The Grudge 3- oh sweet jesus no
 

This flaming bag of dogshit arrived in my email today.



When they were making the regrettable crapfest called "The Grudge 2", the director admitted that he was out of ideas and just pulling stuff out of his ass. (All of these shit analogies are very much on purpose, by the way, including the "anal" in "analogies"). I like Takako Fuji a lot and she scared the hell out of me in the v-cinema versions, particularly Ju-On 2.

So with great patience I sat through every. fucking. incarnation of this movie, waiting for the day they accidentally stumbled upon a similar magical formula. But it didn't happen. It had too many versions in Japanese cinema, and I saw the whole franchise going down like the Titanic when they did the Grudge remake. I disliked The Grudge, did not find it in the least frightening even when I was the only person watching it at night in an abandoned theater.

I did buy the DVD, out of the Walmart $5 bin, for the Takako Fuji commentary. I will admit that. When The Grudge 2 came out, I was in disbelief that they'd gotten a few more drops out of the teat. I rented it, shook my head, and put the Netflix envelope back in the mail.

The Grudge 3? What the fuck? This whole thing is so completely tired and done that the project should have been aborted about 5 movies ago. Surely this isn't still bringing in money?

Not counting the short that spawned this whole mess, The Grudge 3 makes the SEVENTH film in this series.

We have:

Ju-On- v-cinema 1
Ju-On- v-cinema 2
Ju-On: The Grudge 1
Ju-On: The Grudge 2
The Grudge (American Remake)
The Grudge 2 (bad, so bad)
The Grudge 3

And you know what? THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. IT'S ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE, and you're hearing this from someone who is very inclined to be generous with it. I can spare you hours of watching and summarize every movie in a few simple sentences.

- Random idiot outsider stumbles upon either a cursed house or a cursed person. The plot stopped making the slightest bit of sense a few movies ago.

- Cue appearances of creepy blue or white croaking woman, creepy crouching naked kid who meows from time to time, and copious amounts of black hair.

- Sooner or later, someone crawls down a staircase in jerky stop-motion*

-The whole story of the curse is ponderously rehashed in a series of flashbacks that take anywhere from 20-50% of the movie's run-time.

So, no thank you, Sony, but I think I'll skip catching The Grudge 3 on DVD. I think I'll even skip those TERRIFYING clips, thanks. I have a feeling I already know what's in them. :rolleyes

If anyone feels up to it, watch for croaking chicks, crouching/meowing naked kids, frightened white girls (possibly with phones or in showers) and random gobs of black hair. Get back to me and let me know if I was right.

Stop. Now. Please.


* Takako Fuji claims that it's all her own contortion work coming down the staircase. I'll give her that she's surely an expert at it by now. But I believe either stop-motion or sped up film is involved until I'm proven otherwise.

You beat me to making fun of the TERRIFYING clips. That was the first, most ridiculous think I noticed about that email : (

The link to sheer TERROR

Edit...Ok, I caved and watched it. See? See? They couldn't even do a TRAILER that wasn't 2/3 flashback. And the tagline....

IT.....

WON'T....

STOP!

Truer words were never fucking spoken.

I saw a commercial for this on TV a few days ago. There goes the neighborhood. Should be called the Drudge by now. I'd even rather watch:

The Grudge Vs. Judge Dredd
The Grudge Vs. Judge Dredd 2: Dredd Grudge.
Emmet Otter and the Grudge band jamboree.
Grudge goes Hawaiian.
Gasp. A Hillary Swank movie. I have a grudge with her getting acting jobs.
R. Kelly trapped in the closet with a grudge. <-----I would really really watch this one.
Reference guy with a grudge cutaway.
Weekend at Grudge's II.

We should start a fundraiser for these movies instead.

I'd like to see the ghostbusters go into the Saeki cursed house and suck Kayako and Toshio into those little trapper-box things.

Ernest has a Grudge.

RIP Jim Varney. :tear

Know what I mean :tear

crooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk

I bet you cave and watch the movie.

Dunno, Takako Fuji's not in this one and she's pretty much the only reason I watched the first 6.

More likely I'll wait until someone on Snowblood Apple caves and watches it and posts a review.

this made me think of straight to video sequels i went to blockbuster and found a sequel to without a paddle this one http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276107/

Hey! Hey guys! Do you see what they did on the cover there? They made NUTTIER in big bold letters, and there's a squirrel holding two acorns where it's balls would be! This move looks EVEN FUNNIER than the Love Guru!

blech....i saw the previews and laughd....then cried because if this is what passes for a horror these days then we are all fucked. Thank goodness for Saw..........ok wait bad example......ok thank goodness for High School Musical THAT is true horror right there folks

this girl could suck a good cack

Yeah, you'd get your cack sucked and then a couple of days later you'd look under the table to find a weird little crouching kid who meowed at you. Soon clots of black hair would start coming out of the water faucet and possibly your cack itself.

And god help you if there's a staircase in your house.

Actually, the two shorts from the movie Gakko no Kaidan G (School Ghost Story G, the one that started this all) are fairly freaky, the first more than the second.





Not used to your vengeful longhaired female ghosts massacring rabbits? :lol

The JAPANESE versions of the later movies had isolated creepy parts. There was one scene with a TV that fucked me up good for a while. And the ubiquitous stairwell scenes were done best there. The American Grudge thing was just silly. As the review at Snowblood Apple said, Sarah Michelle Gellar is either wooden or OUT OF HER FREAKING MIND, no in-between.

More of a Ringu fan myself.

The original Ringu was ok. The Korean version was ok too.

Ok, Sam. You win. The video place was on the way home from where I get my hair cut and it was $2.

As I just told the boyfriend, someone could have taken heavy laxatives and shit in the direction of a piece of paper and done better than that.

Details forthcoming. I need to reinstall VLC.

HA

It was bad. It was really, really bad.

Spoilers!

Same old same old, people from the last movie get killed off. Marina Sirtis (Troi from Star Trek: TNG, or Lieutenant Tits as my uncle used to call her) is in it and gets killed fairly quickly. The landlord of the cursed building lives with his slutty teenaged sister and his asthmatic younger sister, who keeps seeing Toshio around and leaving out toys for him. Blahblah Kayako, blahblah. If you have seen any of the other movies you know exactly what's coming, when it's coming, and there are no surprises at all. Now Kayako's sister "Naoko" comes from Japan to end the curse, only she gets killed too and now there are two floppy croaking ghosts. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Thought you'd like that.