Bulletproof_Kennedy
Mar 7th, 2004, 06:07 PM
Bulletproof_Kennedy's Quick And Easy Guide To Becoming a 'Gangsta'.
1. Start and end near every utterance with "Yo," or "Y'all".
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "What power can they have if they live in that?" - A Clash of Kings, George R.R Martin
humbly becomes:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
Notice how Ser Jorah is already 'getting his groove on', acting 'totally whack', and 'upfucking shit, yo'.
2. Emphasis and exclamations should be represented by the addition of 'motherfucking', or 'motherfucker' as appropriate to the context.
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
is now
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what motherfucking power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
It should be noted that 'motherfucking' may be contracted to 'mo'fuck'n'', and 'motherfucker' to 'mahfah'. Any contractions in Ghetto are applauded, but one must be sure to retain at least some comprehension, else the language loses its fun.
3. Th = D, You = Yo' (apostrophe may be omitted for further retardation)
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
goes in one end, and comes out the other as
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all?"
4. Take it to the bridge
'Taking it to the bridge,' is essential when speaking ghetto. The bridge should depend on your place of origin. Examples:
"Take it to the Brooklyn Bridge,"
"Take it to the Golden Gate Bridge,"
"Take it to the Cerulian City Bridge," etc.
In our repeating example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all?"
becomes
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Take it to de Walder Frey Bridge, yo."
5. Your 'hos' and 'homes'
Ho should not be mistaken for 'hoe', which is a garden tool. Every female member of society is considered your 'ho'. No longer is the woman from whose loins you came your mother, she is now your 'ho'. As is your sister, daughter, girlfriend, etc. The same applies for males, except the word is not 'ho', but 'homie' or 'home', depending on your personal preference:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo ho, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge, yo."
6. Make random references to hip-hop stars, preferably dead ones
Example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo ho, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like Tupac Shakur, yo."
7. Learn the Ghetto Lingo
There are a couple of words that you should be aware of, the most prominent ones being:
Nigga -> Referring to anybody, regardless of skin colour. Even the Queen of England is 'your nigga'.
Wigga -> A wannabe 'nigga', thus somebody who wants to be anybody.
Gangsta -> Somebody who talks and / or acts like you.
Wanksta -> Somebody who wants to talk and / or act like you, but fails. Not somebody who masturbates.
Honky / Honk -> Somebody with white skin and / or plays the Honky Tonk.
Insert these in seemingly random places, and earn the respect of your peers:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
8. Refer to your DJ
Even if your DJ is not present, refer to him. If you do not have a DJ you must attain one, or make one up. Simply add a word which sounds 'hip' to the end of an important sounding prefix such as 'DJ', 'Chairman', 'Dr' or 'MC' (MC, meaning Master of Ceremonies should actually apply to lyricists, but it's up to you really; nobody is like to notice). Various results include:
DJ Lethal (Limp Bizkit)
Dr. Dre (Various)
MC Big Si (Toste 'N' Butta)
DJ Urine (Mindless Self Indulgence)
Chairman Hahn (Linkin Park)
M.C.U.D ( (hed) P.E)
Your DJ should be commanded to do DJ-y things, like a slave. A slave of your beats, yo. Tell him to 'crank up the beats', 'spin it', 'upfuck shit', 'motherfuck the president', and 'take it to [insert-your-favourite-saying-here]-ville'.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
8. Command your reciever to 'check out'
Whether it be to 'check out of this place', 'check out my dick' or 'check out my game of checkers', your reciever must be commanded repeatedly to 'check things out'.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
9. Have a human beatbox follow you around for 'freestyling'
The aim of every true ghetto lord is to 'freestyle like a motherfuck'n tomato' (Note: Similes must never make sense in Ghetto). In order to freestyle, you must merely talk ghetto in rhyme to the 'kupdedepo' that your human beatbox is making my spitting into his own cupped hands.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them, his human beatbox not far behind, providing a steady beat for the monologue that followed. "Yo nigga-ho, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
10. Come up with a name for yourself and refer to yourself in the third person
Again, this depends on your skills. If you prefer the decks to your vocal chords, you should use the prefix 'DJ', 'Chairman', 'Doctor', etc. Something respectable. If you're a vocallist you're an 'Emmcee', or 'MC', depending on how you want to spell it. The second part of your name can be your real name, a shortened version of your real name, a pun on your real name or just some nonsensical shit you thought up in the shower. For instance, I am Dr. Ted Loring. I had a shower recently, thus I become M.C. Pogostick.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them, his human beatbox not far behind, providing a steady beat for the monologue that followed. "Yo nigga-ho, wait up for M.C. More'ho's. Yo, yo, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
Now simply act like you're in love with your own voice, or if you are, just act normally.
The power of these 10 simple rules can turn even the most respected masterpiece into a ghetto disaster:
KING HENRY V:
"We are glad the Dauphin is so pleasant with us.
His present and your pains we thank you for.
When we have matched our rackets to these balls,
We will in France, by God's grace, play a set
Shall strike his father's crown into the hazard."
(Shakespeare - Henry V)
-->
KING HENRY V:
"'ey yo, M.C Kingy 'n' co are glad de wanksta Dau' is so plo' wid us.
His pres' an' yo' pains we t'ank yo' for, gangsta.
Yo, when Chairman Cantebury spins it, an' matches our rack's to yo' balls,
We will in Froggy-ville, by ma nigga God's grace, play dis set
'n' strike his mo'fuck'n father's ho crown into da hazard, y'all."
1. Start and end near every utterance with "Yo," or "Y'all".
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "What power can they have if they live in that?" - A Clash of Kings, George R.R Martin
humbly becomes:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
Notice how Ser Jorah is already 'getting his groove on', acting 'totally whack', and 'upfucking shit, yo'.
2. Emphasis and exclamations should be represented by the addition of 'motherfucking', or 'motherfucker' as appropriate to the context.
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
is now
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what motherfucking power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
It should be noted that 'motherfucking' may be contracted to 'mo'fuck'n'', and 'motherfucker' to 'mahfah'. Any contractions in Ghetto are applauded, but one must be sure to retain at least some comprehension, else the language loses its fun.
3. Th = D, You = Yo' (apostrophe may be omitted for further retardation)
For example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can they have if they live in that, y'all?"
goes in one end, and comes out the other as
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all?"
4. Take it to the bridge
'Taking it to the bridge,' is essential when speaking ghetto. The bridge should depend on your place of origin. Examples:
"Take it to the Brooklyn Bridge,"
"Take it to the Golden Gate Bridge,"
"Take it to the Cerulian City Bridge," etc.
In our repeating example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all?"
becomes
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Take it to de Walder Frey Bridge, yo."
5. Your 'hos' and 'homes'
Ho should not be mistaken for 'hoe', which is a garden tool. Every female member of society is considered your 'ho'. No longer is the woman from whose loins you came your mother, she is now your 'ho'. As is your sister, daughter, girlfriend, etc. The same applies for males, except the word is not 'ho', but 'homie' or 'home', depending on your personal preference:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo ho, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge, yo."
6. Make random references to hip-hop stars, preferably dead ones
Example:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo ho, what mo'fuck'n' power can dey have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like Tupac Shakur, yo."
7. Learn the Ghetto Lingo
There are a couple of words that you should be aware of, the most prominent ones being:
Nigga -> Referring to anybody, regardless of skin colour. Even the Queen of England is 'your nigga'.
Wigga -> A wannabe 'nigga', thus somebody who wants to be anybody.
Gangsta -> Somebody who talks and / or acts like you.
Wanksta -> Somebody who wants to talk and / or act like you, but fails. Not somebody who masturbates.
Honky / Honk -> Somebody with white skin and / or plays the Honky Tonk.
Insert these in seemingly random places, and earn the respect of your peers:
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? Homes, take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
8. Refer to your DJ
Even if your DJ is not present, refer to him. If you do not have a DJ you must attain one, or make one up. Simply add a word which sounds 'hip' to the end of an important sounding prefix such as 'DJ', 'Chairman', 'Dr' or 'MC' (MC, meaning Master of Ceremonies should actually apply to lyricists, but it's up to you really; nobody is like to notice). Various results include:
DJ Lethal (Limp Bizkit)
Dr. Dre (Various)
MC Big Si (Toste 'N' Butta)
DJ Urine (Mindless Self Indulgence)
Chairman Hahn (Linkin Park)
M.C.U.D ( (hed) P.E)
Your DJ should be commanded to do DJ-y things, like a slave. A slave of your beats, yo. Tell him to 'crank up the beats', 'spin it', 'upfuck shit', 'motherfuck the president', and 'take it to [insert-your-favourite-saying-here]-ville'.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
8. Command your reciever to 'check out'
Whether it be to 'check out of this place', 'check out my dick' or 'check out my game of checkers', your reciever must be commanded repeatedly to 'check things out'.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them. "Yo nigga-ho, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
9. Have a human beatbox follow you around for 'freestyling'
The aim of every true ghetto lord is to 'freestyle like a motherfuck'n tomato' (Note: Similes must never make sense in Ghetto). In order to freestyle, you must merely talk ghetto in rhyme to the 'kupdedepo' that your human beatbox is making my spitting into his own cupped hands.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them, his human beatbox not far behind, providing a steady beat for the monologue that followed. "Yo nigga-ho, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
10. Come up with a name for yourself and refer to yourself in the third person
Again, this depends on your skills. If you prefer the decks to your vocal chords, you should use the prefix 'DJ', 'Chairman', 'Doctor', etc. Something respectable. If you're a vocallist you're an 'Emmcee', or 'MC', depending on how you want to spell it. The second part of your name can be your real name, a shortened version of your real name, a pun on your real name or just some nonsensical shit you thought up in the shower. For instance, I am Dr. Ted Loring. I had a shower recently, thus I become M.C. Pogostick.
Ser Jorah Mormont came up beside them, his human beatbox not far behind, providing a steady beat for the monologue that followed. "Yo nigga-ho, wait up for M.C. More'ho's. Yo, yo, check out that fuk'n shack; what mo'fuck'n' honky power can dem wigga-wansktas have if dey live in dat, y'all? DJ Castration, motherfuck the president and take it to de Walder Frey Bridge like ma gangsta homie Tupac Shakur, yo."
Now simply act like you're in love with your own voice, or if you are, just act normally.
The power of these 10 simple rules can turn even the most respected masterpiece into a ghetto disaster:
KING HENRY V:
"We are glad the Dauphin is so pleasant with us.
His present and your pains we thank you for.
When we have matched our rackets to these balls,
We will in France, by God's grace, play a set
Shall strike his father's crown into the hazard."
(Shakespeare - Henry V)
-->
KING HENRY V:
"'ey yo, M.C Kingy 'n' co are glad de wanksta Dau' is so plo' wid us.
His pres' an' yo' pains we t'ank yo' for, gangsta.
Yo, when Chairman Cantebury spins it, an' matches our rack's to yo' balls,
We will in Froggy-ville, by ma nigga God's grace, play dis set
'n' strike his mo'fuck'n father's ho crown into da hazard, y'all."