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Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:18 PM
Once while working a summer job at a kid's arcade this little toddler had an attack of diarrehea over by the ski-toss area. He was wearing shorts and the syrupy shit ran all down his leg onto the floor.

The boss wanted me and one of my co-wokers to clean it up. So we busted out the cleaner, mop and vaccum and were about to do as told when my friend suddenly remembers this kid that nobody liked left his backpack in the backroom. So we took it and crammed about eight pounds worth of discolored baby diarrehea in it. All over his clothes. His CD's. Everything. It smelled like a skunk had crawled inside his backpack and shit and puked all over itself before dying.

So the kid comes back later, takes his backpack without suspecting anything, and walks down the entire boardwalk while totting around a nice load of babyshit behind him. We laughed for the rest of the day, and laughed even harder when he relayed the story back to me the next morning.

I don't know why I told you this story. I don't like any of you and would not hesistate to put babyshit in your backpacks or mouths if I got the chance. Little fucks.

Cybernetico
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:26 PM
Genious

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:32 PM
WOW EIGHT POUNDS! THAT IS COMPLETELY BELIEVEABLE! :rolleyes

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:37 PM
Either your sarcasm is genuine or just an ultra-funny comment which, as turns out later to be, not funny at all, but the eight-pounds of baby shit was an exaggeration. It was more like two or three pounds of baby shit. I mean, this kid's colon fucking exploded and the goop just ran down his leg like an endless fountain of intestinal gunk.

So, to clarify things for any underprivelged fledgling not capable of fully following my highly-complicated baby shit story, it was an exaggeration. Dumb fuck.

Crimson Ghost
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:39 PM
Eight pounds is alot of shit. I wish I could shit eight pounds. Hell, I wish I could shit 4 pounds. The fact that some little kid can shit like that is a very generous guesstimate.

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:43 PM
Thank you, Professor Babyshit. It is good to know that there are people like you around with such vast and extensive knowledge on just how much excremant your average house-baby can produce. You, sir, truly make the world a better place.

It's too bad everyone hates you tho. Especially me. :(

Again, eight pounds of baby shit is an exaggeration. I don't know how much the stupid fucking kid shit. I didn't put the pile on a god damn fucking scale before I put it into the dipshit's backpack. Next time I'll be sure to remember to weigh the baby shit prior to putting it into the backpack. You know, just so I know exactly how much babyshit we're talking about here.

Misinformation Man
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:49 PM
DID YOU KNOW:

The excrement of children under the age of 3 contains four times the amount of hydrophosphates.

KriptiK
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:50 PM
mmmm baby shit.

Good Job. ^_^

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 03:58 PM
you, sir, are full of shit.

thank you and la la loo.

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:15 PM
Alas, you are incorrect in your presumption that I am full of shit. A closer read will soon reveal that it was, in fact, the aforementioned male figure's backpack which was full of shit, and not myself, as previously stated.

Honestly, I did not think the great minds at I-Mockery would have such trouble grasping my baby shit story. It is a bit disheartening knowing that, yet again, I am pitted against intellectual un-equals. But such is the story of life. :(

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:25 PM
hehe. intellectual un-equals. :lol

you filled a co-workers backpack with baby poo. you went out of your way to touch baby poo just because you didn't like somebody.

hehe. intellectual un-equal?

ok buddy.

:lol

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:34 PM
Oh, a fiesty one!

I did not go 'out of my way' to touch the baby poo. Perhaps if your brain was not the circumference of a penny, you would have remembered that my boss told my co-woker and I to clean the baby poo, thus interlinking our fate with the baby poo's in the first place. I did not spot baby poo from afar, run to it and jab it with my finger, as implied by the likes of you, you hair-brained sausage-linker.

At any rate, I did not touch the baby poo with my bare hands. I made sure proper precautions were taken so the infectious materials did not make contact with my skin, if that was what you were concerned with.

And it was funny. We all had a laugh and the kid walked around with baby shit in his backpack. So there.

Les Waste
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:36 PM
LOL YOU SHOOD USE MORE BIG WORDS TO IMPRESS PEOPLE ON A MESSAGE BOARD AND MAKE THEM THINK YUO ARE SO MUCH SMARTER THAT IS A GOOD IDEA ;) ;)

ALSO I THINK THE BABY POO IN THE BOOKBAG WAS A GOOD IDEA AND IT WAS LOL :lol :lol :lol

TELL ME DO YOU HAVE ANY GOOD STORIES ABOUT WAL-MART, OR PULLING SOME PRANKS? OR MAYBE EVEN PULLING SOME PRANKS AT WAL-MART?!?!?!?!

:) :)

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:41 PM
Hahaha. +10 points for the subtle BMF reference. :)

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:46 PM
shut up: you can call me names and make random assumptions about the size of my brain, but the fact of the matter is: YOU PUT BABY POO IN A CO-WORKERS BACKPACK.

i hate to break this to you, dear, but that is not an intellectual act. it's actually rather disgusting and reminds me of something a pissed off little monkey child would do, if it had a job and somebody he didn't like who had a backpack.

mburbank
Feb 19th, 2003, 04:55 PM
Shut Up, I'm so sorry to interupt, really, but there's someone here I really want you to meet, it would just be such a shame if you two didn't get to know each other.

Fartin? Can you come here for a sec? This is the guy I was telling you about, the Smarmy Jerkoff. I just thought a Numb Tit like you would really enjoy the company of a Smarmy Jerkoff like Shut Up.

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:00 PM
Glowbelly - No, no, NO . READ AGAIN, STUPID. Nowhere does it mention I put a pile of baby shit in a co-worker's backpack. I put it in some dumb shit's backpack who frequently inhabited the general vacinity and happened to leave his backpack there. With a co-workers help (this is the part you had trouble understanding. You know, because you're dumb.), we transferred the said baby shit from the floor into his backpack. Perhaps I should use illustrations next time with lots of shiny colors to keep your attention in check, because obviously your attention span floated elsewhere along with your brain moments after hitting the 'post reply' button.

Furthermore, nowhere did I claim this was an intellectual act, and I was, at the time, a fifteen year old-monkey child as indicated by you. Both of these claims are true, and perhaps the only correct assumption you have made in your entire life, let alone this thread. Congratulations, you have inferred two points correctly and spouted complete jargon the rest of the time.

As for the others, you smell funny. And I don't like that. Queers.

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:05 PM
Having trouble understanding your story isn't really due to a lack of intelligence on our part. But rather, it's due to your own minimal brain capacity and your inability to write clearly.

In other words, don't tell any more stories, as you obviously suck at them. Oh, and the fact that baby shit in a backpack is about as funny and interesting as Kangaroo Jack.

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:06 PM
you claimed yourself to be intellectually superior to fellow posters...WHILE YOU SHOVED BABY POO INTO SOMEONE'S BACKPACK FOR "SHITS" AND "GIGGLES."

it's called a contradiction. i'm sure you're used to spouting these. now you have a name for them.

mburbank
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:08 PM
Is shut up

A.) Lieing. That woould mean he actually thinks this horrid little story elevates him in some way beyond what he actually is, meaning he's worse than the person he protrays himself as. Sadly Possible.

B.) Telling the truth, in which case he's the kind of giggling dick you can only hope dies of a wasting disease. Less likely, but not out of the question

C.) A sad near pubescent self styled misfit who believes portarying himself online as a mean spirited bad ass will somehow sooth the emptiness that gnaws at him day in day out so that he only knows how to leap at his leash, foaming and yapping like the neglected tea cup poodle he is.

D.) C and so pathetic he will now immitate the multiple choice format of this post to insult me using epithets from his word-a-day e-calendar, some of them correctly.

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:11 PM
I was, at the time, a fifteen year old-monkey child

And now he's a 15 1/2-year-old monkey child. CLEARLY MATURED!

Pub Lover
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:12 PM
...spouted complete jargon the rest of the time.

Jargon isn't the same as gibberish, what you just said was that her statement was too complex to use conventional dialogue in a concise statement. :/

(Damn, sometimes I wish I was Max Burbank. :tear )

Shut Up
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:15 PM
Jamesman - I put baby shit in someone's backpack at work. If you can't understand that, peel your fat ass away from your computer for five seconds to kill yourself. On second thought, kill yourself anyway.

Glowbelly - Touche. Unfortunately, you still are a massive dumb cunt.

Burbank - Thank you for introducing me to Fartin Mowler. Now hopefully you can introduce a noose around your neck and gravity can introduce your soul to the neither regions.

mburbank
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:19 PM
The 'nether regions'? Honestly? You're pretty much of a weiner though, huh? The 'nether regions'. Say some more stuff like that.

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:20 PM
Well, if I'm having trouble understanding the basic concept of you putting shit in someone's backpack, it's probably because my brain can't conceive that someone would be so fucking lame to actually place baby shit into someone's backpack.

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:21 PM
OH NO I HAVE BEEN CALLED A CUNT! THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE :(

mburbank
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:31 PM
Well, he said "nether regions" to me. He likes me better. Seriously, say something clever again, Shut Up.

Oh, you know what? If you're going to say 'walking' in a sentence? You can say 'perambulate'. ISN'T THAT SO COOL!? And instead of chew "masticate" which is really funny, cause it sounds dirty. TRY IT, CYNDI!!

glowbelly
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:35 PM
now, now... don't "upbraid" the "puerile" lad too much, maximus. he probably just wants to give us all "osculations."

slavemason
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:37 PM
I think the story went more like:
Shut up was trying to make his co-worker laugh with a big loud fart and he shit his pants. Feeling and smelling like a complete idiot, he put his Tommy Hilfiger boxers in his Nancy Drew back-pack so no one would find his dirty little secret.
That or Choice A or C from Burbank's choices.

James
Feb 19th, 2003, 05:43 PM
You know, ever since Les Waste's comment, I keep expecting Shut Up to fight back with random DBZ pictures. :(

Les Waste
Feb 19th, 2003, 06:46 PM
"Nether regions" :lol

We are truly dealing with a mental titan here. :lol

Shut Up tries to impress people by misusing big words. Obviously, he is black.

"You see officer, the reason the citation got out of hand is because my conpatriot here in the back seat of my automobile-car was unroareously laughing, which percepitamated in me existentially manoovering my ventrical, by which I mean my automobile-car good sir, into that street light. I assume you, I am not untoxicated on beer, officer."

:lol

mburbank
Feb 19th, 2003, 06:49 PM
OMG, YOU FUCKING XENOMORPHIC BIGGOT!

Les Waste
Feb 19th, 2003, 06:54 PM
GO BACK TO ISRAEL :rolleyes

McClain
Feb 19th, 2003, 06:56 PM
In Shut Up's defense, I think that if the situation provided itself (and I had a general hatred toward someone) I might do the same thing. You know, putting a puddle of feces in a backpack sort-of thing.
However, if I told a bunch of people what I did on an internet message forum and they didn't go "HAHAH LOL ROFLMAO SMILEY FACE HA" I wouldn't cry like a little bitch. Shut Up, shut up.

GnrySgtHartman
Feb 19th, 2003, 07:22 PM
"You see officer, the reason the citation got out of hand is because my conpatriot here in the back seat of my automobile-car was unroareously laughing, which percepitamated in me existentially manoovering my ventrical, by which I mean my automobile-car good sir, into that street light. I assume you, I am not untoxicated on beer, officer."



I think a comedian wants his joke BACK >: >: >: >: >: >: >: >: >: >: >: >:

pissed off salesman
Feb 19th, 2003, 07:28 PM
well at least now i know who to bash in my next art contest submission

Les Waste
Feb 19th, 2003, 07:33 PM
WELL TOUGH SHIT CAUSE I'M NOT GIVING IT BACK >: >: >:

sadie
Feb 19th, 2003, 07:36 PM
:lol shut up is a monkey child. :lol

MrAdventure
Feb 19th, 2003, 08:03 PM
PARTNERS FOR LUNCH.

Ninjavenom
Feb 19th, 2003, 09:02 PM
I think Shut Up is Winton's character, used to forbear his triumphant return!



....i wish. :(

Shut Up
Feb 20th, 2003, 01:21 AM
I used to think I-Mockery was a place who would welcome my baby shit story with welcomed arms. But now I see such high-brow humor is not understood here. :posh

FS
Feb 20th, 2003, 04:26 AM
I don't doubt that this story really happened. But was the cast of characters the same...?

Say, Shut Up. Did you ever get the stains out of your backpack? :tear

mburbank
Feb 20th, 2003, 11:16 AM
He's right you know. Our 'welcomed arms' are not as opening as they used to welcome with upon the high brow of babyshit.

kellychaos
Feb 22nd, 2003, 12:54 PM
Next time I'll be sure to remember to weigh the baby shit prior to putting it into the backpack. You know, just so I know exactly how much babyshit we're talking about here.

Better yet, why don't try and guestimate the quantity inside your skull and when the next haul that comes in that matches the weight and density, you can do a switheroo. The old stock needs some refreshment. :troutslap

Anonymous
Feb 22nd, 2003, 01:20 PM
You two should get married.

LegoLars
Feb 22nd, 2003, 01:43 PM
shut up, that was lame. you bitched enough already.

:)

mclain. YOU ARE MY I-MOCKERY HERO!

Rez
Feb 22nd, 2003, 03:34 PM
burbank and glowbelly saved this thread.

i laughed a lot.

Rez
Feb 22nd, 2003, 06:41 PM
Once while working a summer job at a kid's arcade this little toddler had an attack of diarrehea over by the ski-toss area. He was wearing shorts and the syrupy shit ran all down his leg onto the floor.

The boss wanted me and one of my co-wokers to clean it up. So we busted out the cleaner, mop and vaccum and were about to do as told when my friend suddenly remembers this kid that nobody liked left his backpack in the backroom. So we took it and crammed about eight pounds worth of discolored baby diarrehea in it. All over his clothes. His CD's. Everything. It smelled like a skunk had crawled inside his backpack and shit and puked all over itself before dying.

So the kid comes back later, takes his backpack without suspecting anything, and walks down the entire boardwalk while totting around a nice load of babyshit behind him. We laughed for the rest of the day, and laughed even harder when he relayed the story back to me the next morning.

I don't know why I told you this story. I don't like any of you and would not hesistate to put babyshit in your backpacks or mouths if I got the chance. Little fucks.

http://www.raceworx.com/funnypics/bored.jpg

pissed off salesman
Feb 23rd, 2003, 05:57 PM
YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU STUPID IDIOT and you brobably were made to eat that shit by your gay dominatrix/slave boyfriend, not put it in some fuckups backpack[quote]

AChimp
Feb 23rd, 2003, 06:19 PM
Shut Up doesn't know when to quit. I like that. :)

pjalne
Feb 23rd, 2003, 06:32 PM
You know, Shut Up, I've got a lot of books to read for my upcoming exam. Half of them are written in plain English. The rest are written with as many big words as possible, sometimes to the point where each sentence is half a page long. Everyone in my class knows every word written in that book. Which is why it pisses us off that the just-turned-professors can't just write sentences that don't take ten fucking minutes to figure the hell out where start or stop. And when we finally get five pages into the books, guess what we have learned?

That most American films are produced by studios.

Starting a sentence with 'alas' does not make you smart, neither does cramming baby shit into a backpack. Anybody can write the shit you write, there's just a good reason why we don't when we don't try to impress exam cernsors.

EDIT:
I just read page two of this thread, and found that my point was made twice already. I'll still leave my post here, since I think it was a good point.