SEXPLOITATION

At work right now, don't have access.

Your sis is hot, she has beefy arms, but that just means she can cook.

I'll have her cook you something....remind me to tell you about Ding Dong BJ's too.

When Irish eyes are smilin',
Sure, it's like a morn in spring,
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.

When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay,
And when Irish eyes are smilin',
Sure, they steal your heart away.

WTF is Ding Dong BJs?

a really shitty convenience store

He said he was gonna tell me, not you Sam :rolleyes

10,000 guy I don't think you should date that 18 year old because it is such a wide age gap and she is still growing and maturing and you are starting to reach that point in your life when you need to meet similarly matured women so that you can start to move into being an adult. plus its kind of like unfair she is 18 and doesn't even know what's going on in the world and here you are a TWENTyfouRYANOLD; with all the jokes and interesting conversational skills you've picked up she doesn't stand a chance against you. On your honor you can't take advantage of such a young lady.






:rolleyes

I WANT TO FUCKING KNOW.

OBVIOUSLY ITS A DING DONG DItCH BLOWJOB OR SOMe shit

I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE A DING DONG DITCH VERSION OF A BLOWJOBS. :(

It's probably a Hostesses Ding Dong with BJ's BBQ sauce poured on top.

"BEIJING – Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge."

Thanks Kahl. Ding Dong Blow Jobs:

She went over to a guys house once and as soon as she walked into she gave him head. I was like "Did you even make it through the doorway? Do you go to everyone's house like that? I bet instead of playing Ding Dong Ditch you play Ding Dong Blowjobs"

Her name is Corian.

She also hates the knock knock joke: "Knock knock. Who's There? Cori. Cori who? Blowjobs"

Knock knock. Who's There? Cori. Cori who? Mrrrphph mrrphm mmmmmrphm.

JEEZ

I saw a video of that. It was hilarious (the guy did survive the fall).

I'm sure this has already made the rounds, but just in case:

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-...pr_product_top

Read reviews.

Very funny, but unrealistic. Now, if it were sharks instead of wolves, then I'd believe them. :eek

Were they supposed to be realistic?

Hahaha. Loves it.

I've seen a few wolves shirts, but by far the most popular here is a large, black t-shirt with Bruce Lee on it. That's what the scum of MY community wear.

I wish I could find that pic of the redneck wearing a NEVER FORGET 9-11-02 shirt.

I was almost sure it was in the boners.com archives under the heading NEVER FORGIT, but I can't find it.

I know you guys have rednecks, but what about in the cities? What do you call the unemployed, uneducated, oft alcoholic elements? The ones that contribute nothing to society but crime. We call them Bogans, they have Chavs in England, and Neds in Scotland, but they are all the same.

Yeah. Well, theoretically there are "rednecks" everywhere, especially after the whole Jeff Foxworthy phenomenon that made it some sort of noble thing. I'm not sure what to call the rest, other than Walmart Enthusiasts.

Where I used to live, there was a radio show that featured a faux-redneck ranting about this and that. He referred to himself as "Uh-MURR-kin", so ever since I've been referring to Redneck-Americans as uh-MURR-kins.

I saw a documentary that claimed "redneck" came from the red bandannas worn by West Virginian men who took it upon themselves to defend families from anti-union intimidators. But I don't know.

I'm also familiar with Pikeys and Culchies. :P

Back when I lived in the city, we called them ventmen.

Well, I always figured that red-neck had something to do with working out on the farm all day and getting a sunburnt neck.

COULD BE WRONG.

(to the tune "would you like to wish on a star"):

Oh would you like to sleep on a vent?
Never work and never pay rent.
And complain about the government -
Or would you rather drag a bag?

This brought back some crazy-ass memories...

When I think of vents, I think of the ones in Chicago that blasted hot air up from the trains and smelled somewhere halfway between Campbell's soup and diseased shit. :(

I have some good memories of Chicago life, but that wasn't one.

I'll be back later, got a friend's birthday lunch to attend.

no, but I bet YOU would :\

This is what I always thought it was.

What I got was from some discovery/history/learning channel show about the history of rednecks. But then on wikipedia I don't see much about the red-bandanna army, so who knows.

REDNECK

–noun 1.an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South.2.a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.
–adjective 3.Also,red-necked. narrow, prejudiced, or reactionary: a redneck attitude.

:lol This was actually on dictionary.com

So this restaurant I went to for lunch...one of the fanciest and most expensive in the area, right?

- A long blonde hair in the bread basket.

- A short black hair wrapped in the napkin with my silverware.

- A hair of unknown etiology in my sandwich (I spit it into the napkin and didn't look, I about puked).

Ugh.

I hate fancy restaurants. I like the little crappy ones who need my business.

Hair falls out? Quick! Wash your hands!

Hair falls out. Most people can either wear something over it or glance at the food and pick a hair out of it before it goes to the customer.

I hate finding hair in food. It makes me gag. I'm so paranoid about it that I scrub the kitchen every time I cook... shower, change my clothes, and even put cake batter through a sieve to get out any hairs or pieces of eggshell.

But at least there isn't any hair in my fucking food.

What happens if you're using your fucking food and it gets in your hair?

Do you have to start over? Do you carry on but can't climax?

Tadao says you're not shaven, but I think that is a route you should explore.

Your trolling is getting really clumsy.

So what do you do when you find a hair in food at a restaurant? Do you gobble it down to prove to everyone how hardcore you are?

Pub probably brings his own hair to add to other peoples food when he goes out.

I was pondering the prowess of my trolling after that post as well. ;)

I don't go outside, Guys. How can I go to restaurants? :rolleyes

When I get hairs in food I put it to the side of my plate and finish my meal. I have been called gross for this, but it is because I am really cheap and refuse to waste food. :x

I'm too fat anyway so I just didn't finish the sandwich.

It's an excuse not to go back to an expensive restaurant.

The restaurant wasn't my choice anyway, it was more something I went along with to make someone else happy. So no problem with me if we never return.

Last time they assured me a dessert had no honey in it, I ate the dessert, then my throat closed up and I had to medicate for an allergic reaction. I checked their website and, sure enough, "honey butter". I vowed never to return after that, but certain insistent parties overrode my decision :(

Hairs in food at restaurants aren't always bad things. They sometimes equal free steaks and gift cards.

You went back to a restaurant after they lied about what's in their food?

I don't think it was a lie so much as the server was a dingbat and pulled the "oh, I'm sure it doesn't have honey" easy out.

Wait... you went back after this? :confused: I have to say this last trip was a huge success after last time. If they keep this up you better go back for a third time, I bet they put Emeril out of business.

I'm sure he would've been quite embarrassed if you had died right there. Talk about a faux pas.

:pagebrak

It actually happens a lot. Tell someone you're allergic to shrimp (which, by the way, is also true) and they act very understanding. Tell someone you're allergic to honey and they roll their eyes...who the hell is allergic to honey?

I carry an allergy kit with me. As soon as I feel something happening, I take a pill and usually that stops it. If it doesn't, I have additional pills and an inhaler. Failing all that, I have an epi-pen. It's a sinister-looking thing and I'm afraid of it.

Anyway, the restaurant situation is complicated. I am trying to keep family happy by keeping family friends happy. The family friend in question makes all the restaurant selections, is a force to be reckoned with, is a senior citizen and is in poor health. I'm not in quite the "screw you, I'm not going there" position I'd like to be in. It was very much a keep-the-peace thing, where I vowed to avoid the honey dessert (and any possible honey-containing breads or lunchmeats) and keep my trap shut.

It would have gone quite well this time if not for the hair.

I've been to many restaurants and received bits of glass, staples and the odd slug in the salad, but fortunately no hairs. At least none that I know about (and that's all that matters). Each instance = free meal.

And why are you being given crap about being allergic to honey? >: Anaphylactic shock is not a unique reaction after bee stings, and honey is, effectively, bee vomit. It's not rocket science, it's common sense!

So I herd a chiptune version of Ordinary World and I came in my pants.

I love putting bee vomit on my toast with some peanut butter.

I'm allergic to all kinds of stupid shit and it can be a real pain in the ass.

The only time I ever complained and got a free meal was at a Chinese buffet in Ithaca. The place was all kinds of gross already (I personally witnessed a little kid pick her nose, then stick her finger up the soft-serve nozzle), but when I poked through my noodles, there was a rubber band. Someone had just tossed a rubber-banded bunch of noodles into the pot, apparently, and it had just stayed that way. I called the manager over and showed him, and he made a big deal of yelling, "YOUR MEAL FREE! YOUR MEAL FREE!" and running away with the plate.

I'd have flicked the rubber band into his fat Chinese face so it twanged off his glasses.

fair enough.

I've been to two Chinese buffets in my life, the first one is close to where I work, so I went there for lunch, they served fried rice and fried chicken (??), and the MSG levels gave me a migraine headache.

The second one was in Melbourne, in the docklands district, and it was absolutely delicious. They served all kinds of duck, and even quail. Hundreds (well, maybe 25) of different types of dessert all served on tiny plates, so it was like dessert tapas. Expensive, but fantastic. They even did steak. Steak! In a buffet!

:love :love :love :love :love

I'd have thought a better name would be "Ghengis Prawns". But maybe their specialty isn't seafood.

or clever puns.

My all-time favorite Chinese restaurant was Uncle Chen's, near where I used to work. They soaked their rice in coffee before they fried it, for some reason. I tried it at home and it tasted awful, not at all like the delicious stuff at the restaurant.

We have a place called WOK & ROLL in my mall. I'll take a picture next time I'm there.

I saw a MOON WOK once, and I was so disappointed that they didn't have Chinese space-themed decor. :(

Mongolian BBQ is the best. :(

The only thing I know about mongolian food anything is about how they used to open a vein on their horses' necks and drink the blood when they were traveling so they didn't have to stop. Never found that thought especially appetizing, so I didn't pay much attention to modern-day Mongolian restaurants.

Mongolian BBQs are where you have a buffet of uncooked food you throw into a bowl, and your own sauces, and then take to the cook. He fries it for you and gives it back to you to eat. I've never liked it all that much.

not the same bowl I hope :/

Does it matter? The bowl is woven from pubic hair.

Hah, it's asian, of course it's the same bowl! There is no way in hell they are gonna waste money running twice the amount of bowls.

:tear

Its awesome just go try it.

My buddy who eats there all the time confirmed that they use a fresh bowl or plate. And now he is trying to make me go again. :(

The suggestion that I could ever do it is flattering.

:pagebrak

there's the kind of monogolian food where they put a piece of meat under their saddles and ride all the way through icy russia and then when they eat it its all warm and tenderized and delicious :(

IT'S FUCKING GOOD YOU FUCKS. >:

Hahaha I just got an email saying they are gonna publish my zombie walk.

who is "they"?

:rolleyes

urban dictionary.

God Kitsa, don't you know ANYTHING?

ALL RIIIIGHT
*HIGH FIVE*

I just need to find some one to test it on. WHERE ARE YOU SHRUB! >:

>:

what the hell is your zombie walk?

I noticed that she logs on most days to run a search for her name. Maybe if you guys talked about her more she'd actually post.

lol what a lazy bitch

Never mind. I found it in the love line forum. :lol

If I say her name three times will I summon her like Beetlejuice?

SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST

You're gonna need a bigger font.

I'm not that clingy.

Don't worry, you can start planning your wedding after I take her on a zombie walk.

IF ANYONE IS GOING TO ZOMBIE WALK HER, IT IS GOING TO BE ME. >:

Maybe you could team up and Zombie Parade her?

urban dictionary did not assist me.

blue blooded murderer of the nglish tongue