SEX

[CaptainBubba]

Does it hurt?

[The Retro Kat]

ONLY WHEN YOU PEE IN THE VAGINA!

[liquidstatik]

I wouldn't know. :( I hope not, though.

[CaptainBubba]

ONLY WHEN YOU PEE IN THE VAGINA!

Why would I pee in it?

[liquidstatik]

You forgot how to cum. :o

[CaptainBubba]

Does that hurt?

[Cap'n Crunch]

It burns a little and then you get a rash. :(

[CaptainBubba]

Thanks. Is there anything I can do to make it less painful?

[Urban2]

:bestthread

[JenMacca]

Depends on whether you're the guy or the girl. If you're the guy, then I imagine it probably won't hurt at all for you, unless you're with another guy and taking it up the ass. If you're the girl, however, your first few times at least will hurt.

[Snatchtastic]

Thanks. Is there anything I can do to make it less painful?

Carry a machine gun!

[Supafly345]

Solution: Steel Plated Condoms.

[CaptainBubba]

I don't appreciate you last four's sarcasm. I really need answers here.

This isn't the best thread ever. I am a guy and I don't want to have sex with guys. I don't believe in violence. I don't think they make steel played condoms and I think those would probably hurt.

Any real answers would be great. Thanks again.

[Supafly345]

Four layered sheepskin condoms. >:

[CaptainBubba]

Ok. Where can I buy those? I don't think they sell them in Williamsburg because I went to the gas station a couple days ago and all they had were Trojans. Do those come in sheepskin?

[Esuohlim]

You have to tell her to get wet first, or else it will hurt. You have to tell her to think sexy thoughts even though she knows she'll never have those thoughts when she's with you (hey hey, only kidding).

If she doesn't have sexy thoughts then having sex will be uncomfortable for both of you. She'll be dry as a bone and you will hurt because it will feel like having sex with sandpaper.

HOPE THIS HELPS :picklehat

[CaptainBubba]

It does. Thanks guys.

[Schimid]

AM I RIGHT LADIES? :picklehat

[Blue]

Go down on her for a bit first. Gets it nice and moist one way or the other. Make sure she is clean though. If not :x

[Geggy]

the first few times it will hurt. the head of your cock will feel like it's exploded into extinction. if you havent had sex in a while, it will hurt you, too. also i think it depends on how skillful she is. if she was 50 times better than the previous girl you'v e been fucking, it will probably hurt.

[Big McLargehuge]

Yes, but how do you win?

[Esuohlim]

YOU WIN IF ANY TESTS ARE NEGATIVE (LIKE GOLF)

[Matt Harty]

If it doesn't hurt your penis is too small.


Use lube, idiot.

[Helm]

But how do you win? haha

[Rongi]

Sex is a lot like the movie Citizen Kain. Everyone rants how great it is and when you actually see it ( or, in the case of sex, have it ), you realize it's very overrated and you'll realize that everyone who loved it just say they do to sound smart ( or, in the case of sex, manly ).

EDIT: It sounded a lot better in my head :(

[Helm]

No it's true that the moment of sexual release is probably one of the most intense people experience and you can't discredit that. When I at least say that sex is overrated I mean that it's overrated socially. I refuse to structure my life around sex, no matter how much the opposite choice has been impressed on me by society. I think sex is not such a big deal in the wider sense of what a man can do with life. But everybody digs an orgasm once in a while.

But if you mean that actual intercourse with a female can be an alltogether less than satisfying experience, regardless of orgasm then yeah I think I can agree with you, but you're still gay and with a small disfunctional penis :)

[Jixby Phillips]

Sex is a lot like the movie Citizen Kain. Everyone rants how great it is and when you actually see it ( or, in the case of sex, have it ), you realize it's very overrated and you'll realize that everyone who loved it just say they do to sound smart ( or, in the case of sex, manly ).

ROYAL TENENBAUM :lol :lol :lol

[Dole]

It hurts so good

[CaptainBubba]

I'm confused. So if I've never had sex before and someone tries to make sex with me should I hit her and try to get her off, or just do it because I kinda have to? I don't think I can make her wet because I don't think she'd like that very much.

Does it matter where I actually put my penis or is it just kind of tradtition or something?

I'm really afraid of how much its going to hurt now. But I know I have to eventually. Oh well. Thanks again.

[UP_SHUT]

It'll only hurt when she bites your dick off.

[Suck 'n' Fuck]

I'm confused. So if I've never had sex before and someone tries to make sex with me should I hit her and try to get her off, or just do it because I kinda have to? I don't think I can make her wet because I don't think she'd like that very much.

Does it matter where I actually put my penis or is it just kind of tradtition or something?
In all seriousness, this is why we need better sex ed in public schools. You can't just tell kids to abstain and that if you have sex you will get AIDS. They should teach you more than just how the plumbing works. You know, like what to do when a drunk chick wants to fuck you. That kind of thing.

Seriously, it's not funny when someone is this clueless about sex. It shows a serious lack of proper sex ed, and that's not good.

[rainbowbrite]

Trust me on this one...i've had some experience. It doesn't hurt the guy at all. The girl will most likely be wet just thinking that she's about to have sex, so you dont have to worry about that. of course the first time i had sex the next day my balls hurt like no other :( . Good luck doooooood.

[Perndog]

And we have a winner.

[Dole]

"The girl will most likely be wet just thinking that she's about to have sex"

-assumptions like that are why sex is so shit for so many women.

[Terra]

Man, don't have sex just because it's expected of you. If both of you are into it, she'll be wet enough and you'll be able to do her just fine. Plus, you'll have an idea where things fit once you *really* get into it with her.

Yeah, sometimes it's uncomfortable the next day (so I've been told) but my understanding is that it isn't like getting your nads kicked so don't worry. The girl is just as uncomfortable the next day too. But all that does is make you think of more sex so how bad can *that* be? :)

I *still* get a little sore the next day but it's been a while between guys. If it was a regular thing, it might be a different story.

Oh. And wear a rubber like the others said.

Good luck.

Tara

[rainbowbrite]

Terra's right

SHE'S MY HERO :love

[CaptainBubba]

Cmon guys. I really have to have this info. I need it. I might have to have sex soon.

What do I do if I accidentally go in her stomache and hit her insides? Do girls like that? Should I make noise? Should I know CPR? Do I have to wear a tie? I'm clueless. Just lay everything about sex on me.

Especially those of you who've donw it before. And don't skimp on talking about how you've done it before. Go off on a tangent and talk about the experience if you want. In detail. Especially the part where you say something really witty that "seals the deal" ;) right ladies?

Thanks for the advice so far. It'll really help when the time comes I think.

[Terra]

Believe me, all the fumbling in the world isn't going to prevent you from reaching your eventual goal with her. Just follow your instincts and her prompts (even if she's a virgin too, she'll have an idea of what goes where).

You don't need to know CPR and you won't get lost up in her body cavity. It's called "plumbing" and it all fits together really well. :)

You'll see.

[AChimp]

No he won't, because I heard that people have to make sex in the DARK. :chatter

[Karl Hungus]

No he won't, because I heard that people have to make sex in the DARK.

My life wasn't complete until I read that, thank you sir. I may now die happy

[Terra]

No he won't, because I heard that people have to make sex in the DARK. :chatter

Night goggles always help in this case. Plus it's erotic.

[theapportioner]

Just go to your neighborhood red light district and pick up a dozen or so hookers, you'll be a sexpert in no time :thumbsup

PS - avoid the junkies and wear your rubbers!!

[theapportioner]

Also, when she's not expecting it, stick it up her butt. Girls love that shit!!

[executioneer]

wear your rubbers

THIS IS BAD ADVICE YOU WONT ENJOY IT IF YOU WEAR MORE THAN ONE :x

-willie

[theapportioner]

You might want to consider a scrotum/groin condom too. 25% of sexually active Americans have genital herpes, and 75% of sexually active adults will get genital warts sometime in their lives!!!

[Anonymous]

Condoms kinda suck bad. When I have to use a temporary contraceptive, I use a VCF (Vaginal Contraceptive Film). You fold it up, drive it home, then wait 15 minutes for the hole to start foaming and hissing. That's when you dive on in! :)

[Ghost of Fraiser]

foaming and hissing, are you sure you just didnt drop a tab of alka seltzer in there?

[ItalianStereotype]

I don't have sex anymore because I respect my body. now we just wave at each other from across the room! :o

[Terra]

I did that too with an old BF.

We got to the point that we just sent spitwads to each other across the classroom.

Safest sex I ever had until he almost put my eye out with one well lobbed spitwad.

[SMN]

Heres some advice. Plan it out! Have a "Sexual Strategy", and then go to work. Good luck :conspiracy

[Ghost of Fraiser]

ok SMN, wanna play a game of Sex Chess?

[CaptainBubba]

WHAT IS SEX?

[Mr. Vagiclean]

Survival >:

[Big McLargehuge]

I asked a question over a month ago, i want it answered.

[Esuohlim]

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT SEX:

You have to make sure that she's female first. You can read about it in my "EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN" article on the Internet.

The inside of condoms are greasy and they're GORSS :x. Plus, if you have sex without the intention of making babies then it is considered a sin by both the Catholic Church and the Discovery Health Channel, so you're better off not using one anyway.

If you see hair between her legs then it is an obvious sign that she's trying to grow it to make a barrier around her vagina (THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED. I HOPE YOU'RE WRITING ALL THIS DOWN). What you have to do in this situation is make a surprise attack so that she doesn't catch on. A good way to do this is to wait in the bathroom until she comes in and then go for it.

For a change of pace, try finding all the holes in her body and see how many your cock can fit into. It should be at least seven.

You aren't really supposed to wear clothes during a session (I KNOW, GROSS RIGHT? :x), but I heard it's fun for you to take off all your clothes and have her leave everything on, and put a radiation suit on as well. It's fun, and sexy to boot!

HOPE THIS HELPS. :picklehat

[Mr. Vagiclean]

The sixth and the seventh hole is only available when you pluck those unnecessary eyes out. She will only use em to make you feel you are being watched anyways :/ who needs to be watched during sex?

[Schimid]

Yeah, because girls don't have noses. :rolleyes

[Mr. Vagiclean]

:troutslap



We will just assume breathing also isn't a necessity for the girls while you give em sex

[Matt Harty]

BECAUSE WE'RE ALL TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY :rolleyes