Ok..here's the deal.

[Stoppa]

I'll leave if you all ask nicely.

[Dole]

cunt off

[Lady Ice]

well, that certainly wasn't very nice!

I take it you want him to stay?

[Dole]

Brawl hall...where the impotent 'argue' with the ineffectual in an attempt to impress the irrelevant.

[Stoppa]

I don't recall ever trying to impress this gimp.

[Emu]

Stoppa 6:32
Twice As Stoned
Twice As Cold

[Esuohlim]

MR. BUFF MCMUSCLES, SIR, YOUR PRESENCE ON THE INTERNET DIRECTLY AFFECTS US ALL. PLEASE CONTINUE TO POST YOUR GREAT ADVENTURES AND ENLIGHTEN US AT LEAST UNTIL THE INTERNET GETS OBSOLETE OR SOMETHING >:

[Lady Ice]

Brawl hall...where the impotent 'argue' with the ineffectual in an attempt to impress the irrelevant.

That might be true if I had the ability to be impotent.

I take it you're impressed?

[Bennett]

no that just means you're ineffectual

[Sicktodeathmx]

And irrelevant.

[Matt Harty]

And annoying, stop using purple immediantly.

[Stoppa]

Ineffectual and irrelevant.

Yeah.

That TOTALLY explains why Rear-Entry and Backdoor here replied to you, Ice.

Now that you two have talked yourself into a vertigo seizure, stumble over the line marked, "Just Got Owned", take some Drammamine, and shutthefuckup.

[MEATMAN]

In the "I don't appreciate spam E-mails!" topic:

I WISH STOPPA MADE PERSONAL ATTACKS ON ME SO I COULD RESPOND WITH STUPID SHIT TOO!

I feel the same way, yet he somehow manages to be on when I'm not.

[camacazio]

Don't quote me >:

[MEATMAN]

Don't quote me >:

[Anonymous]

Hi Stoppa! :> Please go away :>

[camacazio]

Don't quote me >:
:x

[Anonymous]

Hi camacazio! :> Please go away :>

[Stoppa]

Don't quote me >:


Well, herein lies the beauty of bulletin boards such as this one. It's not like a chatroom, where the sentences and words are always scrolling, and you have to be there in the present moment so that you may answer them.

No-no!

With a place such as THIS, you can just type and type till your ignorant-ass lil' heart is content, and it won't matter if I'm here or not.

Because the sentences won't leave.

Unless you really piss someone off, but you're in no danger of that. From what I see you kiss a sufficient amount of ass to keep such a tragedy from happening.

But..I digress.

See, it won't matter if I'm here when you are or not, because the sentences that you have typed will stay here, waiting on me.

So you're never in any danger that I'll MISS the sentences, and then not be able to mock, scorn, and generally own your tired, trivial bullshit spewin' ass.

Because of a place such as THIS, where the words don't leave, and we don't have to be here TOGETHER, I can assure you, I will always be here to verbally berate, besmirch, and beat the living (and dead) shit out of you.

Isn't that a nice thought to have as you wank off to pics of Macauley Culkin, eat that last pizza slice, and then doze off with grease on your chin, and cum on your knee?

You're welcome.

[MEATMAN]

I was just making sure you knew I was here, so you have my name to write on your ass when I own it.

[Stoppa]

When's that gonna' be specifically?

'Cause I've been waiting some 3 months now.

I have an idea.

How about you give UP your rights to all the repetitive ass-kickings I've given you, and then maybe we can work on you owning mine.

Y'think?

Hell, I'll make it easier for you...

call me a stoopid-head.

Think about it.

It's 93% more insulting than anything ELSE you've ever said to me, plus, the wit level used in saying it is approximately 74% greater than your standard fare.

Also, I have one toe that is slightly longer than it should be, Sure, you can't really see it unless you look really, really close, and have a measuring stick, but it's there!

Make fun of me over it.

THAT'LL teach my insensitve ass.

[MEATMAN]

Tell me something.......what the hell was that supposed to be? And why tell me about your toes?

[Stoppa]

THAT, right there, was we in the "flaming biz" like to call...a FLAME.

See, the general idea is to be INSULTING.

That seems to be the focal point of your problems.

Sure, you suck at relevance, wit, and sarcasm as well, but I figure we should take each problem as we get to them right?

No sense in sending you on a Drammamine run so late at night, right?

And I mention my digits because, well, let's face it, at this juncture in your..."war"..against me, you need all the fuckin' help you can get.

[MEATMAN]

Why do you take so long to respond to my so-called 'problematic flaming'?

[Mr. Vagiclean]

THAT, right there, was we in the "flaming biz" like to call...a FLAME.

See, the general idea is to be INSULTING.

That seems to be the focal point of your problems.

Sure, you suck at relevance, wit, and sarcasm as well, but I figure we should take each problem as we get to them right?

No sense in sending you on a Drammamine run so late at night, right?

And I mention my digits because, well, let's face it, at this juncture in your..."war"..against me, you need all the fuckin' help you can get.



OH GOD PLEASE STOP :lol

[Stoppa]

I have better suggestion for ya', Sparky...

how about THINKING about what you're going to say, that way, in some divine way, you might actually come up with something...I dunno'...WITTY.

THERE'S an idea!

WTF? Do you just type the first damn thing that comes to mind, alongside the "..cheeto...mmmm...GOOOD! *Burrrrp*" thought?

Instead of typing a bunch of words that seem to be in logical order, why not try MOCKING me.

The name of the board IS Mock Wars, after all.

And, if you can't fuckin' read, as a general rule, you shouldn't be posting on a board.

[MEATMAN]

I have a better idea. Answer this, Mr. Man: Why don't you post on any of the other boards?

[Stoppa]

Where was the wit in that?

Where was the sarcasm?

And why do I get this mental image of you in grade school going...

"The li...li...llllli.."

Teacher: "Sounds like? Sound it out, Meaty."

"Li...lit..tle..little...dog jum...jumm..jummm..."

Teacher: "Souuuuund it out, Meaty. Soundssss like? SOUNNNNDDDDSSS LIKE?"

Stoppa: Sounds like Meaty can't read.

Here I am, taking time out of my busy schedule to help the flame-retarded (Get it? Flame-retarded? Shadup), and this poor, silly sumbitch is trying to play fuckin' JEAPORDY.

Why don't I post on the other boards??

I dunno'...might it be because this is SUPPOSED to be a FLAMING board, the others aren't, and I'm a flamer?

Y'think???

Why don't you post on Oprah's board, ya' ignorant bastard?

It's much more your speed, they don't mind stupid-ass questions, and they're not nearly as witty as I am.

You'll be a GOD.

[MEATMAN]

I just figured your only abilities were making a complete dick out of yourself. I want to see if you actually have some talent in that pathetic 90 pound quadriplegic blob you call a body. I'm hosting a caption contest over the next 3 weeks. I'd like to see your brazingly witty input. But please, I want YOU typing, not your inebriated drinking buddies. See you later, you poor, helpless whelp.

[Stoppa]

lol

Elroy here thinks I can be goaded.

This is just precious.

Listen, I post where I want to, when I want to.

And we don't have to see me post captions on pictures to know I'm witty.

All we have to do is look at the "I'm witty" stamp that I've been steadlly engraving on your forehead since I got here.

You're mad, Suzy.

You're pissed off 'cause..well...I'm witty.

And you're...well...Meaty...you're without hope.

[MEATMAN]

The very fact that it took you more than 20 minutes to repond is evidence that you can indeed be goaded. The fact that you responded at ALL is all the evidence I need to prove that you were not only beaten repeatedly as a toddler, but was also castrated with a rusty butter knife.

[Lady Ice]

The very fact that it took you more than 20 minutes to repond is evidence that you can indeed be goaded. The fact that you responded at ALL is all the evidence I need to prove that you were not only beaten repeatedly as a toddler, but was also castrated with a rusty butter knife.

A whole 20 mintues?!

OH NO!!!

Not everyone is sitting at their comp, furiously pecking away at the F5 button, wanting, nay, needing a response to validate their internet existence.

[MEATMAN]

What does F5 do?

[Stoppa]

The very fact that it took you more than 20 minutes to repond is evidence that you can indeed be goaded. The fact that you responded at ALL is all the evidence I need to prove that you were not only beaten repeatedly as a toddler, but was also castrated with a rusty butter knife.


:lol

I guess it never DAWNED on Shitsack here, that I might be doing OTHER things, rather than waiting for his lack-witted, shit-soup of a response.

I'm sorry, Meaty. I'll try not to make you sweat it out next time.

I had no idea that my responses to you were of such importance to you.

But make no mistake...I know NOW.

:lol

[Anonymous]

Stoppa. I thought you said you'd leave.

Of course, I only say this because I have been terribly owned, bent-over and had my nethers violated in the way that only psuedo-intellectual internet name-calling can deliver.

[Lady Ice]

What does F5 do?

Deletes your hard drive.

Dumb ass.

[Stoppa]

I said if EVERYONE asked nicely.

And, as self-important as you may BE, you're not quite EVERYone to me.

Pseudo-intellect?

:lol


You don't amount to a bump on my intellectual ass, Sally Sue.

And yes, I OWN this board.

The fact that all you retards, half-wits, and assclowns can't keep yourself from responding to me, telling me how I don't own you, proves it.

Now, if you'd so kind as to shutthefuckup and sitthefuckdown in that line that's CLEARLY marked, "The Fatally Pimped", I can get back to work.

[MEATMAN]

Stoppa, before the vacuum in your skull sucks away my intelligence, I need to do other things. You're right about one thing, though. You really aren't worth responding to.

[MLE]

stoppa, please leave :)

[Stoppa]

Which is why you chose to respond to me to tell me I'm not worth it.

Thank you for owning yourself.

It makes my job even easier.

And that's not easy in this place.

[Lady Ice]

Stoppa. I thought you said you'd leave.

Of course, I only say this because I have been terribly owned, bent-over and had my nethers violated in the way that only psuedo-intellectual internet name-calling can deliver.

But did you enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

I think I'm still 'reeling' from the 'shock.' I probably won't be able to form an opinion until morning, when I'll continue to not care about the turbulent lives of neglected adolescents.

[Stoppa]

You we're right, Ice.

As soon as his "much vaunted" intellect could hack it, he resorted to the old standard, "You are just children, trying to be annoying."

Game, set, and match, Bertha.

Now shut the computer off before you start crying again.

[Anonymous]

Dude, I already said that you've beaten me. Like, show some respect for your lessers. You ARE bound by the Internet Warriors' Code, after all.

Tip: 'Winners' Etiquette' is the section after 'Preferred Pastry Eating Methods'

[Lady Ice]

Are you a bit surprised, dear?

It's really just too easy sometimes.

[Tubesock]

You're pissed off 'cause..well...I'm witty.

If by witty you mean retarded, then you're absolutely correct!

Also, could you add this picture to your "Pictures of Stoppa" post:

http://www.whatever-dude.com/wdimages/gposts/rosie2.jpg

It is a picture of you kisisng a fat, ugly, butch lesbian.

P.S. You lied, Stoppa. You do not pull lots of hot chicks. Only fat lesbians and ugly Spanish people.

P.P.S. Fuck off, PLEASE

[Stoppa]

Dude, I already said that you've beaten me. Like, show some respect for your lessers. You ARE bound by the Internet Warriors' Code, after all.

Tip: 'Winners' Etiquette' is the section after 'Preferred Pastry Eating Methods'


Now see?

THAT wasn't really that bad.

Not enough flame, but very well done on the sarcasm.

I'll make something mediocre out of you fuckups YET.

[MLE]

i asked nicely :(

[Anonymous]

Do you have seminars? I really need to brush up on my acting like a jackass.

[Stoppa]

And you TWO don't equate as EVERYONE.

Damn..

they can't READ, they can't ADD...

[Tubesock]

I asked nicely too.

Fuck off, PRETTY PLEASE, you fat, ugly lesbian kisser!

[Anonymous]

What the hell? Tubesock's a different person?

[Mr. Vagiclean]

g



ee



zus






christ




mony....





.....





.....





what's









this






thread








nam





e





again?

[MLE]

i wasn't talking to you tubesock, i was talking to stoppa.

[Tubesock]

I know. I was agreeing with you.

Also, Stoppa goes kiss kiss to ugly carpet munchers. Full story at eleven!

[Stoppa]

Sadly, you really believe that's a valid insult don't you?

Carry on.

And I agree, Chojin.

You DO need to brush up on your skills. This is supposed to be a flaming forum, and you suck at it.

Also, word to the wise, I'm not "acting" like a jackass.

[Anonymous]

UH OH :lol

WE GOT A WILD ONE HERE :lol

[Anonymous]

HE'S NOT JUST 'ACTING' LIKE A JACKASS, GUYS

HE'S THE REAL MCCOY

YOU BEST WATCH YOUR STEP AROUND HERE LEST THE INTERNET WORDS GET YOU

[Tubesock]

http://www.whatever-dude.com/wdimages/gposts/rosie2.jpg

He is wild! He kisses ugly lesbians who wear party hats!

[Stoppa]

He's wild! He's owned all of repeatedly in record fuckin' time!

And the words won't "get you".

But they can make you look pretty fuckin' stupid when you try to out-wit me.

But you guys already see that, dontcha'?

[Tubesock]

http://www.whatever-dude.com/wdimages/gposts/rosie2.jpg
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Stoppa]

Yeah dude.

That picture of Tom Cruise kissing you is reallllllly "getting me".

It TOTALLY makes up for all the flames I've shoved up your ass the last few months.

You rawk.

[Dole]

Anyone who uses the term 'owned' is a FUCKING CUNT

[Bennett]

while Dole is correct with his last statement, let me see if I understand the Stoppa flame-logic:

Stoppa says, "I own you guys"
others reply, "wow Stoppa, you're really lame (i.e. you don't own us)"

therefore

Stoppa owns all who replied "wow Stoppa, you're really lame (i.e. you don't own us)"

Is this the way it works? Will other helpful tips be in the seminar?

[Matt Harty]

Stoppa and Tubesock are the same person.

[Stoppa]

while Dole is correct with his last statement, let me see if I understand the Stoppa flame-logic:

Stoppa says, "I own you guys"
others reply, "wow Stoppa, you're really lame (i.e. you don't own us)"

therefore

Stoppa owns all who replied "wow Stoppa, you're really lame (i.e. you don't own us)"

Is this the way it works? Will other helpful tips be in the seminar?


Actually, the "Stoppa Flame-Logic" works more like THIS:

I have been here approximately 3 months. In that time, I have out-witted (Don't make me start quoting, cnping and dragging the evidence back up here), out-smarted, out-funnied, and outted you (That was nifty the way I worked that in, huh?), without having to break a sweat.

You claim "I suck", yet, everything I say and post, you can't HELP but reply to. You can't stop yourself from trying to out-wit me.

If you had ALREADY outwitted me, why, oh well-dicked one, would you feel the need to reply to me yet AGAIN?

My threads RARELY fall below 20 replies. And if they get 20-30, it's because I didn't deem your replies worthy of being answered.

Have you not noticed that I usually don't reply a great deal to the 4 line, 2 syllable-on-average, piles of shit-soup that you guys post?

If you guys had actually gotten the better of me say...once...I might be so inclined as to try to regain some "face".

But, since you haven't gotten passed the "sniffin' ass" stage yet with me, I choose to post, stand back, and watch you bumble-fucks trip and stumble over yourselves to try to FINALLY get the better end of this thing.

I post, you all follow the fuck along like a lost puppy who needs a bone.

And wouldn't you know it...

that's what I always end up givin' you.

:lol2

[glowbelly]

I dunno'...might it be because this is SUPPOSED to be a FLAMING board, the others aren't, and I'm a flamer?

you do a pretty good job at outing yourself, buddy boy.

[Bennett]

If you had ALREADY outwitted me, why, oh well-dicked one, would you feel the need to reply to me yet AGAIN?


okay, I was just making sure I understood why you replied to my post... wait a minute, I don't understand, why you replied...

who cares, I just had sex with everyone in the building while I was on my lunch break, and they all loved it!! I even let the dudes get a little tip action. They were begging for it, and I hate to see grown men cry.

Did I mention the office I work in is 25 floors high. My robot helicopter is parked on the roof.

[Mr. Vagiclean]

But don't you see Bennett? I've owned you all


I HAVE EVIDENCE, and i've out-witted, out-dressed, out-owned,


out-classed, out-dragged, out-backed, out-BKed, out-numbered,


out-standing, out-shout, out-took it up the turtlehead, out-stapled,


out-outed------times----infinity-------outwicked----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Big McLargehuge]

OMG, i just got a flashy pop-up and i won a BAHAMA CRUISE :0

[Stoppa]

I dunno'...might it be because this is SUPPOSED to be a FLAMING board, the others aren't, and I'm a flamer?

you do a pretty good job at outing yourself, buddy boy.


Oh NO!!

Not the "flamer meaning fag" pun!!!!

How will I EVER defeat such astute and astounding wit?!??!

I KNOW!

I have but ONE chance!

Mu..st...type...th...es..e...words...

...you're a bitch who can't flame for shit...

*PHEW*

Made it!

Wow..dumbing down is hard.

I'm hungry.

[Stoppa]

If you had ALREADY outwitted me, why, oh well-dicked one, would you feel the need to reply to me yet AGAIN?


okay, I was just making sure I understood why you replied to my post... wait a minute, I don't understand, why you replied...

who cares, I just had sex with everyone in the building while I was on my lunch break, and they all loved it!! I even let the dudes get a little tip action. They were begging for it, and I hate to see grown men cry.

Did I mention the office I work in is 25 floors high. My robot helicopter is parked on the roof.


Was that an "artful dodge"?

The artful part needs more work.

You asked an imbecilic question, I graced your simple ass with the correct answer, along the way, owning said simple ass AGAIN, you, in turn, attempt to change the subject so that no one will even NOTICE that I bent you over and spanked you like I was an albino, child-molesting pop star.

Great plan, seriously.

It'd probably work better if I'd stop pointing it out to everygoddamnbody, huh?

My bad, dude.

Dodge away.

[Anonymous]

So, are you accepting Internet Warrior apprentices?

[glowbelly]

you better watchit, chojin. he might turn you into a bigger flamer than you already are.

[Bennett]

we're caught in a little paradox here Stoppy,

I must admit you've got us trapped.

See, if we reply to you... we are hence "owned" by you.

Now, if you "grace" us with responses... we are again, "owned" by you.

I suppose if I were to quit replying, I would be running away, and hence I would be "owned" by you.

Do you understand the problem here? Do you understand anything? and no, I won't explain it to you.

[Stoppa]

NOW you're getting it.

And for the record, no, I don't see the problem with it.

But hey, that's just me, right?

[glowbelly]

thank goodness

[Anonymous]

But...but I need to learn how to be enormously overconfident in my ability to claim I've already bested my peers in extreme internet combat. I NEED A TUTOR. I NEED THE BEST. I NEED THE NEW GUY WHO'S INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM THE OLD GUY WHO DID THE SAME THING.

[Stoppa]

I love it when someone, strangely enough it usually seems to be the ones least equipped to play, comes along and mocks the idea of "flaming".

"EXTREME INTERNET COMBAT!!"

:lol:

As if the idea of matching someone in a battle of wits is foreign.

I'm not on here saying, "I'll take a shotgun and blast your head off, then poke and prod at your dusky unmentionables with a machete, asshole!".

Uh-uh.

I don't do that.

I clown on you.

Answer me this, ass-darts, what is the name of this board?

MOCK WARS.

Although, none of the seem, not only ABLE, but even COMPREHENSIVE of this fact.

This board is DESIGNED for a battle of wits, or, "EXTREME INTERNET COMBAT".

I don't think the problem is that you don't understand what this is all about, it's just that you fuckin' suck at it, and you're trying your damndest you take the onus off that fact.

Try harder.

[Anonymous]

Uh huh. But you aren't having a 'battle of wits.' You're just tooting your own horn so loud that everyone else leaves the room.

[Stoppa]

You're right, I'm not having one.

'Cause thus far, I'm the only one playing.

But it's ok.

It's not like EXPECT the people I use as verbal blow-up dolls to actually ADMIT it.

Where would the fun in THAT be?

[glowbelly]

i dunno. this isn't the FUN WITH BLOW UP DOLLS forum, now is it?

[MEATMAN]

Press any key and your computer will lock up. If you call tech support we will blame Microsoft.

[Anonymous]

So what's up?

[glowbelly]

your mom.

OOOOH OWN3D.

[kellychaos]

This isn't another one of those reality show ideas, is it? I hate those. >:

[Tubesock]

You rawk.

YES!! I WIN!! NOW PISS OFF!!

[Stoppa]

Day late and 6 inches short as usual, huh Sally?

[MEATMAN]

THEY ARE COMING...

[Stoppa]

AND WHEN THEY GET HERE, I'LL OWN THEIR ASSES TOO

[MEATMAN]

Is it me, or did that sound REALLY GAY?

[HickMan]

You know what would make this thread better?

[Rongi]

You leaving the boards forever?

[HickMan]

SORRY YOU ALREADY ASKED ME IN THE PM >:

[Matt Harty]

You know what would make this thread better?

Some bread :/

[feelevil]

"Ok here's the deal"

U A PUNK ASS BITCH DAT'S THA DEAL YO :lol

:pouralittleliquor for dis punk ass homies

AL:JFKLJ:KL:J;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

[Tubesock]

Day late and 6 inches short as usual, huh Sally?

That reply is so 1983!!