If it keeps you from murdering hookers I'll be happy.

Pretty kitty.

I slept over at a friend's house one time and woke up with a rat sleeping in my hair. She had neglected to inform me that she had pet rats that she let run around the room at night.

it's hard to resist the urges, taddy.

I came home from a doctor's appointment to find that the dog had had projectile diarrhea all over the wall behind her crate.

I'm beginning to think there's some cosmic force that binds me to a lifetime of cleaning up the shit of others.

Are you sure your dog just wasn't overly considerate and held until he couldn'ts hold no more?

I've seen it happen!

Well, I was gone from 7:15 to 10:45. Anything is possible, I guess, although I'd just taken her out before I left.

Oh well, accidents happen.

Did you check to see if it formed the virgin mary?

I hope that kid won 1st place. :lol

Best science project ever.

No apparitions, Tadao. Not that it wasn't fun trying to get the dog NOT to back up against the wall (perfect brown asshole-print) or to sit on the carpet (perfect brown asshole-print).

These all look like something from an SA thread.

:rolleyes

Oh man, I gorged on pizza and vodka. GOODNIGHT

The umbrella hooker is pretty seeeexxxaaay :love

The umbrella one actually looks like someone I know, which was creeping me out :(

PSA:
Even though Baconators have bacon on them, Baconators are not a breakfast food.

For some reason a bunch of diabetes-groups have been adding me on twitter. They seem to believe I a) have diabetes and b)say anything worthwhile, both of which we know to be wrong.

They need Bacos and some beggin strips added on to satisfy my hunger for bacon.

Morningstar farms fake bacon is surprisingly good. I could eat the whole box in one go.

Morningstar farms is the veggie company right?

Yeah, they also make kickass fake sausage patties that I think are better than real sausage. I made fake sausage biscuits this morning.

I eat bacon for the out of breath feeling it gives me. It's like a scary roller coaster ride. Am I gonna die today? Who knows!

My grandmother made the most wonderful gravy with a roux of bacon fat and flour. It was one of the warmest, happiest, homiest smells I ever smelled.

Unfortunately, as she was dying her doctors found that she had at least 99% blockages in every major artery :(

In college, I used to eat a personal double pepperoni pizza. It was delectable, down to the little pools of grease inside each round pepperoni slice. :orgasm

If I ate one now, I would undoubtedly drop dead on the spot of congestive heart failure.

POP

THAT

CORN