Got dumped
 

Girlfriend dumped me last night, basically because she was bored of me.
Her words, by the way.
I don't really know what to do now. I'm bordering between severe depression and uncontrollable rage.

Time to drink like a failure.

I'm sorry that cunt did that to you. It's time to go forth and get fucked now. Start spreading the seed.

First girlfriend?

Now elx will move in and pick up all the pieces. ;/

Yeah. I have a fear of opening up to people. I think that's why I'm so pissed, and not just depressed; I finally open up to her, she says she loves me, etc., then boom, she gets bored.

Don't worry, you have your whole life ahead of you. There will be tons more girls who will break up with you, just you wait and see!

Ah. Okay then.

You'll get over it, to be honest. When you're done with somebody, you're better able to see everything that may have been wrong that you were overlooking, blinded.

And there's something better for you out there and such. Obviously, "love" carries more meaning for you than for her. Find someone with the equivalent amount. Also, best you get hurt early on while you're young and stupid than when you're old and stupid, when you don't have any time after you learn.

And if you have trouble opening up to people, pretend that you don't. That might sound fucking weird and hard to understand, but if you can feign being brave and nonchalant, well, that's as good as being brave and nonchalant.

You dig?

A lot of good advice in there

Sappy, old bean! How are things? :)

THE CLASSIC LINE

If you're under sixteen, welcome to the real world! If you're over sixteen, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A SEXLESS "RELATIONSHIP" BRA :lol

NO PAIN NO GAIN

That means there's not. :(

Thanks, Fathom; I think I get what you mean. Sheds some new light on this for me. :)
I'm eighteen. And really, I'm glad now we never DID have sex; sex for me is really just the ultimate expression of love. Pretty sappy (hurrr), but it's how I work, I guess. :\

On the plus side, now I can use 'gay' as an adjective without getting chewed out, and that's one less present for her birthday this Saturday. :)

when you're young (if you're young) everything feels like the end of the world. don't worry about it duuuuuuuuuuuuuude

it sucks, yes, but it WILL be okay. for serious. i would insert my favorite quote from adaptation but it might actually NOT help here





okay i'll do it anyways: "you are what you love, not what loves you. that's what i decided a long ago" (this could potentially make you hung on her forever, which, well, don't do :()

"Severe depression". I wish there was a way for me to type that in a more condescending manner. TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL HELP YOU OUT OF THIS BUDDY-MY-BOY! OLE GRISLY GUS HAS A COPYRIGHTED CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM THAT'S JUST RIGHT FOR YOU.



Step 1: Realize that it doesn't matter and that the only reason you (really) care is because you romanticize banal events in your life and haven't yet realized that only YOU CAN PREVENT YOU FROM FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. Plus, it's your first girlfriend and if you're sixteen or younger I actually do sympathize, BUT IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, ALRIGHT? I'M HERE TO HELP.

Step 2: (If you're over the age of seventeen, I'm assuming that you have a driver's license and a car. If you don't, I'm sorry. Your lonely blue balls are terminal, game over.) If you have a job, proceed to Step 4. If you don't, get one and proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: Prove yourself a good investment at work and get a raise/promotion. You will now feel more comfortable with yourself, and you'll have money to spend on girls! Holy shit, what a change of pace! A sense of confidence may very well follow! PUT A SMILE ON, BUDDY!

Step 4: Most people don't know this, but I have psychic powers. Therefore, I'm aware of the fact that you're weak, overweight, and don't work out. Buy a gym membership. Work out three times a week. Focus on weight lifting and cardio in equal amounts. DO NOT SLACK OFF. Since you've never worked out before, it's critical that you swallow your shame and ask the advice of manlier men in regards to a beginning workout plan. And no, "I'm not interested in bulking up" is not an excuse. You need a minimum amount of muscles. So you can do things. The spirits are telling me that you have all the strength, durability, and energy of a spent rubber band at the moment.

Step 5: Go on a diet. Not Atkins, not South Beach, ignore that fucking bullshit. I'm putting you on the GRISLYGUS PATENT-PENDING COMMON SENSE DIET! How does it work? I'm glad you asked! It all boils down to easy-to-remember rules!
A. Do not drink soda. Ever. You look like Bluto without the height, shoulders, or muscles.
B. Do not eat fast food. Ever. You look like Free Willy without the grace, dignity, or natural athleticism.
C. Eat NORMAL-sized meals with generous amounts of vegetables. No going for seconds. Snacking is allowed as long as you're eating fruit, or more vegetables.

Step 6: Never feel sorry for yourself, don't blame anyone else for your problems, focus on becoming a "laid-back, friendly, responsible guy with a sense of humor who doesn't take anything personally and doesn't get angry unless someone's being a serious piece of shit"! WOW! ALL YOUR SOCIAL PROBLEMS ARE NOW SOLVED And no, I'm sorry, you are not that person right now. You only think you are. Good luck!






DISCLAIMER: THE GRISLY GUS COPYRIGHTED CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM DOES NOT COVER THE IMPROVEMENT AND EXPANSION OF PERSONAL INTERESTS,ADVANCED CHARISMATIC QUALITIES, OR COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES. FURTHER, THE GRISLY GUS CONFIDENCE BUILDING SYSTEM DOES NOT PROVIDE PROTECTION AGAINST "NICE GUY" BITTERNESS AND FRIEND ZONES. SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE GIRLFRIENDS AND SOCIAL CIRCLES.

WRONG. THIS IS WRONG. SEX IS GOOD. SEX IS HEALTHY. YOUR OPINION WILL CHANGE ONCE YOU GET IT ON A REGULAR BASIS, WORK WITH ME HERE.

Hey Gus are you still drilling that Jewish chick

I'm not even in the same state anymore

What's her number

The one that looks like Sams old GF? NFBuhdah

:lol

But seriously, the bit about better being able to see what the relationship was really like post breakup was true, best get hurt when you're young was apt, and the 'pretend that you don't' advice can work if you know how to fake a good game

I'm a character. I don't need to fake it. :flex

But jah jah.

You'll be okay.....if she starts calling you again don't give in right away either or at all. If she broke up with you don't go back out with her. Especially don't "Try to be friends" if you want to go back with her either.

IF SHE WANTS YOU TO TAKE THE SKINBOAT TO TUNA TOWN GO FOR IT THOUGH. THEN LEAVE AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

You know I think the fact that you are upset about it, and not just brushing it aside like a lot of people would do, or expect you to be able to do, is a good sign that you are a decent person. Seems to me that you need more out of a relationship than just casual excitement.

Someone breaking up with you allows you to see them in a new light. She got bored of you, apparently, and if those were her exact words then she seems like too shallow for you.

Anyway, sorry it had to happen.


I concur that your best bet now is to woo elx, since we all know she is gagging for it from you.

HEY AUSSIEFGT

I'm the fucking king of romanticism. It's just that the magic about a first love is the unwillingness to believe it can ever end. I can't remember where I learned that. Upon retrospect, first love is typically not memorable or worth very much, save the distinction of being first.

There's a girl right now that I roll with and think about a lot. And, more importantly, I think about why I think of her so often. What does it mean? What does she think? Is it significant, and if so, how much? Just because you question how real "love" is doesn't mean that you can't have it nyah nyah nyah nyah. Likewise, diving headfirst into a relationship without thinking twice doesn't make people in love with one another.

Who knows. Maybe I'm just babbling now.

Like a brook.

This thread is boring, no wonder she dumped you.

DANCING WITH MYSEH-HELF, OH OH OH DANCING WITH MY SEEEEELF

Sappy, you should watch a specific show on MTV. Then do whatever the guys on that show do. At least until you turn 25.

(PS you know the show I'm talking about.)

LS: I forgot this is also the perfect time to grow and try new things too. Try some new music or movies that you haven't before...or read a book. Music definitely helped me get through a lot of bad times. RX Bandits Resignation came out before I broke up with my fiance but I didn't like it at all because it was really different from their previous album. Its now one of my favorite albums and its changed me as a person....for better.

Either way you're destined for better things.

Sappy, do you want to wind up like these losers? FUCK NO! Be a man. Either punch her in the face or rape her. You wont be so boring after that!

DEPRESSION AND RAAAAAAAGE

Am I doin' this right?

I want her number too >: SAM

I would have posted Grim Reaper's SEE YOU IN HELL but there was a link to Beavis and Butthead making fun of it and now I'm watching Beavis and Butthead, this thread sucks

Where did Sap go?? Is he stalking her today?

OH MAN Saps if you are you need to share the details with us

TERRA, QUIT MOTHERING THE CHILD!

And of course, the one and only song in the world that can truly describe Sappington's agony:

SAPPINGTON, I-MOCKERY'S FORUMCREEPS ARE HERE FOR YOU

Whoa, gone for a day and this load.
There's too much to quote, so I'mma just list off what I remember.
1. Contrary to belief, I am NOT fat or terribly scrawny. I'm not buff, but I can easily take care of myself. (inb4 masturbation joke)
2. I do read! I read a lot! I've actually known the librarians at school well enough that I can just get free books here and there.
3. Music may not be a savior for me, since most of it is House/Dubstep/Death Metal/Postal Service (Yeah, I have a bipolar tracklist)
4.Uhm, I don't actually have a four.
Oh! Yeah, if she tries to get back together, fuck that. What kind of person 'gets bored' after saying you love someone? Maybe I'll find someone who's as 'romantic' as me.
But she'll have to have dyed hair, probably; fuckin' love dyed hair.

4. I FEEL

The spirits are telling me that cannot be proven. They're also telling me that you need to read the rest of GRISLYGUS COPYRIGHTED CONFIDENCE BOOSTING SYSTEM

And we care why?

Anyone stuck in a dull, fizzled relationship, dingus. MOVE ON.

Please for the love of god, don't turn to anime!

He already has, if I remember correctly

OH MAN, IT'S TOO LATE! FLUSH THIS TOILET!

Sappy, you should follow ALL the advice in this thread to the letter. :posh

Just don't stalk her.

No way, you gotta totally stalk her, and then when she feels specials, punch her in the face.

I think I remember seeing a sappington picture; he's not fat.


As for stalking, I think that's a reasonably good idea. Make sure you have a good excuse for when you get caught though.

We established long ago that women like stalkers and will give up teh secks if you do so

No, he doesn't want that, he should just stalk her to annoy her and show her who is in control. She doesn't own you Sappington.

Get some CCTV cameras set up around her house, and watch them everyday.

But don't spank to them

That's the BEAUTY. He can if he wants and she can't do anything about it! She thought she was in the position of power when she dumped him, but as long as he keeps constant observation of her then he is the one in control.

But how can he know she doesn't secretly hope he will keep spanking to her? I suggest spanking instead to donkey shows

Not really up to spanking at all, actually.
I'm like the anti-teen; I'm already senile, and my libido is generally low as hell.
I know that she didn't do it for control; she already knew she was the (at least sexually) dominant one.

Also, there's at least one pic of me climbing a building in the mugshot thread; hunt it down if you don't believe me.

See, that's how I was when I was a teenager. Later on I found out that most of my friends were like that too.

CUM IN HER EYES. CUM IN HER EYES.

The only picture I remember of Sappy is when he had dyed his hair red, and asked us if we thought he should go for it again.

I remember quite clearly my response: How about 'not'.

smoke if u are already a smoker...if not don't

BRILLIANT

And no, I'm not tracking down your picture. The burden of proof is on you.

:lol

fuck, i'm gonna have to quote the black dude from 40 year old virgin "DON'T PUT THE PUSSY ON A PEDESTAL"

sex isn't this enormously important thing, it's just something people do to feel good. fuck, if anything, oral sex should seem more important considering we're IMPROVISING that. hell, our dicks and pussies are put PERFECTLY in place of each other

SEX IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE A LOT so just have some and stop making it a huge thing. you will be happier. and i don't mean that in the way of like, go and fuck a bunch of broads. just, the next relationship you get into, make sex a normal, pretty casual thing. there can be romantic nights of sex of whatever but christ, its just a more enjoyable way of jerking off

FUCKING A. Sex in and of itself is not special. It's a biological function designed to feel good to us animals so that we'll do it a lot. If you wanna make it special, I mean, that's fine, but if it becomes a be all end all, you're gonna be very disappointed. Young as I am, even I get that.

haha, no. What you two young studs don't realise is that once you reach a certain age, your body no longer produces enough comacerinitocis, and we have to have sex to survive. At least once a fortnight or we slip into a coma and die.

Shit, I forgot. Read about that in Anatomy a long time ago when I was in high school.

Yeah, so have casual and fun sex before you hit 25. Enjoy it while you can because soon you will be having scheduled, passionless sex done for nothing but the survival of our species.

:lol
But that's just not how it is for me. Sex just isn't about pure lust for me.

Is it because of the ball cancer?

Because you haven't gotten any! All "sensitive" people without girlfriends always talk about how meaningful sex is to them, how THEIR approach to sex isn't actually about sex but somebeautiful romantic ideal. They think that they're going to find that "one person" and that the second they lose their virginity to this "one person" fireworks will light the night sky and it will be a timeless testament to their eternal love, because these people don't know how dating works.

Meanwhile, all of their normal friends belittle them, give them shit relentlessly, and attempt to shame them into getting a decent girlfriend that actually wants to have sex.. to no avail. The lonely young man continues to watch anime and wait patiently for a magical, beautiful, unquestioning, stupidly loyal girlfriend to drop out of the sky and love them.

sex isn't just any lust for me either. yes i feel lustful towards my girlie but i also care about her and care about our relationship. yeah sex brings us closer, but at the same time it's fucking sex. it feels fantastic and doesn't have to bring people closer

Well no shit, but the critical point is that YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

If you break up you presumably won't have trouble getting ANOTHER ONE


And sex is personal and there's no problem with being romantic, but you're not pretending THAT SEX IS ONLY A PURE EXPRESSION OF IMMEDIATE AND ETERNAL LOVE, nor are you claiming that LUST MEANS NOTHING TO YOU, the mark of an insecure liar

If you really love somebody, you pay them monies. You're not some broke fuck, are you Sap?

Maybe she didn't really say bored she said "broke."

I'm sure he was all "Hey baby, watch me scale this wall and hop to that lamp post." and she was all "Look faggot, how many signs can I give you that I need dick in my pussy."

Then he did a backflip too proove his love.

Girls that expect money and gifts to a point where they actually get mad when you don't give them anything are the absolute worst and not worth it in the long run by any stretch of the imagination.

But then again crazy-ass femisist types are also awful. Happy medium, etc.

A serious Milhouse post!

Watch out they'll sneak up on ya :eek

It's not like we hadn't DONE things, but it was just a medium for us. Look, it's just how I think. It's not about 'FINDING THE ONE' or anything; it just means more to me than just sleeping around.

Define what you did with her sexually. I promise you it won't gross us out.

the thing is you can't let it be this big thing. like seriously, you can't. unless you're religious or something, then i would say just don't be religious to begin with, but that's another argument

unless the first time you have sex is when you want to have a kid or something. then you're just craycray

He kind of has a point. This is loveline. Nobody fucks for love. Especially when we fuck ourselves for it.

HEY TERRA, HOW IS YOU MARRIAGE?

This coming from somebody who gets kicked out from his parents and his g/f at the same time? :)

:lol

Imma gonna let you win in hopes for tit pics. I'm investing in my futures.

I don't see viewing sex as 'more than lust' as a bad thing in itself. If it's preventing you from enjoying life and your relationship, yes, it is a bad thing, but unless "boring" means "no sex", I'm not sure it applies here.

Sex has to be more than just lust, otherwise women would give it away much more often.


Terra, has anyone ever lusted after you before?

ATM and fingerpoppin.

I BET. JUST BET.