I have made a decision

[Anonymous]

Well, we are very poor. There are no jobs... or at least not any that pay anything even livable.

So therefore I have decided I must make money the way many people do - by either being immoral or involved in some sort of criminal activities.

I am pretty sure criminal activities is the way to go.

I am open to suggestions.

[Anonymous]

porn

[Anonymous]

Go door to door collecting for a bogus charity. Or just say that you're collecting for a real one. Either way, the poor saps will give you money.

[mburbank]

Telemarketing is criminally stupid, frowny emoticon.

Be a dominatrix. You have a good look for it, and if you only take clients who are into humiliation, you don't even have to touch anything nasty or be touched by it.

If I had any good advice I'd have given it to you by now.

The only thing I know anything about is Museum work. Visitor services in larger museums almost always has openings, because it's awful and pays poorly. The thing is, though, it's a good way to get ones foot in the door as far as other jobs at said museum go. If you tell me what Museums yoiu are near, I would happily find out if I can stir up any contacts.

[Anonymous]

I thought only rich saps had money to give away



oh man that was funny

[Anonymous]

The only thing I know anything about is Museum work. Visitor services in larger museums almost always has openings, because it's awful and pays poorly. The thing is, though, it's a good way to get ones foot in the door as far as other jobs at said museum go. If you tell me what Museums yoiu are near, I would happily find out if I can stir up any contacts.


Thanks max. Unfortunately there are probably only about 2 museums in the Richmond area, and the gas money it would cost to get to them would most likely equal the pay

[Anonymous]

Booooogus chaaaarity.

[James]

You could start up a business where you get hired by lonely 40-year-olds to pretend to be their girlfriend, and walk around the mall with them for an hour.

[Anonymous]

I am more suited to be a hitman than work for an escort or get your jollys off kind of service. Actually if I had to work at one I would most likely become a hitman anyway. Funny how that works

[whoreable]

Stand on a street corner with a sign that says "Help me buy my daughter out of slavery"
________
Hurt From Zoloft (http://www.classactionsettlements.org/lawsuit/zoloft/)

[mburbank]

The term Hitman offends me. Say Hitperson, or if you preffr, Hitrix.

Seriously, phone sex is hysterical.



IT'S THE BILL I HATE!

[punkgrrrlie10]

You could always take that idea the guy talked about in 'lock, stock, and two smoking barrels' about the dildo mail order business

[James]

-Steal David Cross' idea, and get a job describing pork to Jews.
-Modeling
-Set up an amateur porn site for and about Rog and Scott
-Sell your panties on eBay, that were really worn by Rog
-Insurance fraud

[Anonymous]

man we are so fucked :(

[James]

Woah woah. Phone sex! That's totally it. Hell, you'd be able to live like kings of my business alone. :pervert

Only problem is, then I'D need to get a job. Any suggestions for what I should do, guys?

[Mockery]

Anybody need a driver? Sure, my car is shitty and it's only good for in-town travel... but my rates are low. $200/hr.

[Anonymous]

How about.....

the bogus charity thing.

I could pretend I am raising money to put arab americans in camps or something. Then I would only get money from people who don't deserve money (or anything else good in life).

Or wait I got it- perfect!-...... I could do a "The South Will Rise Again" charity.

[Buffalo Tom]

Doopa, I have some links to job recruiters for the game industry. Last time I checked, there are lots of jobs for characters artists and shit. Some may be out of state, but perhaps you can find something where you can tele-commute. Message me and I'll give them to you.

[James]

I still say phone sex is the way to go.

Rog, gimme your number, and wait by the phone with your pants off. I like to take my time, and I like to be called "Daddy." ;)

[LuvMeKoala]

Be a lawyer...


But I'd definitly go for the phone sex. You get paid, You dun have to see the guy/girl, you can't get diseases, and its interesting.

[punkgrrrlie10]

yeah b/c becoming a lawyer is so easy, cheap and fast. :(

[mburbank]

OH! DOOPA! Convert to Judaism! It's a little time consuming and excrutiatingly scholarly, but once in you can take part in our international banking/media conspiracy!

Hey, Punkgirlie! Are you a Jew? If so, everyone can hate you twice!

L'CHAIM AND GOODNIGHT! DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRES! BUT NOT TOO MUCH! THE SERVICE WASN'T THAT GOOD, THE FOOD WAS TERRIBLE AND THE PORTIONS WERE SO SMALL!!!

[slavemason]

Become an Evangelist. You make wads of cash and you get to save people from God's Hellfire. :)

[James]

She's poor, but she still has her dignity, you twit. >:

[slavemason]

Everyone ws talking about whoring herself out. By being an evangelist, she could be the pimp.

[Les Waste]

:lol I like slavemason :(

You could rent out a room in your house.

[FS]

Hire yourself out for children's parties as Switchblade, the Gothic Clown.

...or He-Man. :(

[whoreable]

WHO YA GONNA CALL??? HE-MAN!!!
________
Motorcycle tires (http://www.motorcycle-tech.com/tires/motorcycle-tires)

[Anonymous]

Putt-Putt was a stretch, Steph, but here?

[Anonymous]

Well Max I may very well already be a jew! Yes, yes I may already be a winner.... but The Big Jew Crew never sent me my conspiracy newsletter so I am totally out of the loop.
Maybe I have to solidly confirm my jewlyness or something.


You could rent out a room in your house.

You obviously missed the "poor" part.



Well I checked the local newpaper and I think I found something I could do, that I am most certain must be a cover for criminal activities, or perhaps would lead me to criminal activities, if the movies are true to life:

SHOE SHINE
SHOE SHINE- 2 positions avail., Mon/Fri, need transportation.

I need to pick me up some suspenders.

[James]

You can shine MY shoes anytime! :protoclown

Now I have this image of you dressed like an immigrant boy in the 1920's. "Shine ya shoes, guvna?"

[mburbank]

Yeah, know what? The Jew thing? Not putting a lot of green in my pocket either.

[theapportioner]

You can apply for MD/PhD programs. You can be finished in seven years, only have to work ~80 hours/week during those years, and plus you get full funding from the NIH!

Or you can go into the military...

[Les Waste]

You're just not doing it right, Max :rolleyes

And you don't need to have a big house or extra rooms to rent out a room. Just take a linen closet, cover the floor with hay, and charge $500 a month for rent. College students will be lining up to take an offer like that.

:( That made me realize how sad my life is :(

[James]

What about those commercials for degrees, that Sally Struthers used to be on? They had all kinds of degrees, Doopa. So like, if they still do that, maybe you could be the lady that lists off all the courses.

[Anonymous]

I think I am looking more at the least amount of work - and extra points for most potential for enjoyment type of route here

[george]

bartender at a strip club.

you dont have to get naked, and you are so pretty and have such an intersesting an memorable voice that dudes will pretty much give their rent money to get your attention.

and if you are shitty and mean to them they will love and tip you even more.

or learn to make xtc. i hear there is a lot of money in that department for someone who could produce mass quantities of that or acid. but that is just what i hear :)

[roonTing]

Charicature Artist. (sic)

[Vomit]

WELFARE! :lol

[roonTing]

George's ideas are the best so far.. other than MOVE TO TEXAS.

[Geggy]

You could sell your body and mind to the hospital for research study on human's behavior. I'm sure you'd make an interesting guinea pig for them to evaluate on.

[Les Waste]

george reminded me of this guy I used to live next to who said there was an over the counter cold medicene that has the exact same ingredients as XTC. I don't remember what it was called though, but it was an extremely specific brand and a specific type. I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find out what. :(

Just by a shit load of that, go to raves, and sell it to 15-year-olds. You could probably make several hundred bucks a night. And I don't think you can get arrested for selling it, cause it is just an over the counter drug.

Or just put baking soda in plastic baggies and say it's cocaine and sell that to 15-year-olds at raves. They don't know the difference; they're 15.

:(

[Malevolent]

Just jump in front of an expensive car, take the broken leg or whatever, and bring a lawsuit.

Put a human finger (and don't pretend you don't have any lying around >: ) at the bottom of a bottle of whatever girly drink you drink and bring a lawsuit.

Eat a lot of fast food, get morbidly obese, and bring a lawsuit.

Say a priest molested you and... that wouldn't work, actually. You're not a boy.

[Les Waste]

CLAIM YOU WERE MOLESTED BY A LADY PRIEST ;) ;) ;)

[Geggy]

george reminded me of this guy I used to live next to who said there was an over the counter cold medicene that has the exact same ingredients as XTC. I don't remember what it was called though, but it was an extremely specific brand and a specific type. I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find out what.

You're speaking of dextromethorphan. It can be found in Robitussin Maximum Strength cough syrups.

[Ninjavenom]

I've got it. Why not paint purdy pictures and sell them to people?

[Mockery]

Say a priest molested you and... that wouldn't work, actually. You're not a boy.

Can you still sue if you molested a priest instead? If so, I think I might have a strong case.

$$$

[Les Waste]

I find it suspicous that Geggy knew exactly what I was talking about. You druggie >:

Also, I feel my comment about lady priests was hilarious. Rot in hell, bastards >:

[Geggy]

I blame it on the research they did on cocaine which I volunteered to partipicate two years ago. I thought it would be cool to get high and get paid for it at the same time. Turned out I got addicted and I threw away all the 500 dollars i earned in the research on drugs. >:

[Jixby Phillips]

FUCK OLD LADIES AND OVERSELL SHARES TO A PLAY THAT IS SURE TO BE A FLOP BECAUSE IT IS WRITTEN BY A NAZI :lol

[Jixby Phillips]

SELL EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE AND MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING

[mburbank]

Jixby, who the hell is going to buy Doopa's the dust of Doopa's crushed dreams?




OR MINE FOR THAT MATTER?!?

[Anonymous]

Jixby, who the hell is going to buy Doopa's the dust of Doopa's crushed dreams?

My dreams aren't crushed, the just keep getting hit with the dodgeball and have to leave to go stand up against the wall.


Anyway in desperation I will probably stop by the local craft store here today and see if they can give me some sort of job. I worry no one will hire me though because I will need to have a really flexible schedule for a while for other unrelated shitty reasons.

[mburbank]

Crushed dreams aren't so bad as you might think. Crushed dreams have a bad rep, everybody downs on crushed dreams. I couldn't get by without my crushed dreams which are now so flat I can slide them under a door. With a little effort and perspective, I've come to see my crushed dreams as the Tribal Scarring of adulthood; painful, unnecesarry, prone to infection and necrosis, but kind of bad ass funky in a I-Might-Go-Into-A-Killing-Freenzy-over-a-bad-cup-of-coffe-or-remain-
unmoved-by-the-loss-of-a-limb
kind of way.

[LuvMeKoala]

yeah b/c becoming a lawyer is so easy, cheap and fast. :(

You never know, I'm sure theres like, a secret code or something that can get ya in right quick!

[Malevolent]

Re, the answer is in your own home. Rog and Scott both have inside them thousands of dollars worth of viable tissues and organs that are ripe for the harvesting! Think about how much an alcoholic would pay for Rog's 100% alcohol-free liver! Sharpen that knife, baby! :meat

[slavemason]

I'll bid $30 on that clean liver.

[Anonymous]

that is a very good point about rog's liver, but believe me no one would take any thing out of scott's body - even for free

[Mockery]

You'll not take out my liver. But by all means, enjoy the Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaba beans.

[FS]

hah! Say that again when you wake up in a tub full of icecubes one morning.

[Malevolent]

So, shall we start the bidding on that liver? I believe I heard $30 from slavemason. Do I hear $40? The proceeds will benefit our good friend Doopa with a small commission going to Carnivore's Meat Procurement Fund.

[Ninjavenom]

I only want his heart and a toe. :yum

[mburbank]

BIBS ON HIS CRUSHED DREAMS!

[jin]

I went to a party yesterday and woke up in a tub of ice cubes and it was cold and my whole body hurt and someone had bitten my shoulder and now it hurts like a motherfucker and it sucks.

:(

hahahAHhaHahah

[george]

to les and geggy.

i just discovered the wonders of dexmethorphan a few dweeks back and i can tell you two things: 1. it rocks xtc back to last century. 2. if you take enough to get going (betweeen 600 and 900 ml) then you have to make sure that it is the only active ingredient or you WILL kill yourself.

contact me for details :)

[glowbelly]

:(

[Morgan]

try something where it doesn't injure you or put you in a position to humiliate yourself. Or you can go with the bogus charity.

[Anonymous]

RAVE ON, GEORGE :(

[Captain Robo]

Modeling?

[Anonymous]

ROBO, YOU LITTLE ROMEO :lol

[Jixby Phillips]

:lol

[theapportioner]

I think you should become a Mata Hari and seduce Saddam and Kim and the Ayatollah and Osama before killing them.

[tenno]

www.suicidegirls.com

[glowbelly]

BIBS ON HIS CRUSHED DREAMS!

CRUSHED BABY DREAMS :(

[Anonymous]

www.suicidegirls.com

"Like a naughty livejournal page"

anyway i bet all you kids are subscribers over there - like a dream come true!

[cenamalo]

go to a nearby college and be a subject for an experiment. they usually pay pretty good and if anything bad happens than you can sue them and get more money :)