Hope for an asexual?

[Pram Maven]

Hi guys,

I've never been attracted to the opposite sex. This is something I've found to be sort of distressing, seeing as how I'm not into the same sex, either. I'm just not interested in sex, with humans, at all. I'm also not attracted to farm animals.

While I'm mentally attracted to women, they like a guy to appreciate their breasts and vagina, but neither of those do anything for me. The only thing that does is making out. Do that enough, and she's going to want sex right then and there; I'd rather just cuddle and that feels like a tease.

Is it really possible to find someone who likes you for who you are to maybe the point of even marrying you even if there's no prospect of ever sleeping together? It's not for want of a platonic relationship, but when I've dated in the past I've always gone for personality, and preferred a girl who was looking for everything but sex. These days, that almost doesn't exist, but it's really offensive to me when I go on one of those dating sites looking for something real and genuine and the girl says "oh, you're just saying you don't want sex. You're a guy." No, I really don't want sex. When I was a kid, I even thought sex was taboo and didn't think I'd ever find a girl who liked me enough to want to do it.

Well, I'm not one of those men who is happy to brag about how much he gets laid, and I've only slept with three women since 2003 after a bad breakup. We didn't even do any of that stuff while we were together, because she was a Christian girl and was waiting for marriage. I was happy with what we had, but didn't show it enough, and it ended. After that, I met someone who was fun to hang out with and we did almost nothing but f*ck. I wasn't in love with her though, so it felt like an empty gesture. That was 2004.

In the past year I've had sex once and it was great but our personalities weren't compatible. Every year that passes represents fewer opportunities to settle down and start a family. I don't want to be a hermit, but I'm not able to talk to girls at all. There are some really hot ones who come in all night at work, but all I can think about is that they have either a brother, dad, boyfriend, or husband who would beat my ass for looking at her. This leads to a conditioned avaoidance of eye contact and not saying much.

I wish I was more confident around women... That's something I'd really like to change...but on the other hand, given that I'm not attracted to them, it doesn't seem like there's any point in talking to them.

Is being asexual really the end of the world?

[kahljorn]

I'm also not attracted to farm animals.SO YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANIMALS THAT TRUST YOU. NO WONDER YOU DEFENDED LYCURUGUS' HONOR

[Fathom Zero]

Sounds like you don't think anything matters but sex, you creep.

You don't strike me so much an asexual as a nutter.

[kahljorn]

HES NUTSEXUAL

[Pram Maven]

That sounds about right.

Kahljorn- no, I defended his right to be different if he wanted to.

Fathom Zero- That's what I'd be saying if you inverted every word, yeah.
Might be a nutter and asexual. Stranger things have happened. One time I went on a date with a girl and we were eating and she suddenly threw her hands up, as if to stop an attacker. I asked her what was going on, and she said, "I LIKE CHEESE!"
So, it could really just depend on the type of girl I go out with.

[Fathom Zero]

Why'd you say that there were really hot ones?

[Esuohlim]

Are you still considered asexual if you fantasize about Dylan Snipples? :eek

[Pram Maven]

Fathom Zero- mentally hot! (allegedly)

Milhouse- No, you'd be pansexual.
(remind me not to Google "Dylan Snipples" ever again, ever)

[Fathom Zero]

S'funny, coz that's what I am. :\

Also, I just think you have crippling social and mental problems and you want someone to tell you you're right.

Also also - go die in a dump fire.

[Pram Maven]

Fathom Zero- ok.
*goes to the dump with some lighter fluid and*
HEY, WAIT-

[Fathom Zero]

Pram Maven - you're not wacky enough.

http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/1720/howimandel.jpg

[zeldasbiggestfan]

Sounds like you don't think anything matters but sex, you creep.

You don't strike me so much an asexual as a nutter.
He is fucking crazy.

[Pram Maven]

Fathom Zero- I don't know what you're talking about.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f7/prammaven/drinkingoil.jpg

[Chojin]

i hope you're asexual

for the benefit of future generations

[kahljorn]

its not asexual its nutsexual. PRAM MAVEN YOU SHOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH RETARDLY REPLACING WORDS WITH IRONICALLY RELATED WORDS FOR HILARITY RIGHT LIKE ZUG THAT SHITS STUPID FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME READ THAT

Pram you were only defending his right so you could get him in a position of thankfulness and friendliness and whatever and then fuck him in his ass. FACT.

[Pram Maven]

Ok, you got me.

Kahljorn- Actually, I'm shoesexual. What size you wear, sweetie? :wank _/||

[Pentegarn]

That supposed to be a shoe you're smiley is nutting on?

Based off that symbol I thought you got turned on by skateboard ramps

[Pram Maven]

HAHAHAHAHA!

Who knows, those might do it for me too. Find me a hot pink one :D

[LordSappington]

THE PROPHECY IS BEING FULFILLED
PREPARE FOR CONSTANT NEW TOPICS ABOUT HOW HARD LIFE IS AND WHY CAN'T I FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES MEEEEEE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

More like bustanutsexual with that horrible tony hawk create a ramp.

[Colonel Flagg]

Bust a nut! Bust a nut!
Grab a bag of Corn Nuts™ and bust a nut!
They're lightly toasted and hard as well,
Enjoy yourself, we won't tell...

Old but still good.

[LordSappington]

Quick question: DOES 'HE' HAVE A PENIS?

[Colonel Flagg]

Be careful for what you ask, Sapster. :chatter

[LordSappington]

inb4 he owns a fursuit

[Pentegarn]

Bust a nut! Bust a nut!
Grab a bag of Corn Nuts™ and bust a nut!
They're lightly toasted and hard as well,
Enjoy yourself, we won't tell...

Old but still good.

dS18jHMmhAI

[Pram Maven]

Lord Sappington- I don't have a fursuit, but I do own a shoesuit.

[Pram Maven]

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f7/prammaven/shoesuit.png

[Tadao]

You watched to much Davey and Goliath as a kid.

[Pram Maven]

I don't get the inference :(

[Colonel Flagg]

You watched to much Davey and Goliath as a kid.

:lol

[Colonel Flagg]

I don't get the inference :(

You wouldn't, you're too young. :greyhairs

[Pram Maven]

I watched a lot of Moral Orel before it was canceled, and I know that Davey and Goliath was created by Art Clokey, of Gumby fame, so I'm guessing it has something to do with being too sheltered and thinking everyone is innocent.

I was just confused why a reference would be made to it after posting a picture of my head in a pile of shoes.

[Pram Maven]

By the way, I hate my name... Can I just be Pram? :white hairs

[WhiteRat]

Art Clokey wore women's clothing and you know it!

[Pentegarn]

By the way, I hate my name... Can I just be Pram? :white hairs

I so wanted to find a youtube clip of Eric Idle saying "I'd like a bit of pram, please" in the Monty Python sketch where he keeps thinking every advertisement he reads means something sexual

One does not exist though

[MLE]

Also, you have exhausted your name changes. You've had at least two, having three separate names. If you really hate the name so much, you have the choice of making a new account that just says Pram.

[Grislygus]

So. After four attempts, I finally managed to finish reading the first post in this thread.





See, you were with a Christian girl who wanted to get married. Not to YOU, though. It worked for you, because there were no expectations for you to perform. At all, in any shape or manner. It ended. You use this as a romanticized bullshit psychological fucking EXCUSE for only having three girlfriends since then. You further justify this by bringing up the sexual elements in both. You pass off the first as a nonstop sex wagon, and another as containing not quite as much nympho sex but claim that what sex you had was great both are lies

If you WERE asexual, you would never describe ANY sex, ever, as "great"... because you would be "asexual" and having sex would be like pulling teeth. You're just inexperienced and more comfortable masturbating.

And looking for internet sympathy. congrats bra

[Grislygus]

Pardon the bile rising up in my throat; I just don't react well to horseshit getting shoved in my face

[Pram Maven]

MLE- thanks, any way to cancel this account?

[Fathom Zero]

If you WERE asexual, you would never describe ANY sex, ever, as "great"... because you would be "asexual" and having sex would be like pulling teeth

I was getting at that, but using logic is like trying to kick water uphill.

[Grislygus]

No, pram, there isn't. Here's an ida, one that's been repeated many, many times before;

If you don't like it, STOP POSTING.



sorry fathom couldn't even be bothered to read anything after the first post my man this guy is fucktarded son had no clue you were on it awready

[Grislygus]

God, he asks for advice and ignores everything because everyone's advice is "stop being a dumbass." I swear to god, he's the unpopular male duplicate of my slut cousin

[Pentegarn]

"stop being a dumbass."

http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q1/Pentegarn/red-foreman-logic-300x225.jpg

[Colonel Flagg]

Can we get someone to tag that picture to the code :dumbass?

[Chojin]

MLE- thanks, any way to cancel this account?

she is only a moderator and has been overruled on this issue

[Pram Maven]

Grislygus does have a good point. I don't like sex with a woman because I used to get treated like a buffet- pick out what you like, and leave what you don't want.

As far as not posting anymore- I have tried to leave, but even when I'm logged out I can see my personal information being posted, along with more instructions to make embarassing videos of myself.

If you want me to leave, you can talk about me all you want- I don't care about that. But I want to stop being STALKED. *That's* what this is about. I don't know why I'm not funny here, but I think you would find it hard to do that too if you were being threatened and harassed every day. What do I have to do to make this end? Why can't I just be banned and let that be the end of it? I don't want to post here anymore. I don't want to have any part in this website. Let me GO.

[Guitar Woman]

YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE

Also could you go ahead and not claim to be asexual anymore so I don't have to endure the shame of people thinking I am similar to you in any way

I mean, if you were really asexual, you wouldn't give a shit about sex. That's what "asexual" means, in fact. You would not be asking questions like "I DON'T LIKE SEX, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME" because you would see not pursuing sexual relationships as perfectly ordinary behavior on your part.

You massive fucking idiot.

[Esuohlim]

WHAT WOULD WINONA RYDER THINK ABOUT THAT

[Grislygus]

Dude. Have we forgotten that publicly available info of you was posted because you returned and began posting like a dipshit and continued only after you kept posting like a dipshit? Are we seeing a pattern yet?

[Grislygus]

"No. No sir, we are not."

[Colonel Flagg]

Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:

"I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!"

It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

We get it.

[Pram Maven]

Guitar Woman- Okay, you got me. I have no desire to have sex with anyone, ever. The only times I did it was to make the girl I was with happy. As a rule, I don't require sex in a relationship, and seek one based only on creative compatibility, a sense of humor, and mental stimulation. Unfortunately, not many girls go for that, so my relationships don't last -oh, I just know Lord Sappington is gonna say something about that, wait for it- long.

[Grislygus]

WRONG. I will; you're a liar.

[Pram Maven]

Not even! The longest relationshit I was ever in was 3 months. That was because she was fat and couldn't get anyone else.

[Pentegarn]

You sure that was a 3 month relationship?

You sure you weren't just stuck in her orbit for 3 months and thought you were in a relationship?

[Pram Maven]

Are you sure I was ever in a relationship to begin with, and I'm not just blowing it out my dirty ass?

[Pentegarn]

Yeah, way to repeat what I just said only without any humor

[Pram Maven]

Sorry, I meant to say "blowing dirt out of my hairy ass".

[Pram Maven]

You're so judgemental, Pentegarn. SO JUDGEMENTAL. :newbie

[Colonel Flagg]

Look. We get it already. Try something else.

[MLE]

Like leaving.

[Pram Maven]

Ok. I"ll leave.

but first,

*unzips his pants and pees on MLE's forehead*

Tinkle tinkle, little dink
I'm so sorry that I stink
sitting in a basement, low
posting shit while brows furrow

tinkle tinkle little dink
mine is special, it can wink

[kahljorn]

what the hell

how come your jokes sound like they come from a joke book

cause you're jokes are so formulaic and look like somebody spent days putting them together and they're still stupid and unfunny.

[Pram Maven]

IT'S A JOKE.

[Esuohlim]

kahl why did you edit out the part about it sounding like it came from a joke book, one with jokes that look like they took days to come up with and still really suck

Because it's true

[Grislygus]

Wow, picking on a girl online. Hope you're proud of yourself

[kahljorn]

cause i already made fun of his jokes in another thread and didn't want to sound redundant :(

but you're totally right!

fixed! ie ven spelled your wrong both times at first!

[Pentegarn]

You're so judgemental, Pentegarn. SO JUDGEMENTAL. :newbie

I tend to be judgmental (or as you and your friend the gratuitous 'e' put it, 'judgemental') because you are unfunny and annoying

[Pram Maven]

Can you teach me to be funny, or at least clue me in to what the mode of funny is around here? Even if I don't ever fit in, I can at least try less hard to stick out.

[Tadao]

I can teach you to die.

[kahljorn]

Can you teach me to be funny, or at least clue me in to what the mode of funny is around here? Even if I don't ever fit in, I can at least try less hard to stick out.

YOU HAVE TO POST A VIDEO OF YOU IN A DRESS FIRST
WE ALREADY EXTENDED THIS OFFER TO YOU

[Colonel Flagg]

Can you teach me to be funny, or at least clue me in to what the mode of funny is around here? Even if I don't ever fit in, I can at least try less hard to stick out.

Dude, you're either funny or you're not. Accepting the fact that you're not funny is the first step to recovery from your douchebaggery.

As an example, I am not funny. And I'm OK with that. :12steps

[Pentegarn]

See Colonel just lying about you being funny is not going to help Pram

You actually know how to post a clever turn of phrase, or a well timed remark

[Colonel Flagg]

But that's just it, Pent. I DON'T TRY TO BE FUNNY. It just happens.

Very very rarely. :\

[Pentegarn]

And that's how it is done

[Colonel Flagg]

Pram? PRAM! PRAM MAVEN!!!!!

Have you been paying attention? :confused

[Pram Maven]

I admit it, I'm not funny. Not on this site, anyway. Something intimidates me- it's like when I was a kid, and I ran up to kick a soccer ball, but instead of kicking it, at the last possible second I peed my pants.

[Fathom Zero]

(statement + statement) + anecdotal comparison between this situation and one that may or may not have happened = funny

for srs though, i guess it's intimidating, but then you shouldn't try to be funny, you lunkheads. It's not something you try to do, not like that anyway.

[Pram Maven]

That's why I have an easier time with a group that I get along with. How about I work on that first and just let the humor happen (if it's going to)? I only have so many pairs of pants to change into.

[Fathom Zero]

then again, I don't think that that's anything that hasn't been explained to you in very clear terms to you before, if not by myself then someone else.

yet you seem to be incapable of understanding certain things. Away with yourself.

I know not what you mean by pants.

[Tadao]

That's why I have an easier time with a group that I get along with. How about I work on that first and just let the humor happen (if it's going to)? I only have so many pairs of pants to change into.

IT'S SHIT LIKE THIS, THIS IS WHY I AM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO STOP TRYING TO BE FUNNY, THEN YOU TRY TO BE FUNNY. I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR JAR SO THAT AT LEAST IN REAL LIFE, PEOPLE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR LAME ASS.

[Pram Maven]

I understood, Pram is just an unreliable narrator. I'm not going to think something I say is funny if it isn't. Although humor is subjective, the reactions from other people is a pretty good way to gauge the success of the attempt.

[Pram Maven]

Tadao, please stop with the physical threats.

[Tadao]

YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP!

[Colonel Flagg]

That's why I have an easier time with a group that I get along with. How about I work on that first and just let the humor happen (if it's going to)? I only have so many pairs of pants to change into.

First sentence was fine. Your second was a little needy, but some people would probably overlook it. But the third ... now why did you have to throw that sentence into the mix? That was just pathetic.

Apparently, you don't know how to be not funny, either. :exasperated

[Esuohlim]

That's why I have an easier time with a group that I get along with. How about I work on that first and just let the humor happen (if it's going to)?

Why the hell do you care so much about working towards being funny to a group of people who hate you on a website you've said you don't like anyway? It's fucking baffling.

You just plain aren't funny. Not to us, anyway, and 99.9% of the time you either get what's funny around here or you don't. And you aren't part of that 0.1% that will one day assimilate because you're not flying under anyone's radar. Stop trying, it's a completely lost cause.

[Pram Maven]

:wrists:

[Zuggernaut]

yea hes absolutely hilarious on zug

[Tadao]

THAT IS WHY HE SHOULD STAY THERE! YOU ZUG FAGHOLES CAN SIT AROUND AND TALK ABOUT PRANKING PEOPLE WHILE WE MOCKERY KINGS ACTUALLY DO THE PRANKING. FUCK I HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO BEAT YOU UP DON.

[Pram Maven]

Tadao- why are you obsessed with me?

[Tadao]

Because I want to make you bleed.

[Colonel Flagg]

Tadao- why are you obsessed with me?

STOP WHINING! >:

[Pentegarn]

Tadao- why are you obsessed with me?

Pram- why are you obsessed with Tadao's obsession with you?

[Pram Maven]

Because he is dangerous and knows where I live. If you were in my situation, wouldn't you be preoccupied with everything he says to you?

He's making real threats, and giving exact dates.

What Tadao doesn't realize yet, is that he broke me of my tendency to be mean online. For what it's worth, anyway... I no longer have any desire to treat anyone badly on the internet. I never had a desire to be mean in real life. I'm basically cured, except for the part about not being funny. He could fix that too, if he wanted, but instead he's going for violence. An aggravated felony assault is not going to look good on his acting resume. If I were him, I would just stop.

[Tadao]

YEAH, BECAUSE ACTORS NEVER BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE AND GET AWAY WITH IT. YOU CAN END THIS BY PUTTING ON A DRESS AND SHOWING US AROUND YOUR ROOM, BUT INSTEAD I HAVE TO MAKE YOU BLEED.

[Pram Maven]

I will put on a dress and show you around my room.

I'm warning you, though, it is messy.

Why is seeing my messy room important to you?

[Tadao]

THIS WILL BE AS CLOSE TO AN ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIP AS YOU WILL EVER GET.

[Colonel Flagg]

Something stylish, not expensive. Don't break the bank. But do not wear a tablecloth or a bathrobe. That will only make Mr. Tomomatsu angrier.

[Esuohlim]

THIS WILL BE AS CLOSE TO AN ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIP AS YOU WILL EVER GET.

:lol

[Zuggernaut]

Pram- why are you obsessed with Tadao's obsession with you?

Why are you so obsessed with prams obsession of tadaos obsession with pram?

also you guys are disgusting. who wants to see a grown man in a dress, you must be some kind of homosexuals. over on zug we ask people to put on dresses as a JOKE but you guys are clearly pumping your cocks in anticipation

[Pentegarn]

I pump my cock in anticipation of pretty much everything

[Fathom Zero]

:lol

[Pram Maven]

So basically, what you're saying, is that there is no hope for an asexual.

[Pentegarn]

What exactly does an asexual hope for?

Not for sex, or they are not an asexual.

So what does an asexual hope for? Free beer? A nice garden? Who knows? Who cares?

[The Leader]

Asexuals should hope for death.

[Colonel Flagg]

What exactly does an asexual hope for?

I wouldn't know ....

Who knows? Who cares?

Good point.

[Zuggernaut]

"I pump my cock in anticipation of pretty much everything" - pentupfrustrationgarrrrnnnnn

yea that sounds about right. a life full of rejection and pent up sexual urges will do that to a person.

[Pentegarn]

You would know

[Zuggernaut]

yes ive made quite a living off of analyzing pathetic people. sort of like how you guys have made a l iving being pathetic people

[Pentegarn]

yes ive made quite a living off of analyzing pathetic people. sort of like how you guys have made a l iving being pathetic people

How does one make a living being a pathetic person?

Your premise doesn't make sense

F - -

[Zuggernaut]

this message board is a pretty good example of how you can do it

[Pentegarn]

Since you are from Zug, and you therefore do not really know funny, I will therefore take that as we are doing well and are quite funny and successful

Thanks for the compliment man

[Dimnos]

If its so bad, why are you here?

[Shyandquietguy]

Because you can't win by losing, duh! :rolleyes

[LordSappington]

If you're truly asexual, which you're not because science says you're flamboyantly gay, then just go find another asexual. Now stop talking, Pram.