Ask the Mexican

[Dimnos]

Since Willie is no longer with us. :tear I have been waiting for the next guru. Seeing as no on else has been nominated and taking my current need into mind, I'm asking Vare.

Como se dice... Tanks but no tanks. Gracias y no?

[kahljorn]

:lol

[Kitsa]

Someone asked me today how to say ice bucket liner in Spanish and I had no fucking idea.

I think I said something stupid like bolsa para hielera or something.

[darkvare]

i'm gonna assume you meant "thanks but no thanks" so it's "gracias pero no gracias" in the case it's "tanks but no tanks" then "it's tanques pero no tanques" and in regards of kitsas dilema i've never seen someone use a bag in a cooler or ice bucket when i use a cooler i just trhow the ice in there

[kahljorn]

:lol

[kahljorn]

my favorite part of this was when darkvare messaged me asking about tanks

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Are we talking panzers or meatbags?

[kahljorn]

does mexico even have tanks

[Kitsa]

dammit where was your mexpertise when I was my hospital's sole "interpreter", meaning I was the only one in the entire fucking gringolocked building who knew any Spanish at ALL, and I had to stumble through telling some terrified kid that he had to go to "the cage place with policemen"? :tear

Also, <<un chingo de (algo)>> = "fuckload"?

[darkvare]

pretty much yeah

[Dimnos]

Yeah, I meant thanks. :lol

[Kitsa]

ok, that's what I thought it meant, thanks

[Colonel Flagg]

Tanks.

[Colonel Flagg]

I need to know the Mexican perspective on the Jackson family dispute.

[kahljorn]

i need to know a good bean recipe

[Tadao]

What's the best recipe for cooking meth?

[kahljorn]

the mexicans i knew always used the ajax method

[Kitsa]

around here, meth is strictly a white trash thing, not a mexican thing

[kahljorn]

i absolutely refuse to believe that

[darkvare]

mexicans use more self grown drugs meth draws too much attention while being cooked and considering the army is roaming the streets is not a good aidea this days

[Kitsa]

I'd just like to say that Abuelita chocolate is fucking delicious

the tablets, not the powder or syrup shit

[darkvare]

when i was young my mom hid thosse huge bars cause me and my brother used to eat them raw

[kahljorn]

:lol
i love this thread

[Tadao]

Don Darkvare,

Are you rich enough to buy drinking water?

[darkvare]

20 liters of drinking water comes to a whooping 10 pesos

[Tadao]

That's pretty expensive yeah? How do you filter your water? Charcoal/sand then boil. When my nephew was staying by the Sea of Cortez, he said they added a drop of cilantro essence.

[kahljorn]

when iw as in mexico they didnt even have toilet water. Instead, they had a giant barrel filled with water so when u were done you had to get a bucket and pour it into the toilet :lol

[darkvare]

well to put it into perspective a half a liter soda goes for 8 pesos it's not expensive and i never heard of the cilantro essecne thing

[Kitsa]

Mexico is never as cool or friendly as high school Spanish books imply. Then again, neither is France and I'm sure those Romans were fuckers too.

My high school Spanish teacher made us bring stuff for tacos every week and we all thought that was cool until someone saw her sneaking tupperware out of her bag and taking home the leftovers. Then it was just sad. :(

But yeah, according to "Voces y Vistas", all Mexicans are hip teenagers in cosby sweaters and acid-washed jeans, who do nothing but play the guitar, buy churros (and cacahuates at the zoo, for some reason) and try to find the library.

[Tadao]

when iw as in mexico they didnt even have toilet water. Instead, they had a giant barrel filled with water so when u were done you had to get a bucket and pour it into the toilet :lol

I hope you didn't put the toilet paper into the toilet! :eek

[kahljorn]

i dont remember. I don't think i could take a shit at the time cuz i was at a mexican labor camp right before that and all they had was portopotties and we had limited toilet paper so I was taking a shit like once a week :lol
after i escaped i got drunk and puked up like a weeks worth of food

[Kitsa]

how the hell did you get stuck in a Mexican labor camp

[kahljorn]

cuz i drank a lot when i was younger and that was my punishment

http://www.cafety.org/solutions-and-successes/13-center-for-troubled-us-teens-shut-down-by-mexican-officials

[Kitsa]

interesting.

[kahljorn]

im not one of the kids in that article though

[Esuohlim]

WHERE CAN I FIND A NICE BUSINESS-PROFESSIONAL SOMBRERO

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

I watched this documentary on pablo escobar last night. They had this picture where he dressed up like his hero poncho villa. He had this ten gallon sombrero, two bandoliers, two shotguns and all and all looked like some sort of super mexican.

[darkvare]

i sent a picture to tadao of the pancho villa monument that sits at la bufa over here in zacatecas
and if you really want a sombrero we have tons of stores here that even customize them

[Tadao]

I was gonna ask you, is there heavy police coverage in La Bufa? I thought that town was supposed to be pretty chill. Or is it that there are normal amounts of cops but heavily armed like all the cops in Mexico.

[kahljorn]

all them beans and rice go straight to the arms

[darkvare]

la bufa has just like 3 cops tops

[Tadao]

Hey Darkvare,

I have some badges, do you want them?

[Tadao]

DonVare,

What do you think of your new president?

[darkvare]

i really don't feel like talking about him

[Tadao]

Well then how about sharing grandmas bean recipe. Mine is

4 cups pinto beans
1 clove garlic
home made chicken broth
1 teaspoon seasalt
1 teaspoon mrs dash
some rosemary

I want to add butter something to it, but I don't know what it's missing. :(

[kahljorn]

lard
hamhock

[Tadao]

Well, the chicken broth has the grease of lard and the sea salt makes up for the lack of pork. I was thinking about adding some butter to help it out, but it's not lacking in that department. It's missing a spice I think. I thought mrs dash would do it but it failed.

[kahljorn]

cumin then. also u got no onions and i dont put garlic in mine. and y rosemary?

salt doesnt make up for the lack of pork and chicken broth kinda helps but a little bit of lard+chicken broth is better. Salt is just salt it doesn't replace a pork flavor. The flavors are all completely different.. at least when u refry it/brown the onions do it in lard. when u eat beans in the restaurant its basically lard+chicken broth flavor, or hamhocks.

and dont use butter it makes it taste bad :(

i spent years trying to make good mexican beans and the ones that tasted closest to a mexican food restaurant used lard+chicken broth or hamhocks. i also tried bacon but i thought it made it taste too much like bbq beans

also i think ur not supposed to cook beans in salt cause it does something o their consistency.

[Kitsa]

you're japanese and you didn't put any yellow miso in that shit?

[darkvare]

i don't think ive ever cooked beans with chicken broth, all i do is i get the beans then put them on a pressure cooker add water, salt, garlic and onions all chopped. You need to leave them cooking for a long time until they get soft then you get them out and fry them while squashing them adding a bit of water if you think they might burn.

edit: you know what this has inspired me to start making a videos series i was thinking about for a long time it's gonna be called cooking with vare i'll try to cook my carnachos tomorrow and film it so you guys can steal my recipes

[King Hadas]

Is it true mexican plumbing systems can't handle toilet paper so you have to take all your shitty toilet paper outside and burn it?

[darkvare]

no

[Kitsa]

Every time I go to a mexican supermarket and past the candy display (the little cellophane bags with the paper labels), I'm always amazed at how one bag will have candy and one bag will have, like, three or four wadded latex balloons in it. And then another bag will have some spice that's incredibly toxic if not cooked.

Mexican kids must be smarter than American kids, because if American candy were packaged that way kids would be trying to eat balloons and choking left and right.

[Esuohlim]

why isn't this thread extremely racist yet

[Tadao]

Miso in my pinto beans? That sounds crazy. Also, I'm trying to really stay away from the pork. At this age you gotta worry about shit like that. :(

[Tadao]

i don't think ive ever cooked beans with chicken broth, all i do is i get the beans then put them on a pressure cooker add water, salt, garlic and onions all chopped. You need to leave them cooking for a long time until they get soft then you get them out and fry them while squashing them adding a bit of water if you think they might burn.

edit: you know what this has inspired me to start making a videos series i was thinking about for a long time it's gonna be called cooking with vare i'll try to cook my carnachos tomorrow and film it so you guys can steal my recipes


I bet it was the onion that was missing. God damit, I totally was going to add it but forgot.

[Kitsa]

I have a vegan mexican bean recipe if that's what you're wanting.

[Tadao]

Nah, I like meat, just want to try and stay away from meat that kills your heart. :(

[Kitsa]

Some argue that it all does, but this isn't Ask the Vegetarian so I'll spare you my sanctimony for another time.

[kahljorn]

how does pork kill your heart

ive never heard that before

is that like from some buddhist cookbook

[Tadao]

By stopping it.

[Zomboid]

Is it true mexican plumbing systems can't handle toilet paper so you have to take all your shitty toilet paper outside and burn it?

This is one of maybe five posts worth reading in this thread. Thanks, KH!

On topic: is this man a hero in your country?
http://www.abcmedianet.com/assets/bios-thumbs/208ff1d0-63bf-4bc3-bebb-18b50cb46ddd.jpg

[darkvare]

no i have no idea who he is

[kahljorn]

why the hell do mexicans trim hedges at 8am on a saturday morning

[Zomboid]

They work while it's cool out!

[kahljorn]

it aint cool to work on a saturday morning yo

[Tadao]

Hey Mexican,

When I was in Mexico, it started raining and I was wondering if it's safe for people like me to drink the rain water or does it still need to be purified.

I assume it's safe, but maybe it picks up something in the atmosphere.

[kahljorn]

It has been said that "Mexico City (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexico_City)’s air has gone from among the world’s cleanest to among the dirtiest in the span of a generation."[4] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_pollution_in_Mexico_City#cite_note-3) Historic air pollution episodes of the 1950s led to acute increases in infant mortality (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infant_mortality).[5] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_pollution_in_Mexico_City#cite_note-4) Connections have also been found between air pollution and school absenteeism (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=School_absenteeism&action=edit&redlink=1) among children in Mexico City,[6] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_pollution_in_Mexico_City#cite_note-5) between air pollution and heart rate variability (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_rate_variability) among the elderly in Mexico City,[7] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_pollution_in_Mexico_City#cite_note-6) and between urban air pollutants on emergency visits for childhood asthma (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Childhood_asthma&action=edit&redlink=1) in Mexico City.[8] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_pollution_in_Mexico_City#cite_note-7)

[Kitsa]

wtf with this

http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/10/us/disney-trademark-day-dead/index.html?hpt=hp_t3 (http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/10/us/disney-trademark-day-dead/index.html?hpt=hp_t3)

[Kitsa]

I think we lost our messican :(

[WhiteRat]

i can haz cheezeberger?