Tales From the Longbox 30: "Frank Miller Spiraling Out of Control"
 

Automatically generated comment thread for Tales From the Longbox 30: "Frank Miller Spiraling Out of Control".

The Joker's henchmen are now half-naked Nazi women!? Holy shit, Batman! Frank Miller, you have truly outdone yourself. "Goddamn" Batman indeed!

The Crazy Neo-Nazi chick is in Dark Knight Returns too. She's on like one page, but she's there. Frank must have a 'thing' for her, which is sadly the least creepy 'thing' he's had so far.

this...is so beyond fucking nuts

Holy clusterfuck, Batman! Joker's sure got a thing for crazy blondes. As an old Babsy fan, I did kinda like her role in this - but Yvonne Craig, it is not.

Note how Yellow Batman, without his mask, resembles that famous mugshot of a dead-eyed paint huffer, his chin covered in gold paint? Probably not a coincidence.

For that matter, isn't Fraulein Swastika Boobs a Golden Age Wondy villain, or something? ("Wicked witch of Lesbos Island" - my LOL of the week).

Oh man...Frank must be so brilliant the rest of us just cant keep up.

Who...I ask you, who would have come up with combining neo-nazi nakedness and the Joker.

...oh and props for you Proto for not puting any caption under that image, it is indeed true what you say; "There is no caption that can do this image justice. "

If all comics were this out there, I would spend all my money on comic books

'Damn you and your lemonade' - I feel the uncontrollable need to repeat that to each and every person I meet. God bless Frank Miller and God bless you, Protoclown for making my week.

"Don't try to confuse me!" And Green Lanter's expression made my day. I'm thinking into changing my avatar to that.

Thanks Protoclown, for another fine article.

is the art by jim lee cause i like it but i think is wasted witht this weird story

The frowny face makes this comment full of win

We don't tolerate bad writing from bad writers, why do we tolerate it from good writers? Seriously, if you had never heard of Frank Miller and you picked this up you'd be taping his picture over Rob Liefeld's on your dartboard before you'd finished the first page.

I really love the freaky bug eye that GL has while he's on the ground gasping for breath. Damn you Frank Miller for satirizing Hal Jordan.

For some reason I see an image of robin getting the crap beaten out of him for bringing home pink lemonade instead of regular. "Oww Stop Hitting ME! You just said to get some lemonade! Seriously, how was I supposed to know?"

I know what my school project will be... Forget about software retail shops, forget about a law firm... What I must open is a fast food chain oriented to satisfy the needs of every superhero during a nocturnal shift.

Green Lantern: Hey, good ol' Silver, how's it going?
Silver: Not bad Lantern, not bad...
Green Lantern: Everything going OK with business?
Silver: It pays the bills...
Green Lantern: Great. While you're at it, can I have a something to go? You know I can't be seen eating here...
Silver: Only if you got the cash, bum. There's now way in hell I'll keep sticking those hot-dogs and sodas to your tab.

So does that mean this is all a prequel?

i don't know if theres anything i can say that can do justice to how bad and batshit insane this comic is.

wow. wow. love the look on the dying Gl's face!

I agree with Doctor Who, if this was anyone else writing this, we'd be badmouthing them like there was no tomorrow, but because it's by Frank Miller, we're apparently supposed to give him a pass???

Sorry, but no, Frank Miller is long past his prime, (and possibly f'n insane) and this series has been nothing more than a pathetic waste of time and Jim Lee's talent.

Stop letting Frank Miller play with Batman, he's obviously no longer competant enough for the job, or has long since become tired of having to constantly return to this character for the past decade, when he clearly said all he needed to say in DKR.

The utterly stupid and craptacular "Dark Knight Strikes Again" should've been a clear indication that this guy should no longer be allowed near anyone else's characters but his own.

@purple man: how else woiuld miller get these FANTASTIC ideas from?

I nearly peed myself with laughter at neo nazi chick.

Can someone care to explain to me why the joker have the tatoo of a dragon in his back usually its a cliché tatoo reserve to asian characters

Man, I gotta pick up some of these comics. Crazy shit...

Also, the "sara" chick Gordon's obsessing about im presuming is Sara Essen. Who he has a bit of an affair with in "Batman: Year One".

Fast hands, big mouth. Sweet gams that go on for days... Hold on let me just show his thighs in his Robin outfit... Mmmm, sassy.

GreyWeirdo: You're right, I didn't even realize! It's been about eight or nine years since I've read Dark Knight Returns so I'd totally forgotten that! Good catch!

Darkvare: Yes, the art is indeed by Jim Lee.

Doctor_Who: You bring up a very good point. I've seen lots of reviewers giving this series a free pass, primarily because of that. Sad thing is that I've heard it's DC's best selling title for the past couple years (I have not verified this). Of course, I have to admit that I myself have enjoyed it immensely, because it's just so fucking insane.

Primortal: Sadly, if All Star Batman is making the kind of money I indicated up above, I'm afraid DC will continue letting Miller piss all over their characters. At least if my childhood heroes are going to be perverted though, we can try to have a sense of humor about it...of course, it's not hard to find the humor here.

Godzilla: Good catch. I haven't read Year One in a long time, so I never would have remembered that. That's surely who it is since Miller wrote both of those stories.

Thanks to everyone who enjoyed this piece.

According to Wikipedia on the Dark Knight Returns page, Frank Miller has said this is a prequel set in his horrible, horrible universe.

In which case, how is one is expected to reconcile this depiction of Hal Jordan and the demigod-Batman's best friend I remember from Dark Knight Strikes Again?


You aren't, because a psychotic lady thinks using the symbol the Nazi party stole to cover her booblets is a grand way of honoring it, and a nice way to handle boob sweat on those humid summer days.

Not having read any reviews on the book, except this one, I really would't say that Miller is getting a pass in his writing of this. Mocking someone for plot holes and continuity errors big enough to drive a batmobile through isn't exactly a pass, but it makes the read more enjoyable. I can't shelve in the graphic novels section anymore without hearing "The goddamn Batman!" in my head and snickering. Thanks, Proto, for another well done installment.

Also, I must note...

YA THINK?! *laughs*

"The Lunatic Adventures of the Goddamn Batman" pieces are among my favourite articles on I-Mockery, and this one does not disappoint either.

They have action figures of this series now, by the way, and I'm disappointed that the Batman figure doesn't include "goddamn" on its packaging. It's really all that's stopping me from buying it. (Well, that, price, and the fact that I have no more space in my room to display action figures.)

It's amazing what they let Frank Miller bastardise here. I wish I could get away with something like that. It's one of my dream jobs.

Hang on... If Robin designed the costume, does that mean he actually wanted to wear "the little green shorts"?...

But you gotta give Robs' some credit for whupping Green Lantern's ass like that. I doubt he will ever live down the fact that he got beaten up by a twelve year old (twelve?)kid in little green shorts (painted yellow!).

Thank god for Jim Lee though. Without his awesome penciling, this comic would fall flat.

But you have to ask yourself the question: "was it really necessary that they painted every friggin' thing yellow just so Robin can beat up GL?". I know I did.

oh i like your reviews of this epic travesty Protoclown, they are indeed entertaining, probably the only thing about this train wreck that has been entertaining.

But it just annoys me how people seem to keep giving Frank Miller a pass when he totally fucks something up. I mean jeezus, people are taking offense to the possible ideas presented in Miller's long-delayed "Batman vs. Al Quaeda" comic idea, but seemingly have no problem with the colossal shit he's taken on DC Comics TWICE now??? I would've slapped his hands away from getting anywhere near my characters after the huge waste of time, ink, money and brain memory that was "Dark Knight Strikes Again".

It also strikes me as odd (and a WEE bit hypocritical) that DC took offense to stuff like Toyfare poking fun at their characters, but have no problem with this utter crap???

would gladly take anything Liefeld gave us over this stuff.

The only reason Goddamn Batman is allowed to go on is because of all the publicity and money it's making for DC Comics. Seriously, though, I wouldn't have it any other way. The world needs Goddamn Batman.

"The only reason Goddamn Batman is allowed to go on is because of all the publicity and money it's making for DC Comics."

oh no, i bet they're just crying over frank miller's decline in quality.

ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AH HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH HO HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH HAHAHAHAHA!

brilliant, i'll go luagh over that some more.

TULIP BULB!

(Okay, sorry. Couldn't resist the blast from the past.)

How insane is Frank Miller? The truth?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!

Sometimes it takes a day or two for things to process, but in revisiting the article again, I'd just like to point yet another thing out.

Pause. Hold the phone. Wait. Stop.

WTF IS BATMAN DOING WITH DEADLY NERVE GAS?!?!?!

This is Batman. Batman doesn't *do* nerve gas. Batman has the little mask in his belt to protect him *from* the nerve gas, but he doesn't carry the stuff around with him! Hell, Batman could've even had a Doctor Junior's Handy Homemade Tracheotemy Kit on his belt and I'd have accepted that over a vial of deadly nerve gas.

Is that a shark? Do I see it jumping? Wait, that happened a long time ago. Nevermind.

Hey proto, hows the shitstorm known as Spider-Man been doing? I here that Jakpot isn't even Mary Jane.

Gosh I couldnt beleive that either... The Goddamn Batman speaks like a goddamn teenager o _O;.

I could have written better dialogs I assure you =/.

**~Sparklez out~**

This is the greatest thing in the universe.

Couldn't even tell ya. Aside from downloading a bit torrent so I could see the immediate after effects of the whole One More Day bullshit, I haven't read any of Brand New Day.

It's doing better now, actually, "New Ways To Die" has been pretty good.

When crappy fanfiction gets a major release. Good work Miller. We've all waited a long time for this article and it didn't disappoint.

That yellow room is the biggest setback for the Green Lantern Corps since that time an army of Marshmellow Peeps conquered half the known universe.

At last I read the long awaited review. I am not disappointed.

I really, really wish that instead of "The Brave and the Bold" the new Batman cartoon would be based off of this series, and called "The Goddamned Batman"!

I'd never miss an episode!

It's almost sad to see how much work Miller's putting into the continuity of this joke of a series. The Nazi boob lady, Sara, and I'm pretty sure that comment Batman makes to GL about needing to be criminals is mentioned by GL in Strikes Back. Except, in Strikes Back GL remembers it as being "Batman being right" and not "the time that bastard had a twelve year old beat me up in some yellow room".
Actually, I'm with Graystreet on this. How DID Batman and GL get from this to the point where Batman's the reason GL would return to Earth?

I am afraid that this series has gone from insanely funny to read to just dumb. Too bad- the art has been solid.

McDiaz- my guess is that GL returned to Earth because Bats promised him some of that spicy yellow mustard.

Excellent article, I can't wait for the next one.

I would've watched the last episodes of "The Batman" if they were like this.

Isn't that the same half-naked Neo Nazi female from The Dark Knight Returns? Didn't Batman imply that she used to be a man in that comic?

Good Christ this is insane. I've always loved Miller's Batman simply because it's, well, insane. Gotham City, as a whole, is a lunatic asylum-- the denizens of Arkham just have better threads and snappier nicknames. And The Goddamn Batman is as nuts as they are.

I'm hearing Officer Barbrady's voice when I read Hal Jordan's dialogue here. Is that wrong?

I've been reading it kind of regularly, just because sometimes I get desperate for something related to Superheroes to read, since Nightwing and X-Force are the only consistently good Superhero comic books, what with Final Crisis and dumb Hulk, and the still-broken X-Men (I'll give Marvel one free REBOOT THE UNIVERSE ticket if they'll undo House Of M.) and so much other crap ruining the DC and Marvel universes at the moment.


Spider-Man is a forty-year old man living at home with the first reincarnation of Eve, he stalked some random superhero girl named Jackpot, interrogated her, got a lie that he found out to be a lie, interrogated her some more, randomly broke into her house, found out she's a drug addict, became friends with random girl again, beat up random villian, random girl exploded. He cried, and then the girl that Jackpot had lied and said she was, decided to become Jackpot again.


Oh, and the random drugs gave her superpowers.


It's bad, it's really really bad and Stan Lee's going to break into Jose Quesada's crypt one night and stake him and then find out that he was not just a vampire, but a monkey as well.

Best column ever ^_^

FYI: The half nekkid nazi bint is called Bruno and she is the Jokers gf/bodyguard, at least she is according to Frank.

I just wish people would stop supporting this book!
It doesnt matter WHY you buy it, when DC see good sales they dont care why and they will continue to reward Frank for being lazy and spiteful.
I have been reading this trainwreck but what I do is read it in the store and then buy another comic at random so I dont feel like Im ripping off the store.It also improves my odds of finding something actualy good!
I feel so cheated by all of the Batman writers lately.

This book simply sells because it has Frank Miller and Jim Lee's names on it. If anyone else wrote it the book would be over by the fourth issue.

So, I found a link on one of the other sites I visit regularly entitled "Top 50 Comic WTF Moments" and can you guess what clocks in at #27? I'll give you a hint...I wouldn't be posting it here if it were Wolverine in a dress. Yes, True Believers, it's the GODDAMN BATMAN.

http://www.ugo.com/comics/wtf-moment...an&morepics=17

That should link directly to the specific article, but in case it doesn't...

The rest of the countdown is pretty good, too. At times funny, at times serious it's an interesting trip down comic history.

So that TOTALLY excuses this mess suddenly, Copper??? O.o

Sorry, but I'm gonna have to call BULLSHIT here.

I respected the old Frank Miller, when he seemed to actually give a damn, drew really well, and didn't write his comics like a 12-year old fanfiction writer on a sugar high.

But that doesn't excuse this wretched pile of flaming ass.... well... except maybe getting to read Protoclown's reviews. :P

*holds hands up* Never said it did. I'm just reporting what I found. I thought it was funny and given that we talk about the goddamn Batman, it would be interesting to share with all of you.

Personally, I'm with Proto. Miller's freaking batshit psycho, or at least his (Goddamn) Batman is.

OK, let's all assume Miller has gone completely insane, or is just screwing with everyone for one reason or another. What I want to know is, what the hell does Jim Lee think when he gets these scripts? I mean, with direction like "large, burly woman with Howie Long's haircut stands guard outside the hotel room, with swatikas over her nipples", how can Lee not see that he's crapping on his legacy too?

Jim Lee most likely doesn't have a choice, DC has proved that it doesn't take individuality/rebellion against it's diabolical machinations lightly, he may be working on a crappy comic book, but eventually, Miller will get bored, and he'll work on something better, if he said something about the state of the book, he risks being blacklisted by DC, and possibly even Marvel, which would be a huge blow to a comic book artist.

Wow, I've been away too long. As always, great article Proto. I must say I'm a little disappointed you didn't include my favorite part starting issue 9 when Batman (pardon, the GODDAMN BATMAN) has a crazy little internal monologue in which he thinks Green Lantern has potentially ultimate power but "the imagination of a potato." Despite the obvious insanity of this whole run, I still found that part a little witty. Seriously, though, a monthly comic that only manages to print THREE ISSUES A FUCKING YEAR? If I still paid for comics, I'd have to kill somebody. I really miss back when Marvel and DC weren't both indirectly owned by the Prince of Lies.

Oh yeah, forgot.....I seriously think the popularity of this series is solely due to morbid fascination. Yeah, Frank Miller and Jim Lee both have their names printed huge on the cover, but after reading the second issue, it became pretty obvious to me that there was no hope. And that's the catch. Everyone reading it just wants to see how much worse it can get. It's like seeing a plane crash or train wreck, and everyone's saying, "How horrible! How aweful! How could God let this happen?" and yet, nobody looks away. In fact, I bet some people said those same things after reading this book. How could God let this happen? How could he not take Frank Miller before he went insane? Well, screw Frank Miller and screw God too, I think it's hilarious. I wonder if Miller has any idea how much he's being mocked for this or if he's just happily dreaming of the Goddamn Batman in Spartan briefs and a red cape.

Oh, and one more thing.........DAMN YOU AND YOUR LEMONADE!

I honestly can't believe that people keep saying Frank Miller went insane, he started insane. He was kept in check during his run on Daredevil by Marvel's stricter character control at the time, which fooled people into believing he was a good writer, and sane. Then came his first spout of Batman crap which was insane, but practically post-apocalyptic so it was accepted.

Batman - Year One? Mostly sane, but he kept himself in check so he could directly influence Batman's entire continuity to fit with his insanity.

Finally, you get his magnum opus, Sin City. Which I'll honestly admit is kinda great at several points, but it can be as insane as he wants, because it's his universe, he gets to decide if the apple hits Newton on the head, or splits him down the middle.

But after that? He sits there, trying to revisit his earlier glories and failing. Then we get this and we see that he thinks it's still within his power to turn the apple into a lovechunk, and we know it's not and we care because they aren't his characters.

Damn...Just when I thought Frank Miller couldn't get any crazier. Sure he always seemed like a disturbed fellow, at least compared to other comic writers at the time, but THIS? At first I hated it, but now I'm laughing at how insanely ridiculous it is. Is Frank Miller even aware of what's going on?

Sorry for seemingly lashing out at you Copper, nothing against you in the slightest.

Just get a wee bit angry with All-Star (Goddamn) Batman. Well... that AND the (Goddamn) Spirit movie now too, aka: Sin City: The Untold Chapter.

my only contact with this comic is through these articles, and i totally prefer it that way. i loooove proto's version, with all his comments and stuff. i just HATE that it takes so long for miller to release this crap!

Miller's just been busy directing movies with his signature crazy as fuck dialog and logic.
Yes, I'm looking at you, The Spirit.

After reading these three articles, I just had to register in order thank you for writing them. I haven't read these particular goddam Batman comics and, after reading your hilarious articles, I don't think I ever will. Not that this is a bad thing. It's just that I know I will never enjoy them as much as you do, and will never enjoy reading them as much as I've enjoyed reading you writing about them. Um.

The whole story and the way in which you tell it is simply sublime and makes no bones about how fundamentally stupid superhero stories are - no matter how much we love them. The incident with Miss Neo Nazi Uberjuggs Bodyguard person so perfectly demonstrates this point. The original strip can only hint at the absurdity of it all, maybe even play up to it a little, but only here are the flaws so fully exposed. And, you know what? It makes the story better, gives it another dimension that would never work in the comic itself but is nevertheless valid.

I'm kinda' coming to the completely bizarre conclusion that absolutely the best way to enjoy this series is by having you tell me about it. I'd like to thank you and, through you, Frank goddam Miller, for such royal entertainment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but after what I just read, I'm not sure that matters much. Oh no, I'm not sure that matters much at all.

True.

It is kinda like pro-wrestling. You don't talk crap about your current employer lest you need to come back to them.

WOW, Miller has truly lost it dkr was excellent but,starting with dkr2 it felt like the story was crafted with hitting scrambled words that wher hanging from a dart board

Personally, I thought the lawyer lady was kinda hot, up until the part where her eyes rool into the back of her head.

I don't mean to be a smart ass, but the nazi woman is just the same girl who appears in the Dark Knight Returns, issue #3, I believe. And she was the Mutant Boss girlfriend as you might recall it.

Miller's as much as saying outright that he is just doing this to settle his contractural obligations with DC.

The Nazi woman? Joker's Leiutenant in The Dark Knight Returns.

Merkel? Gordon's assistant in that same piece.

I don't know if anyone's ever bothered to READ the freaking forward to Dark Knight, but Alan Moore hit it on the head that Miller was writing the capstone to Wayne's career as Batman. CLOSURE, people!

Then they insisted he write more of it. Remember the utter horsehockey that was The Dark Knight Strikes Again??

This series is about the dystopia that created that crapsack world. The Dark Knight characters are a dead giveaway.

Holy freaking crap! I haven't laughed this hard-or this much-in years! Thank you so much for writing this! (Bows repeatedly) We are not worthy!

That is hilarious. The yellow paint, lol.