DEAR WILLIE, WHEN WILL ZELDASBIGGESTFAN GET THE HINT AND FINALLY LEAVE?

well you could try making yourself less available to him! make excuses to not be around

ALTERNATE, JOKE RESPONSE

you should try moving to another country, preferably one with lots of fat cowboys in it :wink

only when she starts having dreams about you so you need one of those dream manipulators i guess

invite her over to play with your wii lol

did he come back, i didnt notice

He did come back and his new name is DevilWearsPardo and he is even worse then before. :(

ALSO HOW DO I GET A DREAM MANIPULATOR? :(

i dont think thats really zbf though :( and idk about the dreammanipulator

Willie I have a two part question,

Firstly is it true you live near Guitar Woman? Secondly will you go round to her house, break her computer and punch her in the dick?

Thanks.

if by "near" you mean a two and a half hour drive, then yeah i guess

and for the second part, nahh the dick punching would probably have the opposite effect you'd expect

Dear Willie:

Now that you see the company you keep, will you still stand by Blur?

i didnt say i was standing by them i was just saying they have a good song :(

..

this is a stick up, give me all your money

actually i think the answer's three they're just counting the letters in the word

..

i didnt evne google it :x HORRAY FOR BRAIN USING

Dear Willie,
My knee hurts.
Will you please chop off my leg so I can get a prosthetic with bitchin' graphics?
I may be able to arrange payment.

only if it's a cybernetic leg with ten times the strength of a normal human leg

William,
What do you do to make a flu go away.

i don't know :( i haven't gotten the flu in a long time, maybe beards provide immunity

nope. i gots one.

Update!

Thanks Willie! It worked!

glad to hear it! :eek

So, Sam finally hit the road, eh Shrub? :rimshot

Willie, what is the best cure for my insomnia?

1-2 mg of melatonin usually works ok for me but if you don't have access to that uhh maybe have some chamomile tea? and/or maybe a snack of some kind

Willie, my glasses are kind of bent awkwardly, what would be the best way to bend them back to where they aren't all imbalanced on my head? Or should I just move onto another pair, I've had these for about five years now...

yeah get a new pair bending glasses back into shape is tricky!

DEAR WILLIE IF SOMEON CARTCHES YOU AND CUTS OFF AM LOCK OF YOUR BEARD, WILL HE HAVE GOOOD LUCK FOREVERG

probably not! it sure isn't helping ME any anyways >:

With his failing health, will Kim jong il try to have his brain placed into a robot body?

i hope so, that might mean it'd be possible for me to do it someday!

Willie who would win in a fight, The Kool-Aid man or Cheesasaurus Rex?

Sacks, didnt you already prove Kool-Aid man would kick Rex's ass?

Willie who is the more tender lover, The Kool-Aid man or Cheesasaurus Rex?

Dear Willie,

You remind me of a babe.

I WANT SOME REASSURANCE.

cheeseasaurus rex would win but kool-aid man's super diabetes power would leave him ona restricted diet the rest of his life

Willie, does Fathom Zero also make you think of Ted Nugent when he's talking about drugs?

>: DUDE, STRANGLEHOLD.

Dear Willie,

What's your favorite thing to chew on when you're angry?

Any advice for a beard-in-training?

Dear Willie, i desperately need to go on a vacation and get out of California. Where should I go?

Dear Willie, how much will it cost for Sam to get to Yorkshire, so we can take that picture CiG so wants?

SOMETIMES

usually whatever it is i'm angry at >: video game controllers get chewed a lot :(

start out small so you can get use to it easier!

have you tried washington all the cool dudes are doin it

JK SAM I THINK SOMEONE ELSE IS WILLIEING UP THIS THREAD :eek

probably a whole bunch! i'd guess it's probably over $600 round trip and that is probably way wayyy too low a guess even

:eek

I just looked and it is like $1000. :tear

SO WILLIE, HOW DO I MAKE $1000 DOLLARS? :(

dognapping

Dear Willie,
How can I fake my own death so I don't have to go to anymore family gatherings?

you could put a brick on your cars accelerator and have it drive off a cliff into the ocean! make sure to rolldown the windows first, it won't work if the windows are all still up and unbroken and there's no body

Fuck, that means I have to start driving.
:(

ohh even better borrow someone elses car and crash it into the ocean! itll get found out faster cause the person you borrow the car from will go "HEY WHERES MY CAR AT" and go looking for it

That does sound like fun......

Have you ever considered dispensing wisdom in a professional context, for example through a local paper or international news network?

If so, can I do illustrations?

Can you help me get rid of this cough first?

Dear Willie,

does an internet blog count :( cause i thought about doing that before

SURE

i would recommend taking some vitamin c and some hot herbal tea for that!

also drink a bunch of water! and maybe a hot shower or two

WILLIE THIS IS NOT A QUESTION I JUST WANT TO SECOND THE OPINION THAT YOU SHOULD START A PROFESSIONAL WISDOM DISPENSING BLOG I WOULD SUBSCRIBE TO THAT SHIT

Willie, what % of people post online (anything) and think its "private"?

Willie why do people keep posting in the "favorite manga (japanese comic)" thread :(

thank you :) maybe i should look into it!
50% of regular people, 90% of moms
because they dont realize how much it hurts us all to be reminded of something so gruesome :( :( :( why dont you somehow bump a bunch of threads about the 9/11 attacks next you honkeys

Willie,
To beard or not to beard, or maybe shave it off my neck and clean it up.

I think your dog is plotting on you.

I think his wolf blanket is. Tell me, man; did you buy that from a van selling them in a parking lot along with a shitload of motor scooters?

i think you look better cleanshaven tbh :(

dear willie, how could the citizens of imockery allow this thread to die?

DEAR WILLIE,

HOW DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT MONOPOLY?

THAT IS NOT DEAD
WHICH CAN ETERNAL LIE
AND WITH STRANGE AEONS
EVEN DEATH MAY DIE

practice and a gypsy's blessing

Willie:

How do we fix the economy?

i'm not sure! i'm thinking history's largest bakesale maybe

dear willie,
i am on some new medicine that makes me crazy and manic, but when i am off it i get fat and lazy. should i keep taking it?

well if it's buggin you maybe talk to your doctor about gettin a lower dosage! or if you dont want to wait try just taking half or 2/3 as much (or half or 2/3 as often might work too depending on how frequently you take em)

Dear Willie,

Why?

Dear Willie:

You're another Maakies fan, do you embrace the Drinky Crow show or did you kill yourself on the 17th because you just couldn't take the charade anymore, goodbye world, Mom and Tony Millionaire, this was your fault

i'm ok with it, i saw a couple episodes on adultswim dot com and they seemed pretty decent

although to be true to the comics they should have had another tiny show running in a strip in the bottom 1/6 of the screen or so

Willie,

Will the Ravens get the second wild card this year?

why dont you ask biff tannen i bet he knows

Are you there Willie?
It's me, Cig.
I've been praying to you every night asking for a sign.
Will you give me a sign?
Green or gray?

green i think

What do you think about Al Franken for US Senate?

They still haven't decided the damn results.

i think al frankenstein will make a great senator he just has to stop trying to reanimate dead tissue

Dear Willie,

If you could make a perk, what would it be?

well idk if it would be a perk per se but i think they should've put in a cloning facility like there was in Wasteland so i dont have to worry about losing Dogmeat all the dang time >:

Dear Willie,

What's a good new years resolution?

1024 x 768 hurr hurr hurr

j/k you should try and give up some sort of unhealthy food, drink or other substance you consume on a regular basis :o

That's pretty good actually.

I think I'm going to give up fast food M-Sa.

Willie,

What's a terrible New Year's Resolution?

"i'm gonna huff glue every day this year"

Dear Willie,
If I gave up smoking last year, would it be a cop out for my resolution this year to be "I will continue to not smoke"?

i dont think so! that shit is supposed to be hard to do :(

Hey Willie, I was supposed to kill myself this year, but I'm leaving it a little late.

If you had to kill yerself, how would ye do it?

overeating ;_;

Dear Willie,

Gay marriage has become a hot-button issue recently. My question is has anyone tried to gay marry you recently?

Furthermore, if someone tried to gay marry me, would I know it?

to question one, how recently we talkin here cause i've had a nasty chest cold and gays hate marrying phlegmy dudes so i'm pretty sure the last week and a half is clear of that

and to question 2 uhhh i think you should do a self-physical, check for a ring on your finger and a stretched out you-know-where :eek

I think he means your wallet. You know those gays can't resist big expensive weddings.

Dear Willie,

For new years eve I am either going to hang out with my girlfriend(which means I have to think of something to do) or go out with the guys and get roaring drunk.

can't you bring your gf along with the guys and get her roaring drunk too, that sounds like a great compromise

willie, would you like to party with me and my friends for new years?

i'd like to, but i think i have to work :(

Turns out she's only 20 and doesn't have a fake ID. I was thinking about taking her to Canada but that's even more money.