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-   -   Bottled Waters Guaranteed To Aid You In Your Quest To Become A Douchebag (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69699501)

MockBot Apr 11th, 2008 04:28 AM

Bottled Waters Guaranteed To Aid You In Your Quest To Become A Douchebag
Automatically generated comment thread for Bottled Waters Guaranteed To Aid You In Your Quest To Become An Douchebag.

Blank Frank Apr 11th, 2008 06:25 AM

There are acceptable circumstances for bottled water: emergencies (e.g., suffering from dehydration at a concert where they don't have water fountains or bathroom sinks that haven't been pissed in), or if you live somewhere that doesn't have potable water (i.e., your taps run brown and you don't like the full-bodied crunch of sediment when you're drinking).

If you're stupid enough to buy (or lucky enough to be somewhere you can steal) a bottle of bottled water, look for an expiration date on the package.

An expiration date.

On water.

I'm just waiting to hear "Don't drink that, Charlie! That water went bad two months ago!"

executioneer Apr 11th, 2008 07:01 AM

if it stays in the bottle too long it starts leaching stuff out of the plastic :/ glass bottled water should never go bad, but it's probably way more expensive and pretentious

g_tonttu Apr 11th, 2008 07:30 AM

MMM...kinda reminds me of the Bullshit! Episode concerning bottled water;
T'was brilliant.

Ashmodai Apr 11th, 2008 09:18 AM

"It's times like this when one must really question whether or not certain humans should be allowed to live. "

I question that fact every day of my life. Eugenics can't be all bad can it?

Fufuless Apr 11th, 2008 09:56 AM

I love water.

Captain PirateFace Apr 11th, 2008 10:42 AM

fuck water

Kirbykid Apr 11th, 2008 10:46 AM

I had no clue most of this shit even existed! And I was a happier man....

BakaGaijin Apr 11th, 2008 10:55 AM

This "Water Bar" claims to have more than 80 types of water. So, now you can be even more of a douchebag by hanging out with other douchebags and pretending you can taste the subtle differences in the different waters:



It reminds me of that "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!" episode when they fill water bottles from a hose out back of a fancy restaurant and tell people it's rare imported water and all the douchebags who drink it fawn all over the taste and color like a fine wine. HA!

Jigby Huggletinks Apr 11th, 2008 11:43 AM

Gorgoroth reference FTW.

Good piece though, I've always thought this stuff.

Aries Apr 11th, 2008 11:44 AM

Penta is easier to drink than normal water.

Yeah, when I try to drink tap water I often end up missing my mouth and spilling it all over myself. It's just so damn hard to drink!

BlackjackTom Apr 11th, 2008 11:56 AM

Koalas aren't bears.

Icculus Apr 11th, 2008 12:20 PM

I like to drink hose water. That might explain a lot of thing about me looking back now.

Colonel Flagg Apr 11th, 2008 01:45 PM

I couldn't believe it, so I had to check for myself. There it was, on the "Penta Water" website:

"Our strongly held conviction is that Penta Water helps its drinkers be and stay active, alert and healthy. The additional studies now completed corroborate that the reason Penta Water works to support overall wellness is because Penta Water enhances or increases antioxidant activity at a cellular level."

What they neglected to mention was that NONE OF THIS IS PROVEN. Thus, they can say whatever they want.

Drink Penta. Because, we think you'll believe anything.

nirvana_infinity Apr 11th, 2008 02:25 PM

Ok... Did anyone else read "Tŷ Nant Water" as "Taint Water?"

Angryhydralisk Apr 11th, 2008 03:30 PM

Hilarious article!

On the bright side, most of this probably "tastes" better than Aquafina, which tastes like it had been filtered through an old 1957 Mustang with it's metallic taste.

Tayeloquin Apr 11th, 2008 04:14 PM

Ok... Did anyone else read "Tŷ Nant Water" as "Taint Water?"

I was about to ask the same question.

I don't fee so icky now...

Roggs Apr 11th, 2008 04:36 PM

Thanks be, my life search for a good sippin' water has come to its end.

Thank you, -RoG-, for putting up this excellent informative article.

stonewar Apr 11th, 2008 04:59 PM

I saw Voss at a gas station/liquor store in Missouri it was 75 cents a bottle. I was tempted to buy just for the novelty of the bottle. But it was late November and I had stoped for hot chocolate to warm me up and chilled water did not look good at all to me

ginmortal Apr 11th, 2008 05:54 PM

Yep, on bullshit they served water from a hose with the label reading "Agua de Culo" and the people actually said something along the lines of it being more refreshing... Yeah... Culo means ASS!!!

hey -Rog- will drinking "evian" make me a douche?

Ant10708 Apr 11th, 2008 06:14 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfPAjUvvnIc Here's the penn and teller episode on the same subject if your interested,

Nick Apr 11th, 2008 09:16 PM

I drink straight from the tap. Hardcore, yo!

Marthaeus Autolykos Apr 11th, 2008 09:25 PM

What's funny is that a lot of these "spring" bottled waters loosely define "spring" as "run of the mill municipal" water. One of the big brands around here is Kentwood, and people have actually told me they won't drink it, because that's where Brittney Spears is from, which suggests that there must be something wrong with that water...

Dungeonbrownies Apr 11th, 2008 10:42 PM

so true so true, another great piece, but honestly, i drink massed purified water, the place I get it from is ironically also a dry cleaners... but ii really hate the taste of tap.

greenimp Apr 12th, 2008 03:04 AM

i ususally drink tap water, here in canberra it contains fluride so it's actually good for you're teeth, hmm, theres money in that. "drink platypus brand water, promotes healty teeth!"

"if you want to proclaim "Fuck poor people!" with every sip of water you drink, then this is definitely the product for you!" finally! water i can realate to! (jk)

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