Hard to type while jerking off to old chat logs, huh? :lol

I know you would like to beleive that she thinks about you enough to purposely torture you for fun, but chances are that she is more amused by bubble gum.

Jack's Diary

ENTRY Nov. 27th 5:45PM

My scullary maid of a mother made me see a psychiatrist today! She said she "I need you to get out of the house and stop moping around the house, so to kill two birds, you're seeing a therapist". How dare she. My hapless stooge of a father must have told her about our camping trip when he saw my package at the public shower and how it paled in comparison to his own. It's obvious she wants to get me out so she isnt tempted by my oh so forbidden fruit. What a harlot!

so i saw Dr. Beck. He was a tall man with many cats and a Mr. Rogers kind of look. He constantly smiled at me. It was a little creepy.

"would you like a truffle, Jack?" he said to me as he handed me a tray with various treats on it. i gazed at the temptous goodies. Dare i eat one?

"Um Jack? Jack? You've got something running down your chin." he took out a hankercheif and almost wiped my face but instead he contorted his face and started coughing, as i dabbed at my unbecoming salivation

"no thanks i'm watching my we-" and i couldnt help myself. i stopped mid sentence and started shovelling the delicious bits of refined sugar cookies down my throat. i was in absolute exctasy as the delicious treats trailed down my throat like a lonely cloud trailing down a vast mountain.

"...g-glad you enjoyed them Jack. Now, tell me about your day"

"Where did you get your degree? Mundane University!?"

"Now Jack I'm here to help you with your problems. I can't help you if you don't comply with me. There's no need to be rude"

"Let me ask you something, Beck"

"that's Doctor Beck"

"Whatever, why did you want to be a psychiatrist? So you could feel better about yourself by hearing about everyone's pathetic lives and you think to yourself "gee my life sure is great!". Did you go into this profession for an ego boost? So all your old buddies could say "man, that Dr. Beck really is doing something with his life." What do you even do to earn this money? Nothing that's what! You ask questions and pretend to listien to answers. You're a con! You're a schmuck! And furthermore, the girth of my loin is such that to compare it to yours would be to paint a horse paler than- !"

at that point, Dr. Beck cut me off, quite rudely and said something so vile about my weight problem i dare not repeat it. I couldnt help myself. Tears started to run down my chin like horses down a race track. i tried to think of some retort ANYTHING but nothing came out but tears. i hate that he defeated me so easily. he danced around me like an elegant sword fighter and struck me down with his rapier sharp wit. i ran out of there as he shouted vulgar things like the Viper-tongued soothsayer he truly was! i hid behind the local dairy barn and weeped until my mother pulled up in her car. her car twas like grace that brought me salvation from darkness. we road away as if we were on a shimmering white chariot going to heaven. mother bought me some pizza sticks and chips from the 711 to cheer me up but it hardly soothed the venom that that vile dr. beck spewed at me on this terrible night.

:)

Funny.

Agreed.

He should have come back to the weight sneer with: "you may be a bonafide physiatrician, but I'm a bonerfied Jack".

no, becuase that would have been lame.

And doing lame things would be out of character for our Jack, right?

i'm not sure if that's sarcasm but thanks!

Uh. Christ. I hate you people.

I think I might need another hiatus soon.

I ONLY WEIGH 150 LBS!!! That's not heavy for a 5'9" male. >:

hiatus :lol

OAO is so fat that if someone held a contest for the world's fattest person, OAO would die of a heart attack on his way to accept the award.

christ, this isn't even funny anymore. OAO, just stop replying. you can't save face, but you're obviously trying. you crossed over into unbearably pathetic so long ago and now I'm actually feeling embarassed for you OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET.

I used to think he was somewhat intelligent.

damn fatty

NOW IM NOT TRYNNA BE ROOD BUT HAI PRTTEY GIRL IM FEELIN YOU

THE DUDE 3936: WHY YOU BE MESSIN WIT MY MAN YO
Cortneigh23: whos this
Cortneigh23: and whos ur man>?
THE DUDE 3936: i was just kiddin about that first thing
Cortneigh23: oh
Cortneigh23: well whos this
THE DUDE 3936: im jsut some guy who hate the OAO
Cortneigh23: okay
THE DUDE 3936: he's a VAGINA =-O. he keeps bitching to me how 'you're a bitch to him' and shit
Cortneigh23: oh alright
Cortneigh23: idc
THE DUDE 3936: if i had a vagina, i'd make oao feel as insecure as possible. so i have to say, good work!
Cortneigh23 signed off at 9:53:18 PM.

Goddamn it you're a creepy bastard. If I knew you in real life, I'd seriously call the cops on you, before you decide some crazy shit like "if I can't have her then no one can" and she ends up in your freezer.

You seriously need to talk to a councellor before you hurt someone or do something stupid.

And you're all stupid for egging him on. It's not even funny anymore. And that was 8 months ago when this was new.

Anyone who dumps thier personal problems on a message board obviously has serious social-psychological issues.

No it's not. It was funny. Nice writing. You don't do that often.

:rolleyes

I, for one, think the story will be even funnier when Jack kills someone.

I could hear him sharpening his fencing sword.

Yes, over the internet.

No, that's him sharpening his wit for the scathing response that will inevitably be posted here... :rolleys