BITCHIFUCKED was all "you're good in bed" and I was like "LOL I KNOW," but it occured to me that I was shitfaced when I boned her and I only vaguely remember the porn star moves I was pulling. I do remember the always effective THRUST IT ALL THE WAY IN AND KINDA WITHDRAW JUST A BIT, JUST TO LET HER KNOW HOW GIANT YER CAWK IS thing.

So, DISCUSS YOUR FAVORITE MOVES! I think this has the potential to be the most graphic loveline thread yet!

PEOPLE WHO HAVE ONLY HAD ONE PARTNER (SAM) OR NO PARTNER (MILHOUSE) NEED NOT APPLY.

Shrubfest

Jan 17th, 2009, 06:02 PM

Anything that leaves bruises, bite-marks and scratches.

Tadao

Jan 17th, 2009, 07:07 PM

I like to get him on all fours and pull him by the hair into my cock. Works well on girls too.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 17th, 2009, 08:05 PM

Seasawing works

DevilWearsPrada

Jan 17th, 2009, 09:24 PM

The scorpion deathlock.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 17th, 2009, 09:56 PM

That's your answer to everything.

MattJack

Jan 17th, 2009, 10:14 PM

my favorite move is cu*ming too quick and then going to sleep.

They love that shi*.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 17th, 2009, 10:24 PM

Passing out on top is a Pro-Move.

MattJack

Jan 17th, 2009, 11:11 PM

One time a girl passed out under me when I was gettin after it on top.

I guess my love makin was so good that it made her go unconscious

Big McLargehuge

Jan 17th, 2009, 11:26 PM

if a girl calls you "daddy" does that mean it is working :eek

Sam

Jan 17th, 2009, 11:32 PM

OR SHE IS RELIVING A REPRESSED MEMORY. :(

Tadao

Jan 18th, 2009, 02:15 AM

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii285/tadao_mockery/WebJunk/IGOTSKILLZ.jpg

WhiteRat

Jan 18th, 2009, 03:14 AM

One time a girl passed out under me when I was gettin after it on top.

I guess my love makin was so good that it made her go unconscious

One time I passed out on top of a girl right before I was about to give her the peace pipe. When I woke up she was sleeping on the floor and Abyss was playing on DVD. :(

Dixie

Jan 18th, 2009, 04:49 AM

10,000 Volt Ghost

Jan 18th, 2009, 03:28 PM

I was going down on a girl who fell asleep. I woke her up and she was like "Wha happen?"

I told her I sung a lullaby right into her vagina.

Tadao

Jan 18th, 2009, 04:14 PM

I was just telling someone how I like to wake girls up with my dick already in them. Yeah it's rape, but it's sexy rape.

Shrubfest

Jan 18th, 2009, 04:42 PM

My kind of alarm.

Rape.

derrida

Jan 23rd, 2009, 08:04 AM

Rimming. Probably the most serendipitous of all sex acts because there's no particular "end" in mind, just free 'n' easy play and exploration. It can of course be combined with a hand job (rusty trombone), but I personally leave that matter up to the recipient. Tongue-fucking is commonly referred to as "The Devil's Gambit" due to the possibility of finding a soft brown finger poking back ala ET, the extra-terrestrial (from which the act's other appellation, the "elliot" is derived.)

PROTIP: Tracing the line of the "taint" (dogball, grundle) one finds at its terminus a small "anal clit," commonly referred to as a "Roger Corman" ("Corman" for short). This small protrusion should be given an intense seeing-to, subject to licking, sucking, and even biting.

Supafly345

Feb 1st, 2009, 03:23 AM

I fulfilled a rape fantasy by request for two seperate girls. Cock slapping their face seems very exciting to them in these situations.

Tadao

Feb 9th, 2009, 10:47 PM

I just learned a new sex move. The roller coaster!

"to have sex with a girl from behind while her head is facing down towards the bottom of the stairs, you then proceed to punch her in the head and ride her all the way down to the bottom of said stairs. "

bigtimecow

Feb 9th, 2009, 11:20 PM

gah, you might break your dick :x

pac-man

Feb 9th, 2009, 11:59 PM

Stick some cardboard or a sled underneath her.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Feb 10th, 2009, 01:20 AM

I wouldn't mind doing that on a crocodile mile. Show her the splash down pool....with my cock.

BLEU

Feb 10th, 2009, 12:34 PM

Autofellatio. :(

Zomboid

Feb 10th, 2009, 03:23 PM

I wanna piss on a girl some time :(. Not to get off on it, but if it's a girl I really hate or something but still manage to get in the sack, I wanna pee on her.

Bod

Feb 10th, 2009, 04:52 PM

Why would you want to fuck someone you hate?
Pee on them yes...

Tadao

Feb 10th, 2009, 05:06 PM

I have peed on girls in the shower. Twice. It's funny watching them try to dodge it. It is very hard to apologize and act like it wasn't funny.

Bod

Feb 10th, 2009, 05:34 PM

I peed on an ex, he thought it was great, couldn't see the buzz myself.

Sam

Feb 10th, 2009, 05:52 PM

I can see the appeal in fucking someone that you hate. :(

Tadao

Feb 10th, 2009, 06:44 PM

I would not be willingly pee'd on. It would try to run from it and dodge it.

Zomboid

Feb 11th, 2009, 07:56 PM

I can see the appeal in fucking someone that you hate. :(
That's right. It's called HATE FUCKING for a reason. You're supposed to slam her vadge as hard as possible and call her a whore and stuff :'(

Tadao

Feb 11th, 2009, 07:57 PM

I do that to girls I like.

10,000 Volt Ghost

Feb 14th, 2009, 01:54 AM

I gave a girl a double butterfly kiss..........with her pink eye and her brown eye.

Sam

Feb 14th, 2009, 03:14 AM

THAT IS HOW YOU GET PINK EYE.

Sam

Feb 14th, 2009, 03:18 AM

NOT THE KIND YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, THE KIND THAT THE DOCTOR HAS TO GIVE YOU OINTMENT FOR. :(

kahljorn

Feb 14th, 2009, 03:27 AM

I gave a girl a double butterfly kiss..........with her pink eye and her brown eye.
DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT PUTTING YOUR EYELASHES ON SOMEBODIES VAGINA THAT IS THE GAYEST THING IVE EVER HEARD ;\

Dixie

Feb 14th, 2009, 05:38 AM

That's pretty bad coming from Kahl.

Supafly345

Feb 22nd, 2009, 02:52 AM

http://www.encyclopedia-obscura.com/gphcs/moviestorturewheel.gif

10,000 Volt Ghost

Feb 22nd, 2009, 03:18 AM

DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT PUTTING YOUR EYELASHES ON SOMEBODIES VAGINA THAT IS THE GAYEST THING IVE EVER HEARD ;\

I told that to some girl and she was all like "oh, do me Bill. Right here, right now."

I was all like "Bitch, this is a restaurant!...but if we must"

Commence fornication.

kahljorn

Feb 22nd, 2009, 05:26 AM

yea, i know some girls that like to fuck fags too. its some kind of fetish.

That's pretty bad coming from Kahl.lol :( ITS MY RESERVE INSULT. I ALONE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DECIMATE PEOPLE WITH IT

executioneer

Feb 22nd, 2009, 06:05 AM

this thread is pretend

Tadao

May 27th, 2009, 04:49 PM

I am currently working on one to submit to Urban Dictionary, it also happens to be a phrase that is looked up often. ;)

Tadao

May 27th, 2009, 05:08 PM

IDK if they will publish it, but here is my definition for Zombie Walk.

Zombie walk is when a loving man has his partner put one hand on the wall and pulls back the other to cut off the circulation while performing anal sex. Towards climax, he performs a donkey punch and then a dead leg. After your partner is set free, they will be dizzy, lurch around on one leg and keep one arm held out for balance.

10,000 Volt Ghost

May 27th, 2009, 05:42 PM

wow......:lol

Tadao

May 27th, 2009, 05:44 PM

It got shut down, I'm gonna try again later tonight.

Sam

May 27th, 2009, 08:12 PM

if multiple people do it I bet they'll take it. :(

Tadao

May 27th, 2009, 08:21 PM

I re sent it and it went though this time. It should show up in a few day and then people can vote it up, or down.

Rez

May 27th, 2009, 08:36 PM

i get all my sex tips from spank rock

Tadao

May 28th, 2009, 01:10 PM

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zombie%20walk&defid=3998772

Rez

May 29th, 2009, 03:06 AM

dude man check out that definition for dead leg

Tadao

May 29th, 2009, 04:11 AM

Yeah AKA Charlie Horse ;)

10,000 Volt Ghost

May 31st, 2009, 11:30 PM

Stag party last night. Bottomless cups at a bar and then VIP room at a club downtown. I went down with a friend to grab some girls.(I drank too much at this point.) I went up to this girl and was "V.I.P. upstairs. Let's go." Then I spilled my drink all over her shoes. She was pissed and was like "What the fuck?" I was like "It's okay, I got another drink upstairs."

Fathom Zero

Jun 1st, 2009, 12:38 AM

:lol

nuh uh

Tadao

Jun 1st, 2009, 01:48 AM

HAhahahaa

10,000 Volt Ghost

Oct 25th, 2009, 10:41 PM

My girlfriend was just getting dressed and leaving my room when she forgot the condom was on the floor and stepped on it. Blew up like a landmine and she slipped a bit.

Like an erotic banana peel.

elx

Oct 26th, 2009, 11:13 AM

this thread is gross :(

Tadao

Oct 26th, 2009, 11:16 AM

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii285/tadao_mockery/WebJunk/pesto.gif

Chojin

Oct 26th, 2009, 11:23 AM

Not to get off on it, but if it's a girl I really hate or something but still manage to get in the sack, I wanna pee on her.

This is often what I visualize to get things going in a public urinal.

Fathom Zero

Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM

z3JaOAynaeE

Dimnos

Nov 2nd, 2009, 12:00 PM

I wanna piss on a girl some time :(. Not to get off on it, but if it's a girl I really hate or something but still manage to get in the sack, I wanna pee on her.

On? What about in?

Sam

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:08 PM

Isn't there some movie where a dude is talking about how he pissed in a girl to wash his jizz out of her and it traumatized him because she reacted so poorly? :(

Dimnos

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:08 PM

:lol

Zomboid

Nov 6th, 2009, 01:53 PM

Peeing in a girl would kinda gross me out, I think. I mean, once you have your dick in a girl's vag, there's not a lot of room in there for much else... which means if you started to pee, it'd come leaking out like water from a cracked dam.

Dimnos

Nov 6th, 2009, 02:05 PM

That is why you make sure you are at her place. On her bed. ;)

10,000 Volt Ghost

Nov 8th, 2009, 11:38 AM

This girl was going down on my friend Sean. Sean was drunk and passed out during this. He ended up peeing in her mouth but she didn't realize it at first because she thought he was coming. Backseat of a car too.

Shrubfest

Nov 8th, 2009, 11:59 AM

She must also have been drunk. Could she not taste the difference? And if the dude I was licking passed out, I'd draw on him and move on.

Sam

Nov 8th, 2009, 12:00 PM

:orgasm

Fathom Zero

Nov 8th, 2009, 03:24 PM

Piss: Taste the Difference

kahljorn

Nov 8th, 2009, 06:21 PM

so your friend sean pisses himself when he's drunk?

ugh drunks with peeing problems are so gross. My brotherinlaw pees on doors for god knows what reason when he gets really drunk.

Sam

Nov 8th, 2009, 07:41 PM

WHERE IS DIXIE WITH ALL THIS TALK OF PISSING ON THINGS?

Fathom Zero

Nov 8th, 2009, 08:10 PM

Nothing like a little liquid discipline.

Sam

Nov 8th, 2009, 09:26 PM

Fathom, did you pee inside of that stalker chick? It's the only way to make sure she'll leave you alone for good.

Fathom Zero

Nov 8th, 2009, 10:10 PM

Naw, but she's got a gap in her teeth that'd make a whistling sound with my urine.

Terra

Nov 8th, 2009, 10:30 PM

Your dick is THAT small that it would slip between her teeth???

Awsnap! Don't go there babydoll.

Fathom Zero

Nov 8th, 2009, 10:45 PM

I don't believe you got the point that I was going to piss all over her gap-toothed face.

Sam

Nov 8th, 2009, 10:58 PM

that sounds very serene, like having a picnic down by a creek

Terra

Nov 8th, 2009, 11:17 PM

I don't believe you got the point that I was going to piss all over her gap-toothed face.

Sorry babe.

Missed you. Howya doin??

Fathom Zero

Nov 8th, 2009, 11:40 PM

LIFE'S DEALING ME CURVEBALLS, BUT I'M NOT LETTING THEM GET ME DOWN

MattJack

Nov 10th, 2009, 04:34 PM

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU DONT GOT SKILLZ?

10,000 Volt Ghost

Nov 30th, 2009, 05:02 PM

I told my girlfriend that I'm going back to school. She seemed really excited and then asked me what I was going for. I told her women.