toys that sucked

[pissed off salesman]

this is the thread where you can talk about toys that were a complete waste of money, there is no era limit either the toy can be from anywherefrom the beginning of time to now.

to start things off my most hated toy is the 12 inch Blade figurene from the puppet master series while i love the movie series and the detail on the puppet i still cant stand its very limited articualtion i mean if full moon toys wasnt such a cheap company maybe they could at least pay attention to both detail and enjoyment

[Zbu Manowar]

My vote is for Poacher from McFarlane's Total Chaos Series 2. The design is brilliant--a humanoid elephantine hunter with some kickass weapons--but the figure itself is very big, very lightweight (not a 'heavy' figure, a first for McFarlane), and very cheap figure. It doesn't come with that sweet gun the figure was holding but instead some pussy spear and skulls assortment that makes no sense.

And the figure's head has elephant features, but human ears. Maybe this thing was supposed to have some kickass poaching hat (maybe in the fashion of Gnawhedhyde of Dreadnoks' fame) but when it doesn't, it doesn't look so much like a poacher as a good idea for a deluxe figure given the short shift into some awful figure replacement. It's failure is what really made Total Chaos die.

Well, if it wasn't just a failed offshoot in the first place.

[Loki]

Those weird actions figures that came in this dissolvable bag. You had to put it in water for a few minutes to get it out. The whole gimmick was that you never knew what you were gonna get.

The figures themselves sucked though.

[Jeanette X]

Well...the Jem dolls were sucky because you couldn't switch the heads around like the Barbies. In fact, I broke one of the Jem dolls trying to do that. :wah

Another thing that annoyed me was that Jem was blonde in her Jerrica persona, and had pink two tone hair in her Jem-rock star persona. The doll came with a beret and you were supposed to tuck the pink hair under it so that would be Jerrica. I could never manage to do it.

But I still love Jem...just for the ridiculous eighties fashions the dolls wore and the tapes they came with.

Another toy that sucked was some of the She-ra gear I had. It came with a plastic crown, and bracers. The damn crown and bracers became bent and split very quickly.

[Zbu Manowar]

Anybody remember the MASH action figures that were really repainted 3 3/4" Joe figures? Good, because they were made out of cheaper plastic and were all Klinger. Which was funny when you melted his face with a magnifying glass. That was so fucking easy.

[Esuohlim]

I once bought a Yo-Yo Ball, which of course was supposed to make you feel better about sucking at Yo-Yos. I have never sucked at a Yo-Yo, so the Yo-Yo Ball was a complete waste.

[Bennett]

Don't remember Yo-yo ball, but I do remember Pogo Ball, which was pretty lame, in fact I can think of nothing fun about it.
In the same category, I think anyone who owned "Skip-it" should be pistol whipped.

Speaking of water based toys also, there were those tiny (about the size of a pill) items that were shaped like different things. then you put them in a sink or the bathtub and they expanded to the size of your thigh.

Actually, I can't decide whether those sucked or not...

[The Unseen]

Skip-it, all the boys and girls made fun of me for buying it

[pissed off salesman]

when i was 7 i swallowed one of those sponge capsule things and it came out of the capsule in my stomach and my stomach had to be pumped

[Bennett]

then they suck >:

[Cap'n Crunch]

Ha, those things were great. If you do 100 around the worlds on a yoyo ball it snapped.

[James]

The Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat figures put out by Hasbro (I think). They were just repainted GI Jo models (very rarely did you see anything that was made specifically to make the figure look like its game counterpart). And because of that, they looked absolutely horrid.

[Zbu Manowar]

I remember those. They were so incredibly stupid...especially since Balrog looked more badass than he had the right to with Big Boa's outfit on.

Balrog was a puss. He deserved to be in a dress for Christ's sakes.

[Jay]

I know that this is probably gonna get me hated on, but when I was a kid, i HATED those Transformer toys! Hear me out before you yell! I had to be THE WORST A.D.D kid, and it took me about 10 minutes to transform one toy, so its safe to say that the Transformers lost there appeal to me rather q

[Rongi]

Jay, if I ever met you in person, I'd take a metal bat and just hit your skull until there was nothing left to hit.

[Jay]

I didnt see that one coming from a mile away ;) First day of posting and someone already wants to bash my head in ::sniff:: I feel so loved!

[pissed off salesman]

ohhh if you insult transformers your going to become a mass of screaming twisted flesh like caligari at the end of that one movie. ill kill you with my carple tunnel syndrome wridden hands, and skin you a live with a popeeler. Fuck insulting transformers what next you dont like ernest, bitch?

[Chris P. Bacon]

I could never get my Etch-a-sketch to do anything. Maybe I just sucked at it. My grndma bought me an Alexanders Star for my birthday one time. It was a low rent Rubix Cube. It sucked.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Yea, RUBIX CUBES SUCKED. They were impossible to figure out. The only way I did it was to peel off the stickers, and put it so it looked like I did it.

[Chris P. Bacon]

I used to just take mine apart. After several times of taking it apart though it got really fragile and would come apart on its on.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I never actually completed one without cheating. I'm going to try right now.

[Esuohlim]

You're never going to figure it out on your own without knowing the sequences.

I've known how to beat a Rubik's Cube for like 10 years and I can do it in about a minute and a half.

I am above all of you.

[Ninjavenom]

I saw a kid on I Love the 80's that could do it in 1:10. That kid deserves to die. >:

I love Rubik's Cubes, it's like being sexually attracted to fire.

[punkgrrrlie10]

I never met an action figure I didn't like however, those magnet toys sucked.

Those ones with the metal shavings in them and there was a magnet pen to move them around to give the person in the picture hair. Those blew big time.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Why, you can make their noses sick, discusting things!

[HyperDingo]

Rubik's Cube are awesome ever throw one at someone?

[UnDeath]

Incredible Crash Dummies, because they discontinued them soooo damn quick! >:

[Chris P. Bacon]

Yeah I'm with you Punkgrrrl that metal shaving toy sucked the big one. Nobody I knew (myself included) couldn't get that stupid face to do shit.
I actually forgot about that toy until you brought it up. Thanks a LOT! :)

[McClain]

I was big on Micro Machines. But then when they started coming out with Army tanks and they had little tiny soldiers, too... That pissed me off.

[Geggy]

I loved those micro machine cars. I had hundreds of them and everytime I would take a nap, I'd spread them out on the floor from my bed to the door so I wouldn't be bothered by anyone. They were far more effective than those little damn legos which I very much hated.

The Go Bots toys sucked, too...well, at least, comparing to the transformer toys, that is.

[Grazzt]

Those little pissy 70's Mego (or whoever) superhero toys that had no detail and were made out of cheapass rubber or plastic.

[HickMan]

Mighty Max is up there in crapdom. It was a pretty cool idea, put some kid in a lava pit, coffin, trap door, spiked coffins, while zombies and other monsters were everywhere and all had a special move they could do. What came out of this great idea was a month long sweep of commercialism from video games to kitchen ware to underware. And the kid had a Super Soaker as a weapon! His best friends were an owel and some guy that looked like a monkey with a claymore. Had potential, just failed miserably.

[punkgrrrlie10]

They were far more effective than those little damn legos which I very much hated

How could you hate legos? :(

[executioneer]

I was big on Micro Machines.

:lol

-willie

[HickMan]

Street Sharks >:. They were just bad, although I have like five of them. :(

[Generator86]

Any R/C car/truck/whatever that was attached with a wire to the controller. What's the point of that?

[Emu]

Street Sharks >:. They were just bad, although I have like five of them. :(

BUT THEY HAD REALISTIC SKIN!!

[strangelysublime]

there were two toys that sucked ass when i was a kid. stretch armstrong because as soon as you got it, it would somehow get a hole in it and then ooze this breast implant material or something. a grain of sand would ruin a stretch armstrong doll. but every time i would break one i would play with that oozing stuff because you just had to touch it to see what it was like and how it made stretch armstrong stretch. then i would always cry and ask my mom for a new one, and sooner or later she would always give in thinking i wouldn't break another one. then there was the lite-brite. me and my brother would make all kinds of sick stuff on that. it was like an etch-a-sketch only easier to write stuff on.

[Anonymous]

Transformers and the NES sucked. They were just fucking shoved down everyone's throat so much that fucktards thought they were "cool" toys.

All the cartoons based on those toys sucked too, especially those fucking Mario cartoons.

[jin]

Stretch Armstrong -
Ingredients:
- Corn Syrup

If i remember correctly. :o

[Derangon]

Those Buried Skulls things by Moose. They were basically a huge lump of chalk with a shitty plastic skull inside. You were given this plastic knife that wouldn't cut anything, and you were meant to 'excavate' to find the toy inside.

So, I had about three weeks of chalk graffiting to do until I could get my moneys worth out of that piece of shit. And when I got to the toy- it was a cowboy skull with a cowboy hat- but the hat was broken!

[Zbu Manowar]

By default, any Masters of the Universe ripoff figures that were usually sold at your bog standard ghetto store and for $2. You know, the ones your grandparents would buy and say "Hey, I gots your Beast-Man-Of-Urns" or some other shit.

[Nemesis]

The Go Bots toys sucked, too...well, at least, comparing to the transformer toys, that is.

Yeah. The thing that pissed me off is that they came in two different sizes. And parents don't know the fucking difference. I had a mega-huge toy of the fighter plane guy and a tiny version of the motorcyle badguy. Which almost fits to scale, I guess, but still sucks nonetheless.

But they made a robot that turned into a tank, and the Transformers never did that...at least to my knowledge.

[Zbu Manowar]

Warpath was the tank guy in the Autobots. The Deceptions had one as well, but I think he was one of those ones that could transform into two or more things and his name escapes me.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Stretch Armstrong -
Ingredients:
- Corn Syrup

If i remember correctly. :o

I went through about 3 of them. :( I stretched them so far their arms fell off. :(

[eggyolk]

My dumbass mother taped my stretch armstrong dog back up when he broke. >:

Damn her for that... :(

[ArrowX]

ok First off the Decepticon Transformer That turned into a tank and a plane was Blitzwing.

and the suckiest toy i ever bought was i hate to say the Transformer Metroplex. I'll tell you why: Frist his legs broke off pretty much after the first time i played with him since they (to my knowlege) never made a toy of Tripticon so i would rent the G3 movie of 5 faces of darkness so at the end when they fought I paused it right before Metroplex Giant threw tripticon across the earth i stood up and booted his ass across the room and every thing but his head and right arm broke off!!!!! I was traumatized after that. For gods sake i accidentally threw my origional Optimus toy under a lwanmower and he oonly losst a part of his arm!!!!! oh and when i was 7 he was a bitch to piece back togeather

[Supafly345]

Gak was garbage. I made my own version using BORAX soap. It was twice as durable and went on the underground stupid toys market for 35cents.

[Chun Li]

There was this sonic toy I remember being brought.......long ago..... It was a mix of rubber and plastic quite big acctually. The gimmic of it was that you could bend him anyway you wanted...Say you wanted him to do a sonic roll and so on. I remember buying him the taking him home and cuddling him then i remember staring to bleed and it turned out a metal wire was comng out of his knee cap and had stabbed me......made me cry for days when my parents threw it away. Im sure sonic didnt mean it soo pleaaaase i wish i had him back >:

[teh_mastar!]

Take a look at number one on this list. Not only is this poor quality, but it prepares children for erotic Harry Potter fan fiction. I've seen it happen.

http://www.weaintcool.com/Articles/badtoys.html

[bigtimecow]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THE SLINKY DAMNIT

[eggyolk]

Take a look at number one on this list. Not only is this poor quality, but it prepares children for erotic Harry Potter fan fiction. I've seen it happen.

http://www.weaintcool.com/Articles/badtoys.html

Half of those toys on there rule/ruled. >:

[Comrade Rocket]

The worst one i can remember was this one line of toys were you would get a figure, a motorcycle and a ramp that would launch the motorcycle. I remember that it had famous movie and video game characters and one of them was sonic... WHY THE HELL DOES SONIC NEED A MOTORCYCLE????

but with that i also the the huge 12 inch Gargole figure that had cloth wings that would spead. that ruled

[The Fifth Man]

Creepy Crawlers, hands down. Did anyone here honestly
manage to make ANYTHING that didn't tear itself to shreds
coming out of the mold? And even if it didn't, what the hell
would you do with it?

[Comrade Rocket]

I also remember Monsters in your Pocket. I remember that they advertised them saying that if you put them in your pocket they would melt. I would leave them in my pocket all day long and they never did melt.

Fucking liars

[Neurotic monkey]

Anything that is imported from japan and costs more than fifteen dollars.

[ZiM The Homicidal Maniac]

The Transformers, the He-Man toys, the Harry Potter toys, that Shitty "Metal Shavings Face!" toy, and this shitty "Gargoyles" ripoff, A BIG box set of like 10 different Gargoyles and 10 different Human Viking guys, made out of shitty rubber. Nearly every time you tried to move his arm, leg or head, it fell off. Well, it was WORTH the 5 bucks to be able to put the peices back together to make a SUPER HYBRID MUTANT TERROR! And have him Maim, kill, amputate and destroy all the puny humans!!!

Yeah, I remember those Movie Characters Motorcycles. I had the whole set, simply out of a "JEESUS!!! THOSE LOOK AWESOME!!!!" type thing. There was Terminator, Robocop, Sonic THe Hedgehog, Ghost Rider, Ripper (From the Street Sharks), Leonardo (From Ninja Turtles) Earthworm Jim, and like 1 other I could't remember what it was. They were fun for a while, but they broke easily. ALSO, the Dragonball Figures were OK, but a bit of a disappiontment when they didn't have good enough detail, or the hinges messed up easily (I have a figure of Spopovich the russian pro wrestler that gets his ass kicked, but after dropping him once, the hinge on his right arm broke and his arm just hangs down like it really IS broken. Good for looking wounded, bad for doing his moronic poses/holding stuff.

[payne]

the worst toys out there even today has to be the toys u get at carnvals with tickits i got allot of tickits saved up for a transformers toy at the damn carnval it waz asome i tokk it out of the box the frickin arm fell of i couldent cange it if i wanted to

[ZiM The Homicidal Maniac]

I remember now, the other Motorcycle toy was Judge Dredd.

[payne]

btw the mortal kombat toys were asome!!!!

[DeadKennedys]

Did anyone have Stretch Armrstrong's nemesis? He was a big red guy full of little balls of vegetable matter (I'm not kidding either). He came with his own penis pump, which you used to fill him up with air to do something with the balls and make him stiff.

Then you could buy the factory to create your own mini-versions of him.

Those were the days..

[payne]

i had him actually 2 of hiim cause 1 broke all these small white pellts came out and the second 1 almost broke than the pump broke dam those strecth armstong ppl

[-->oscam]

What, THE HELL, is wrong with Action Man?
He rocked.

[tonto]

Street Sharks >:. They were just bad, although I have like five of them. :(

BUT THEY HAD REALISTIC SKIN!!

oh man and back when I demolished everything with me teeth, that realistic skin was quite the tasty treat!

[EisigerBiskuit]

I put one in a ziplock bag with water, then froze it. it looked cool :eek

[MLE]

I could never get my Etch-a-sketch to do anything. Maybe I just sucked at it. My grndma bought me an Alexanders Star for my birthday one time. It was a low rent Rubix Cube. It sucked.

http://www.popnko.com/Emily/etchie.jpg

and yes, i did that.

[Robodie III]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH THE SLINKY DAMNIT

I can understand hating the slinky. The way I see it, if you actually liked the slinky, you lived in a two-story house. Otherwise, the only thing you can do is stretch it out a little in your arms. (By the way, I'm talking about the "standard size metal" slinky, which was pretty large for your standard size child).

Another drawback of the typical metallic slinky was that after you used it your hands smelled like you fisted Starscream for the rest of the day.

Perhaps too many people have been brainwashed by that Slinky commercial song, which was brought back a while ago by the Social Security crowd for themselves.

But I will point out that those little plastic slinkys they sell in coin-op machines and pet bird supply stores rule. You can't stop swinging it...

[Burger Lord]

70's era Ken doll GI Joes have to have sucked. I'm sure any kid that took one of those to school were severely beaten for having a doll and pretending to call it a boy's toy.

And to Arrow X, yup they made a Tripticon toy. Much harder to break than Metro and had motorized walking all more reasons why bad guys are cooler...