A heartwarming tale

[Spooky]

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of a town called Bel-Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom scared
And said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The licensce plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought man forget it yo homes to Bel-Air

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

[Protoclown]

thas whack

[Retro Man]

That bastard stiffed the cabbie >:

[Suck 'n' Fuck]

Shizzle my nizzle.

[CastroMotorOil]

fo rizzle?

[Rez]

That bastard stiffed the cabbie >:

THANK YOU.

i had to point that out to my mom and everyone else :(

[Perndog]

You know parents are the same
No matter time nor place
They don't understand that us kids
Are going to make some mistakes
So to you, all the kids all across the land
There's no need to argue
Parents just don't understand

I remember one year
My mom took me school shopping
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister
All hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
My mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
I didn't say nothing at first
I just turned up my nose
She said, "What's wrong? This shirt cost $20"
I said, "Mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar!"
The next half hour was the same old thing
My mother buying me clothes from 1963
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips!
I said, "Mom, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep"
She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet"
I said, "Mom, let's put these clothes back, please"
She said "no, you go to school to learn not for a fashion show"
I said, "This isn't Sha na na, come on Mom, I'm not Bowzer
Mom, please put back the bell-bottom Brady Bunch trousers
But if you don't want to I can live with that but
You gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"
She wasn't moved - everything stayed the same
Inevitably the first day of school came
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
But my mom said, "No, no way, uh-uh, forget it"
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
The kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes Mom bought
And those who weren't laughing still had a ball
Because they were pointing and whispering
As I walked down the hall
I got home and told my Mom how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing you don't need them,
"Cause they're not good friends"
For the next six hours I tried to explain to my Mom
That I was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times
So to you all the kids all across the land
There's no need to argue
Parents just don't understand

Oh-kay, here's the situation
My parents went away on a week's vacation and
They left the keys to the brand new Porsche
Would they mind?
Umm, well, of course not
I'll just take it for a little spin
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood
Well, maybe I shouldn't
Yeah, of course I should
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
That's when I saw this beautiful girlie who was just walking
I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking
You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions
I honked my horn just to get her attention
She said, oh"Was that for me?"
I said, "Yeah"
She said, oh"my"
I said, "Come on and take a ride with a helluva guy"
She said, "How do I know that you're not sick?
You could be some deranged lunatic"
I said, "C'mon toots - my name is the Prince =
Beside, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"
She agreed and we were on our way
She was looking very good and so was I, just might say
We hit McDonald's, pulled into the drive
We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries. She kicked her shoes off onto the floor
She said, "Drive faster speed turns me on"
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast
The sun roof was open , the music was high
And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that (police car)
We're doing ninety in my Mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short
When the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license but I drive very
I almost had a heart attack that day
Come to find out the girl was some a twelve-year-old runaway
I was arrested, the car was impounded
And there was no way for me to avoid being grounded
My parents had to come back get me
I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me
My parents walked in
I got my grip, I said, "Ah, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?"
They didn't speak
I said, "I want to plead my case"
But my father just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived
They took turns -
One would beat me while the other one was driving
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Well parents are the same no matter time nor place
So to you all the kids all across the land
Take it from me
Parents just don't understand

[FartinMowler]

So this is what unemployed america does during the day.

[Perndog]

*AHEM.* Mr. Fartin, not everyone who earns money works the nine to fiver.

[Retro Man]

i tried reading it all... really i did :(

[Suck 'n' Fuck]

So this is what unemployed america does during the day.

Not everyone lives in America.

[FartinMowler]

Not everybody can be funny, but keep trying Perndog.

[Schimid]

:rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes

[Supafly345]

I am pretty sure that those of us that are currently getting a real education have less extra time then those in a blue collar job.

Not everybody can be funny *FARTINMOWLER* as you said. So quit trying.

[Retro Man]

I am pretty sure that those of us that are currently getting a real education have less extra time then those in a blue collar job.

Yupp, us blue collar slobs have all the time in the world :rolleyes

[Pope Johnny]

Evil Robot works in a garage :lol

Can you work on my pope-mobile? :lol

[executioneer]

not all of us have to stop posting because we're at work :rolleyes

-willie

[Retro Man]

not all of us have to stop posting because we're at work :rolleyes

-willie

lucky bastard.... the computers at my work still use DOS :(

[Schimid]

MY COMPUTER USES TRES :lol

[FartinMowler]

Not everybody can be funny *FARTINMOWLER* as you said. So quit trying.


How come this guy keeps agreeing with me and then repeats it with such a mind numbing twist? really brilliant. :/

[Command Prompt]

HOW ABOUT YOU BOTH PLEASE SHUT UP :rolleyes

[kellychaos]

Write a little save-a-hoe speech all these fake-ass hoes...
Fake punk-ass bitches...
Do you know what i mean Vern?
Fuckin'em up like this, Vern...
$hort Dog's in the house, bitch!

She's a punk-ass bitch, hoe, tramp and a slut
Took her to the hotel just to fuck
Last night she licked all on my balls
Pussy got wet like Niagara-falls
Dropped my drawls and bitch said: ";Shit!";
Skinny mothafucka with a fat-ass dick
It's like a T-P-treatment, tongue so fast
From the tip of my head to the crack of my ass
She got busy so I called to the crew
You bitches know what to do
Hoes try to front like they ain't no tramps
Try to get that pussy and she say you can't
Me and my partners we got that game
Check a square-ass bitch and make her throw that thang
You wine and dine that nasty freak
Dropped her off and got a kiss on cheek
You never even know how she ran in the home
Jumped on the phone and started to burnin' me out
She kept beepin' so I made the call
Bitch on the phone jackin' off
Sounded like she was havin' fun
Playin' with her pearl tongue
I said: ";Bitch, I'm on my way!";
I givit to you, homeboy, play by play
She had on polkadots with miniskirt
Jumped in the car straight went to work
I must to bust two nuts back to back
Never seen a bitch work head like that
She had me jumpin' out of my seat
Workin' her jaws to the beat
She was a good dicksucker, I can't lie
Sucked so good I thought IЎЇd die
Bitch blew me up and blew me down
All the way back to the Oakland-town
Baby started to singin': ";I love you!";
Tellin' me things she wanted to do
If I needed some money come to her
Everythin' I want is everythin' I'm worth
And you know what I said? I told the bitch
I said: ";Bitch, I'm rich!";

Fuck these hoes, man...
I ain't trippin'...I'm like Al...
Long-hair suckers...

I know you're fine, bitch
But you got no cash you need to get a job
But your lazy-ass try to juice me up
I ain't no punk
I put you in the rap with some serious funk
I wouldn't buy you a car, no diamonds and shit
All the time talkin' about your fake-ass gifts
George bought you a ring, John bought you a chain
Bitch, I'm buyin' you an ounce of this game
You better take it and shut the fuck up
Stop runnin' your mouth like a sucka
Cause you's a punk bitch It shows a mile away
Everythin' you do and everythin' you say
Makes you a punk bitch, no good, no doubt
All I gotta do is stick a dick in your mouth
Wanna give up the pussy, bitch, I'll pass
You're too slim, I like your mama's ass
Pops came home, came up short
found me in the backroom, fuckin'em both
Now I'm the stepdaddy and the son in law
You call me Too $hort they call me too raw
I creep out one room into the next
Nothin' goin' on but some serious sex
Some of these hoes might think I'm played
Bald-head bitch need some dookie braids
Cause that nappy-hair don't even hit
What's cookin' in the kitchen on the back of your neck
Like you burned the rise and wanna front on me
You could never fuck with $hort, baby
I'm from the O-A-K-L-A-N-D
I slap you in the face with reality
These punk-ass hoes out here is sick
Have ya walkin round with a drippy dick
So beautiful fine young thang
To get that cock was just like a dream
But now three days later ask Kool Moe
You feel the burnin' sensation down below
You're a true blue victim of a punk-ass bitch
Thought she was a square and she gave you the shit
So for all you hoes that live like this
All the homies in the house say: ";punk-ass bitch!";

[Command Prompt]

JESUS CHRIST

SERIOUSLY SHUT UP

[Anonymous]

MY COMPUTER USES TRES :lol
EL LOL

[Schimid]

I'M GLAD SOMEONE GOT IT :[

[Retro Man]

I'M GLAD SOMEONE GOT IT :[
i didn't :wah

[Spooky]

you guys are destroying my big willie style thread

[Command Prompt]

I like the thread about the sandwich better.

[MK IV]

Teenage mutant ninja turtles
On the half shell they're the heroes four
In this day and age who could ask for more
The crime wave is high
With muggings mysterious
All police and defectives are furious
Cause they can't find the source
Of this lethally evil force
This is serious so give me a quarter
I was a witness
Get me a reporter
Call April O'Neil in on this case
You better hurry up there's no time to waste
We need help like quick on the double
Have pity on the city 'cause man it's in trouble
We need heroes like the Lone Ranger
When Tonto come pronto when there was danger
They didn't say "We'd be there in half an hour"
'Cause they displayed
Turtle power

T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power

Now our ace reporter was hot on the trail
Determined to put these crooks in jail
She spied the bad guys and saw what happened
But before she knew it she fell in a trap and
Got caught yes she was all alone
With no friends and no phone
Now this was beyond her worst dreams
'Cause she was cornered by some wayward teens
Headed by Shredder they were anything but good
Misguided, unloved, they called 'em "the foot"
They could terrorize and be angry youth and
They'd mug the people who needed proof
Then from out of the dark come an awesome sound
Shouted "Cowabunga" as they hit the ground
From the field of weeds the heroes rescued the flower
'Cause they possessed
Turtle power

T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power

When you stand for what you believe in
And find the strength to do what's right
That's turtle power
Heroes on the half shell they're on a mission
When there's a battle got the enemy wishin'
That they stayed at home instead of fightin'
These ninja masters with moves like lightning
They were once normal but now they're mutants
Splinter's the teacher so they are the students
Leonardo, Michaelangelo and Donatello
Make up the team with one other fellow
Raphael he's the leader of the group
Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop
Pizza's the food that'ss sure to please
These ninjas are in to pepperoni and cheese
Back to the story it's not hard to find
Ninja's not just of the body but of the mind
Those were the words that the master instructed
But a letter from Shredder had Splinter abducted
That was the last straw
Spring into action
Step on "the foot"
Now they're gonna lose traction
Now this is for real so you fight for justice
Your shell is hard so you shout "They can't dust us"
Off like some old coffee table
Since you've been born you've been willing and able
To defeat the sneak
Protect the weak
Fight for rights and your freedom to speak
Now the villain is chillin'
So you make a stand
Back to the wall
Put your sword in your hand
Remember the words of your teacher, your master
Evil moves fast but good moves faster
Than light shining for your illumination
Good versus evil equals confrontation
So when you're in trouble
Don't give in and go sour
Try to rely on your
Turtle power

T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power
T-u-r-t-l-e power

[Jixby Phillips]

You left out a verse

[glowbelly]

shimmyeed made me giggle too

[MK IV]

Thanks Jixby :)
Wait Jixby :/
Are you sure :(

[Ghost of Fraiser]

You Forgot the one where vanillia ice tea cube says "Fuck tha police, it's turtle time"

[Jixby Phillips]

I mean for the Fresh Prince theme

They cut it out of most reruns

They got rid of it I think after the first or second season

I forgot what it was about but hes on a plan or hes in a limo or hes in a resturant and hes either dreaming or hes not but thats what it is.

[Spooky]

I purposly left the verse about the airport and almost getting arrested. :/

[MK IV]

I dont think they ever showed that verse in the uk, I hope im not missing anything good :(

[Ghost of Fraiser]

I mean for the Fresh Prince theme

They cut it out of most reruns

They got rid of it I think after the first or second season

I forgot what it was about but hes on a plan or hes in a limo or hes in a resturant and hes either dreaming or hes not but thats what it is.

Your moving with your aunti and your uncle from bel air!!!

[Krythor]

I've seen one episode in the UK with that verse added in; which is strange since they usually cut the first scene for time. You can tell because there's still audience laughter over the first few beats of the theme tune.

[Anonymous]

The full theme's about 3 minutes long and the cut one is about 1 minute.

First class! Yo, this is bad! Drinkin' orange juice out of a champagne glass! Is this what the people of Bel Air livin' like? Hmm, this might be all right...

And so on. :<

Woah nelly, this post is gay.