because i hate myself and all others phys. ed. thread

[george]

it has come to my attention that some of us are sort of frumpy dumpy and have taken to working out to relieve the soul crushing lonilieness/joblessness/not getting laidness, etc.

i propose that we use this thread to inspire/make fun of/bitch to each other.

since i love telling people what to do in threads and then be completely ignored i suggest:

1. we report what we do for the day (exercise, whatever you feel)
2. a report of what we eat (or vomit, if that is part of your program)
3. photos of any large, extra smelly or green poops/body parts.

the rest is up to us. good luck men!!!

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs083.snc1/4568_90924781226_628546226_2338299_6977035_n.jpg

by the next time i go to the beach my daughter wont be embaress by my fat ugliness!!!!!

[Fathom Zero]

I'm not doing it because I'm out of shape (even though I am.) I'm doing it as an obsessive physical activity that I can do as a constructive placeholder for things like masturbating or punching holes in my wall.

But also, I should gain weight. Given my metabolism or whatever, I can't gain weight at all. It makes me feel all achy sometimes.

Basically, what I do is some cardiopulmonary stuff because of my syndrome and some stretching, yadda yadda yadda, then I lift some weights. I usually run wherever I'm going, so I don't need to make time out to do that.

After a few weeks, I stopped getting tired after running up and down six flights of stairs. And I realized I have these weird things called biceps.

Oh yeah; I gained ten pounds. :posh

[elx]

i wanna be the coach

actually i will let you guys be in your man thread but just for the record noone likes skinny boys or scary muscley ones:(

[george]

you can be as bossy as you like elx, it helps to have a girl to be ashamed in front of :)

today i ate oodles of noodles.

i did nothing in the gym, but i walked to work and did a lot of walking around there. tommorow the restaurant has its silent opening and i am looking forward to it.

i am going to start lifting weights tomorrow :lol

[Fathom Zero]

I'm a human scarecrow. :(

I'm aiming for acrobat.

[george]

ummm....i was looking up "obesity PSA" cause i wanted to post a pic of a fatty so you could learn to gain weight FZ.

uh, i hope this helps:

http://www.topnews.in/health/files/PSA-Test.jpg

[Fathom Zero]

It looks like I've set the bar a little high, then.

[george]

try cookies. and mountain dew. my method was to lie on the couch watching AKIRA over and over, stuff my mouth full of oreos until they kind of melted in that fantastic way oreos do, then wash them down with a big swig from a 2L of MTD. this would backwash crumbs into the 2L, not only claiming it as all MINE, but by the time i got to the bottom it would create a delicious muddy slush that i am pretty sure is that ambrosia shit that the greeks went on and on about.

ahhh...memories.

today i did an embarassing amount of sit ups and push ups...i am a little intimidated by the bowflex type machines in the gym here..bad enough to be the chubby in the gym, i dont need to be the stupid as well.

[executioneer]

im gonna restart my oregon trail diet soon :(

[Tadao]

My girl says she likes me the way I am.

Code for turn my breast into chest.

[george]

i walke4d approx 10,000 miles tonight.

on the plus side i met a hairdresser named Rachel (she was HOT) who had me take her picture and promised me she would be a regular.

god i fucking love being a waiter.

[Fathom Zero]

high five, George.

[george]

i am going to do ten more sit ups tomorrow in honor of rachel.

and because of the high five. now start eating you skinny bastard :(

[Chojin]

Situps are kinda worthless unless you're doing them to pass some sit-up test, but even then most freeweight core exercises will make you better at sit-ups than sit-ups would.

Machines are also pretty worthless, except maybe an assisted pullup/chinup machine if you can't do them on your own. I realize you've probably heard it before and I'm not any more likely to convince you, but consider that you can also finish in like a tenth of the time when you do freeweight exercises that with one exercise obsolete about half of your average 16-machine nautilus circuit.

Diet is also by FAR the biggest part of weight loss. Sorry to say. Running around the planet won't do you more good than not eating a cheeseburger - in fact, after a certain point, your body learns to cling lovingly to its fat to maintain it during long hauls. Keep cardio to within 30-60 minutes. Lift weights 2-3 times a week, and if it comes down between weights and cardio due to time, always go with weights - you burn less calories at first with it, but in the repairing process you'll burn a lot more.

How to lift weights:
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4776524/Starting_Strength_Basic_Barbell_Training__Book_and _DVDrip

And get your logbook here:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/Tools_and_Downloads

A million and one diet books, i recommend Lyle McDonald's rapid fat loss handbook:
http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4628392/Fitness.rar

Since you're just starting, you can easily do Starting Strength and cut calories at the same time.

Doing this, I lost over 27 pounds of bodyweight and gained about 9 pounds of muscle in 3 months (33.6% BF to 23.7% BF by tape measurements, calipers register me lower).

tl;dr SQUATS, DEADLIFTS, BENCH PRESS, AND CHINUPS + DIET = VICTOLY

[Chojin]

also your daughter looks suspiciously like jay leno in that picture

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I'm going to jump rope and lift weights.

[george]

her mother did turn out to be a whore chojin.

[Chojin]

her mother did turn out to be a whore chojin.

what happened to Tuesday and that other kid?

[george]

that is tuesday!!!!

josh is in 11th grade now, and is so genuinely weird that he makes me happy almost all the time. he is just like me, except he will most likely end up being about 6' 4" or so. he is a big guy.

zoe is in college and posts here as Blue Fox every once in awhile. she is a super genius!! she will prolly come for the rock show if i can get her to ditch school and have some fun.

no sit ups or nothing today, i got distracted earlier. i am gonna be fat forever.

[Fathom Zero]

COOL KIDS MAKE LIFE WORTH IT

[Chojin]

i bike or lift for about an hour every day

feels good man

also wtf i remember tuesday being a lot smaller :<

[george]

i really need to start lifting, i have reached the level of weight loss that you can get with diet and cardio alone.

time to bulk up :)

[rogerwillson]

My method was to lie on the couch watching AKIRA over and over, stuff my mouth full of ores until they kind of melted in that fantastic way ores do, then wash them down with a big swig from a 2L of MTD. This would backwash crumbs into the 2L, not only claiming it as all MINE.

[Chojin]

i want to ban this bot, but at the same time it's hilarious to have a space echo around

[Chojin]

there, i at least dressed him up so he can go out in public without getting banned

[george]

he stole my weight gain plan. I HAD PATENT ON THAT FUCKING THING.

[executioneer]

there, i at least dressed him up so he can go out in public without getting banned
shit dude sorry :(

[Sam]

Oh man eating ores would make you soooo heavy. :(

[Pentegarn]

I need to start the whole exercise thing again. I am in the middle of moving, the new place has a free on site workout facility and a pool, so I lose the 'I don't want to pay for a workout facility/pay for a gym membership' excuse. Once I get settled in I can start up on the daily exercise, I will likely focus heavily on various cardio exercise.

Also this thread reminds me that at my age I need to get my prostate exam soon

[Colonel Flagg]

F*** getting old. >:

[Chojin]

cardio sucks a dick, brah

unless you're a 40-something woman, then you're allowed to think it's amazing but still be wrong.

[Fathom Zero]

20 pushups, 20 jumping jacks, 20 curlups, 20 flights of stairs just so that I can keep my edge.

[Chojin]

add pullups and chin-ups. those are WAY better than anything you just mentioned.

[george]

i made friends with the weight machines at the building today.

didnt really do more than familiarize myself with them, but it is a sart.

[Chojin]

WEIGHT MACHINES ARE FOR FAGGOTS

ARE YOU A FAGGOT

[kahljorn]

Oh man eating ores would make you soooo heavy. :(

GOLD!
:)

[Pentegarn]

WEIGHT MACHINES ARE FOR FAGGOTS

ARE YOU A FAGGOT

So I was going to try to get a google image of the book definition of a faggot and photoshop it lifting weights, but it seems that the slang definition has pushed those images far far away and I am not digging through hundreds of pages of men in daisy dukes to find one pic of a bundle of burning sticks.

You can thank google for sparing you my stupid sight gag

[Fathom Zero]

add pullups and chin-ups. those are WAY better than anything you just mentioned.

Yeah, I know. I need to find a way to do 'em in my room, though. The gym disappoints me. And that was just something quick to do on Saturday.

[kahljorn]

HAVE YOU TRIED TO LOCATE A JUNGLE GYM? THEY USUALLY HAVE THEM AT ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS

[Fathom Zero]

No.

[kahljorn]

MAYBE YOU SHOULD.

[kahljorn]

JUNGLE GYMS DO NOT DISAPPOINT

[Fathom Zero]

The Obama family had a playground put in at the White House. GUESS WHICH OBJECT WAS CONSPICUOUSLY MISSING. :racism

[Chojin]

http://www.mallover.com/images/iron_gym.jpg

i only use it for the pullups/chinups

[Fathom Zero]

I KNOW I KNOW. I want one so bad. My friend's got one.

[Chojin]

I KNOW I KNOW. I want one so bad. My friend's got one.

so go get one, you can buy them at any sporting goods store, wal-mart, or rite-aid

[Guitar Woman]

If you've got an industrially sturdy door you can put a towel on top of it so that you don't cut your fingers open and do pullups that way.

You probably don't, though, that's just what I used to do when I had one

[kahljorn]

When I was younger i would do pullups using the frame of a doorway :(

[george]

i cant help the gym at my building only has machines, for ow.

i am still adding in push ups, it will be some time before i am not ashamed to admit how mahy.

i weighed in at 225 today. the lightest i have been since i was in the marines. only 35 pounds till i am content with my weight.

35 sounds like alot, but i was like 315 when i started this current round of wieght loss. so hoooooray!!!!!!!!

[Dimnos]

Whats if I only want to get rid of my gut Chojin?

[Chojin]

Whats if I only want to get rid of my gut Chojin?

as opposed to what

[Dimnos]

Opposed to all the other stuff in this thread. I guess I should have asked... Whats the best way to get rid of my gut? Are chinups and pullups really the best for your gut?

[Guitar Woman]

I get what Dimnos is saying

What if he just wants to lose weight and doesn't really want to end up building absurd amounts of muscle? What's the best shit to do, then?

My ideal figure is somewhere between a holocaust survivor and Iggy Pop, so I'm looking for a weightloss plan along those lines, too.

[kahljorn]

dimnos you should probably just do cardio i would assume, and try to eat more fruits and vegetables :P. Cardio/sweating is basically the best way to lose weight.
Also we used to drink this mixture of HONEY and LEMON in hot water and it can help you to lose weight :(

I need to lose about 10 pounds :(

[Dimnos]

I have stopped drinking soda and have been sticking to mostly water and some tea. I have also started eating salad for lunch every day. I think I have effectively stopped the growth of my belly but need some sort of exercise to get rid of it. I take my dogs for an hour walk but thats not just cutting it. :\

[kahljorn]

What kind of job do you have?

honestly you should just do cardio like running or running up and down stairs and shit like that. sometimes i do (fast) yoga or practice my samurai swords :( I'll also do some deep cleaning around the house sometimes because scrubbing all the different parts of the wall and having to stand up and crouch down makes me exercise a lot.
Pretty much the secret is to do stuff that makes you sweat because fat supposedly doesn't burn (from exercise) unless your body reaches a certain temperature (or probably if you exceed your caloric intake).

you can do crunches and exercises to make your stomach muscles stronger but that doesn't necessarily burn any fat (although having muscles burns fat or some shit), although some exercises might help improve your digestive system. you should try to keep your gut pulled in all the time too :O

a lot of the stuff i know about being healthy is ayurvedic so a lot of people on here would just think its retarded.

[Tadao]

How is waving a sword above your head and shouting gonna help you lose weight?

[executioneer]

how ISNT it, man

that shit burns calories like the dickens

[Sam]

How is waving a sword above your head and shouting gonna help you lose weight?

YOU EVER SEEN A FAT SAMURAI? HUH?

[Guitar Woman]

You oughtta take up martial arts!

I did karate as a kid and it was probably the best shape I've ever been in. Plus you'll be able to kill a man in 500 different ways.

[kahljorn]

How is waving a sword above your head and shouting gonna help you lose weight?

i was waiting for somebody to make fun of me for doing samurai sword stuff :O :O

[Dimnos]

I sit at a desk all day. We dont have stairs or anything for me to take advantage of. :\

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I take advantage of the stairs. :orgasm

Winter months are rough though. I try to play tennis and go walking but I might need to join a gym next month. Having a crippy back is no good for working out either.

[Pentegarn]

YOU EVER SEEN A FAT SAMURAI? HUH?

http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q1/Pentegarn/samuari.jpg

[Chojin]

i'm going to split some of the discussions in this thread into separate topics

DON'T GO GETTING CONFUSED

[Tadao]

WAY TO KILL A THREAD

[executioneer]

i didnt even realize this thread was still around :x

[Babs]

Find a physical activity to get involved with. Example, geocaching.

[Fathom Zero]

Or take dance classes at a community college.

[executioneer]

PLAY SOME DAMN LAZER TAG

edit: or other sport i guess would work too >:

[Pentegarn]

Find a physical activity to get involved with. Example, geocaching.

So YOU are one of the people my girlfriend has to compete with in that activity :lol

EDIT: She makes me go get any that are near poison oak/ivy because for some reason I can roll around in the stuff and nothing happens

[Fathom Zero]

So YOU are one of the people my girlfriend has to compete with in that activity :lol

EDIT: She makes me go get any that are near poison oak/ivy because for some reason I can roll around in the stuff and nothing happens

Only about 2/3rds of people are allergic to the stuff.