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May 14th, 2004 04:05 PM
Anonymous As clichéd as insinuating incest is, whining about the caliber of retorts is as aged as the clothes you purchase from goodwill to feel different from everyone else in the computer lab.
May 14th, 2004 01:39 PM
bigtimecow all i comprehend is the word mysti[k]al, so here we go:

SHAKE YO ASS, WATCH YASELF
SHAKE YO ASS, SHOW ME WHATCHA WORKIN WITH
ATTENTION ALL YALL PLAYAS AND PIMPS RIGHT HERE IS THE PLACE TO BE
I THOUGHT I TOLD Y'ALL NIGGAS BEFORE Y'ALL NIGGAS DONT FUCK WIT ME


WTAHCY SELF +


+ edit: WATCH YASELF*
May 14th, 2004 01:12 PM
Royal Tenenbaum Yes, people here hate me! I understand that and I don't care, because most of the people here are fucking losers anyway.
May 14th, 2004 12:51 PM
soundtest royal seriously just shut up i'm embarassed for you
May 14th, 2004 12:43 PM
Perndog Actually, Royal, as far as several people around here are concerned, he hit the nail on the head.
May 14th, 2004 12:10 PM
Helm But it is a verified fact that your hair is strange and scary!
May 14th, 2004 11:59 AM
Royal Tenenbaum Your little post was nothing more than a boring yarn filled with libel. All you did was take out what bag of cliched insults you have, "OMG SLEEPING WITH A MOM! Oh man! How clever," and ignored the real issues. How great. While I did sling some personal attacks at you, it was merely in relation to your ignorance and refusal to accept, or at least acknowledge, useful advice. Instead, you crawled back into your little cave, and continue to fuck the rock wall. That may be why the sex is meaningless, since it always ends with your 1" twig bleeding like a dead animal. To say that you put my existance into perspective is hilarious, since all you did was through about a much of generalizations that in no way are applicable to any element of my life and then pile the shitwall around your head even higher. It's apparent you are in denial to keep yourself from commiting suicide, so I suppose I should have some compassion for your worthless life. But, either way, you're disturbingly full of shit, you don't deserve good sex or whatever you want to classify as fulfilling.
May 14th, 2004 10:27 AM
Helm Hello again! Seeing how I am now in good spirits once again I've decided to adress Royal's concerns about my sexual prowess - or lack thereof as he'd put it what a clever fellow - and general well-being. Let me first start with a sincere apology for taking out what was the frustration of a difficult night on you, Royal. I'm sure you're not depressing in the least bit in person. I'm sure you're neither overbearing to a sickening degree, nor that your hair is indeed extremely weird and frankly a little scary like I've heard. I'm also sure that your dick is very long and thick - contrary to what chojin suggests - if not however a bit crooked like a crowbar and that you blow yourself off every other day sometimes on the weekends in the weather's nice Now, I'd like to do two things, first set up this little scene that will go a long way to make you understand why I overreacted in that horrible way and also, I will use some old material which many would consider an internet oldie but goodie. Fun for all! So let's go.

See this here thread discussed what I felt was an interest topic and indeed most people that participated did so in a civil manner, which is more than one could expect from the mock usually. One could make the analogy of a circle of - if not friends, frankly - at least well-mannered individuals sitting around and chipping in their 2 cents. And then there's you. You'd approach this circle of friends and you would try to belong by doing what you think you're supposed to do in this forum - fling your shit at someone in an akward throw that one could attribute to your mishapen atrophic hand, or perhaps your posture, the result of a hunch directly related to your horrible birth wounds on your back. From inside which a yellow rancid liquid would ooze. Which you'd pick up with an overgrown finger and rub it on your only two front teeth and make this erie moaning nose. Anyway, to make a long story short, even the monkey in the group had better manners than you even though your thumbs looked longer and stronger than his, signifying a more advanced evolutionary position, or perhaps just your seriously scary masturbatory habits. Following me so far? Good. So you'd lisp your little bit of bulshit and everybody would look at you blankly - you know the look - and you'd laugh your screechy little laugh and short of pat yourself to your back with your misshapen grotesque arm on your horrible festering wound and make sploshy sounds and and and. Then you'd shut up and go back to whichever masturbatory mental image you were in the middle of before you decided to comment on whatever was said. You see we bear with that. Most regulars have beared with the squishing and sploshing and the lisping for a few years now.

But when you overstay your welcome, and especially when you take the lack of attention towards you as some sort of silent acceptance you become a tad bit irritating. And frankly in such a situation in real life, as much as I detest the abuse of severily handicapped individuals I would (here comes the internet classic!) punch you in the fucking nose. Not too much I wouldn't want you to lose your last two teeth, although that could make your sunday blowjob session a bit more enjoyable. I'm sure the fist meet face scenario has happened many times in your life because not everybody else is as tolerant as I. So until someone invents the internet-slapper, I'm going to do the metaphorical next best thing. To verbally wuss-slap you like your white and rubbery ass deserves. Which is a bit gross but I'm going to do it for you. Because deep down inside I really feel for you. Just in the same way I feel for a man born without testicles. Although just a bit more in your case. Which is not to say that some mild physical pain is out of the question. Get ready for a big post of fun. This is what you come in the mock for, right? So here it is.

So uh. Ok. You fucking moron. I equated sexual inadequacy with impotency. I'm greek and I struggle with the language. What's your excuse? Besides being fucking ugly and stupid, I mean. It's not anyone's fault your dad used you for bowling practise (ball, pin, it's all good) and your mom as a chair. And what's with the sexual advice? I could see you getting all hot and bothered and thinking it's sunday while you were talking about going down and using your grotesque overgrown fingers and all that. It was fucking scary, you little beast. You might be ok with seeing festering wounds turn a particular shade of pink and spurting this white iffy snot everywhere because hey, let's face it -you live there- but it was just mildly disconcerting for everybody else. And for the record, I would not be so quick to brag about how I have 'good sex' with my retarded mother. How do you know if she likes it? We can't fucking ask her she's a vegetable you shit. Just because she drools on you when you fist your awkard little atrophic arm up her hole jesus it doesn't mean anything other than you're stirring up what's inside there. God damn it.

Anyway. Keeping with this setting the record straight trend, let me just add that I have had sex in which my partner had orgasms and that didn't make so much of difference about how I felt about it because to put it in terms you'd understand, just because your mother's making this horrible moaning noises which you interpret as 'thank you' every time you have your way with her doesn't make the whole buisness any more worthwhile and frankly neither does it make it even the tiniest bit less gross. Sorry. Turning the lights off sorta does but that messes up my analogy so fuck it.

So do you understand you crooked and stumpy little fellow? Not only are you a disgrace to humanity, but you also aren't too fun to kick around (I mean look. I'm doing all the work here) , no matter how much your dad would adamantly profess to the contrary. So I'm just going to leave you be for now, safe in the knowledge that this will not be the last time I'm going to have to put your miserable existence into perspective. But that's what you're here for and while it may definately not be that I am here for, hey, I'm feeling charitable.

So do us all a favour and go swallow your dick or something.
May 13th, 2004 08:01 PM
CaptainBubba Is biting not supposed to produce instantaneous and powerful orgasms?
May 13th, 2004 07:05 PM
Anonymous I would also like to add that I think you bite down on dick.
May 13th, 2004 07:04 PM
Anonymous I think the length of that response pretty much proves my point.
May 13th, 2004 01:51 PM
Royal Tenenbaum I don't really feel like I have any inadequecies in terms of sexual fulfillment. Well, other than the fact that I still live with my parents, I don't. But, I'm in a very loving relationship, and I find sex to be really great and excellent and I don't get how these other morons think it's some hollow experience. I'm not copying and pasting my will onto others either; not one person here has to do what I say, but I'm just trying to explain to Helm how he can, perhaps, have meaningful, rewarding sex. I don't actually see why I am doing that though, because he's a massive cock-sucker and he should suffer with mediocre, shitty sex for the rest of his worthless life.
May 13th, 2004 12:43 PM
Anonymous I think the point of this thread to you is trying to make yourself feel better about your own inadequecies by crudely copying and pasting them on others.
May 13th, 2004 11:58 AM
Royal Tenenbaum Either way, the point of this thread is the fact Helm is too selfish to pleasure women and that is why is he would be a hollow shell of a man if he wasn't so full of shit.
May 12th, 2004 12:49 PM
Perndog We already agreed on that point. You were rambling about something completely different. Ass.
May 12th, 2004 12:10 PM
Royal Tenenbaum Because she didn't mean anything to you, you fucking douche bag. Seriously, get your head out of your ass. Obviously you have to care about the person as well.

I guess Helm doesn't want to respond to my post because he's already so used to getting fucked in the ass.
May 12th, 2004 11:59 AM
Perndog Bullshit. The last girl I was with always wanted it and enjoyed it more than I did, and it still wasn't meaningful to me.
May 12th, 2004 05:14 AM
Slinky Ferret
Hmm

Well without so many words I kinda agree with Royal. The majority of women don't tend to have an orgasm when they are having sex. Why? Well most of the time its the partner not bothering to know what turns them on. The difference between having sex with someone you care about and casual sex is that with the former you are more likely to make that effort to cause the bed to shake. While with casual you're normally drunk and want it over and done with asap.

When you are in love with someone or care about them I think you make more of an effort to please them. Sadly the main highlight of a dying relationship is when the sex gets crap or stops altogether.

Women often fake orgasms to get it over and done with.
May 12th, 2004 12:48 AM
Royal Tenenbaum "Go bother someone else with your retarded impotence jokes."

Ha, you're so blind and stupid it makes me sick. What would you being impotent have to do with giving a woman an orgasm, you fucking useless tool? Seriously, fuck, whatever, you may actually be impotent, but that doesn't mean shit all in terms of whether or not you're pleasing the your partner. All being impotent would mean is that you can't experience sexual pleasure in the conventional sense, so, of course, you're weak, little, conventional mind would immediately jump to the conclusion that some how your inability to pleasure a woman properly has something to do with your own penis! Hilarious, and, in fact, to paraphrase you, 'depressing.' Next time you're lucky enough to trick another woman into allowing herself to be brutalized by your Mongoloid (yes, I mean of the Gangis Kahn variety) sexual habits, try this: first, foreplay. Yes, I know this sounds like work, but she may actually begin to produce natural lubricant, instead of you being forced to spring for an extra tub of Crisco. Next, once all the clothes are removed, etc. and she seems fairly amped up, use your fingers for a bit. In fact, sometimes it's nice to start the whole thing off with an orgasm for her purely from your fingers. Switching it up and going down on her is also very fun, and unless you're a huge fag (which I'm pretty sure you are), this should also act to get you very excited. Once this has a) hit a boiling point or b) she is in the throws of, for lack of a better, less-cliche term, sexual ecstasy and needs your cock, then you should move on to that part of the event. I understand you're impotent, so, purely for fun, use your fingers and tongue to make her cum. So, because you are so stupid, not only did I have to clarify my use of the English language, but I also had to teach you how to have hot, meaningful sex. Because, guess what, sex will be more meaningful if she actually wants more.
May 11th, 2004 06:50 PM
Perndog Okay, I read the whole thread now.

I am happy to say that I now have two reasons to think Royal Tenenbaum is a loser.
May 11th, 2004 06:34 PM
MrAdventure :-* it is the kissies to mradventure thread now

and as you drown me in laudatory roses i am a bit sad

i guess it is because any definition of love that does not consist of flesh intertwining flesh like a garland on a tree planted in a cloud made of specifically bred golden retriever puppies blessed with freedom from congential defects will die as soon as hallmark catches wind

ps sadie you are only a fag if your definition of love is some sort of orgasmic rapture in which the vagina and penis are given adorable confectionary nicknames
May 11th, 2004 06:34 PM
Helm It makes me feel a bit troubled that you're actually following this thread. What is it about it that attracted your attention? So much that you'd post the same thing twice in a row no less. Do you actually expect an answer to your question? The answer is implied if you cared to actually read the thread instead of just cheaply picking insults. Yes I-mockery, I know. So mock me then, if you think I deserve mocking and have otherwise nothing else to add to the conversation. I'll try to play along but don't bore me to tears with lame insinuations of impotence. Woo! I'm impotent! I cannot produce offspring! I've failed the human species as a whole! Stone me to death! What next, you'll tell me I smell? Your mom jokes?

You have a unique gift, royal. You seem like such a useless person, devoid of any redeeming quality, that each time I care to reply to you I feel a little bit more useless myself. In that I've actually engaged in conversation with you there seem to lie some terrible potential for my own cheapening as a human being. You're a walking, talking depression. This will be the last time I ever say anything to you. Go bother someone else with your retarded impotence jokes.
May 11th, 2004 06:24 PM
AChimp Reach-arounds are for fags.
May 11th, 2004 06:10 PM
Royal Tenenbaum Have you tried giving a partner an orgasm yet? It might help out...
May 11th, 2004 04:02 PM
Helm I am willing to believe that this is so.
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