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Shadowdancer21b
Sep 10th, 2010, 09:10 PM
The American poet Master P. once said, “Every soldier’s got a story to tell.” I agree with him.
Here is one of mine. First, background I was attending my basic and AIT OSUT (One Station Unit Training) at Fort Leonard Wood Missouri to become a combat engineer and earn the right to call myself a soldier and wear a gold castle on my lapel when wearing my class A (dress uniform). We did all of our land mine training at one location TA 250 Bottom. Training Area 250 Bottom was a muddy horrid mess of a place with mops that had at most 11 strings clinging for life and concrete everywhere. We would have to mop these floors with buckets of water with no cleaners and those awful mops. I think the instructors and 250 Bottom did it on purpose because they were sadistic men who hated young recruits. The meat of the story strengthens my belief, but I will leave the judgment to you.

To begin with the story proper, there WAS a TA 250 Top, but I never saw it. It was for Bridge Crewmembers (21C) who trained alongside us 21Bs much of the time and shared our barracks. Female soldiers can be MOS 21C but not 21B so that is the only MOS where female soldiers can use explosives for those keeping score at home (I may be wrong…too lazy to google it.). This day we watched a slide show of land mine victims. I will let that sink in. A group of young men, aged 17 to 32 (I called him Pappy), learning how to use explosives and mines as well as how to avoid those things being used against them, must watch this slide show to complete training at Ft. Leonard Wood. The instructors therefore, must watch this slide show a dozen times a year if not more. So, I was 19 years old, considering myself a tough guy, studied martial arts and swordplay, been in a few fistfights, watched a ton of gory movies, even saw the video footage from the liberation of Auschwitz, and I was shaken to the core.

The slides were delivered with all the emotional content of old vacation slides from say four years ago. Human beings, having been torn asunder from sheer concussive FORCE and flame, and bits of sharp metal, commented on with no emotion. I did not look away once. I credited myself for this at the time, but now, I wish I wasn’t such a “tough guy”. There were children and women among the slides. There were civilians and soldiers, enemy and U.S. To say I am haunted would be melodramatic, but I will never forget that afternoon, and that is the truth.

There are people called “De-miners”. In Afghanistan most notably, these people find mines and detonate them. They get paid by the government per mine. If they get wounded or disabled by a blast, they get paid more. There was an Afghan man being carried into an emergency room, his leg carried behind him, doped up on painkillers giving the camera a grin and thumbs-up. The instructor, whose name escapes me, said “He is smiling because he knows he can now get paid more.” This photograph stands from the others. A point was reached where we stopped gasping and were not shocked anymore. We had become harder. We were one vital step closer to becoming men with no fear of landmines and explosions.

Two days later we had to return there…and they had us move rocks from a mudfield out in the back to the front of the building so that the rocks could be arranged in artful piles outside each door. We spent hours there moving rocks. We ate lunch there, and still we moved rocks. The instructors mocked us saying things like “Don’t be a hero now privates, one rock per hand so you don’t strain yourselves.” They made no attempt to hide the fact that this was “make-work” designed specifically to waste our time because our Drill Sergeants had nothing for us to do. The fact that they had so little regard for us wounded my soul and robbed me of some of the pride I once felt when putting on my BDU (Battle Dress uniform). This is one of my stories. Some are humorous; some reflect the slow death of my youth and pride. Some are filled with rage that I feel to this day. Every soldier has a story to tell.

Shadowdancer out!

One more thing. I never said Master P was a GOOD poet.

Tadao
Sep 10th, 2010, 11:08 PM
Wall of text

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 10th, 2010, 11:15 PM
And...now there are paragraph breaks.

kahljorn
Sep 11th, 2010, 01:45 AM
can you summarize your story in two sentences cause like here's my idea of a soldiers story:

OH SHIT MY BUDDY GOT SHOT NEXT TO ME IN THE FOXHOLE

but my impression of your story after having glanced at it is:

SOME STUFF HAPPENED THAT COULD HAPPEN TO PEOPLE WHO ARENT SOLDIERS

I mean I gUESS a furry could also get shot in a foxhole but you know what i mean.

Tadao
Sep 11th, 2010, 01:50 AM
The story is too full of unnecessary fluff.

kahljorn
Sep 11th, 2010, 03:09 AM
yea i sorta scanned through it and here is the abridged version of his story:

I WAS TOLD TO DO THINGS AT A JOB THAT WERE NOT IMPORTANT JUST TO BE BUSY

The Leader
Sep 11th, 2010, 09:14 AM
They made no attempt to hide the fact that this was “make-work” designed specifically to waste our time because our Drill Sergeants had nothing for us to do. The fact that they had so little regard for us wounded my soul and robbed me of some of the pride I once felt when putting on my BDU (Battle Dress uniform). This is one of my stories. Some are humorous; some reflect the slow death of my youth and pride. Some are filled with rage that I feel to this day. Every soldier has a story to tell.
Oh wow, this is just like a poorly written war novel! Life does imitate art. :x

TheLeader out!

Blasted Child
Sep 11th, 2010, 11:09 AM
This soldier thing is a bit done. How about "every paver has a story to tell" or something less clichéd? I'd read that.

executioneer
Sep 11th, 2010, 07:38 PM
every storyteller has a story to tell

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 11th, 2010, 10:15 PM
Well, I was never a paver. How's about I start up "the call center chronicles"? I'm sure THAT would be much more interesting, right?

Also, if you aren't going to bother reading the whole story, why waste your time typing a pithy comment?

Tadao
Sep 11th, 2010, 10:24 PM
Because we hate you.

kahljorn
Sep 12th, 2010, 05:42 AM
ONE TIME WHEN I WAS A CONCENTRATION CAMP EMPLOYEE THEY MADE US RAKE PEBBLES FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON

IT RUINED MY YOUTH AND PRIDE AND fAITH IN AUTHORITY OR SOME SHIT
ALSO I PAvEd A SideWALK tHERE

Zhukov
Sep 12th, 2010, 07:59 AM
You could be a hero by carrying two rocks in a hand?

The Leader
Sep 12th, 2010, 09:39 AM
That'd be hardcore.

Fathom Zero
Sep 12th, 2010, 01:45 PM
thanx for your service and stuff

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 12th, 2010, 01:59 PM
You could be a hero by carrying two rocks in a hand?
Oh, sure, 'cuz then we'd be overexherting ourselves and making a noble sacrifice or something. Those training NCOs were being jerks.

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 12th, 2010, 01:59 PM
Also, did no one see the bit about the land mine victim slideshow? That was kinda the point of the story....

Fathom Zero
Sep 12th, 2010, 02:42 PM
I read it. Good stuff.

The Leader
Sep 12th, 2010, 05:37 PM
Also, did no one see the bit about the land mine victim slideshow? That was kinda the point of the story....
Oh, sorry. I kind of forgot about it because there was no focus at all.

Blasted Child
Sep 12th, 2010, 05:50 PM
Yeah, I definitely read it. The slideshow stuff was gripping.
I don't know if this is the right place if you want c&c, but I'd be perfectly willing to offer some, I just don't know what it is you've written.
1. You say you have a story to tell, but this isn't really a story, it reads more like a journal entry or a part of a novel. For a piece this short, you need to focus on something. Are you gonna talk about the horrors of war, or your personal disappointment for not getting to do real war-stuff, or what is it? The fact that someone made you move rocks or other quasi-tasks isn't enough to constitute a story; it's a rather trivial event that probably happens to everyone doing military service.
2. Drop most, if not all, of the army jargon. I know it's there to make it sound authentic, but it comes across as military aficionadoism at best, and generally there's just too many abbreviations and fluff to be readable.
3. Cut the clichés. As The Leader said, it reads like a bad war novel, and could be taken for a parody rather than a serious try. The ending just sounds pretentious.

But then again, the slideshow part was gripping. I think you should focus on that and give a personal, honest account, and stop pretending that you've just written the war novel of the century.

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 12th, 2010, 07:20 PM
So the narrative was over-dramatic? Okay. I'll try to fix things for later stories. That is, if anyone would be interested.

Chojin
Sep 13th, 2010, 12:31 AM
For a piece this short

http://www.i-mockery.com/chojin/watcat3.jpg

MLE
Sep 13th, 2010, 11:29 AM
TRUE STORIES FROM THE CALL CENTER CHRONICLES:

One time this lady was on my line because she hadn't paid her bill ("I JUST PAID YOU ASSHOLES TWO MONTHS AGO AND NOW YOU'RE SHOVING YOUR STINKING GREEDY HANDS BACK IN MY POCKETS AGAIN I HAVE TO CALL YOU EVERY MONTH COME ON NOW STOP SENDING ME BILLS AND GIVE ME FREE CABLE".) Normally this would have just been one of maybe three calls a day that I get like this, but she was abnormally rude and had profanity diarrhea of the mouth. When she got to a point that I had to start "Ma'am"ing her, she eventually said "And WHY you call'n me MA'AM?! MAH name's vahLENcia."

It took me every ounce of control I had not to call her Ms. Orange.

Tadao
Sep 13th, 2010, 12:36 PM
You call that a story? You got to the point in the first sentence. Where is the long drawn out fluffy boring parts?

Dimnos
Sep 13th, 2010, 01:57 PM
Yeah. I demand to be fluffed.

Colonel Flagg
Sep 13th, 2010, 02:09 PM
TRUE STORIES FROM THE CALL CENTER CHRONICLES:

One time this lady was on my line because she hadn't paid her bill ("I JUST PAID YOU ASSHOLES TWO MONTHS AGO AND NOW YOU'RE SHOVING YOUR STINKING GREEDY HANDS BACK IN MY POCKETS AGAIN I HAVE TO CALL YOU EVERY MONTH COME ON NOW STOP SENDING ME BILLS AND GIVE ME FREE CABLE".) Normally this would have just been one of maybe three calls a day that I get like this, but she was abnormally rude and had profanity diarrhea of the mouth. When she got to a point that I had to start "Ma'am"ing her, she eventually said "And WHY you call'n me MA'AM?! MAH name's vahLENcia."

It took me every ounce of control I had not to call her Ms. Orange.

Far too interesting.

Pentegarn
Sep 13th, 2010, 06:23 PM
Speaking of call centers....

My friend ordered one of those 11" Alienware laptops from Dell. So about a week after he orders it, the order gets canceled. So he calls Dells 'support' and asks why his order gets canceled.


Outsourced call center worker with Indian accent: Yes I see the trouble, your order was canceled by dell.com.

Friend: I know this, I want to know why it was canceled.

Outsourced call center worker with Indian accent: Hold please while I find out

(10 minutes on hold later)

Outsourced call center worker with Indian accent: Yes your order was canceled by Dell.com

Friend: We have established this. Why was it canceled?

Outsourced call center worker with Indian accent: Hold please while I find out

(10 more minutes on hold passes)

Outsourced call center worker with Indian accent: Yes your order was canceled by Dell.com

friend: I want to talk to your supervisor

(20 minutes on hold later)

Outsourced call center supervisor with Indian accent: How may I help you?

friend: I want to know why my order was canceled.

Outsourced call center supervisor with Indian accent: Yes your order was canceled by dell.com


This goes on a bit longer and he finds out he turned off his land line phone and that sets off a flag with anything you finance until your new phone number is updated into your information that the creditors have.

After hearing this story, I tell my friend, "Well and good, but why after the 3rd 'your order was cancelled by dell.com' did you not tell them, "listen, you tell me 'your order was canceled by dell.com' one more fucking time and I swear i will call Pakistan and give them the launch codes"?"

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 13th, 2010, 06:33 PM
Hilarious. I have stories of customer service hell, but I'll not share them. I'd rather sulk in the corner nursing my wounded pride. ;)

MLE
Sep 19th, 2010, 09:05 PM
MLE: 1
Shadowdancer21b: 0

kahljorn
Sep 19th, 2010, 11:35 PM
INSTEAD OF MANDATORY MILItARY SERVICE TO HELP SHAPE PEOPLE UP AND PREPARE THEM FOR THE WORLD AND MAKE PEOPLE goOD CITIcENZ/WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SHOULD HAVE MANDATORY CUSTOMER SErVICE JOBS Where YOU MAKE ONLY MINIMUM WAGE AND GET TREATED LIKE SHIT BY IDIOTS AND YOU HAVE TO SMILE WHILE THEY DO IT.
THAT WILL PREPARE YOU FOR LIFE.

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 19th, 2010, 11:57 PM
We have a saying in the Army: BOHICA. Bend Over Here It Comes Again. I think that anagram alone taught me a lot about life.

kahljorn
Sep 20th, 2010, 12:01 AM
THEMILITARY AINT GOT SHIT ON RETAIL

MLE
Sep 20th, 2010, 01:14 AM
I agree with Kahl.

Colonel Flagg
Sep 20th, 2010, 09:26 AM
Oh, the carnage that would ensue if retail workers packed heat.

10,000 Volt Ghost
Sep 20th, 2010, 11:15 AM
I ordered directv and was referred by a friend so we should both get $100. So for 10 months they take $10 off each bill. After my first months bill the discount isn't on so I call and find out why. They transfer me around to different departments for 10 mins. Finally they tell me that I don't get the discount because I signed up online. I let them know that I talked to someone on the phone that I called. This goes on for 40 minutes. I ask for a supervisor because by this time I've spend an unreasonable amount of minutes getting nowhere. The supervisor gets on and tells me I'm no eligible for the discount because I called the wrong phone number to sign up for directv. I tell the supervisor that I called the correct phone number and gave the correct acount number of my friend.

After another 20 minutes of her trying to get me off the line she told me she will escalate the problem. Someone would contact me by phone within 4-6 weeks.

Pentegarn
Sep 20th, 2010, 06:12 PM
Tell them "That's fine, because I will now be canceling your shit service in about 4-6 hours"

Shadowdancer21b
Sep 20th, 2010, 10:34 PM
Directv has some good things and a whole lot of bad things. They source out their customer service to cubicle farms. I was once one of those damned souls.

Evil Robot
Sep 21st, 2010, 01:00 AM
I remember when I was a soldier, sitting on hold while bullets flew past us overhead. You would try to enter your zip code while artillery shells rocked our vision, I couldnt even se the numbers. And then the was private johnny, he sat on hold with his cable company for six hours while the taliban shelled his humvee. He later lost his hearing and got brain cancer from all the cell phone radiation.

Evil Robot
Sep 21st, 2010, 01:03 AM
I once heared a story about a private who was talking to what he thought was an indian call center while he was in combat. His patrol searched the dead and captured taliban only to find a cellphone with his name in the call history. The operator he was talking to was one of the taliban soldiers shooting at him in the firefight.

Pentegarn
Sep 21st, 2010, 06:27 AM
That last story would make a good comedy sketch that would offend half the population and make the other half laugh uproariously :lol

Zhukov
Sep 21st, 2010, 08:22 AM
:lol at everyone.

McClain
Oct 5th, 2010, 09:05 PM
OP, just as an FYI, a "thumbs up" by an Afghani was the likely equivalent of a middle finger.