The Elitist Dork Thread

[Schimid]

AG-AG-AG-AG-AG-AG :lol

[executioneer]

They handed out tissue boxes before the show and everything

gross :x

-willie

[Immortal Goat]

That's very presumtuous of them. From what I heard, a barf bag would be much more appropriate.

[Zebra 3]

They handed out tissue boxes before the show and everything. The movie is really graphic.

>: - That's fuckin' sick.

[mburbank]

Politics, philosiphy, religion forum, frowny emoticon!!!

[mesobe]

They handed out tissue boxes before the show and everything. The movie is really graphic.

>: - That's fuckin' sick.


jesus wouldnt want them to cry :(

[Hugh_Bristic]

This movie is like, so dumb. Why does it have to be all graphic? It's not like Jesus really died that way, right?

And like, do we really have to see all this violence or like, can we just watch TV instead 'cause that's definiltey a much better, cleaner medium, with absolutely no graphic detail whatsoever? Like... can we?

Fuck you.

[Schimid]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Bobo Adobo]

Hey like your retarded. Did you like witness the crucifiction? Are you like 2000 years old? Shut up retard.

[mesobe]

like, totally. like... stop being so beasty. barf out! gage me with a spoon.

I find show on TV like "friends" and "extreme home makover" more offensive than absolute gore.

[Schimid]

The point is not that the movie has too much gore.

The point is that the movie has nothing BUT gore.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND >:

[Esuohlim]

They handed out tissue boxes before the show and everything

gross :x

This seriously made me laugh harder than anything in like forever for some reason. :(

[Rongi]

This thread sucks really bad

[Cap'n Crunch]

http://www.trashcity.org/BLITZ/BLIT1186.JPG

[Sam]

HEY GUYS, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I THOUGHT THE BOOK WAS WAAAAYYY BETTER. :lol

[ScruU2wice]

does anyone else think behind all this retarded controversy that there will be a rhetorically bad movie...

[mesobe]

does anyone else think behind all this retarded controversy that there will be a rhetorically bad movie...

the only retarded thing I see in this thread is you. Jesus would kick your ass.

[ScruU2wice]

yup, that's very funny...

[Anonymous]

Careful, now. He's probably got a high threshold for pain from sitting on that cross.

[ScruU2wice]

:rolleyes

[AChimp]

BOBO IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DEFINITIVELY SAY WHAT THE CRUCIFIXTION WAS LIKE. :(

[Royal Tenenbaum]

http://www.trashcity.org/BLITZ/BLIT1186.JPG

I saw this in theatres twice. :)

[ScruU2wice]

edit: :lol

I wanna see it now :(

[James]

With certain films the idea of giving a totally unbiased objective opinion is impossible to be honest. In this case, one's religious beliefs will have an influence over how one reacts to it - and like any adaptation of a universally known book/legend/mythology, those familiar with its little details are obviously going to get a lot more out of it than those who aren't. As an agnostic myself with neither any religious beliefs or real foreknowledge of the Jesus story, I can only speak from that perspective and so admittedly some criticisms I have here are undoubtedly things which those familiar with the text will disagree or not notice in their viewings as its part of the original story.

That said despite all the hype and controversy, "The Passion of the Christ" turns out overall to be something that completely surprised me - rather average. Visually its glorious with Caleb Deschanel's poetic cinematography and the utilitarian production design giving us something striking but never too grandiose. Ok so they go overboard on the slow motion shots but elements such as the costume design (this film has the swankiest priest outfits you've ever seen), the sets, the score and lighting make it all an admittedly atmospheric film (esp. in the first half), and the much debated issue of subtitles and speaking everything in the ancient languages of the time does nothing to detract from the story.

The fact is though from a perspective of someone only familiar with the basic elements of the tale, the straight forwardness of this film's tone and lack of back story make for an essentially empty adaptation lacking any real depth or emotion. This Passion is a coldly clinical take on Jesus' death - non-believers will be glad to hear the film is thankfully not preachy, but you are going to have a hard time catching up as with the exception of a few unenlightening flashbacks, we're thrown right into the brutal events of his last few hours with no explanation of how we got there and in many cases where we are. For example because I read other reviews of the film I know things like that the bald androgynous woman is Satan and that Monica Bellucci is Mary Magdalene, thank god for that because neither is clearly explained in the film (any adaptation should at least try an be accessible to those unfamiliar with the original source material).

Aside from the look of the film, it's obvious Gibson has put a LOT of effort into the movie and it's a very visible labor of love. The performances are the other thing that really define it with Caviezel and Morgenstern as Mary providing superb work in essentially one-note roles. Kudos should also go out to the effectively sinister androgynous woman, and the guy playing Pontius Pilate as he turns out to be the film's most interesting and multi-dimensional character. The others however aren't so good, not from acting but rather an understandable lack of development. Bellucci is reduced to staring off into the distance, Jesus' close disciples from Judas to Peter are over before they really begin, and Caiphas and his priests are baddies in an almost Hollywood tone (I was almost expecting evil laughter). Assorted villagers scream or look sad, assorted Romans grit their bad teeth and throw whips - not much too it.

The flashbacks, which are a short but welcome relief to the rest of the film's draining tone, attempt to provide a little insight into the power of Jesus and his messages but aren't particularly clear in their intent. In them however we do find one of the film's few emotional pulls - that of the love of Mary & Jesus. A scene towards the end of the film where she tries to help her fallen son is a tear jerker mostly due to the aforementioned fine work of the actress. Surprisingly enough this is in opposition to the grisly 'scourging' scene where Christ is brutally tortured. The real nasty stuff begins about an hour in and from then on the entire film's tone changes.

The first half whilst convoluted and a little confusing for a non-Christian, has interesting elements and themes of betrayal, tragedy, love, etc. and visually changes scenery and look relatively frequently. Then comes the second hour which is where the tedium sets in. Is the violence brutal, yes. Overdone? To be sure. Shocking? Funnily enough no. The term subtlety isn't in Gibson's vocabulary, thus the violence is so graphic and constant that one becomes essentially desensitised to it - once that happens the rest of the film can be seen for what it is - a self-indulgent yawner. We know Jesus gets horrifically beaten by two Romans - why do we need to see it drawn out to ten minutes. We know he's forced to carry his crucifixion cross up the hill - so why then does Gibson have to spend a full half hour filming Jesus shuffling, tripping, being harassed by the guards, shuffling, tripping, harassed, shuffling, tripping, etc. over and over?

In a two hour movie a good 2/3 of the last hour could've been removed or better yet replaced with a better examination of the characters and Jesus' spiritual message whilst still leaving in violence and brutality cut in such a way that would've had even more impact than the gratuitous gore fest currently has. By taking the far easier option of displaying excessive violence than exploring spirituality, Gibson essentially lost the message he's trying to convey - so while we see what happened to Jesus, we understand very little about why. That leaves us as an audience bored rather than enlightened. This most human of tales is sadly lacking humanity. - Garth Franklin

[Bobo Adobo]

I just saw the movie and am rather pleased with it cinimatically. Great performances and good cinematography. The violence may seem over the top to some, but I actually thought it add more emotion and drama to the film. Unlike the previous reviewer I think this film contains a lot of emotional depth.

I would concider this film above average, bot necessarly multi-oscar winning material. The story was pretty powerful and unlike the previous review, I am sure a non-beleiver could easily follow this film(I am Agnostic and i didn't have any problem), and like the overall experience.

I thought the use of dead languages was a good decision, and I almost agree with Gibson, that subtitles shouldn't have been used. But in some parts it would be really hard to understand what meaning the dialogue had.

"Visually its glorious with Caleb Deschanel's poetic cinematography and the utilitarian production design giving us something striking but never too grandiose." - he knows big words, listen to HIM. Poetic Cinematography? Those words don't even go together. Just another dumbass untalented critic.

Edit - And the Gore? This movie has nothing on the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. I don't think it distracts the viewer from the strong meaning of the film.

[Anonymous]

Well of course you liked it. Hell, you've been bitching about it so much that at this point, you're pretty much obligated to like it. It'd be like if SnakeASS said that he hated AI.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

I also really enjoyed the film. I felt it was a very intense sketch of a specific moment in time captured from Jesus's perspective. All of the pieces came together well, and the deatail put into the film was enough for me to focus on without getting bored. A lot of people will be bored to death by this film because of an inability to focus on the smaller aspects of the film; ranging from the visuals to make-up etc. The only part of the film I really hated was the fantasy stuff and the really cinematicly pretenious parts like the slo-mo shots of birds. Other than that though, it was a near masterpiece.

[Zebra 3]

:confused - Was there someone at the Winterpeg outpost's theatre handing out tissues as well?

[Command Prompt]

Why is there 2 of these threads?

[Snatchtastic]

Maybe the Jews are doing the same thing to Mel Gibson right now as they did to Jesus.

Think about it.

[ScruU2wice]

Why doesn't anyone blame the romans? I mean we should be just as racist to the italians as we are to the jews :/

[Studio8]

I can't get enough of Mel!!!

[Jixby Phillips]

FUNNY JOKES ABOUT PASSION OF THE CHRIST:

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/CHICKEM/214583

Click the arrow on the right to keep going. there's 9 of them.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

:lol Those were great.

[huond]

HA, you're the idiot with the shitty movie collection. :lol We don't care what you think. :)

[executioneer]

haha stella reference score :lol

-willie

[Drev]

Why doesn't anyone blame the romans? I mean we should be just as racist to the italians as we are to the jews :/

PIZZA! :O

[Rongi]

Why doesn't anyone blame the romans? I mean we should be just as racist to the italians as we are to the jews :/

Hey fuck you

[Perndog]

Ugh. I'm glad I didn't bring a hot date.

Massive spoilers.















Let's start with the positives so I can really hammer home the criticisms. The cinematography was good, the score was effective and appropriate, and the acting was satisfactory. I definitely appreciated the use of ancient languages and the attention to period details (I don't know exactly how accurate the setting was, but it *looked* it without exception). I liked the portrayal of Pontius Pilate, and I liked Satan (except for that short clip at the end and the scene with the ugly baby, which didn't make any sense to me). The resurrection scene was done about as well as I could have imagined.

Now..

I thought Judas being haunted by demons was dumb. I would have liked to see a few more flashbacks.

And the brutality was fucking idiotic.

The man should have been dead of shock or blood loss well before he even started carrying that cross. He should have been unconscious from pain after or in the middle of the first beating. He should have had terrible difficulty walking after being dragged out of the woods and beaten all the way into the city, and should have had broken bones somewhere along the line there.

And for fuck's sake, you don't whip a guy with a scourge EIGHTY TIMES and witness him breathing afterward. Two or three strokes in the same spot on the torso should expose bones, maybe a couple more in meatier spots like the arms. A dozen shots to the midsection and they would have gone right through him and his guts would be on the ground. They hit him in the face at least a couple of times - he should have been blinded and his nose and lips ripped up. A shot near the wrist or neck and they would have opened arteries and on the unlikely chance that hundreds of gouges everywhere else didn't make him bleed to death, that would. Lastly, as I said, he would have been unconscious from pain a long, long, long, time before they finished. And don't tell me the guys were really good at their jobs so they kept him alive and awake. There is no way they could have done that much damage to a conscious victim just by choosing their shots carefully. Dead.

AND THEY MAKE HIM WALK AFTER HE'S BASICALLY DEAD TEN TIMES OVER. On the very slim chance that he didn't have too many broken bones already to even support himself, there's no way he would have been able to stand up, much less drag a big piece of wood around, after that much pain and blood loss.

The point? I don't care about the gore, but the violence itself was overdone so badly that the experience skipped emotional and went straight to absolutely disgusting. I understand the point that they were trying to make and I know that the Gospels explained how much Jesus suffered and how important that suffering was supposed to be. But the film took it way, way, beyond reasonable levels and beat the premise into the ground so hard that it was difficult to recognize afterward. I hated the movie with a Passion.

P.S..Did anyone else notice that no dust or sand ever, ever gets in Jesus's wounds? Aside from his face, he's fresh and pink the whole way through. How much sense does that make?

[Bobo Adobo]

:lol2

You did notice the part where he couldn't carry the cross anymore, right?

[Big Papa Goat]

Its just a movie, it doesn't have to be totally realistic. :rolleyes

[ScruU2wice]

WORST PLOT EVER

[ScruU2wice]

my friend (the uber-catholic) says that there's definitive records of jesus' ressurection outside of the bible.

He said Thomas of Assisi is that gives some

I'm too lazy to look it up, or argue back...

[Royal Tenenbaum]

HA, you're the idiot with the shitty movie collection. :lol We don't care what you think. :)

Don't be so creative! What you just did is called "plagiarism;" you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

[James]

FUNNY JOKES ABOUT PASSION OF THE CHRIST:

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/CHICKEM/214583

Click the arrow on the right to keep going. there's 9 of them.

I bet those are grounds for the account to be frozen. Fucking StripCreator fags.

[AChimp]

Those are the best jokes ever. :lol

[Drew Katsikas]

:lol

Oh man, right above the comics there was an ad for "Real Jewish Comedy"

What a coincidence.

[Perndog]

:lol2

You did notice the part where he couldn't carry the cross anymore, right?

He shouldn't have been able to pick it up in the first place. Notice how exhausted his uninjured, healthy helper was by the end? A nearly dead man wouldn't have been able to begin carrying something that could wear out an able person. Jesus wasn't known for exceptional physical strength or stamina, only his ability to endure suffering.

[EverythingWillSuck]

If something like Strip #9 happened I'd actually go pay to see it.

[Bobo Adobo]

He shouldn't have been able to pick it up in the first place. Notice how exhausted his uninjured, healthy helper was by the end? A nearly dead man wouldn't have been able to begin carrying something that could wear out an able person. Jesus wasn't known for exceptional physical strength or stamina, only his ability to endure suffering.

JESUS WAS THE SON OF GOD HE COULD DO ANYTHING >:

[Anonymous]

Anything except not die on a cross.

[Bobo Adobo]

But he chose to die on a cross.

[Perndog]

No, he died because God told him to, even though Jesus really didn't want to die. And none of that "Jesus *was* God" bullshit. Jesus spoke to God and called him Father in the story.

Mark 14:35 And he went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.
36 And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.

[Bobo Adobo]

I'm being sarcastic, I don't know much about the Bible.

[Perndog]

Damn you people.

[Schimid]

SHUT UP YOU SATANIST >:

[Rongi]

Schimid did you really have to make this thread :(?

It's like a magnet for elitist dorks :(

[Schimid]

Already on it, sir. :posh

[Anonymous]

But he chose to die on a cross.

Booooring. If I were the son of god, I'd pick a more interesting way to die, like driving a bus into a wall of TVs.

[Rongi]

Why that's much better :posh

[Anonymous]

And you know what would be showing on all those TVs? The Passion of Christ. For double sanctity.

[Rongi]

Why stop there? Why not make the bus on fire?

[Drev]

WTF.

[Emu]

WTF.

WTF.

[Anonymous]

Why stop there? Why not make the bus on fire?

Because then people would think I was reviving the whole burning bush thing, and they'd start calling me a one-trick pony.

[ProfessorCool]

Major Spoilers


Wow, I can't believe jesus died at the end.