NEW MINIMOCK: Movies and TV Shows Make Shitty Games!
 

Pjalne makes his minimock debut with this piece all about just how bad movies and tv shows can get when people attempt to turn them into video games. Expect to see more from Pjalne in the not too distant future. :)

"MOVIES AND TV SHOWS MAKE SHITTY GAMES!" by Pjalne:
http://www.I-Mockery.com/minimocks/MovieGames

Enjoy!

-RoG-

Well this just steps all over the Minimock I was doing. >:

Well, this is the opposite of this. It's not a shitty game or a movie. KARATE KID! That movie and/or game had it all, even a Chinese guy! That kicked ass. The sequels sucked.

I thought it was pretty fucking funny. I especially loved the Mike Tyson's Punch Out Movie Poster. Casting Carl Winslow as doc is sheer genius. I would go to see that movie. And on the subject of carl winslow i believe that in Die Hard his character IS Carl Winslow and not whatever name they give him in the movie.

You were doing one on the same subject?!

I agree, this mini-mock was funny.

Selected filmography from imdb:

Wolfen (1981) .... Morgue Attendant
Ghost Busters (1984) (as Reggie VelJohnson) .... Jail Guard
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985) .... Ambulance Driver
Die Hard (1988) (as Reginald Veljohnson) .... Sgt. Al Powell
Plain Clothes (1988) .... Captain Graff
Turner & Hooch (1989) .... Det. David Sutton
"Family Matters" (1989) TV Series .... Carl Otis Winslow
Jury Duty: The Comedy (1990) (TV) .... Judge
Die Hard 2 (1990) .... Sgt. Al Powell
One of Her Own (1994) (TV) .... Detective Bob Hymes

Spot a pattern?

I was thinking about doing something about movies and video games. Not that it matters though. I doubt I'd ever be a part of the I-Mockery team. I was just being a fussy bitch. ;)

Moving on, this piece isn't all that bad. The poster really is fucking hilarious.

:bow

One more thing:

"I have to admit I haven't seen the RE movie (which many people seem to like)..."

Rog doesn't really count as "many people." I was considering writing a review for the movie in the Movie forum, but I ended up having 2 pages of hateful rant before I got 10 minutes into the movie's story.

You'll have to ask the webmaster himself about that one :lol

Hahaha, RE is the best video game movie ever made. True, that's not saying much, but it still rocks. It just needed more gore (a la' Romero) and it would have been a truly great movie. Still, I loved the music, and I loved the way it was shot. Sure as hell was better than Mortal Kombat and Super Marios Bros. :lol

And the Punchout poster was my favorite part of the piece too. :rock

I think The Wizard should have been a video game. The Power-Glove is so bad!

I have to this day not been able to see the Wiz. It was never released here, and the only DVD is in German. But so was also the SMB movie until recently, and now it'll be out on R1 in a couple of weeks. So who knows?

This is going to sound redundant, but my favorite part was the poster :).

I think the best part in the movie is when Lucas kicked Rad Racer's ass with the Power-Glove.

Yeah, a lot of people want them to release The Wizard on DVD, but I've yet to hear anything about it. Bastards. :/

I saw a on-line petition to get it on DVD. You can still buy it on VHS, but I can't find it anywhere.

http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASI...066323-5856509

So close, but yet...

Does it have the option to turn it into English?

Nope. It does have a spiffy new English title, though.

Yeah, why the hell does it have the title in English? The new title Joy Stick Heroes makes it sound like a porno.

I liked the piece, but I have to say that I expected to see...

Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure

:(

That game was the WORST ONE EVER! I didn't even know what the hell was going on in that game. There are pleanty of sucky ass video games from movies. You should make a sequel.

This happens in Norway too. Gleaming the Cube is called Skate or Die, Miss Congineality is Called Miss Undercover, and Saving Silverman is called Evil Woman, just to name a few.

The Danish are worse, though. Over there Cruel Intentions is called Sex Games, Heathers is called Fatal Attraction, and Die Hard With a Vengeance is called - wait for it - Die Hard Mega Hard.

Shit, you're right.

This peice should be an on going thing like the "Things That Must Be Destroyed" minimock. And at the end of every one, you put in a poster :)

Yeah, I was going to suggest making this an ongoing thing, where you do "NEW MINIMOCK: Movies and TV Shows Make Shitty Games! PART 2", each covering different games and so on and so forth...

Bill & Ted definitely needs to be in there.

Speaking of "Things That Must Be Destroyed", I think pepsi blue should be added on there. That stuff tastes really really bad :(

I might do that. It'll be a bitch finding enough games to fit the category (movies that CAN NOT become good games), but one could always just fuck it and pick on the ones with potential as well.

EDIT:
Holy fuck, I forgot Street Fighter: the Movie based on the movie Street Fighter based on the game Street Fighter II!

Shouldn't be too hard to find enough games. It's not like the series would have to go on forever or anything hehe. You could just do like 2 or 3 installments of it.

I'm still trying to gather up enough goodies for the next "Nintendo: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly" installment. o.o

Do that, I liked the one you did earlier.

Was there ever a game based on the SMB movie? I haven't heard anything over the last years, but I could have sworn I'd seen a Bob Hoskins sprite somewhere...

I'm sorry, but after a half hour into the movie, my friends and I were making our own twists on the plot because it got so damn stupid on it's own...

We concluded that RE should be about zombies and their dogs trying to rape Milla Jovovich, and Bruce Willis would come in fend them off with his nightstick :/

Which is pretty lame, but it's better than zombie dogs being felled by one bullet... each...

Ren and Stimpy and Beavis and Butt-Head were both made into excellent video games :/

Nope, not that I know of. I think because the movie was so friggin horrible, they didn't even bother to make a game for it. Then again, that didn't stop them from making that Tim Allen game. :/

Zombie dogs vs. ninjas. Everybody likes ninjas.

Fucking "commando" gets swarmed by 30 zombies, and eaten. They show him later, and all they did was fucking scratch his face. So yeah, I'd say RE really lacked gore. And logic. And decent actors. The only thing I liked about it was the beginning.

Moving back on track, it would be cool if this were an ongoing thing. Lord knows lisences for movies has spread throughout the ages.

I read something in here about the mario bros movie. I'm pretty sure it was actually called "super mario brothers". I saw it like 2 years ago and am still trying to forget it.

Mock: You...like the res evil movie?...I...I feel like I just saw superman kick a dog :(

:shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked

:suicide :goth

The thing is, Ron Jeremy would be the best Mario ever (except for Captain Lou).

Anyway, Cool Spot and Yo Noid; two games based solely on commercial mascots for Sprite and Domino's, respecitively. That's gotta be worth something.

Cool Spot ruled >:

ooh ohohooh oooh oohhh OOOHH PPHq, please try to find the koopa paratroopa suckers and the little goomba gumballs!

oh by the way, good job pjalne, it made me laugh quit a few times, especially this pic:

Jamesman: Yeah, but I think I remember Cool Spot being pretty decent.

And goddamnit, I KNOW I've seen a screenshot from the SMB movie game. I can't have been released ever, but there was a snapshot from a prototype in some Nintendo magazine back in 1993 or somewhere. I seriously hope I didn't dream it.

Did you not get my e-mail many months ago? You should be all set.

Is E.T. too obvious? :(

I saw nintendo bubblegum cards in a 99cent store once.

I've never played it, but I read about it over at Seanbaby once. It looked like ass. I'll try to find it.

That reminds me, I've got a shitload of Sega ROMS I haven't tried yet. Might be something there.

Great piece. The only game listed I've ever played was Dracula, but it was very funny. Especially the Superman bit.

Sounds like there's a few more horrible movie-games out there, maybe you could do a sequel to this piece sometime.

edit: didn't notice the second page of this thread the first time through.

HEY PJALNE!

DÖ KNALLHÅRT = DIE HARD, is it true ? :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked :shocked

Pjalne, I requested that the Farkers share some of their worst game picks for whenever (if ever) you're ready to write the sequel to this piece. They've been cool enough to post a bunch of suggestions.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comm...456340&ok=true

That should definitely help ya pick some bad games to feature :)

Yeah, because we ALL know how valuable the comments from Fark are. :rolleyes

"I'm getting a boobies in before Feukulor does..."
"I still want to see a GTA movie."
"Spider-Man the Movie for the PS2 was pretty awesome. The X-Box version had "exclusive" levels, too. Farking Microsoft..."
"Ugh, I really tried to read this article, but didn't get half way through it. The writing was terrible, the way it suddenly jumped from game to game (without making any point) lost me, and the attempts at humor were well below average.

"Very poor and reeks of that all too common "trying too hard" stench that you can sense on 99% of most weblogs and blogs. Kind of reminds me of Fark.com in the past few months, but of course without the repeats."

Hope these all help! :rolleyes

I liked it, PJ. I know your pain in playing Home Improvement. :(

I couldn't believe they made a Platoon video game. That's like making a first-person shooter out of Schindler's List. (instead of movie posters, how about potential game cover art?)

Kinda funny, I first thought of Home Improvement when I saw the link on the front page. God that game blows. What about Jurassic Park? I hear the PSX Independence Day was pretty bad. I know for A FACT that Last Action Hero for the Genesis was bad enough to cause cancer; the player sprite didn't even look like goddamn Schwarzenegger.

I'm not sure if I understand, but 9 times out of 10, the cover art for a movie game is the same as the movie's poster.

Fuck, you damn near ruined one of the jokes in the follow-up :( You couldn't have know, though.

And I am considering doing box arts, but like Jamesman said, most of the time that's just the poster with Nintendo's Seal of Approval on it. We'll see, this time it'll be the movie poster I did last night. While it's technically superior to the Punch-out one, it doesn't have Carl Winslow in it, which means it's inferior by default.

Cool, I'll take a look at it.

Yeah, in Pseudo-Scandinavia :) That one looks a little more Swedish than Danish. In Sweden, DH:WaV is called Die Hard Hämningslöst (Die Hard Without Constrictions)

Nice.

Fark is full of dipshits, though. They'd piss and moan about the weather channel.

one of the worst movie to video game:

Ghostbusters.

if you've played it, you know what I mean.

Ghostbusters for Atari ruled, you fag.

ET for the Atari was the worst video game ever created, and in my opinion, put the final nail in the 2600's coffin.

That's great... it's just too bad that I was talking about Ghostbusters for Nintendo, which basically did nothing but put an Atari game onto a better system, hence creating a game that sucked ass.

you are so wrong. just shut up.

sure ghostbusters on nes sucks to play now but it was awesome.
________
ACRYLIC WATER PIPES BONGS

ghost food >:

tapping the 'a' button in order to climb up 20 flights of stairs also blows.

and with that, I will shut-up.

Did they make a mortal kombat game based off the movie?

No, they made a mortal kombat movie based on you, which is why it SUCKED.

ZING!
________
Kitchen Measures

:/

Fucking board ate my post. >:

Anyway, if you wanna talk about bad Ghostbuster games, GB II for the computer was a crock of shit. The basic gameplay was pretty good, up until one of your guys got captured and sent to the asylum. Then you had the choice of rescuing them... but climing up a 100-story building, and breaking into different windows, trying to find the room they were in. And if it wasn't the right room, there'd be crazy people trying to grab you. AND, in order to leave the room, you had to jump RIGHT when the rope was swinging by. And waiting for that pretty much clinched that the all-to-fast crazy people caught you. Oh, and there were crazy people who would open up windows and grab your legs as you climbed.

But thankfully, you could just say "Fuck you, Winston!" and move on. There was a part near the end, where you controlled the Statue of Liberty, and walked towards the museum. Now, first off, to this day I still don't know where the fucking museum is. Second off, the controls were pretty non-existent. I remember pressing every possible button combination, and the statue wouldn't fucking move.

On top of that, if you crushed too many cars (you're walking down the street), you lost. The drivers actually drive into your feet, if they're on the ground. On top of that, it's apparently rush hour, because even if you did get your foot off the ground, it would come down on 3-4 cars at once, and you'd lose.

IT DID NOT SUCK >:

THAT MUCH >:

The only game they pulled the game-to-movie-to-game on, as far as I know, is Street Fighter. Anyway, those movies and games are too recent anyway.

i think they did that for double dragon as well. :(

:tear

Yeah, they did that with Double Dragon :(

And E.T. for the 2600 was one of the worst games ever, movie related or not >:

They're coming out (or came out) with an E.T. game for the PS.

only this time the baddies chase you with (gasp) WALKIE-TALKIES

et on atari used to give me nightmares when i was 3 or 5 or whenever i used to play it all the time. >:

i kept dreaming i would fall into a hole in the ground and i'd keep trying to climb out but i never could because i'd almost get to the top but kept falling back down over and over and then i'd freak out and wake up crying and stuff. :(

I used to have nightmares about Sonic. I dreamt I was drowning for 5 secounds and that song would come on. Very scary :(

I actually own the ET Atari game cartridge, I can post a pic of me with it if you don't believe me. I think I beat that game once but had no fucking clue how I did it. I think you have to jump in all the magical assholes spread across the praries of wherever the hell it all took place, and try to find toys that made a spaceship or some shit like that. GOD that was a confusing game. Didn't help that I was about five years old as I played it; often I would just get pissed and go back to intentionally crashing the bikes in California Games.

Ha, i still have ET. :)

the only dvd of super mario borthers the movie i own is the bootleg one from hong kong

:lol cool

Those foriegn movie titles should be used here in America. Engrish much?

I can just imagine some of the names. "Tears of the Crying Ball of the Burning of Hydrogen"... "Inspector of Gadgets 2"... "Jeanne Claude Van Damme Hurts Many of the People of the World's People"

Yes, but some "lose a little bit in the translation".

The only example I can think of off-hand comes from middle school:

"Did you know in France, they had to call Free Willy, Free Will?"
me: "No. Why?"
"Because it sounded like a porno"

I don't even know if it's true. It's just fucking ridiculous. And funny.

It sounds like porno in the US, too.

So does Driving Miss Daisy.