I like Lenor

[Professor Poddar]

It's a platonic thing, you understand.
Given the transience of life, I decided at random to like her.
She's a lovely person; give her a chance. We often chat about gardening, the downside of reading literature in translation, and
the correct amount of time to boil a hardboiled egg. These chats have, admittedly, been confined to my head hitherto, but that's a moot point, no?
She is what the Israelis call 'sabra'- a prickly pear- i.e. tough and prickly on the outside, tender and sweet within- although you'd be forgiven for thinking her all prickle and no sugar. Just give her a chance, I tell you- she does a mean cheeseburger pie- even if she DID swipe the recipe from the back of a Bisquick box.
In my head I once borrowed 6 cigarettes from her, even though I don't smoke.
Go on, ask her to be your friend. She will love you for it.
Deary sweet Lenor, when you've got a list of new friends thicker than Aunt Hilda's ankles, cast a thought the Professor's way.

Go on- a big group "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Lenor!"

[ItalianStereotype]

well dear boy, i think it is quite safe to say that you are a fag. it has nothing to do with lenor, although that is reason enough for most people here. no, you simply think too highly of yourself and your opinion.

[Carnivore]

Words cannot express how entertaining I find Professor Poddar.

[Professor Poddar]

Yeeeeeeeeeehaw! Italianstereotype,
Please
1. Fuck off
2. Leave the barnyards animals alone
3. Realize that people should NOT, in fact, wear cowboy hats.
4. Fuck off again
5. Recognize that while I am not a 'fag', you brought that up. Why?
Why is the subject of homosexuality on your mind? Well, we know why. I applaud your courage to come out of the closet. You must watch out in Texas, though- I don't think the rednecks will take kindly to your newfound openness. Don't "y'all" beat up blacks and gays down there, just for the hell of it? Oops, I'm Indian- better not cross that fucking Mason-Dixon Line-- don't want to step backwards by about 200 years. Ahh, I just LOVE the South.
Isn't it great that in the wealthiest, most powerful country in the world, there is still a populace of millions with 6 teeth and three years' schooling between them? Fuck OFF!

(Italian-Texan? What a fucking DISMAL combination! "Waahhhyl hahhhh thaaaiyre! Mahhh nayyyme's Jim Bob Mussolini! Would yeeeeooow lahhk some espresso with y'all's catfish and Redman?"
I don't give a FUCK if it's an Italian stereotype or not. You live in the South, and are thus total fucking cannon fodder.)

[ItalianStereotype]

hey, youre the one drawing some of these conclusions here buddy, methinks perhaps they hit somewhere closer to home?

you make fun of me being a southerner, yet you actually call that mass of nonsensical bullshit a retort? you might want to reconsider your career here at i-mockery if you think that is going to cut it.

i dont see how anybody could do anything BUT love the south. this is the greatest place in america. while i am sure that you love prancing about in your hello kitty overalls in the -10,000* weather, most regular people consider that abnormal, and quite frankly, a bit gay. so perhaps you truly shouldnt cross the mason-dixon line as we all hates them thar queers.

it is far too early for me to be dealing with fucktards like you, so we can continue this later today.

[slavemason]

Aw shucks, the south ain't all that bad. It's one of the only places you can find sweet tea. In the hopes for world peace, you two should get a room.

[Mockery]

while i am sure that you love prancing about in your hello kitty overalls

No, that's Chojin. :/

so perhaps you truly shouldnt cross the mason-dixon line as we all hates them thar queers.

Speak for yourself. The more the merrier! (literally)

[Professor Poddar]

Apologies to all good Southerners- I merely wanted to put that primitive in his place-- he is one "person" who does indeed conform to all negative notions about Southerners.
I didn't know that Hello-Kitty overalls existed, but you did. Where did you buy yours?
Hey, I don't mind the cold. We got over two feet of snow overnight, and yet... after shoveling my driveway, it's business as fucking usual. What a MAJOR fucking obstacle to life, hmm? Better a couple months of cold than the alternative. And anyway, are you really resorting to bragging about the hot weather? I'll stoop to your level just this once, Jethro: I'm originally from India, and it gets much fucking hotter there than in your beloved Texas. Plus we don't drag black people to their deaths behind pickup trucks. So there.
What is this fixation with gays? Anyone with an IQ above that of a Cro-Mag will tell you precisely WHAT it means. You feel threatened by gays. Why? Not physically threatened, I'll wager-- you'd just get 86 of your closest cousins to "kick a queer's ass"-- but because they mirror some facet of your being. Accept it, tough guy-- drop the macho act. To state things in terms a Texan might grasp, Ride The Bull. I'm sure the guys from "Deliverance" would be up for it.

The bottom line, my thrice-inbred friend: don't bother trying to make this a "war of wits"; you're genetically and culturally programmed to lose all such conflicts. It's about being right or wrong. I'm right, you're wrong. Nothing more is to be said on the matter. Go lasso a calf. Fuck off.

[ItalianStereotype]

you come from india and have the audacity to call me primitive?

this "war of wits" you are talking about, is that what you consider this? basically all you have done is say "texans=hicks"...boy, how witty. i am schooling you here, apu, not the other way around.

oh and if you want to try to be witty, at least try to make some sense. you say that i conform to all the negative southern stereotypes, when you are the one talking about dragging black people to their deaths, riding the bull, whatever the fuck you are saying, blah, blah, blah. stooping to my level? how, by talking about the weather? what the fuck are you going on about?

instead of coming here with a false show of bravado and "intelligence" in a desperate attempt to kiss ass, why dont you head back to india, not take a bath for a few more weeks, and go eat your female children, okay? bye bye, schools out.

[Lenor]

Uhh.. BLAH!

[Professor Poddar]

I declared the thread- at least in regards to you, Tex- dead, but will reopen the case based on your racist drivel.
While you clearly don't know the 1st thing about Indians or their culture, I DO know- for a FACT- that a high percentage of alleged human beings in your home-state are useless redneck trash. You are so obviously one such "person".
"Audacity"? I'm surprised you know "one o' them big words", Hee Haw Bob. I'll tell you what's audacious-- the racist bullshit you spouted. If someone had the "audacity" to make comments such as yours to my face, I would snap his little KKK neck.
... and no, none of this has been a "war of wits"; that would have required my condescension to your backwater little fuck level. What I've said is the truth. That's all I need to knock you over.
Keep it going-- keep on spouting your shit. I'll fight with truth, you can continue hiding behind your little racist ideology. Who will win? Hmmmm...... racist little fuck.

[ItalianStereotype]

what because i called you apu? welcome to i-mockery you stupid fuck. obviously racism bothers you, but you have spent half of this fight simply pulling things out of your ass to try to make yourself look intelligent.

"one o' them big words?" they have plenty of those at this thing im at right now called "COLLEGE" see im doing this so that i can keep at least one upper class job from people like you. i mean i sure as hell dont plan on working at the 7-11 and you DO already fit the bill....

youre right, i dont know a damn thing about indian culture and i dont want to. i might catch some kind of disease and end up smelling like curry and piss for the rest of my life.

as i said before, SCHOOL IS OUT

[FartinMowler]

Uhh.. BLAH! Not very romantic Lenor, I thought you would at least want to share a slushy with Professor Pud Uhh.. BLAH!

[slavemason]

Somebody fetch the garden hose, these two rabid brainiacs are frothing at the mouth.

[slavemason]

Speaking of food, does anyone know a recipe for some onion chutney? Seriously, poo on the ska board.

[Professor Poddar]

What, I wonder, is considered an "upper class job" in Texas? Scraping the grill at Cousin Jimmy Joe's Barbecue Pit?
Very amusing that you, of ALL people, mention education; and very telling that your cousin G.W. had to travel to my hometown of Andover, Massachusetts, to find decent schooling. You see, if he wanted to rise above pig-rasslin' and the like, he had to get the fuck out of Texas. I somehow doubt you were accepted to an out-of-state school, unless you were picked alongside the Appallachian charity cases. What stellar peers to have! I am so pleased that you're "fixin' to get an eddication!". All the best. What's your major- steer branding? Ten-gallon hat-ology? Bible studies? Basics of bovine anatomy (we know how most of you farm boys lose your virginity)?
The grand irony about the Indian 7-11 stereotype is that most Indians working in such shops at least own them; who, now, do they employ? The absolute fucking dregs of society-- i.e. subhuman white trash. Who actually "fits the bill", tough guy?
You live in the state with the highest percentage of Christians. Enough said. That ALONE does, and always will, cause you to hang your head in shame. Fucking Christian waste; leave it to Texans to buy that shit hook, line, and sinker-- en fucking masse!
You live in the Bible Belt, so based on that alone have NO right to speak with me. Fuck off back to the hog ranch. Now.

[noob3]

I like Lenor. She's my friend.

[ItalianStereotype]

gee, look at who thinks he is actually worth the curry some drunk fuck shit out.

you know what would be ironic? after talking sooo much shit, i end up being the only specialist who can perform the delicate operation required to keep you alive. know what i would do? i would make sure that your family was able to watch the operation, then i would make the first incision and piss in it. "SORRY LITTLE HABEESH, DADDY ISNT COMING HOME ANYMORE!"

who fits the bill? gee, in every state i have ever been in, all 24 of them, who do i see waiting tables, flipping my burgers, or begging for someone to put him out of his misery? plenty of mexicans and a fair number of INDIANS. thats right buddy, YOUR family: aditi, ahimja, akjay, babu, babar, ganesa, masheesha, bombu, karani, karkar, latika, vrinda, veda, monglor, sandya, sakti, ravi, ratra, zharlasma, thaman, lublor, blooblarg, apu, pandita, and lakosma all snaking the shit out of a backed up convenience store toilet. makes you proud doesn't it?

you want to bring religion into it? tired of pulling 50 year old hick jokes? ok fine, i would much rather be a christian than some silly fuck who worships elephants or drinks the same milk that a holy rat took a shit in. but thats just me.

this can go on for as long as necessary, you aren't going to win.

[Carnivore]

I want this to go on! It's extremely entertaining. I have a feeling I know who's behind this... I hesitate to call it a character because it so closely resembles an actual person, but I'm not going to ruin this fun!

[slavemason]

Onetime I had a picture of a sexy cowgirl at work. We used to take long walks together on the roof, often we'd nap together. One day out of boredom, I colored her skin blue. She was even sexier. I'd like to have sex with a blue gal. Are there any in Texas or India?

[Professor Poddar]

Victory, dear chappy, was confirmed well prior to this post- at the start of the thread or in the womb, depending on your perspective.
But if it makes you feel any better to believe yourself a spirited competitor, then by all means continue.
Am I to be impressed by a list of Indian names? Hmm... I think I'll start on a list of my own... Jim, Fred, Rick, David... nahh, stupid idea. You seem to be in denial- by shitting on various minority groups, you've overlooked the existence of fucking white trash. Recent arrivals to this country at least have the excuse of starting off in a wholly unfamiliar culture, but your kinfolk have no fucking excuse, having been there for ages. That alone deflates your previous challenge.
First off, not being- like, say, a Texan- possessed of limited mental faculties, I'm an atheist. That said, it's pretty foolish to place Hinduism in the same light as Christianity; the former at least has the benefit of being colorful and interesting. The latter simply would have you believe that a dead man rose for you. Great.
No one would deny that Christians are Premiere League fuckheads in the game of religion- devout Muslims, for example, however misguided they may be, at least actually believe in their religion. You and your Southern Baptist buddies are hypocrites and cowards.
Don't place my family on a level with yours- I come from an upper middle class family- one, I might add, that lives in the nation's 'brain', shall we say (i.e. metro Boston), and not in its arse (fill in the fucking blank). 24 states? Are you a fucking vagrant, or can mama and daddy simply not find steady work picking fruit?

[ItalianStereotype]

its really not the same since you are a CHARACTER >:

i agree victory was confirmed-so why did you even bother to try? some kind of masochistic love of humiliation?

youre response was unsatisfactory, i smell blood...

you know, one would think that for somebody whose intellect is SO great, you would have been able to get that joke. although i suppose that its really not your fault. if you spend so much of your time wallowing in shit everyday, humor tends to escape you. keep working that toilet, you guys will get it some day...

hinduism...colorful and interesting? if beastiality ever had its own religion, that would be it.

i guess with your desperate desire to get out of the shithole that is india you would want to settle in the first place that didnt have animals shitting in the streets. boston just has homeless people shitting in the streets, so i guess that is a step up for you. although you really should have reconsidered, at least in india there were people who smelled worse than you.

now who are you?

[Anonymous]

Could you kids please make some more really long, boring posts riddled with clichés?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

StupadDago: dont like it, dont read it >:
Popndeth: ha ha ha
Popndeth: I didn't
Popndeth: I stopped after my brain fell asleep
StupadDago: most others seem to be entertained, you just have to be mr. im-too-cool-for-school. or whatever.
Popndeth: No, it was just really, really boring
Popndeth: I mean, it's obvious I already own you all, but that wasn't even on my mind
StupadDago: sorry, not all of us have the ability to fight solely with photoshopped pictures
Popndeth: That would be funny if it weren't based on something that happened over a year ago :/
StupadDago: it wasnt meant to be funny >:
Popndeth: well, you've nailed your target, then :/
StupadDago: well, unless you are planning on jumping in...
Popndeth: that doesn't even make sense
Popndeth: or is that part of what you meant?
Popndeth: IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS TWO STEPS AHEAD! :tear
StupadDago: brains just working too fast for you
Popndeth: So, from my data, you're shooting for nonsensical and lame, right?
Popndeth: This silence could mean anything...
StupadDago signed off at 8:44:50 PM.

[ItalianStereotype]

yeah...it was about that time aim crashed, or else i would have ripped you apart with a scathing and witty repartee.

[Carnivore]

Wanna fight?

Them's fighin' words!

[sadie]

me! me! me!
:party

[ItalianStereotype]

well, i guess this thread has pretty well lost its purpose, therefore i declare myself the victor.

unless chojin or carni want to do something about it >:

[Anonymous]

You can have your gay thread. I'm not gonna stop you. :/

[sadie]

me! dammit. >:

[ItalianStereotype]

You can have your gay thread. I'm not gonna stop you. :/

youre a part of this gay thread you know...

[Carnivore]

As much as I loathe Texas (as it is a part of the South and the land of GW) and do not agree with... really any of your opinions (except on some of the fucktards that post here), I seriously doubt you've seen the last of Professor Poddar.

[ItalianStereotype]

you are probably right, but i want to finish up with this thread since i wont be able to reply to it from tomorrow until sunday.

[Professor Poddar]

Tex,
You're not worth spending any more time on. Consider yourself fortunate beyond all earthly measure that I, Professor Poddar, condescended, for a time, to interact with YOU. It's to be hoped that my superiority might inspire you toward, if not similarly lofty heights, then at least a bare measure of mental competence. We shouldn't hold our breath in regards to the above, but at least you have something to strive for, hmm?

A self-proclaimed victor? Splendid. Saddam Hussein announced to all who'd listen that he'd won the Gulf War in 1991, but... he didn't. I believe an aging Napoleon never admitted to defeat, even when he was scrubbing latrines in Corsican exile. But hey, if such delusional thinking got him through the day... you've not won this, and likely haven't emerged victorious from any scuffle, computer-based or otherwise, in your life.
That said, if my imminent withdrawal from this exchange makes you feel as though you've won, then I'm glad to have gilded your palm with such a guinea. Savor the taste of "victory", dear "winner". We're all very proud of you here.

(Cue imaginary pat on sadly real little head)

[Anonymous]

That was amazing.

It was like if Carnivore and Helm got together and had Captain Robo type something for them.

[sadie]

:lol

[Malevolent]

Whatever you say, my little pony.

[Lenor]

This upsets me, Maybe I should start some threads about everyone on this board, and how Much you all suck, espeically when it turns into an even bigger suck thread, but only because carnie had to interfere cause hes a big dumb head!!!

Bitch, cry me a river and sail away on it.. if you dont like my name being mentioned then you need to grow up.. Have'nt we allready had this discussion many times befor, especially how you talk so much shit, but when it comes to backin it up you deny anything that happend. The great thing is the people who use this board to get out their child hood wishes to be the bully, so they arent picked on anymore.

Carni was it hard being the one beat up your whole life, and throw in the toilet because No-one cared???

[Malevolent]

A "big dumb head" am I? Wooeee! Is that that there college-education talkin' there? So, how is Assclown College going?

In any event, allow me to first say that I actually had absolutely nothing to do with starting this thread. I did find it absolutely hilarious not because you were the target, but because the person responsible did such a fantastic impersonation of the person on whom Professor Poddar is based. Eventually, the thread completely ceased to have anything to do with you, so why are you crying?

I was very much introverted and avoided most social events in high school. I was very picky about my friends. I guess I was quite the elitist then. I was never bullied and have never had my head in a toilet, sorry to disappoint you. Since then, I'm not nearly as shy as I once was, but I'm still a bit picky hence my distaste for you.

So, when are you buying out the company for which I work? Are we going to have bright, rainbow uniforms and trucks when you do? Are you going to rename it Amber's Awesome Ambulances? Woohoo! :rolleyes

[Anonymous]

"...Amber's Awesome Ambulances?"

lol