Hope for an omnisexual?

[executioneer]

i want to fuck, like, everything

[MLE]

Stock up on lube

[Grislygus]

Obviously the cure involves having sex whenever possible

[Dr. Boogie]

Stay away from my trellis.

[Fathom Zero]

Inanimate objects around the house would be a good starting point for beginners.

[Pentegarn]

Will be tough when trying to fuck things without fuckable holes though.

A solid brick for example

[Pram Maven]

Be sure to sand wood or metal before fucking.

[kahljorn]

AT LEAST YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DATING

[The Leader]

"My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself." - Emo Philips

[executioneer]

but omnisexual means i want to fuck them all AT ONCE :(

i need science help so i can make my d*ck pass thru all points in the universe at once

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Be sure to sand wood or metal before fucking.

I wish you would try http://c0278592.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/gear/original/7245.jpg

[Zhukov]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think Omnisexual would just mean that you are all sexes at once.

So, two then.

Wanting to have sex with the universe... I think that's just over excitement and it might go away. Keep us posted.

[Fathom Zero]

Intersexed individuals count, too, mister.

[executioneer]

i guess i gotta run for president of the galaxy now :doyougetit

[Tadao]

:idontgetit

Wouldn't you run for president of the universe? Parallel included of course.

[executioneer]

yes but if i run for president of the galaxy i'll be in a perfect position to steal the ship with the infinite improbability drive, and then stick my wein*r in it

[Tadao]

:igetitnow

That way you can also screw the past, present and future.

:eek

[MarioRPG]

i want to fuck, like, everything

This reminds me of when they first go back in time in Hot Tub Time Machine "I wanna fuck sooooommmmmetthiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"

[elx]

I was with somebody tonight :( It was really bad, he kept being like "can you feel that?" and I was like all I feel is hungry.. then he was like, "let's go to mickey dees, they open at like 5" so I was like "ok" just because I wanted in his car so he'd take me home :( I am sharing this with the internet in hopes that the internet will shame me into never ever ever ever ever going near him again, my brain doesn't seem to be doing the trick on it's own. :( feels so bad, man! :(

[Grislygus]

Shame, huh. Sorry. In the hypothetical situation where that actually happened, I can't actually bring myself to give you hell over it

Mainly because it's his fault. That's a sad story; you get to think of him as The Hamburglar from now on

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

:( The hamburglar strikes again.

In positive news I thought I clicked on shyandquietguys new thread. Then I read what happened ELX. I'm glad this is a different thread.

[Chojin]

elx true love sometimes takes a bit to unwind, you need to stay with him until his micro penis blossoms into a grand sea cucumber

when he turns 15, then you can start worrying about his girth

[executioneer]

if you do it with him again make sure to make sexy robble robble noises

[Pentegarn]

I think you should stay away from him cause he used the term "mickey dees". Who says that anymore?

[elx]

I am just one of those people that was cursed/blessed with being naturally selective. I'm not attracted to the entire gender as a lot of people are, it's more like a one in a million thing. when I have instant chemistry with a guy then it's fucking awesome, but when there is no such connection then it will never work. I knew I didn't like him, but let him try anyway and made him stop when I got bored/it wasn't working. so he's the one that ended up feeling bad for something that wasn't his fault.

it's a curse because you can't have random sex with whomever, even if you like them a lot. it's a blessing because when it does work out it's like a decatrontilianzillion times better! I think half of the population is the same way. at least half of the female population.

[Fathom Zero]

how vaginal :\

[executioneer]

ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I thought you said you made him "top". I need to get my mind out of the gutter....don't you work at a bar though? I'm sure you have pickens available.

[elx]

speaking of ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE, have you guys ever had somebody making out on your neck/right on your ear? do you realize how disgusting it sounds when you do that to us? because that's our ear... so when you do that we hear all of those noises that your mouth is making amplified past 11:( never do that

[Fathom Zero]

some people like those sounds

[Esuohlim]

That's why you gotta be quiet about it. Plus if you do it right you get the TINGLIES

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Its more about the feelings than the sounds. Every girl/guy/... I've been with loved having their neck/ear caressed with tongue. Maybe I'm just really good at it though.

[Fathom Zero]

I want to make jokes about so many things in this thread - Milhouse and sex (because lol), elx being elx, and 10K and his ellipses.

[Esuohlim]

w/e

[Shrubfest]

Dude, ears? No.

Neck yes. Many yes.

Ears. No. That's on par with feet and bellybuttons.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Oh Shrub. You don't even know.

[Pentegarn]

I have been with ladies who like ear shenanigans, and those who like it not so much, so I guess it depends on the girl

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

They just might not know they like it yet.

[kahljorn]

maybe you dont like having your ears slurped on but what about biting :O

[Zhukov]

Love the neck. I go straight for the neck. I'm a biter and I've had an illustrious career at it with many commendations.

Elx your guy must really suck if he can't get the neck/ears (it's a pretty sensitive area) feeling good.

[Shrubfest]

Still no. I once had a dude manage to get my 1.6 mm ball closure out of my ear and tear my earlobe. That was probably the least gross ear chewing I've had.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Sounds like he didn't know what he was doing.

[elx]

Still no. I once had a dude manage to get my 1.6 mm ball closure out of my ear and tear my earlobe. That was probably the least gross ear chewing I've had.
have you ever had a S/O that ritualistically pecked/kissed the top of your head/forehead after fooling around? my guys always do this and I can't stand it. that's like as half-assed as it gets and should only be reserved for grandmas/toddlers >:

[Esuohlim]

OK, it's at this point where you stop playing those female mind games that y'all like so much and tell us what you don't like so that we stop doing it. We're not mind readers and we're not going to think anything of it if you keep it to yourself

[Shrubfest]

Elx: most guys i've been with have been nerds who I intimidate the fuck out of. They'd only try it as a joke, and remain out of punching distance.

Milhouse backwards: I don't like monobrows, baths, dirty washing-up sponges and untidy bedrooms.

[Zhukov]

Whatever your man does is your own fault since you didn't teach him otherwise.

[Fathom Zero]

Biting *everything* is wonderful.

[elx]

OK, it's at this point where you stop playing those female mind games that y'all like so much and tell us what you don't like so that we stop doing it. We're not mind readers and we're not going to think anything of it if you keep it to yourself
why would you assume that we're like this? I myself have a very specific look of disapproval, which involves a scrunched up face and a shakey head movement. it's not a mind-game, just subtle enough to not interrupt and universally clear enough to get the point across.

[elx]

Biting *everything* is wonderful.
no.. biting a girls tits will get you kneed real quick. you should know better!

[Fathom Zero]

:rollin'maheyes

[Grislygus]

Interrupt what? You just said this happens "ritualistically" after you're finished. Just tell him to knock it off if it bugs you that damn much


And fathom, holding her nipple with your teeth while you move your tongue back and forth over it doesn't count as biting. If you do ever think it's a good idea to bite a woman's tit proper, be sure to post a thread in loveline after she punches you in the nuts

[Fathom Zero]

We have different definitions of biting, then. I guess it's closer to nibbling, yeh.

Wait, why am I even here?

[Fathom Zero]

elx, you should come to Comic Con 2012. I'll take you to a malt shoppe and we'll see where it goes from there.

[Shrubfest]

I've had bite mark bruises on my tits. You just gotta strike the mood right. And if it's by kissing your forehead, that ain't the right mood.

[Pentegarn]

no.. biting a girls tits will get you kneed real quick. you should know better!

Except I have been with a woman who insisted I did so. Though I am not a fan of the whole "pain gets me off thing" because unless provoked I am not a fan of hurting anything or anyone

[Pentegarn]

why would you assume that we're like this? I myself have a very specific look of disapproval, which involves a scrunched up face and a shakey head movement. it's not a mind-game, just subtle enough to not interrupt and universally clear enough to get the point across.

Because you just asked and then answered your own question. You say why do we assume women think we are mind readers, then give an example of you using complicated facial expressions to get a point across where you said not one single word. Men are much less complicated than women. We laugh at Three Stooges episodes and fart jokes. We require the blunt approach in communication, hence why all the responses like this:

Just tell him to knock it off if it bugs you that damn much

Or as the band Zebra said in song:

C5I_CpoodtI

[Grislygus]

Yes, I concede there will be women who enjoy getting their tits full-on bitten. There are also men who enjoy their balls getting twisted in horrible vicelike contraptions

[Pentegarn]

As I said, not into it from either end, in fact when said woman insisted it I was downright uncomfortable and said as much

Then she repeated the insistence that I do so :(

[Esuohlim]

I know why you women play those games. You don't to tell us anything because you want us to be the ones who think of it ourselves. And then you get mad when we don't think of it ourselves because then that means that we're selfish and we're not observant or perceptive enough to pick up on your feelings.

He might think he's being downright adorable with the peck on the forehead, so speak up if it bugs you. Little stuff like that is no reason for silent treatments and pent-up frustration.

Man up, elx

[Pentegarn]

The next woman to actually say what she wants without expecting us to read her mind will be the first woman to

[kahljorn]

maybe they kiss you on the forehead cause they are trying to cuddle after sex or whatever since stereotypically women complain about that kind of stuff.

women are too complicated i wish that men had tits and a vagina and pretty faces ;/

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I know why you women play those games. You don't to tell us anything because you want us to be the ones who think of it ourselves. And then you get mad when we don't think of it ourselves because then that means that we're selfish and we're not observant or perceptive enough to pick up on your feelings.

He might think he's being downright adorable with the peck on the forehead, so speak up if it bugs you. Little stuff like that is no reason for silent treatments and pent-up frustration.

Man up, elx

X

The next woman to actually say what she wants without expecting us to read her mind will be the first woman to

XX

maybe they kiss you on the forehead cause they are trying to cuddle after sex or whatever since stereotypically women complain about that kind of stuff.

women are too complicated i wish that men had tits and a vagina and pretty faces ;/

http://www.pitchershiteighth.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/turkey-bowling.jpg

[Zhukov]

I dunno guys, I am leaning towards the fact that there are just dumb fuckwits out there that can't pick up subtle hints that actually aren't so subtle because they are useless. But on the other hand I've had these mind reading expectations in the past and they are not fun.

At the moment I've got loads of problems but a woman is not one of them :\

[kahljorn]

I dunno guys, I am leaning towards the fact that there are just dumb fuckwits out there that can't pick up subtle hints that actually aren't so subtle because they are useless. But on the other hand I've had these mind reading expectations in the past and they are not fun.man maybe i was wrong about men with vaginas

[ThrashO]

Some girls will let you know what they want, and some girls are stupid bitches who get off on treating you like shit because you haven't developed ESP yet.

Thats why before relations I make a list of things I'm going to do and then I tell them they can add or suggest things, but for the most part its 1: Insert penis, 2: thrust violently, 3: pretend to slip out, 4: joust into asshole "on accident", 5: clean blood off, 6: explode onto n body part, 7: make sandwhich, 8: play videogames, 9: sleep.

Usually they are too shy to add anything and plus I tell them that there are only 8 slots available and until I get bored of at least 2 of those things she's gonna have to deal with the shit.

[Fathom Zero]

tha ladiez are just flighty bitches prone to caprice

[Sam]

IN THE GROOVE AND READY TO MOVE

[The Leader]

aw yeah

[creeposaurus]

I feel so bad for my boyfriend, I think I'm schizophrenic. I want a lot and nothing.

[Chojin]

i'm pretty sure that's a common side effect of having a vagina

[Tadao]

ELX, maybe your vagina feels huge and he's really likes you a lot and is trying to make sure that he pleases you.

[elx]

I feel so bad for my boyfriend, I think I'm schizophrenic. I want a lot and nothing.
this is even less relevant than my topic-invasion. is willie's thread our new females complain about femaley things area?

[creeposaurus]

Didn't it eventually turn into males complaining about femaley things, then females complaining about the femaley things that males complain about?

[Esuohlim]

MALES, FEMALES, WE'RE ALL JUST GIANT PAINS IN THE ASS

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST FUCK PLANTS

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

NO THANK YOU
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Media/Pix/pictures/2008/11/27/triffids460.jpg

NIGHTMARES FOREVER

[The Leader]

And all of the splinters would hurt.

[Arlena]

Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. ices the ice next to a minded contributor. The repeatable certificate flowers above the ash. His neat plastic smells a cream palace. Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. consumes an upstairs kingdom around an opinion.

[ThrashO]

Don't you try to derail this thread you cum sandwich.

TRY THIS CUNTSWORTH (http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=18)

AND THEN HELP ME FIND THE BEST PRICES ON HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS, JEWELRY AND AIR JORDANS

[executioneer]

wow

[ThrashO]

Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. ices the ice next to a minded contributor. The repeatable certificate flowers above the ash. His neat plastic smells a cream palace. Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. consumes an upstairs kingdom around an opinion.

actually reading this is kind of disturbing

[executioneer]

you stay the hell away from my cream palace, spambot

it's the seat of my upstairs kingdom and the upstairs peasants would revolt if anything happened to it

[Pentegarn]

Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. ices the ice next to a minded contributor. The repeatable certificate flowers above the ash. His neat plastic smells a cream palace. Discuss games and toys throughout the ages. consumes an upstairs kingdom around an opinion.

This is less disturbing if you read it while a stand up bass and beat are playing in the background while pretentious people pretend it is art

[executioneer]

imagine tom waits is saying it

[k0k0]

Maybe I'll write down what a bunch of spambots write and go to a poetry house and say it. If I ever do, I'll record it and put it on here.

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

beatniks pretty much are the spammers of yesteryear.

[Colonel Flagg]

This is less disturbing if you read it while a stand up bass and beat are playing in the background while pretentious people pretend it is art

You've been listening again. :conspiracy

[Pentegarn]

I will admit that did plant the seed of the idea into my head