What do you do when solicitors visit your house?

[Wiffles]

By the hairs on my head, I swear. These types of visits are like SPAM in real life. Maybe roughly once a month on average, people visit my house to gather funds for their 'cause', or talk for 3 hours about God. Sometimes, Im like a captive audience. I just stand there and pretend Im listening to them and hope they go away. I cant just ask them to leave, its im-polite. Besides they might come back and burn my house o.o



What do you guys do when these types of people visit and how do you deal with them?

[Kitsa]

I have a sign.

NO SOLICITING!
This includes:
religious visits,
door to door sales,
door to door nonprofits,
surveys & petitions.
Thank you!

Then it has a picture of a door to door missionary with one of those anti-symbols over it, just in case they're hard-of-reading.

What I was getting for a long time was people ignoring a simple "No Soliciting" sign, saying "Oh, we're not soliciting, we're just (keen on Jesus/ here to tell you about our lawncare service/ here to have you participate in a survey)." So I covered all my bases.

The neighborhood kids ignore the sign, but not much I can do about that.

When I lived in my old house, the Jehovah's Witnesses built a new Kingdom Hall down the street and that was pure unadulterated hell.

[RaNkeri]

I've been visited twice by Jehova's witnesses. They stopped coming after the second time when I bursted into laughter when I opened the door and saw them.


I felt bad later :(

[Tadao]

OH COME ALL YE FAITHFUL!

[darkvare]

i open the door and if they start talking about something like selling or asking hand outs i just close the door

[Dimnos]

Best way to get rid of religious people is to tell them you already are.

[elx]

oh wiffles! just say you're not allowed to talk to strangers :)

[Wiffles]

Im not anti god or anything. Its just I cant talk about the guy for 3 hours while my cinnamon cookies burn in the oven x_x


oh wiffles! just say you're not allowed to talk to strangers :)

That would have worked when I was 8. As an official adult, people might look at me weird >_>

[stevetothepast]

I just invite them in and then turn on tranny porn.

[King Hadas]

Best way to get rid of religious people is to tell them you already are.
I tried that on a Jehovah's witness once. He calmly took out a piece of bubblegum, put it in his mouth and then asked me some difficult questions.

"Oh? What church do you go to? Really? I go there as well, but I don't recall ever seeing you. Ah, I see, you don't go on Sundays. When do you go then? Are you sure about that date sir? I'm fairly certain that church does not open on that day, maybe you're confused. Oh, you actually go to a different church, is that right? And which church might that be? You're not sure? It's a fairly simple question, I don't see how you could be unsure. Unless, of course...you're a liar. Are you liar, sir? ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

I had to slam the door in order to save face.

[Dimnos]

Damn I have never had that happen to me. :lol

Im always. "Oh yes I am but thank you for stopping by. Keep up the good work." It helps to have dogs. That way there is somewhat of an urgency to close the door.

[Kitsa]

I gave some Mormon missionaries some cans of decaf Coke once and wished them well. They left, but they left smiling.

I was younger and meeker then. Now I'm reclusive and hostile. To humans, anyway.

[Tadao]

Shit, I don't like talking to people I like even.

[executioneer]

i open the door and if they start talking about something like selling or asking hand outs i just close the door
this is what i do. i also make a point of locking the deadbolt and turning off the porch light if it was on

[Sam]

i just peek out of the door and then slam it shut and make sure they can hear me turning the dead bolt :(

unless I'm drunk then I just lay on the couch and ignore them even though they can clearly see me through my door

[DevilWearsPrada]

I am immature and often have someone else answer the door when it's j-hoves so I can yell obscenities in full earshot of them in another room till they get offended and leave

[Dimnos]

Back when I was in high school a navy recruiter stopped by my house and asked for me. I said I wasnt home but gave them a friends phone number, that I was said friend and that I was interested in joining up. They didnt stop calling him for over a year. :lol

[george]

you just have to be firm.

I HAVE CINNAMON COOKIES IN THE FUCKING OVEN NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

YES I WILL TAKE A COPY OF THE WATCHTOWER.

NO I DONT WANT A SUBSCRIPTION TO HOME AND GARDEN.

NOW LEAVE.

if that doesnt work, well you should buy pepper spray.

[Evil Robot]

They don't ever come to my area because it scares them, but if they did I would turn the deck light on and off repeatedly until they get confused and leave.

[Kitsa]

I got rid of a military recruiter on the phone in record time when I was a senior in high school. I wasn't lying, but it would work.

HIM: I was calling because you're about to graduate and I wanted to discuss with you a career in the (can't remember which branch).

ME: You take disabled people now?

HIM: Oh. Uh. No. I'm sorry. I....have a nice day. *click*



We also used to get telemarketing calls where I used to work, and boy does that get you on a do-not-call list fast.

THEM: I was calling about a warranty for your vehicle. Do you-

ME: Did you know this is a hospital emergency room?

THEM: Oh! Oh, uh, no. I'm really sorry. I'll...uh...we won't bother you again.

[Dimnos]

We also used to get telemarketing calls where I used to work, and boy does that get you on a do-not-call list fast.

THEM: I was calling about a warranty for your vehicle. Do you-

ME: Did you know this is a hospital emergency room?

THEM: Oh! Oh, uh, no. I'm really sorry. I'll...uh...we won't bother you again.

Im so going to use that. :lol

[Kitsa]

I answered the phone "Emergency Department" and they always kept going on their spiel, so I figured if they felt dumb they deserved it.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I tell them I have neither the time nor the care for them and to shove off.

[LordSappington]

I threw firecrackers out the door once. I'm such a huge dick. :(

[Zomboid]

Answer the door naked.

[RaNkeri]

I bet it would be hilarious to work as a telemarketeer just to hear all the bullshit people come up with, not to mention all the frustration etc.

Too bad the paycheck sucks

[Evil Robot]

listen to them for a few minutes and then ask if they know anyone who can get blow.

[Kitsa]

I thought I just read a newspaper article about someone who tried to play a prank on a telemarketer and ended up having the police called on them. I guess the person had a young-sounding voice and the telemarketer asked if their daddy was home. The person thought it'd be fun to act like they were a little kid home alone and hadn't seen a parent in days.

The telemarketer called child protective services, from what I remember.

[george]

you should all join my campaign against the extenze pepole.

i used to call them everytime i saw a commercial and would keep them on the phone for as long as possible asking about a million questions, telling them how small my wiener is, i even had my daughter call once and tell them that her daddy was not big enough to satisfy her mommy and try to order some, AFTER telling them she was seven. they simply asked if she had a credit card.

then one night the chick on the other end threatend to call the FBI on me. so i called more and more often, until they would just hang up opn me :(

i fought the batttle on their terms.

[Kitsa]

I had a couple of friends once who would keep pestering the live ebay help people. At least, I think it was ebay.

Anyway, there was some link that would open up a chat window and someone would be all, "Hi, I'm Dave! How can I help you today?"

I can't remember how long it took but one friend eventually established that the whole ebay help chat thing was manned by a relatively small group of people, presumably at cubicles in the same room. Sometimes you'd get Dave, sometimes you'd get John, sometimes Eva or Courtney. So he'd get Dave and ask some question, and then he'd say something like, "I don't like your answer. Let me talk to Eva."

It got to where he was egging these people on against each other and Courtney would tell you that Dave was cute but she liked John better. It was entertaining until they discontinued the feature, or at least changed it so he couldn't talk to the same group anymore.

[Zhukov]

People only come door to door here if they are collecting money, and if it's for anything other than a church I usually give. I've never had a mormon or jehova's witness knock.

Phone calls usually come when I am sick off of work with a migraine, and I drag myself out of bed and answer because if it keeps ringing it must be important, right? "I'm sorry I have a migraine" and then hang up works... well, it's what I do and it's not a lie.

What gets me are people standing in the street collecting bank details for Greenpeace. It's always people with US or UK accents, since they hire backpackers, and anything other than white might not be well received. I can't help but stop and listen because I am too polite/weak to just keep walking. I signed up once and they took $20 out of my account per month for 24 months. I tell them at the end of their spiel that I haven't got a lot of money so I can't help them, sorry.

I have sold newspapers in the street before, and manned a left wing stall at a market. I produced very bad results since I didn't bother shouting out to people or do much else other than stare into middle distance.

[Babs]

I live in a subdivision with a Mormon church right in the middle of it. It's the most random thing I have ever seen in my existence. They just love going door to door talking about Joseph Smith and it's almost impossible to make them leave. All I have to do is being really persistent about one topic. Example, I won't stop talking about Huey Lewis and the News with them some days and the next talking to them about my "sores" on my asshole.

[Otto]

The last time I got a door to door solicitor I looked out through the mail slot and went "everything from the outside is FILTHYYYY!"

[Colonel Flagg]

you should all join my campaign against the extenze pepole.

i used to call them everytime i saw a commercial and would keep them on the phone for as long as possible asking about a million questions, telling them how small my wiener is, i even had my daughter call once and tell them that her daddy was not big enough to satisfy her mommy and try to order some, AFTER telling them she was seven. they simply asked if she had a credit card.

then one night the chick on the other end threatend to call the FBI on me. so i called more and more often, until they would just hang up opn me :(

i fought the batttle on their terms.

Man, I wish I had your resolve. :(

[Supafly345]

Invite them inside and remove all your clothes.

[Geggy]

I've had deaf jehovah's witnesses come to my mother's house while I was living with her. I've answered the door at all times because I was always curious what kind of fucked up shit they have to say for my own amusement. There were several occasions when my friend's grandmother who lives with him and his family, would come a knocking and preach about alcohol and weed. Because she knew that I smoked weed and drank booze with his grandson in his bedroom at their house all the time.

There was also this one time I was walking across campus to attend class at a college, I crossed path with a jehovah's witness whom I've never seen before in my entire life. He was carrying a bible in his hands and asked me if I was the person he was looking for. He knew my name and which apartment I lived in. Naturally, I freaked out and told him I didn't want have anything to do with their cult. They never bothered me again after that.

[Geggy]

If a telemarketer calls you at your house, ask them for their phone number and you would call them back. If they say they can't do that then hang up the phone.

[Nick]

I never answer the door or the telephone if I don't know who it is.


Once when I was still a child a Jehovah witness came to our house. My mother snuck me out the back door to the car, and we left.

[Kitsa]

Years ago I worked at the same place where a very prominent mormon did, and weirdly enough he was the one who WASN'T attempting any conversions. However, some guy no one had met before (http://www.mormonagenda.com/) decided to send all of us, the mormon's coworkers who were in "danger", copies of some fucked-up anti-mormon book and VHS tape.

I watched it, it was mainly a cartoon about how ridiculous Mormonism is. Matter of fact, he's got a whole series on all the religions that aren't his that are ridiculous. I've always been of a "who the hell gives a rat's ass if they're not hurting anyone" mindset, as were friends of mine who also got the weird little video bundle, and we found the whole thing hilarious.

It was sort of like that South Park mormonism episode, only not funny. And he said "celestial sex" a lot.

7q6brMrFw0E

[Tadao]

Was it that youtube cartoon? Cause I've seen that one before. I wish I had some good stories to tell you guys. When I was a little kid I would go door to door with my mom as a JW. But nothing interesting happened. If people wanted to talk, we would, if they didn't we went on to the next house.

[Kitsa]

I wasn't raised in an evangelistic household, so evangelism feels weird to me. I don't get it. Generally, though, I don't like door to door anything.

It looks familiar, so I'm assuming it's the same one that was in the video we got. I remember the "celestial sex" part and all the blond chicks who looked like she-ra.

[Colonel Flagg]

When I was in Grad School, I must have been walking around with a tattoo on my forehead saying "Religious nuts! Here's a live one!". I was accosted by no less than 6 groups of various religions during my first year while I was just hanging around the campus. These yahoos would just walk up to me, saying shit like "Jesus inspired me to come to you today" and "Chant with me - NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO". This in addition to the Jehovahs' Witnesses with their GOD DAMNED WATCHTOWER and the born-again Christians (didn't their moms do a good-enough job the first time?) - I felt like doing a Robert Stack impersonation from Airplane.

I hate proselytization.

[Colonel Flagg]

[...] it was mainly a cartoon about how ridiculous Mormonism is. Matter of fact, he's got a whole series on all the religions that aren't his that are ridiculous. I've always been of a "who the hell gives a rat's ass if they're not hurting anyone" mindset, as were friends of mine who also got the weird little video bundle, and we found the whole thing hilarious.

It was sort of like that South Park mormonism episode, only not funny. And he said "celestial sex" a lot.

:lol

Pre-apocalyptic question: if he had "celestial sex" with the "virgin mary" doesn't that make her a "celestial hobag"?

I'm going straight to Hell.

[Kitsa]

When I was a youngin' in school, a friend invited me to her church for an ice cream social. Stupidly, I thought I was just coming as a guest to some church function of hers...maybe hear a little bit about their brand of Christianity in the form of a pre-icecream prayer, or something.

When we arrived, the ice cream social had been laid out in this big church gym. I was grossed out because it was on long cafeteria tables and the ice cream "dishes" were nothing but a long expanse of plastic gutter. Seriously, plastic gutters, like troughs, stretching the length of the table. Women were scooping cheapie ice cream into it and here and there were bottles of syrup and canisters of sprinkles, and that was their ice cream social.

Anyway, we "guests" were immediately separated from our friends and taken off into a different room, where we were told to sit in row after row of metal folding chairs. I took a seat, wondering wtf was going on and just wanting to get out of there. Then their preacher came in and started on about how we were sinners and needed Jesus in our lives, blahblahblah. Keep in mind that this was a roomful of UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN without their parents or anything like that present. We were all immensely confused.

Then the preacher told us that we couldn't have any ice cream unless we accepted Jesus as our savior and were saved. As kids, we were aware by this point that this wasn't entirely kosher, some strange adult getting us away from our parents and trying to change our religion. But we didn't know what the hell to do because we just wanted out of there and most of us weren't going to be picked up for a few hours.

So the guy told us not to worry, that all we had to do was close our eyes. If we accepted Jesus and were saved, we should open our eyes and look at the preacher. Then we could go back in the gym with our friends and eat ice cream. I was at a loss. I didn't want the nasty plastic-gutter Aldi ice cream, but I didn't want to be stuck in a room forever with this guy, either. I decided to wait it out as long as possible, and closed my eyes.

Every once in a while you could hear a chair scrape as some kid gave up and accepted Jesus so they could get the hell out of that room. About every ten kids or so, we'd get a little reinforcement sermon about being sinners and going to hell and how we couldn't have any ice cream until we accepted Jesus as our savior.

Forty five minutes later, I was the last kid in the room and I knew for damn sure that I didn't want to be in there alone with that guy. I finally made a decision to fake him out. I opened my eyes and looked at him, which was no end of creepy-feeling, and he smiled and pronounced me good with God and fit to eat ice cream.

So I went into the other room and sat sullenly beside my friend while she shoveled ice cream into her mouth and asked where I'd been. Things were never the same between us after that.

[Zhukov]

:lol

[Babs]

This is very sick. I can't believe this man took you into a room with other small children and raped you with God in places where the sun don't shine. Very sickening.

[Colonel Flagg]

The same thing happened to me, twice, although I was quite a bit older. Frankly, the second time, I should have known better, but there was the possibility of sex involved. :hypno

And no. No I didn't. :tear

[Fathom Zero]

When I was twelve, I was "saved" by a guy named Kendrick. He had to have been about forty, but he hung out and played tennis with teens all the time. I dunno.

Anyway, I went with my friend to his church because there was volleyball and I was a godless heathen and didn't care. At this point, I'd like to mention that I will never let my kid's friends take him or her to their church for any reason whatsoever. Nothing good ever came of it and you just left feeling hella awkward.

So I went with my friend because I mainly just wanted to hang out. I showed some other guys how to do hypnosis, but they left and I got left alone when my friend played volleyball. This cat Kendrick comes up and sits next to me. Not too close for me to be uncomfortable, though. That was coming up. He asks me if something was wrong. When I'm not doing something, I look sullen because that's just the way I am. I tell him that I'm just bored. He asks me why I didn't play volleyball. So I told him I thought it was boring. This elicited an "Ahhhhh, okay" from him.

After a few minutes of incredibly uncomfortable silence, he asks me if I got saved. I asked him, "From what?" He gave the typical adult chuckle of amusement at how dumb a kid is and asked if I had accepted Jesus.

Still not knowing what that meant, I reverted to the strategy I still use today; pretend like you know something and give short ambiguous answers. I told him that I hadn't yet. He asked me if I wanted him to help, or something like that. It doesn't matter how it came to be; the fact was that thirty seconds later, he was speaking mumbo-jumbo and rubbing my chest.

After a bit of that incredibly awkward shit, he told me to let out the word of God, to let Him speak through me.

I told him, "No thanks; I'll do it later."

He said alright, smiled, then tussled my fucking hair before returning to play volleyball.

Years later I learned that he was a complete homo. I shoulda known; pastel shorts kinda went out of style on middle-aged men.

[executioneer]

creeeeepy

[Dimnos]

It doesn't matter how it came to be; the fact was that thirty seconds later, he was speaking mumbo-jumbo and rubbing my chest.

http://www.hastebc.org/files/fck_images/stranger_danger.jpg

[Fathom Zero]

It wasn't so much pervert uncomfortable as "I don't like being touched" uncomfortable. Which I still am, towards the majority of people.

[Dimnos]

It wasn't so much pervert uncomfortable as "I don't like being touched" uncomfortable. Which I still am, towards the majority of people.


:confused:

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Next time I have solicitors come to my door I'm going to have them come in and watch "The Core".

[Fathom Zero]

I don't like being touched anywhere at all by anybody. I don't like shaking hands. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

[Tadao]

What's the name of that recent Scientology movie with Travolta? I wanna watch it for some reason.

[Zomboid]

Battlefield Earth is not recent. I also kinda wanna watch it.

[Tadao]

Recent enough for a Scientology movie lol

[Fathom Zero]

As far as science fiction goes, it's standard fare. I didn't know it was about Scientology until a couple years ago.

[Dimnos]

What's the name of that recent Scientology movie with Travolta? I wanna watch it for some reason.


http://mardehistorias.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/hairspray.jpg

[executioneer]

As far as science fiction goes, it's standard fare. I didn't know it was about Scientology until a couple years ago.
it isn't but it's based on a science fiction book that's written by the dude who founded scientology. also i think "standard fare" is being awfully generous. mankind's been enslaved for "a thousand years" and they somehow manage to find harrier jets and nuclear bombs that still work? um no

[Fathom Zero]

it isn't but it's based on a science fiction book that's written by the dude who founded scientology. also i think "standard fare" is being awfully generous. mankind's been enslaved for "a thousand years" and they somehow manage to find harrier jets and nuclear bombs that still work? um no

Well, there is a correlation between them since the plot is roughly the same as the story behind the Scientologist religion, i.e. the enslavement and stuff. Whichever one came first is irrelevant.

[executioneer]

either way, way to broadcast to the world that the dude who invented your religion also wrote shitty sci-fi that shares a lot of themes with said religion, travolta

[Tadao]

L. Ron Hoover

<3

[Fathom Zero]

It's comparable to a Sci-Fi Channel ORIGINAL FILM. Which means that it's amazing.

Even the title is sub-par, along with the rest of those movies.

[Zomboid]

You do science fiction a disservice by calling Battlefield Earth standard fare, sir.

[Fathom Zero]

I hate science fiction, so that's okay.

Fuck space. Space sucks.

[The Leader]

Look at your avatar. LOOK AT IT

[Fathom Zero]

:rolleyes

[Kitsa]

I was never especially drawn to science fiction either. But I can appreciate imagination. L Ron Hubbard, not so much.

[Fathom Zero]

The only thing I hate more than science fiction is fantasy. Someone got really upset when I compared Lord of the Rings to Dragonlance in the ability to bore people. Then they tried to explain how they were different and I just blacked out.

[Kitsa]

I once pissed someone off over Piers Anthony books.

[LordSappington]

Friggin' hate fantasy.

[executioneer]

WELL I LOVE IT SO NUTS TO ALL YALL

[Fathom Zero]

It wasn't so much pervert uncomfortable as "I don't like being touched" uncomfortable. Which I still am, towards the majority of people.

uHLB_1yZHew

[Sam]

L RON MOTHER HUBBARD

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

The only thing I hate more than science fiction is fantasy. Someone got really upset when I compared Lord of the Rings to Dragonlance in the ability to bore people. Then they tried to explain how they were different and I just blacked out.


THOSE IGNORANT *****

L RON MOTHER HUBBARD

Was right about to drop that one :(