Zbu Manowar
Feb 17th, 2003, 08:22 PM
Okay, now here's your chance to create your own G.I. Joe! Just write out a filecard (like on the back of the 3 3/4 inch figures) to your Joe!
CODE NAME: Malt Liquor
PRIMARY SPECIALITY: Liquid Explosives/Biology
SECONDARY SPECIALITY: Odorous Deterrants and Psychological Warfare
Malt Liquor grew up in a middle-upper class suburb but thanks to a lack of disclipline and a mind as thick as concrete, he soon ruined every opportunity for himself and ended up living on his own at eighteen. After discovering you can't simply live on selling your bellybutton lint and acting like a slob, he was tossed out into the ghetto. Fifty years later, half mad by a steady diet of cocaine, cheap liquor, and cheaper women, he happened to trip Cobra Commander and was awarded with the Key to the City...which was taken back immediately during his weekly beating by the cops. Nowadays, instead of sleeping naked on sewer grates for warmth, he sleeps naked somewhere in Joe Headquarters...often scaring the hell out of Lady Jaye.
"Jesus Christ! I thought it smelled bad when I hid in a heap of dead in Korea, but this motherfucker makes Gung-Ho's tikka farts smell like Old Spice! But beneath that layer of grime and lowered expectations beats the heart of a man who probably won't reach 70. Through you wouldn't know it, he's our best surveilliance operative next to Chuckles. Who the fuck suspects a feces-covered wino who can barely talk? Well, we can't, but we can't get rid of him without him crying and trying to keep his discounted frayed plaid pants on. It's only a 40 of MGD a week, he leaves us alone, and Lady Jaye can finally see again. And let's face it, if worst comes to worst, he can be the best human shield this side of Baghdad!"
http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/graphics/cliffhead.jpg
CODE NAME: Malt Liquor
PRIMARY SPECIALITY: Liquid Explosives/Biology
SECONDARY SPECIALITY: Odorous Deterrants and Psychological Warfare
Malt Liquor grew up in a middle-upper class suburb but thanks to a lack of disclipline and a mind as thick as concrete, he soon ruined every opportunity for himself and ended up living on his own at eighteen. After discovering you can't simply live on selling your bellybutton lint and acting like a slob, he was tossed out into the ghetto. Fifty years later, half mad by a steady diet of cocaine, cheap liquor, and cheaper women, he happened to trip Cobra Commander and was awarded with the Key to the City...which was taken back immediately during his weekly beating by the cops. Nowadays, instead of sleeping naked on sewer grates for warmth, he sleeps naked somewhere in Joe Headquarters...often scaring the hell out of Lady Jaye.
"Jesus Christ! I thought it smelled bad when I hid in a heap of dead in Korea, but this motherfucker makes Gung-Ho's tikka farts smell like Old Spice! But beneath that layer of grime and lowered expectations beats the heart of a man who probably won't reach 70. Through you wouldn't know it, he's our best surveilliance operative next to Chuckles. Who the fuck suspects a feces-covered wino who can barely talk? Well, we can't, but we can't get rid of him without him crying and trying to keep his discounted frayed plaid pants on. It's only a 40 of MGD a week, he leaves us alone, and Lady Jaye can finally see again. And let's face it, if worst comes to worst, he can be the best human shield this side of Baghdad!"
http://www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou/graphics/cliffhead.jpg