The worst fanfiction you've ever read

[90's Child]

Due to Sturgeons Law that 90% of Everything is Crap, fanfiction is filled with many horrendous crimes against the written word done by hordes of addle-brained fan girls, so what is the worst of the medium that you have read? It could be a horrendous destruction of the shows you loved as a child (Sometimes bordering on literal rape of your childhood), a terrible Mary-Sue, or one of the most perverse things you've ever read, just tell us about it here.

Just please, please for the love of god don't post a link to it, because we probably don't want to experience the horror face to face.

[Kitsa]

If you don't want a link, what's the point?

[Tadao]

I write fanfic about Rog and a rubber blow up shark.

[Esuohlim]

Every fanfic

[Kitsa]

I guess the one where the girl pretty much got gangbanged by the Columbus Blue Jackets was pretty fucked.

[90's Child]

If you don't want a link, what's the point?
Good point. I retract what I said about not posting links.

[Emu]

sonic and the search for love

[Kitsa]

http://www.quizilla.com/stories/6320561/a-very-hockey-christmaspart-105and-this-chapter-has-another-game

I take exception to Pascal Leclaire being presented as a sheep-eating doofus manboy. I'm fairly sure it isn't the case, although I don't want to go too far down that speculative road.

Speaking of the newest Ottawa Senator...
http://www.quizilla.com/stories/7155183/just-adorable-pascal-leclaire-part-1

*shudder*

[ZeldaQueen]

My Immortal. :hypno

Chapters 1-22: http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm
Chapters 23-44: http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters2344.htm

[Mockery]

I write fanfic about Rog and a rubber blow up shark.
You sure that's fiction? :love

[Sam]

This thread.

[MetalMilitia]

Fun fact about my life: I've never read a fan-fiction because they're stupid.

[Angryhydralisk]

Any porn-themed fanfic I've read. I knew one site that had a TON of them, 95% of them being "series" in "the works".

I did miss one site where this guy wrote a bunch of hilariously bad DBZ parodies, which protrayed Gohan as a raging homo and had the Z Fighters doing adventures with the Scooby-Doo cast and going to Shoney's. They were too ridiculous not ot laugh at.

[Kitsa]

I have a very special place in my heart for all the people who write this shit and say, "I'm a writer now!"

[Tadao]

I'll never fporget the pictures I saw of the TMNTs having gay sex with each other.

[Colonel Flagg]

Or the crew of the Starship Enterprise - Oh wait, that was really part of the series. :x

[executioneer]

i've never read a fanfiction in my life, and for a good goddamn reason

[captain516]

I can't tell if this is supposed to be serious or not.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3663/3402591127_0d5ffaba85.jpg

[Archduke Tips]

Captain, thanks for deepening my hatred towards the internet.

[MattJack]

http://www.tncyberwalker.zoomshare.com/files/Movie_Stuff/hong_kong_phooey.jpg

FFFAAANNNNNNNN-RRIIIIFFFFFICCCCC!!

[Evil Robot]

Some dumb fuck made a Youtube musical video about the show "LOST". I hope she gets sued.

[captain516]

FFFAAANNNNNNNN-RRIIIIFFFFFICCCCC!!

Ok, I lol'd.

[darkvare]

i only read sex stories if they have pretty pictures :posh so i don't really read fan fiction

[Kitsa]

http://gallfree.com/ <- NSFW

Check out Jasmine in the top-left corner.

"ARIEL IN LATEX"...lolz.

[Guitar Woman]

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

[Guitar Woman]

Also this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88OvNyjgZdY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHYSVYc6BKs&feature=related

That gets micspammed on Team Fortress 2 a lot.

AND NOW, SHE DEAD

[DuFresne]

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

He said post the WORST fanfic, not the GREATEST EVER CONCEIVED ;)

[90's Child]

I can't tell if this is supposed to be serious or not.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3663/3402591127_0d5ffaba85.jpg
That sound you probably hear now is me screaming in horror/disgust.

[Colonel Flagg]

That is wrong on so many levels, I don't know where to begin. :x

EDIT - Actually, I do. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !!!!!!

[Emu]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Tadao]

I finally just took the time to squint and read that.

FUCKING AWESOME

http://www.esquire.com/media/cm/esquire/images/high-five-0808-lg-76258126.jpg

[Tadao]

I bet I could make some really fucked up fanfic that would make people angry.

[Sam]

Wall E was like "huh thats interesting" but in Wall E speak :lol

[Chojin]

OHxyZaZlaOs

[Kitsa]

I just got a google search string for "rule 34 Martha Speaks (http://pbskids.org/martha/)".


My dog likes to watch Martha Speaks. I find it more annoying than Barney. Something about the dog's voice drives me insane.

[whoreable]

I think my all time favorite fanfic was written by a very confused kid

It involved a loser boy that worked at a bank and fell in love with a beautiful co-worker. They went out on a date together.
After the first date the girl got pregnant and they got married and lived happily ever after.

also they were ponies.

god i wish i could find the exact one. It was brilliant.

http://www.ponyisland.net/index.php?src=forum&sub=topics&forum=156

[Tadao]

Ponies that work at a bank? FANTASTIC I SAY!

[whoreable]

i know right! i bet they stand on two legs! i just wonder how they count money with hoofs

[Colonel Flagg]

http://horseproblems.horsetrainingsuccess.com/2009/04/science-says-horses-can-count.html

[Tadao]

The Life of a Lovesick Toaster
Every morning my Master has a breakfast of eggs, coffee, and toast. First comes the coffee. I get so jealous as he pours his water inside of the coffee maker, placing in all of the filters and coffee beans. I year for the attention Master gives the coffee maker, some days he stands there for minutes watching it; he never watches me.
Then the eggs. Master has no attachment to the frying pan, and leaves the stove to set the table. I grow excited, because my turn is next.
As always, Master pulls out the Wheat Bread only after everything is made. His coffee is poured, his eggs are cooling on his plate, and he approaches me with two slices of bread. He carefully places them in my slots, his fingers brushing against my metal body. Sparks surge through my cord and I am eager to begin. I want Master to go in further, I want his fingers to touch my innards. He pushes down on my lever and I begin growing hot, so hot that the bread cooks quickly inside of me.
In my rapture I fail to notice the Master. He is leaning against the counter, watching! Watching me! Not the damn coffee pot, but me! The toaster! I grow even hotter and the bread is burning inside of me. The heat is orgiastic and with a final wave of electricity the toast pops up, edges blackened and burnt.
“Again? Damn it.”
Master storms to the sink with a knife and scrapes off burnt crumbs. His reflection gleams off of my metallic surface and my insides have cooled almost immediately at his anger. He is so beautiful, even in rage, but I force down the heat in respect for his irritation. Why does he loathe me despite my love and the heat he causes in me just by being in my kitchen?
Master throws the toast on the plate and comes to me again. He unplugs me from the wall and takes me to his seat. The feeling of being in his lap is like being in heaven. Through his boxers I can feel the bulge of his manhood, limp against my metal but thick and powerful.
He tilts me against the table. “Maybe all you need is a cleaning,” he says.
Suddenly, his fingers are in my slots, flicking breadcrumbs from the coils and mechanics inside of me. Master touches me, pulls and pushes, fingers thrusting into me and cleaning me with the skill of a professional.
He finishes quickly, my crumbs scattered in his lap, and announces, “I’ll give you a second chance.”
Again he slips bread into me and plugs me in. I am able to heat up immediately from the frisk, but know that if I don’t control my burning zeal, I will never feel Master’s fingers inside of me again. I release early, giving my Master the perfect toast.
“Excellent!” he cries, before pulling out my plug, taking out the toast, and unexpectedly he kisses me on my metal surface.

[Colonel Flagg]

Thank you, Tadao; I will never have toast again. :tear

[Tadao]

Hell, I'm never gonna clean my toaster ever again.

[Shrubfest]

I loved it!

But then, i've never had a toaster.

[Kitsa]

First thing I thought of was this (http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=2307).

[Tadao]

Oh man, that would have made the story so romantic! :love

[Colonel Flagg]

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l283/beeblebrox666/toaster.jpg

This elegant toaster, designed by George Watson, pulls bread through a heated element, depositing it in a V-shaped receiving station.

[Tadao]

OH FUCK THAT'S SEXY

[Zomboid]

http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69702161

[Nick]

I just got a google search string for "rule 34 Martha Speaks (http://pbskids.org/martha/)".


My dog likes to watch Martha Speaks. I find it more annoying than Barney. Something about the dog's voice drives me insane.
Martha Speaks pisses me off, and that's the first time I've ever seen it.

[Kitsa]

Well, and then there's this guy:

http://parkersburg.craigslist.org/rnr/1174497817.html

I just happened to glance at the Craigslist rants and raves board for Marietta OH/Parkersburg WV a few months ago and this guy is just cranking them out every few days, apropos of nothing. To say the writing is bad is being pretty generous.

What I want to know is, why is he continuing to put his shitty erotica on a rants and raves board, day in and day out, month in and month out?

[lumpisan]

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. terpiece work of historical fictio
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
http://www.lulu.com/content/1576026
This genius has compiled a masterpiece work of historical fiction
peterchimaera.com has all his fanfiction i highly recomend reading these masterpieces of modern literature. they will change your life forever