The problem with internet porn

[The One and Only...]

If you beat off while looking at it, you get jizz all over your pants. How am I going to get these stains off now?

[Matt Harty]

It's easier when your able to find your penis.

[The One and Only...]

Yeah, 7'' is just so hard to find. :rolleyes



;)

[pjalne]

OAO penis forum >:

[Esuohlim]

You have to be more careful when masturbating. DUH :rolleyes

I'm so lazy about even masturbating that I sometimes do it right over the toilet so I don't have to clean anything up. :( :( :(

[Jixby Phillips]

haha you rule milhouse

[FartinMowler]

why don't you shake his hand?

[Terra]

Cut a hole in the center of a paper plate the diameter of your dick.

Slide plate all the way down the shaft to your balls.

Do the deed and try to avoid paper cuts.

Take picture.

Send to I-Mockery.

We'll be kind.

[Mr. Vagiclean]

Do you prefer your dick through a paper plate? >:

[Pee Wee Herman]

Dude, you can watch the stains out.

I've tried whacking off into the toilet and I have to bend over all funny-like and it's really fucking uncomfortable. The only remotely comfortable position is to get on my knees and beat off and jizz into the toilet. I still prefer to stand up, beat off, jizz onto a hard surface that is easy to clean (like a bathroom counter), wipe it up, and smile. In that order.

[Brandon]

LAISSEZ-FAIRE CUMSHOOTING: JUST LET IT FLY AND TO HELL WITH CLEANING IT UP!

[Ooner]

I'm so lazy about even masturbating that I sometimes do it right over the toilet so I don't have to clean anything up. :( :( :(

I didn't know that was so unusual :/

That's always been like SOP for me when anyone else is home because it's the only room with a lock :/

[Terra]

Do you prefer your dick through a paper plate? >:

I don't have a dick.

But I would never dream of wasting a paper plate if one was offered that had a dick stucking through it.

[MisSFiT]

If you beat off while looking at it, you get jizz all over your pants. How am I going to get these stains off now?

Tide works good.

[James]

But I would never dream of wasting a paper plate if one was offered that had a dick stucking through it.

Meaning you'd use the plate?

[Terra]

Meaning you'd use the plate?

Meaning I'd use the dick in spite of the plate.

[theapportioner]

LAISSEZ-FAIRE CUMSHOOTING: JUST LET IT FLY AND TO HELL WITH CLEANING IT UP!

YEAH TRY MASTURBATING WITH YOUR INVISIBLE HAND

[James]

Meaning you'd use the plate?

Meaning I'd use the dick in spite of the plate.

How old are you again?

[agroskaterik]

Having sex with plates :lol

[Jixby Phillips]

This thread is amazing.

[Zhukov]

LAISSEZ-FAIRE CUMSHOOTING: JUST LET IT FLY AND TO HELL WITH CLEANING IT UP!

YEAH TRY MASTURBATING WITH YOUR INVISIBLE HAND

Fucking brilliant.

Re spoof on pants: I can hold it in for up to 45 seconds after the deed

[Matt Harty]

Yeah, 7'' is just so hard to find. :rolleyes



;)

Shame you'll never put it to any use.

[Dole]

I have involuntarily conjured an image of OAO looking at his right wing pseudo intellectual websites in the cold, bleak moments of post wank ultra-reality, his miniscule droplets of sticky white lovepiss slowly ebbing into the space under his keys as he feverishly copies and pastes the latest rabid right wing economic ramblings onto the politics board.

[pjalne]

Is there a conflict between circumsition and toilet paper? Because I don't see the problem.

[Terra]

How old are you again?

Old enough to see the merits of tool utilization while performing the age old art of self relief in one stationary spot.

I'm guessing that like some people, he probably eats at the computer too.

I was merely offering a solution to the mess. At least this way he can wear the jeans another day.

Why?

[Helm]

When I jerk off I like to spray and pray. I've gotten semen on stuff like comic books, posters and whatnot, and sometimes I can't locate it all. And I guess people might walk in later and sit on it or touch it with their hand by mistake and ask me what this gooey liquid is. I live for danger.

[Terra]

And this is why I bring my "special" light. It picks up things like bodily fluids. I won't touch a marked surface.

I "likes" my jizz fresh from the faucet.

[Geggy]

there are more than one usage for socks, you know? you dont just wear it on your feet. you can also make a puppet out of it with buttons and strings. umm you can put soap in it and beat the hell out of somebody with it. or you can even use them as mittens!

[James]

Why?

You just seem to be quite the whore. I'm assuming you're about 13.

[da blob]

One occasion when being female has practical advantages.

[Pee Wee Herman]

there are more than one usage for socks, you know? you dont just wear it on your feet. you can also make a puppet out of it with buttons and strings. umm you can put soap in it and beat the hell out of somebody with it. or you can even use them as mittens!
You can also put them on your ears and nose and pretend you're an elephant.

[Terra]

Why?

You just seem to be quite the whore. I'm assuming you're about 13.

You must be our resident chaplain.

[James]

You know the word chaplain. That puts you up around 15 or so.

But seriously, you seem to be quite into the wang, is all.

[Supafly345]

Hey now, that doesn't make her young. I coulden't talk comfortably about the wang untill I was 16.

Although I was all about the boobies when I was 11.

[Terra]

I *am* into the wang. No hidden agenda here.

I'm still not seeing your logic, Rev. It was a good observation and a correct one too.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

Why don't you assholes buy a box of kleenex?! Just before you drop the bomb, hold kleenex in front and catch all of it. Fucking retards.

[glowbelly]

mr master of sexual experiences has spoken

[maggiekarp]

Marry a girl and put it in there.

[James]

I *am* into the wang. No hidden agenda here.

No, I mean you're slutty. Like, you don't care who's dick you have, just as long as you have it. You'd probably bend over at a truck stop and let all the guys take turns.

[theapportioner]

May we resume our discussion about OAO's pleasure unit please?

[maggiekarp]

I think OAO DOES have a large and fantastic wang! I mean, why would he lie about something like that??


And although Terra's behaivior might be considered slutty in another situation, this is a topic about jerking off. Can't really expect everything to be PG...

[Brandon]

May we resume our discussion about OAO's pleasure unit please?
SURE, HE HAS A BIG COCK, BUT YOU SHOULD SEE HIM FUCK!

[Terra]

I offered up a solution but there's always an extra load of laundry he can do if he doesn't want to take it (although I'm also fond of the notion of OAC "Shouting it out" with another brand of stain remover). :)

[Helm]

Your personal image made that post, Artificial.

[Terra]

Hmm, here I thought Paul Lynch was dead. But it looks like he's alive and well and posting on I-Mock. :)

[Supafly345]

Let's see you retaliate after that overthought little zinger!

[Brandon]

Hmm, here I thought Paul Lynch was dead. But it looks like he's alive and well and posting on I-Mock. :)
LYNDE >:

[Dole]

"No, I mean you're slutty. Like, you don't care who's dick you have, just as long as you have it. You'd probably bend over at a truck stop and let all the guys take turns."


COME ON LADIES! CATCH OF THE CENTURY RIGHT HERE!

[Terra]

Yeah. If anybody wants a dick?

Here he is. :)

[theapportioner]

Psst. Word is Protoclown is 9 and 1/2 inches of manhood.

[Dole]

Proto is only nine and a half inches tall??

[executioneer]

you can't tell from the pictures :lol he must live in a dollhouse or something so that the scale matches :eek

-willie

[AChimp]

Proto's miniscule size arouses and titillates me. Just imagine all the places you could put him. :orgasm

[Pee Wee Herman]

You could stick him in your mangina.

[camacazio]

stop posting plz

[Mr. Vagiclean]

That's great, that's wonderful. No really >: i swear to fucking god, it's great you don't believe me do you you fuck? it was cute. oh god was it CUTE

[James]

I looked at Dole's avatar while listening to Xhibit - X. It was funny.

ALTERNATIVE PROTOCLOWN JOKE:

His manhood may only be 9 1/2 inches, but you should see the size of his womanhood! :lol

And Terra's still a cheap slut.

[theapportioner]

And Terra's still a cheap slut.

Good enough for me!

[maggiekarp]

Like she'd reveal who's dick she likes :rolleyes everyone knows that everyone on the internet is a chainsaw-wielding stalker!

[SMN]

The real problem with porn besides cleaning up, and weiner size, is selection of the porn itself. 89% of it is for people with the weirdest and sickest fettishes. there are some I havent even dreamed of. Less fettish porn/destroying it should be a suitable answer.

[theapportioner]

Nerve.com is betttter

[Schimid]

Is it just me, or does this whole thread look like a chat room conversation? :(

[Anonymous]

This thread raises the roof and then puts it back on carefully