Chimp attack

[Jeanette X]

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=why-would-a-chimpanzee-at

This happened in my state. Apparently the owner fed the chimp some Xanax and it went berserk.

The thing that intrigues me about this is that I've noticed a pattern with chimp attacks. Other great apes will bite and scratch your arms and legs, but chimps seem intent on disfiguring their victims. This isn't the first time a one has literally ripped someone's face off. I can't help but wonder if its active malice on their part rather than just an instinctive thing.

[Tadao]

It's not something I feel the need to figure out.

[MetalMilitia]

The 911 call recording for this was hilarious.

But yeah, chimps can be nasty. I watched a documentary years ago about how they kill and mutilate the bodies of other chimps and shit like that.

[pac-man]

http://cache.thephoenix.com/secure/uploadedImages/The_Phoenix/Home_Entertainment/The_Ultimate/chimp.jpg

"That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!"

[derrida]

Makes sense to me. Take out the face and you remove access to sensory data. Although Frans de Waal has a darker view on the matter:

"You can not have cruelty in creatures that don’t have empathy. Ironically enough, for example a shark can do a lot of damage, it can hurt you very terribly, but I don’t, don’t think a shark can be cruel, it doesn’t have the brains to understand what the effect is of its actions. Now chimpanzees do have that kind of understanding. Chimpanzees have empathy and sympathy and so as a result they can also inflict pain on purpose I think."

A male chimp is probably the worst possible pet of all great apes. Bonobos are horny and utterly peaceful. (Though I guess for a pet the constant sexual presentation would get a bit awkward) Gorillas are hulking but docile, silverbacks will fight over harems but it's mostly ritualistic and deaths are rare, though they will kill the offspring of competing males. Male orangutans are rapists and make terrible pets as well. Gibbons are speed freaks that only want to fling poop and do george of the jungle shit all day long.

But chimps are just fucked up cannibals that wage war on competing social groups, eat theirs and others' young, and fashion weapons to hunt adorable lesser primates like bushbabies.

NYtimes quote: "Ms. Nash’s injuries were so horrific — Ms. Herold told a 911 dispatcher that her pet was eating Ms. Nash — that the hospital was providing counseling to the staff members who treated her. Mr. Orstad said some members of the team that initially treated Ms. Nash had already sought counseling."

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcxMTg4NzAyOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNDQ0NTE0MQ@@._ V1._SX284_SY400_.jpg

How long do you think before they'll start putting chimps in prison? I'll give them 20 years.

[pac-man]

http://www.onevoice-ear.org/img/campagne/chine/chimp_cage.jpg

I'd say we already do. Now if we start giving them trials I'm for real leaving the country.

[ZeldaQueen]

The thing that intrigues me about this is that I've noticed a pattern with chimp attacks. Other great apes will bite and scratch your arms and legs, but chimps seem intent on disfiguring their victims. This isn't the first time a one has literally ripped someone's face off. I can't help but wonder if its active malice on their part rather than just an instinctive thing.

Maybe it's an instictive thing they do to disable/slow down their opponents.

I read something once about llamas automatically going for their opponent's scrotum, which I found out when reading an article about one attacking a guy (fortunately, the guy was rescued before the llama could attack that particular part of his body).

[pac-man]

It's no different than when a cat goes for the throat/jugular vein. Animals aren't stupid in that regard. They know how to disable you and they've all got their favorite method.

[VaporTrailx1]

Humans aren't very imposing enemies. Think for a second, how many animals can we fight unarmed and win almost every time? Anything bigger than a coyote can kick our ass, which is pretty sad considering an average 100lb size advantage.

[pac-man]

http://www.smallexplosions.com/images/atomic-bomb.jpg

I'd say humans are pretty imposing.

[VaporTrailx1]

the key word was "unarmed" LOL

[pac-man]

Yeah, but only gator wrasslers or retards would/should attempt to fight an animal unarmed. Even a house cat would fuck up an average person. To say humans are unimposing, though... I guess I mean to say that I've seen more animals cower in fear of humans than vice versa.

[VaporTrailx1]

Well. We probably do smell like shit to them.

[pac-man]

Probably... :tear

[ZeldaQueen]

Well. We probably do smell like shit to them.
Probably. My dog always sniffs me like crazy whenever I come home.

And honestly, if people got rid of genetically engineered fruits and vegetables, climate control, all those things that we use to control the environment, a whole bunch of us would die as per the laws of population (when a population grows greater than the amount of natural resources can handle, the population starts to die out until there are enough resources to sustain them).

[pac-man]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_NE6r1JZhU30/SYjjgQ4D4-I/AAAAAAAAAQo/_jETxtdILcU/s400/food_chain.jpg

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I would fight a a chimp if I had to barehanded.....in a junkyard.

This eventully get's related back to this:
My friend's cat had a litter and offered me one. I told her I wanted one but couldn't because of roommate's allergies. She told me to tell him it was a monkey instead of a kitten. I asked my roommate if he wanted a chimp.

He said: "I wouldn't know what to feed him. Do they sell face at the pet store?"

[Jeanette X]

I would fight a a chimp if I had to barehanded.....in a junkyard.


You are aware than an adult chimp is at least 3 times as strong as an adult human male, right? I mean, even that's a fairly conservative estimate...

[pac-man]

In a junkyard, though. With any luck he can find something to brain the monkey with before it gets at him.

[Jeanette X]

In a junkyard, though. With any luck he can find something to brain the monkey with before it gets at him.

Pfft. Chimps can use bludgeons too. And they aren't monkeys, they're apes.

[Tadao]

Yeah, but they can't set booby traps!

























Boobies!

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Exactly! I would use my human intellect and my bare hands to rip the chimp in two....if I had to.

I would use my bare hands to latch onto a crane and drop him into a car crusher....if I had to.


I would MANhandle him...if I had to.

[Tadao]

You just wanna rape monkey butts in a junkyard :(

[ZeldaQueen]

Well the chimp also can hold stuff with his feet, so he technically has twice as many hands as you do. :\

[executioneer]

lets see how the little fuckers do in a gunfight

[pac-man]

Pfft. Chimps can use bludgeons too. And they aren't monkeys, they're apes.

http://uvtblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/jane-goodall.jpg

[kahljorn]

Well the chimp also can hold stuff with his feet, so he technically has twice as many hands as you do.

I can hold pencils with my feet so that chimp better watch his ears. :(

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Even if they were holding things with there feet making them into hands they would be standing on their hands making them feet. Unless the chimp was on his back. Then the chimp can hold four things at once. That's an easy win for me. Unless he were holding four swords and spinning like a top. That could pose some trouble for me. I could also try and reason with him.

I'm friends with Mel Silverback.

[Tadao]

You forget, they could perform the cartwheel of many hands on your face.

[ZeldaQueen]

Even if they were holding things with there feet making them into hands they would be standing on their hands making them feet. Unless the chimp was on his back. Then the chimp can hold four things at once. That's an easy win for me. Unless he were holding four swords and spinning like a top. That could pose some trouble for me. I could also try and reason with him.

I'm friends with Mel Silverback.
What I meant was, a chimp could hang from the ceiling by his feet and try to smack you with something.

Holy moly, this is starting to sound like a scene in a Ben Stiller movie. :x

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

But I could also hang from the ceiling and fight with my feet. Especially if I'm hanging from a fan that's spinning.

Ghost 1. Chimp 0

[pac-man]

It's a monkey not a ninja. I've got confidence in Ghost's ability to take one on in junkyard.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

In discussing the chimp fight with my friend he's like "Not the karate chimp though." I was perplexed and he gave me this website.
http://www.thekaratechimp.com/contact.htm

I guess there is a chimp that is a black belt that lives 15 minutes away from me

http://www.thekaratechimp.com/scrapbook.htm

These pictures are ridiculous.

[pac-man]

Judging by those pictures, he's gotta be pretty old. Go fight him and whoop his monkey ass.

[Tadao]

All I see is a chimp in a costume.

[pac-man]

No, Tadao. The one next to Leno.

[Tadao]

Oh I see the monkey now. He can be beaten easily. He probably only has conditioned responses. In other words, he know karate, but I know Karazy!

[Dixie]

http://retrothing.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/28/wang_fu.jpg
Wang Fu is coming for you!

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

CIG, that looks like a monkey version of Charlie Chan.

[pac-man]

It looks scarier than that.

[Tadao]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k&feature=related

[ZeldaQueen]

No, Tadao. The one next to Leno.
:lol

[pac-man]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k&feature=related

I was hoping the chimp would be a sore loser.

[Jeanette X]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article5877764.ece

Crafty little fuckers.

[ZeldaQueen]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q37--VF4EXo&feature=related

[pac-man]

Bud Light!? Doesn't seem like they're so smart to me.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

I have experience with chimpanzees. I traveled across Canada caring for a young primate by the name of Milo. Just the two of us in an RV stopping at the occasional rest stop and carnival. We even shared a bunk bed and I changed his diapers.

The differences between a chimpanzee raised and socialized by human beings and a chimp in the wild or even a zoo setting is astronomical. Milo, for all intensive purposes was a human child of about 3 years of age. That said, he was an is an animal who would only mentally progress to a certain point. Furthermore, they are prone to the same psychosis people suffer from and are perhaps even more prone. Add to that their stunted learning and you have the equivalent of a mentally disabled person who can pull your arms off.

Milo, was only a few years old but was as strong as an ox and he knew it too. We would play from time to time and he was very aware of just how much pressure he could apply to my hand. If I said 'ow' or 'no' he listened. It was strange in that he seemed to listen because I was his friend and he generally liked me. I'm sure he also saw me as someone higher up the social ladder too but I never really had to be stern with him.

Still, I always had great respect for the fact that he was an animal with a hell of a lot more natural abilities and fangs. I think the was the difference. I knew what he was capable of and was on alert for any warning signs.

[Jeanette X]

I could never, ever work with chimps. I can deal with an animal, I can deal with a human, but I can't deal with a creature that has attributes of both.

[J. Tithonus Pednaud]

It would be really, really easy to forget that it is an animal. Milo was so human. He even played gameboy on the long cross country drives.

[Jeanette X]

It would be really, really easy to forget that it is an animal. Milo was so human. He even played gameboy on the long cross country drives.

Wow. Was he any good at it? I think I saw something with chimps playing Pac-man a few years ago, but they didn't seem to grasp the point of the game.

[Tadao]

Do the have "Maul the Ladies Face" on Gameboy already!?!? Sweet!

[90's Child]

Makes sense to me. Take out the face and you remove access to sensory data. Although Frans de Waal has a darker view on the matter:

"You can not have cruelty in creatures that don’t have empathy. Ironically enough, for example a shark can do a lot of damage, it can hurt you very terribly, but I don’t, don’t think a shark can be cruel, it doesn’t have the brains to understand what the effect is of its actions. Now chimpanzees do have that kind of understanding. Chimpanzees have empathy and sympathy and so as a result they can also inflict pain on purpose I think."

A male chimp is probably the worst possible pet of all great apes. Bonobos are horny and utterly peaceful. (Though I guess for a pet the constant sexual presentation would get a bit awkward) Gorillas are hulking but docile, silverbacks will fight over harems but it's mostly ritualistic and deaths are rare, though they will kill the offspring of competing males. Male orangutans are rapists and make terrible pets as well. Gibbons are speed freaks that only want to fling poop and do george of the jungle shit all day long.

But chimps are just fucked up cannibals that wage war on competing social groups, eat theirs and others' young, and fashion weapons to hunt adorable lesser primates like bushbabies.


And the worst part is that we share 99% of their DNA. Mark my words, the evil in man's heart that has let us dominate for aeons will soon send our Tower of Babel crumbling to the ground.

I can't really tell whether that was an emo or Metal thing to say.

[Jeanette X]

And the worst part is that we share 99% of their DNA. Mark my words, the evil in man's heart that has let us dominate for aeons will soon send our Tower of Babel crumbling to the ground.


Jane Goodall talked about that when she discovered violent behavior among chimps. It really bothered her.

Well, we stopped living in trees and picking fleas off of each other, perhaps we can stop being violent... :\

[Tadao]

I think I just heard that the lady with no face is suing her friend. I looked online but haven't seen anything yet. If she is, then I hope she loses. I don't feel sorry for either of them. I know, we can talk about if your dog bites someone who comes over to your house and what not. That makes sense, whatever. I just don't really care about either of these two people.

I only feel obligated to feel sorry for people who are dying of cancer and are remorseful for the way they acted. :rolleyes

[Tadao]

Here we go.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jGKNotnQfthZt_Es_IJQD2kHv_pAD96VTOS01

[kahljorn]

I think she should be awarded money because from what I understand she called her over to help her calm down the chimp ;\

[Jeanette X]

I think she should be awarded money because from what I understand she called her over to help her calm down the chimp ;\

Oh the irony.

[Big McLargehuge]

HUMANS WILL ALWAYS WIN (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k&NR=1)

[kahljorn]

That's not ironic, its just a coincidence >:

[AChimp]

Truth is, that woman had it coming.

[ZeldaQueen]

That's not ironic, its just a coincidence >:
It's really bad luck, that's what it is.

[Evil Robot]

Greatest flash game ever... CHIMP ATTACK You are a chinp in a cage and must bite and dismember your way to freeedom. Watch out for those cops! Make it to the end and you get to write the next stimulus bill!

[Tadao]

People never learn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uklOdpa0-k&eurl=http%3A%2F%2F

[ZeldaQueen]

Greatest flash game ever... CHIMP ATTACK You are a chinp in a cage and must bite and dismember your way to freeedom. Watch out for those cops! Make it to the end and you get to write the next stimulus bill!
That sounds like a Flash game to be invented. It could go along with the Bush-dodging-shoes one. :\