:(

I just saw the worst game trailer ever made:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an8BIymy-JE

hahahahahahha

How Would You Like To Be A Zombie? Cyborg Arm Games breaks the zombie video game mold with their new PC first person shooter: Cry of the Infected. In a unique twist on zombie games, gamers can feel what it might be like to be a raging zombie. An entire city of civilians has been turned into zombie-like creatures as a result of a biological warfare experiment gone wrong.

Gamers play as Robert, a man trying to find his missing wife in a city torn apart by the zombie outbreak. Groups of soldiers shoot anything that moves out of their own fear and loss of control. Some zombies attack their own kind in fits of agony. Perhaps worst of all is the crushing hopelessness that Robert must overcome as he rips and tears his way through this abandoned city.

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Zombies eat their wives.

See, that's unrealistic. No one would ever go back into a zombie infested town to find their wife.

By the way Pub, check the new members thread. Your wish has come true.

Even a zombie? That's like a people going back into a people infected town.

WHERE'S MY WIFE

He wouldn't be able to get passed all the punk-ass kids jumping the wall with their daddy's shotgun.

I saw, yeah Bradford is a shit hole. :lol

All the info I wanted.

Seriously, EVERY single person I talk to here in Bradford asks me where I from and this is the exchange that never differs:

"So I detect by your accent that you're not from here...American? Canadian?"
"I'm American actually, from California."
*Eyes grow wide* "EH?! What the hell are you doing in Bradford?"

It makes me that much more homesick.

Now that I know you're not hating on any of the towns I like, I feel less inclined to dislike you. :eek

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ASIAN PEOPLE I SEE EVERY DAY:

YOU'RE IN AMERICA NOW. TRAFFIC DIRECTIONALITY GENERALLY ALSO APPLIES TO SIDEWALKS, HALLWAYS, AND STAIRCASES. >:

AND YOU'RE THE WRONG ONE, WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO GO AROUND YOU? >:

YOU TELL THEM I AM SURE THEY ARE LISTENING

Because we are the master race.

Seriously these fucking exchange students from Hong Kong and Japan not only stick to the left side still, but I see literally throngs of people having to manuever around one or two of them on the sidewalk. What the heck jerks >:

I HOPE Y'ALL ARE READING I-MOCKERY ABOUT MY COMPLAINT, I AIN'T GONNA TELL YOU AGAIN

Les Waste is back (but posting at a much cooler forum)

i wish i knew of a cooler forum ;<

Pshaw, I'd go into a zombie city to save MY wife. Gives me an excuse to bash some more zombies. Oh, and I guess save my wife.

You're one of the 16 year olds with the borrowed hunting rifle I mentioned.

ALSO, WOULD YOU TRY AND SAVE YOUR WIFE IF YOU WERE A ZOMBIE WITH ALL THE MURDER/BRAINLUST THAT ZOMBIES UNFAILINGLY POSSESS?

Pub with the obligatory Ice Burn.

Well played Pub. That's why your the chat king :rock

EDIT: I admit defeat and bit you goodnight.

Please don't bite me at any time. :(

Also, Willie is the King, we can't have two Kings.

You can be queen.

Do you know why?

I do not know why.

I know why.

Hold on a second Pub I'll call you and tell you :lol

I just took a political subject and inserted a joke that relied on a fairly low level of pop culture. Here are the assumptions I made about my audience that caused things to go wrong wrong.

1) They know what the capital of the United Arab Emirates is.
2) They were born before 1988.
3) They have the ability to detect irony in my voice, which is significantly less monotone than when I was 13.
4) They're not kind of dumb.

Anyways. Here's an actual snippet of REAL LIFE DIALOG I vocalized earlier today, posted completely out of context so as to sound that much cooler.

"Yeah, as soon as I finished explaining that story, I knew there was something interesting I'd left out. I eventually remembered that I have a picture of her disembodied head that I took when I was fifteen."

What happened to my shotgun?
I dunno what I'd do if I were a zombie. What kind of zombie are we talking about? Voodoo? Solanum? T/G-Virus?

You get one more of those before i tell you that you don't have my number. ...oh shit

What suburb of Malton do you live in? I'm up in Dulston.

I looked out my door, and all I could see was Austin, so I'm afraid I can't help you there.

Well, I guess that means you have a graphics card or a life or something else in the same vein of things I lack.

Like a robot? Damn, you're awesome. Can you plug yourself into the internet?!

I just got the strangest mental image of the people that you talk to, Seth.

Yes, but it never hugs back. :(

Goodwill Cougers.

specifically Charlie

Damned ungrateful internet. You don't need to take its shit.

IT TRIES, BUT WHY DO YOU REJECT THE LOVE

You're thinking of it's boner. Hugs don't involve boners. Once you start messing around with other people's boners you start having kids out of wedlock.

...wait? :confused

There's a 5 second rule :rolleyes

I went 1-1 playing Madden 08 on Live. The loss was a great reminder of why I don't like playing games on Live. I'm a pretty sore loser and a poor sport.

Damn, you guys get 5 seconds? Lucky, over here it's like 1 second and then you get mace'd.

I think it would fun to be offended by that

In the User Blog suggestion thread I wanted to make a comment but I couldn't think of a nice way of saying that no one here is interesting enough to deserve a blog.

No, seriously, I've read your livejournals, myspaces, & xangas & on the whole? No Thanks.

The Army won't let him carry a magazine in his M16:(

Well, don't start putting on airs, graces or indeed morals on my behalf.

OH I WON'T

It's okay though because my out-of-wedlock child is cooler than I'll ever be.

asl?

Blonde hair & blue eyes, on such things empires are built.

:x


So I was just this second envying Asila her fortune, but in the next I am so very glad I am without.

Having a pretty and sweet daughter is a constant source of worry. But she's still the coolest thing ever :rock

A gift of Peeece, in all good faith.

I wish I had the BBC :(

So does Seven Force.

:gigh

(I only listen to Custom when attractive lasses email me an mp3 of a song of theirs.)

Hey Mister I really like your daughter,
I'd like to eat her like ice cream
maybe dip her in chocolate

Hey Mister on your way over
in your Volvo, suit, and tie
Well, be crawling in your bed soon
messing around, maybe getting high

It's not what ya did,
It's not what ya didn't
God gave her a perfect body
and now I'm all up in it.

It's not she's a tramp.
It's not she's not pure.
She just likes getting her fuck on,
and its good for that I'm sure

Hey Mister I really like your daughter.
When I'm horny like thirsty
She's a bottle of water.

Hey Mister how'd it get so bad
You raised her so well
and now she's calling me dad
in the back seat naked of a new Volkswagen
the perfect little gift for high school graduation.

It's not what ya did,
It's not what ya didn't
God gave her a perfect body
and now I'm all up in it.

It's not she's a tramp.
It's not she's not pure.
She just likes getting her fuck on,
and its good for that I'm sure

Nana na nana na,
Nana na nana na,
Nana na nana na,
ha hahaha ha ha haha

I eat all the food in your fridge
Call my friends around the world
Rack up your long distance do
Breakstands neutral drops
Wreck all your cars
Drink all the booze in your cheezy ass wet bar
Order stuff on your credit cards
Leave boogers in the skippy jar
Smoke your cigars
Answer the phone tell your boss you moved to mars
When you call in late from work tell your wife
You're at the titty bars

It's not what ya did,
It's not what ya didn't
God gave her a perfect body
and now I'm all up in it.

It's not she's a tramp.
It's not she's not pure.
She just likes getting her fuck on,
and its good for that I'm sure

I can't lie I have to tell the truth
My commandments says I'm a total spoof
Your daughter's a freak
Your daughter's a pro
When i'm done with her
She'll do one of your bros

I hope I'll never have a daughter
I hope I'll never have a daughter
I hope I'll never have a daughter
I hope I'll never have a daughter

Nana na nana na,
Nana na nana na,
Nana na nana na,
Nana na nana naaaaaaaa!

We're almost at 1500 pages and that pleases me somehow.

good morning everyone :rolleyes

It should be noted about that attractive lass who sent me that mp3:

I once brought to her attention how awkward it would have been if I had told her sister that I have an mp3 in which she fakes an orgasm. When I met her sister it was in a totally unrelated situation where I saw the sister's maiden name and realized that I was inside a bizarre coincidence where the sister couldn't have known who I was.

There was some miscommunication involved when I expressed how awkward this would have been in the frame of what I intended as friendly conversation, and after some meticulously-worded apologies from me she began to believe that I wasn't blackmailing her and she brushed it off fairly well.

*gasps* A comic link that I lost when my other laptop caught on fire!

Tadao you're my hero

Shits funny huh

Fo sho

Edit: My house is too quiet :(

Hey, if you want you can send an mp3 with you faking an orgasm. Now's your chance to work on that.*

I have a budding collection.

*

I don't know whether to laugh or practice faking an orgasm.

...hmmmm....

Usually, when women in a state of resignation ask themselves this question it's because of the pictures of penises that flood their inboxes after they post a personals ad on CL.

APROPOS:

I've outed myself about having a dating profile, right? And I justify it to myself because it's of the rare breed that doesn't require payment? Right.

Anyways:
Hey there. I know that the site says we're perfect for each other, and the fact that we have a freakishly high number of common acquaintances makes it awkward for me to ignore the hitherto passive signs that you have interest in me, but I just wanted to thank you for letting me justify my failure to reciprocate attraction via your fascinating understanding of where nebulae may be found.

Sometimes I think that Fat_Hippo is a Rankeri character that he made because of his assumption that we wouldn't make fun of him if only he were from Switzerland. Switzerland, you may notice, is not quite the same thing as Finland, you see. He continues to post under the Rankeri name so that nobody suspects it, and also so that it would prevent us from talking about him behind the cyber equivalent of his back.

Ah, I miss the good ol' days too :tear

Yes, that's true. I'd be much more inclined to make fun of Finland than Switzerland. It's just easier.

Fun fact: The name Persephone (the Greek goddess) means "Assphone" in Finnish.

I had to take the day off work today to get my car exhaust pipe fixed. While I was waiting for the garage to stick the new one on I was involved in a minor road incident and had to call an ambulance for a woman (formerly) on a motorcycle.
Some van failed to stop quickly enough at a zebra crossing and knocked the woman off the bike.
She wasn't really hurt badly but while a bunch of passers-by were organising the traffic situation, making sure the woman was okay, calling the emergency services and all that stuff the van driver just sat in his van doing fuck all. He eventually got out and asked me what he should do and if he could go so I told him he needed to stay and wait for the police so he went and started examining the damage to his van.

He didn't even apologise to the motorcyclist. Some people :rolleyes

It was nice too see how helpful all the strangers (including myself :hat) were though.

In other news I just remembered this video I saw a few weeks ago:

http://www.clipal.com/video/pen_mightier

It's a kind of music video I guess with a really well re-mixed version of the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata.

My girlfriend's parents are in town tomorrow and I just know that I'm going to get dragged along to some lame dinner or something. How can I get out of it? I'd marry the woman but even so, I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her to avoid an evening of total boredom with her olds. Her dad was in the RAF (Royal Air Force) and thinks being a pilot other than one in the military is for pussies. This is probably true but I don't need to hear it. Her mom's cool though. She says stuff like "I hope you're taking care of him" and "I hope she's taking care of you". Of course General Talks-a-bunch says things like "Real men take care of themselves and their women". I don't want to be impolite but the old mans an asshole. Maybe during dinner I can trip a waiter carrying a creamy pie and have him fling the it into her dad's rude condesending face.

I got out of it last time by saying my dad's car broke down and he needed me to pick him up. I waited for her to leave and played guitar hero.

Just stand up for yourself man. It'll be fun and productive. It'll alleviate the boredom to piss the old guy off, and at the same time show him you have some balls and aren't afraid of him. It might even turn your girlfriend on too.

Well, you're in need of two paradigm shifts:

1. Realize that free food is good. At least, that's how it is the AMERICA, and I don't know of any cultural barriers that would shift that for Englishers.
2. Realize that by making such a big deal about things like this, you're kind of proving that her dad has a very valid point about you being a little bitch. Stop being a little bitch and maybe common ground will present itself and these things will be more tolerable.

I concur. Another factor that Seth and I failed to mention is that, in addition to free food, you'll also receive what is tantamount to a utopian paradise to all Brits: free booze.

It wasn't until 2006 (A year I'm in a way surprised to find isn't the present) that the International Astronomical Union set a reasonable definition of "planet". There being numourous uses of the word that disagree with the IAU's definition due to humanity's habits. A rather simple one would be 'Our planet is the world. The world is also the universe. Why isn't a planet the universe?'

British food? :x

OH SHIT! RUMBLED! :eek

Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em PUB LOVER

British food is fantastic, Pub. The full English breakfast is like the Jesus of breakfasts... except for it kills you... so perhaps it should be called the Soviet Russian Jesus of breakfasts.

>:

Free association movie scripts. :lol

They always end with everyone involved screaming 'MOTHER FUCKER!' :(

That thread needs Fartin Mowler. >:

For all you new people, Fartin was the best character I ever created. :\

The house is still too quiet and I'm rapidly devolving into online activities that may be best described as 'attention whorish.'

Right, though now it's really only a matter of time before I attempt to satisfy my curiousity in regards to that topic.

Was I talking to a Brit? No, therefore I may have been referencing the rest of the world's opinion of our cuisine. >:

Our food is like an abusive spouse, we know we shouldn't go back... but we love them.

Oh fuck I just came up with a joke.

People kept telling me I had a dirty mind... so I moved to China.

Ohhh political. I'm now officially a political satirist.

You can substitute "moved to China" with "joined the Church of Scientology" depending on the situation.:posh

There's a whole aisle down at the local supermarket devoted to british foods and I'm often tempted to have a brief but passionate affair with some Branston pickles.

We had both been to Europe before, but in 2002 my sister and I visited England together and that was a new experience for both of us.

Dealing with food, it wasn't strictly a matter of "that looks disgusting" or whatever, it was that if something sounded good on the menu then it always ended up being "ethnic cuisine", and we wanted a cultural experience that we couldn't really get in a 30 mile radius from home. All the English food was just... unremarkable.

But, yeah, one morning we went out for breakfast. Breakfast was wonderful. Thank you, England for understanding that a croissant and a demitasse of coffee is not "breakfast", even if it DOES happen to cost six euros.

When my sister actually moved to England a few years later, she sent me a postcard with a picture of an English breakfast for the image, and it was cut so that the card matched the shape of the plate. It's still hanging up on the wall downstairs, and when people ask me why I have a a random picture of a plate of food hanging up they fail to understand why I invest so much passion into my explanation.

hey asila if you want to try some spotted dick mines pretty fresh

I do not think you are helping the situation Seth, because I almost said okay

I frequent the British food aisle for its candy bars. America has nothing quite like Jaffa or Aero Mint bars I can tell you that right now >:

Except it does, you know, in the British food aisle I suppose :(

Jafa, occasionally Jaffa, a derogatory term in New Zealand for an Aucklander

:eek

Does anyone else find it hilarious that those are not only BIG WORDS, but that they are also apparently VERY DIFFICULT TO PRONOUNCE

"visualize" THERE'S AN 'S' AND A 'Z' IN THERE, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT

I like MC Solaar :( He has artistry


Also, what in the hell is an aucklander, I've never known and am too lazy to look it up