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Nov 29th, 2011 02:38 AM
sspadowsky We have a publication like this in St. Louis, called The Evening Whirl. Same classic pulp-tabloid writing. It makes me think of the "Hush-Hush" newspaper in LA Confidential.

If I have occasion to get hold of a copy, I'll put it up here. Their website simply doesn't do it justice.
Nov 25th, 2011 02:55 AM
Originally Posted by yingxuy View Post
This is a defunct, and no use of paper. Then we spraypainted black, our logo and put it. Then put it in there and use it to distribute our poor paper.
quoting before it gets banned.

Nov 25th, 2011 02:02 AM
Nov 25th, 2011 01:50 AM
Kitsa must be why I haven't found any in a while.

Product Placement
Nov 25th, 2011 01:44 AM
yingxuy This is a defunct, and no use of paper. Then we spraypainted black, our logo and put it. Then put it in there and use it to distribute our poor paper.
Nov 3rd, 2011 10:10 AM
Zhukov God, I hope that is the case. Maybe they thought it couldn't possibly be the Romans, since they crucified Jesus, and shouldn't really be in the bible!!
Nov 3rd, 2011 08:00 AM
Kitsa The funniest thing about the "Romams" misspelling was that it was done throughout the article. It not being anything that spellcheck would accidentally correct to, I'm left to believe that the minister who wrote the article actually believes that's what the word is. There's some pretty heinous spelling and grammar later on in it, so that's entirely possible. I was once a guest at a church surface where the reverend went on and on about something he watched on "Ofrah".
Nov 3rd, 2011 03:31 AM
k0k0 Yeah, I didn't think too much into it, but you're right. They say nothing about the celebrity who died. And there's only one that's kind of current.
Nov 3rd, 2011 01:08 AM
Kitsa but they're not even obituaries. They're just pictures, names, and birth-death dates of random celebrities. I double-checked the date of the paper...it's this week's paper, yet none of the dates have anything to do with this week.
Nov 3rd, 2011 01:04 AM
k0k0 It's like someone got told to write down celebrity obituaries and they just wrote out a bunch of random ones. So weird.
Nov 3rd, 2011 12:36 AM
Zhukov at Alpacino.

at the obituaries.

at that ad.
Nov 2nd, 2011 11:09 PM
Kitsa I was in Columbus today and looked for another edition of "The Slammer", but all I could find was a Slammer-alike called "Busted!" It had its moments, but it was generally nowhere near as entertaining.

Note the name of the intense-looking gentleman in the center.

"If you're going down, call Chuck Brown!"

A reading from Romams:

This "obituary" column made absolutely no fucking sense to me whatsoever.

This is helpful, I guess...

I love this ad.

Nov 1st, 2011 12:28 AM
RAVER141 Why does Wadshun Burch have a sanitary towel for a beard. ?
If i was a bad ass crim like him i'd have stole Damon Olivers, for sure.
Oct 6th, 2011 01:03 PM
k0k0 I got hit on by the hottest porn store clerk I've ever seen one time. And one of the hotter ladies I've seen. She came onto me and said I was cute and all of this shit...while I was with my girlfriend at the time. My girlfriend was pissed at me for a week about not saying anything, but I had my arm around her the whole time!
Oct 6th, 2011 12:42 PM
Kitsa I got locked out of a car once, pre-cellphones, and the only place open nearby was a porn store. They were really nice. They gave me a coathanger to get back into my car with.

I think it's funny how porn store clerks go out of their way to dress as visually unappealing as possible. I always see them in no makeup and big turtleneck sweaters, sort of like Velma.
Oct 6th, 2011 11:48 AM
k0k0 I remember having to visit the 'magazine' shop because they'd have pretty good deals on porn vhs videos during the transition to dvd. So many sick perverts there. I bought like 5 videos. I lost my copy of Edward Penis Hands though. That makes me sad. It was terrible but awesome.
Oct 6th, 2011 10:14 AM
Zhukov Don't feel bad for them, they brought it on themselves.
Oct 5th, 2011 09:43 AM
Kitsa I once had to go into the "back room" of a video store to rent Caligula. They'd put it back with the pornos because of the content. It's a tad awkward being the uncomfortable 18 year old girl in the room of uncomfortable and horny 50-something year old men.
Oct 5th, 2011 09:11 AM
Zhukov I once bought a pornography magazine when I was about 15, and the guy behind the counter gave me a dirty look (not as dirty as the looks I was about to have! Fnar fnar!) and an audible "tsk". He was the one selling that sort of disgusting material, so I don't know why he was so uppity about.

I nearly shat myself working up the courage to do it, but was amazed I got away with it.

I think my mum found it later on and threw it out.

Koko, that is actually pretty cool.
Oct 5th, 2011 08:18 AM
k0k0 Ahhh, I misread, sorry. I'm not a hipster, but when my roommate and I were doing our neighborhood paper, we had stolen a newspaper box from one of the convenient stores. It was one of the ones for a paper that had gone out of business and wasn't being used. Then we spraypainted it black and put our logo on it. Then threw it back out there and used it to distribute our shitty paper.
Oct 5th, 2011 08:04 AM
Kitsa I didn't write that clearly. I meant that having to ask for an issue of "The Slammer" from behind the counter was the closest I was going to get to the action of asking for a pack of cigarettes.

There was a cigarette machine in the bowling alley near my grandparents' house. I remember it well, I was fascinated with the fact that just anyone could go up and put coins or whatever in and get a pack. Nowadays hipster artists use old vending machines to dispense shitty "art trading cards" no one wants. I know this because I've both seen the altered machines and been asked to do artwork for the packs.

If the art were of something cool maybe I'd consider it, like that etsy request of John Cena buggering and choking Daniel Tosh.
Oct 5th, 2011 08:00 AM
k0k0 It's cooler when you steal the cigarettes. Back when I was a kid they had stands set up in convenient stores selling cigarettes right in the middle of the store. We couldn't buy them, so we'd just grab them that way. Or ask an adult to buy us some, but that way is so uncool. What did you do with the cigarettes if you don't smoke?
Oct 5th, 2011 07:55 AM
Kitsa I have a bit of a problem with the blotter because manties and big hair aren't exactly "police blotter" material. They should have just called it weird stories or something.

This was the first time I'd ever seen it. I'll have to keep an eye out. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life, so having to ask the clerk for one ("And, uh, one issue of 'The Slammer', please") gave me the rush of adventure one might expect by asking for a pack of, I don't know, Newports or whatever you kids smoke. For a moment I was exponentially cooler than I really am. Then she handed me the newspaper and I was back to normal.
Oct 5th, 2011 07:40 AM
Tacobot Ohh i think Margaret Allen is getting hot for Damon Oliver's hairy neck mmmmmmmmmm
great post btw, i like the story about the old man who cut holes in his neighbors roof so it would get flooded. it's good for the elderly to keep active.
Oct 5th, 2011 07:33 AM
k0k0 Well if MewBarios wants to change that, he better post more crimebeat. You can't help showing us this. And some of us got a kick out of it, so no regrets.

And doesn't the bunny story from Ketchican, Alaska sound like a horror movie until they just kind of slip it in that there was a fire later on in the paragraph? I was reading that and like "God, I don't want a bunny if it's gonna scratch holes in my chest while I sleep" before I saw what happened. The writers of this shit are horrible at it. They're like "One time there was this rabbit and it scratched the fuck out of this lady's chest. I mean, went to town trying to scratch them tits up. The woman woke up panicked, grabbed her daughter and ran out of the house scared for her life. Oh, and there was a fire or something"
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