JOKES

[Schimid]

EVERYONE POST YOUR BEST JOKES HERE ^_^~!

[Anonymous]

THREE YEARS AGO, AT OTAKON, I WAS IN LINE AT BURGER KING AND THERE WERE THESE COOL DUDES READING THE MENU AND ONE OF THEM SAID:

"MAN, IF LINA...LINA INVERSE WERE HERE, SHE'D BE LIKE, 'I'LL HAVE EVERYTHING ON THIS SIDE OF THE MENU, TRIPLE PORTIONS OF COURSE, AND EVERYTHING ON THIS SIDE OF THE MENU, DOUBLE PORTIONS - I'M ON A DIET'"

^^;;

[Teh 1 Dr. 0ne]

rectum? damn near killed 'em!

[Cap'n Crunch]

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A CLOCK IS HUNGRY?

















IT GOES BACK FOUR SECONDS. :lol :rimshot

[Schimid]

I SAW THIS ONE COMMERCIAL :lol

WHERE A KID WAS EATING POP TARST :lol

AND HIS STUPID DAD COMES IN AND HE'S ALL LIKE :lol

"WHAT AE YOU EATING???" :lol

AND... :lol

GIMME A SECOND... :lol

THE KID GOES "YOPGURT BLAST POP TARTS" :lol

AND THE DAD MADE A FUNNY FACE :lol

TAKE THAT, OLD MAN :lol

[Schimid]

OR THE ONE WHERE :lol

THE DAD RUNS FOR THE DOMINOS DOOR :lol

AND THE KID WAS LIKE :lol

DAD'S NOT ALLOWED TO ANSWER THE DOOR ANYMORE :lol

AND THE GIRL WAS ALL CYNICAL :lol

IT WAS FUNNY :lol

BECAUSE SH E THOUGHT HER DAD WAS STUPID :lol

I WONDRE IF HE EATS POP TARTS :lol

[Mr. Vagiclean]

POP-TARDS :lol


>:



:lol

[Esuohlim]

Who's there? >:

[Anonymous]

Jeff Goldblum

[Esuohlim]

lol

[Mr. Vagiclean]

KNOCK KNOCK

[camacazio]

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive?

Because she's a woman.

[Geggy]

here's a dirty joke for you guys a guy in white suit is riding on a horse the horse stops all of a sudden the guy flips over the horse's head he landed in the mud his white suit got all dirty lol lol lol

here's another joke for you

poop

lol lol lol

[The_Rorschach]

There was a midget with a hair lip who desired to buy a horse. The kind of people who deal in horse flesh are, by and large, redneck assholes, and as a consquence he got alot of shit with very few results. Finally, he managed to get close to a sale, and went out to inspect the horse.

"Lemme see 'er eahs," said the midget, and the redneck picked him up and held him up to the horses ears.

"Lemme see 'er neeth," said the midget, and the redneck picked him up and held him up to the horses mouth.

"Lemme see 'er twat," said the midget, and the redneck pushed his face into the horses ass and held it there.

"See 'nuf you little PERvert?" said the redneck.

"Lemme reph'ase dat," said the midget. "Can I see 'er gallop?"

[Supafly345]

I would post a joke, but I have to wash my hair tonight. :lol

[Matt Harty]

SO THESE TWO GUYS WALK INTO A BAR...

[glowbelly]

and one orders a shot...

[Big McLargehuge]

lol

[Suck 'n' Fuck]

Why are there trees in the streets of Paris?













Because Germans like to march in the shade!

[Big McLargehuge]

Why do you post here?















Because.

[liquidstatik]

WHAT HAPPENED AT THE LEPROSY HOCKEY GAME?














FACE-OFF!!! (Our preacher told us the joke at church :().

[Urban2]

Tommy and Billy come downstairs on Christmas morning, Tommy has at least thirty presents, while Billy only has one. Billy looks sad for a second, then turns to Tommy and says, "At least I don't have cancer."

[Cap'n Crunch]

WHAT DO ELVES DO WHEN THEY GET HOME?



















KNOMEWORK >:

[Suck 'n' Fuck]

Why did Gary Coleman cross the road?









To find out what the fuck Willis was talking about.

[Big McLargehuge]

more like gnomework :rolleyes

[Urban2]

What do you call a person with a penis?













A man.

[liquidstatik]

Why can only tiny fairies sit under toadstools?
Because there isn't mushroom.

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS - ADULT STYLE
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"